Fully Loaded

My right hand grips the body of my camera while my left supports its lens, helping me balance and focus it. I look deep into the lens, squinting my right eye so my vision doesn't blur, realizing there's a smug across side. Annoying, I think to myself and I roll down the sleeve of my sweater and gently rub it over the lens. My glasses slip down my face and I let out a sigh before pushing them back into place. "Ok." I refocus and get back into position. I tuck my arms slightly in, standing up tall and point to a cardinal that's resting on a tree branch. As I zoom in, it seems to be glancing at something. I zoom out and look around through my camera like binoculars, wondering if there's another target. My eyes land on two other birds sitting together, more cardinals, which seems a bit rare. I look up and watch as a whole scene unfolds. My cardinal stares at them as they ruffle their feathers together to keep warm as the sun sets. He seems lost, alone. How sad. He flies up to another branch and seems to stare off into the setting sun. It's just a bird, but I feel remorse for it, even though there's nothing I can do but watch. I decide to watch through my lens, finally snapping a photo, the sunlight hitting beautifully against his feathers. I turn to leave, but something stops me. Just one more. I twist around and decide to take a photo of the whole scene. Right as my camera focuses, the two cardinals fly away. My heart twitches; I missed it.

BANG. A loud shot fires through the air, slamming amidst the metal cans. Never miss a shot though, I smirk to myself, proud of my aim. I reload my gun and prepare for another shot, my support hand placed at a 45-degree angle to my dominant hand with both of my thumbs pointed forward. I take a deep breath in. 3… my hands start to sweat and I feel a little uneasy. 2… My vision becomes a blur and suddenly it becomes hard to breathe. 1… I re-concentrate on the metal can, letting my air out as everything around me slows down. I tighten my grip on the trigger and release the bullet from its cage. It flies freely across the grass, looking like a movie scene as the sun starts to rise, skimming the top of the can just enough to make it tumble to the ground. My grip loosens on my gun as I feel warm arms embrace me as I fall over.

"Are you alright?" a deep voice with a tint of a British accent says from above me, "Can you stand?" I try to see who it might be but his face is all blurry.

"I'm fine." I push myself up, "Just a little hungry, that's all." I utter, realizing I haven't eaten anything today.

He hands me a granola bar from his pocket, "So you're a photographer and a shooter, huh?".

My eyebrow twitches and I hesitate as I lift the granola bar to my mouth, "Yes? What are you? A stalker I'm guessing?" I can finally make out his face. He has this autumn-like aesthetic to him, freckles scattered over his cheeks, just like mine. His hazel eyes blend with his dark hair as the wind blows it side to side.

"No, no, of course not. I just happened to see you at the park the other day. What a coincidence that you're here again."

I give him a questionable look and reach for my gun, "So, are you a shooter too or do you just wait to catch random girls that fall like some kind of lifeguard?"

He laughs, "Actually, I'm the medic here so I guess you could say that. But I am a shooter as well."

I hide a smile and look down as I pack away my gun, "I've never seen you here before."

"I'm new, they only hired me a few days ago. And I usually go out in the forest to practice, hunting is more my thing."

"Interesting."

There's a small silence between us as I zip up my bag and fumble with the granola bar he gave me.

"Are you going to eat that?" He asks as he tilts his head to see what I'm doing, "If not, please don't throw it away."

I look down at it and back at him again, "Do you want it back?"

"Sure; I don't like wasting food." He responds with a shrug and smiles.

I hand him back the granola bar, and his hand brushes against mine. My eyebrow twitches again and I immediately pull away, brushing my hair out of my face. "Well, it was nice to meet you, but I have to get going."

"Wait-" He hesitates and looks down at the ground as I glance at him with a confused but hopeful look, "Would you…like to get coffee or something with me sometime? I can give you my number." He pulls out his phone and raises it up to me.

I stand there for a second, gazing at the phone and trying to figure out what just happened. I can just say no. I look up and see his cheeks turning red, reminding me of the bird from my photos the other day. He seems nice and isn't bad looking, I think to myself. I didn't want to end up like the cardinal, so I smile and reach for his phone. "Here, I'll give you mine, feel free to text me when and where."

His face lights up with joy and his freckles seem to sparkle, "Thank you." I can tell he's trying to act calm but the redness from his cheeks gives him away, almost making me laugh as I head out the door.

I sit in my car and try to process what just happened. My smile fades when I realize I didn't get his name. Hopefully he texts me soon and then I'll know.

It's been hours and there was still no reply. I start to get frustrated at myself. I'm practically a stranger to him so it's not like he has to text me, we'll most likely never see each other again. Maybe I gave him the wrong number by accident and he thought I wasn't interested? I remember the smile on his face and pray that isn't what happened. I begin to replay the numbers I put in his phone through my mind, and it seemed right. Then why hadn't he texted me yet? My stomach lets out a huge growl and starts to ache a little, so worried about a stupid boy that I forgot to eat again. This isn't like me, I need to focus on my own life, not the annoying possibility of dating someone. I get up from my bed and check the time, 6:42. I should probably eat dinner. I force myself off my blanket and walk over to my kitchen. The sun is setting through the window and it's almost golden hour, giving warmth to the room, safe from the outside cold.

I begin rummaging through my cabinets and fridge only to find a few slices of cheese and some leftover cereal that has probably gone stale. Even more annoying, I roll my eyes and begin to throw on my coat. The coat drifts across my shoulders and seems heavier than usual. I open the door to leave but stop in my tracks. The cold air hits me in the face as I turn back around and grab my camera. Just in case, I think to myself.

It starts to rain as I step onto the bus and I realize I'm the only one besides one other girl who gets on. I forgot to check the weather forecast and didn't bring my umbrella. I yawn as I sit down, glimpsing out the window, which is covered in raindrops. A tiny red blur hovers in one of the nearby trees and my eyes widen as I sit up straighter to see better. Another cardinal sits alone in the rain, only the tree and its wings protecting it from the icy cold air. It shakes violently, water drops flying in all different directions. I reach into my bag for my camera to take another photo. By this point, my whole camera roll would be just cardinals. The bus is freezing, driving me to wrap my jacket around me and curl my knees up to my stomach. I see my breath and begin blowing onto the window, drawing little stars and hearts in the fog I created.

The bus suddenly makes a weird shrieking sound, coming to a halt. I get up from my seat and make sure my bag covers my belongings from the rainfall. As I step off the bus, my phone vibrates in my pocket, startling me. Taking cover under the bus stop, I unlock my phone to see a random notification followed by an unknown number. My heart stops and beats faster all at the same time. "Hi, it's me from the gun range." the text reads. I look up from my phone as if someone is watching me as I text back, "Hi, stalker". I anxiously press the send button which he follows with a laughing emoji, "Well this stalker would like to take you to coffee tomorrow. How does 11am sound?". I try to force my smile away but can't help get excited. I shift my feet from side to side. My hands are freezing while holding the phone but I barely notice with how thrilled my heart is. "That works for me" I reply, with a small smiley face. He takes a second to reply which makes me uneasy, the seconds feeling more like minutes. My phone vibrates again and I see a gif of a cute dog saying "yay!". I finally break into a full grin, beaming. My cheeks are probably even redder than before now. I decided to label his contact as "Gun Boy", hoping to catch his name next time I saw him.

I put my phone away and run to one side of the street, where I take cover under a tree. Splashing in puddles of water, my rain boots protecting my feet from the bitter water. I feel like it's cold enough to be snow, I tell myself, wishing to experience the first snowfall. I look around to find a cafe I could find shelter and food when one catches my eye. A cafe with wooden doors in the middle, books in the front window to the left, lit up with golden lights that hang above them. The window to the right has a foggy tint to it and two silhouettes of people having hot chocolate together. They start laughing at something and it looks straight out of a romance movie. How beautiful, I think, and pull out my camera, doing my best to shield it from the rain, which has calmed down now. I squint and put my eye through the lens once more, taking the shot.

The couple laughs once again, and I freeze, focused on the boy in the photo. I zoom in on the boy's face and immediately glance up, squinting my eyes at him. Freckles? It's him. From the gun range. My heart instantly drops as my rain boots fill with water. My whole body starts to feel cold, as if my heart couldn't keep me warm anymore. My eyes become watery, but I convince myself it's just from the cold air. I sink into my boots, wrapping my camera with my coat. Stupid boy. But he didn't really owe me anything. I was technically just a stranger to him, so I didn't deserve to be upset, right? Why was I so disappointed? Why did I even care? Why did I feel betrayed when he didn't even promise anything? He's just a stupid stranger. I pause. Someone I just met yesterday, I try to convince myself once again. My breath hits my nose and I bite my lip.

In the end, I ended up like the cardinal I wished so desperately to not be.