From the Eyes of a Bird – A Funny Short Story by Kaitlyn Haffner

Kaitlyn Haffner

Written in response to: "Write a story from the perspective of a bird migrating for the winter." as part of Autumnal.

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(Author's note: I don't expect to win. I saw the prompt and thought it would be funny.)

Posted Oct 09, 2020

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74 likes 72 comments

Rayhan Hidayat

October 17, 2020 08:16

The part that goes "Quack Quack Quack," felt a little clunky, I think "Quack Quack Quack Quack," would have been a more concise yet equally vivid metaphor.

Though I have to say, "Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack" was absolutely superb. My god, such riveting, heartfelt and thought-provoking description. You have no problem conveying the protagonist's struggles. Kudos.

9.6/10
-IGN

Kaitlyn Haffner

October 17, 2020 11:57

Thank you for the constructive criticism, and I wholeheartedly agree that “Quack Quack Quack Quack” would have been better. Thank you for the kind words!

Sunny 🌼

October 18, 2020 13:25

Oh god I'm laughing way too hard rn

Keston Paul

October 17, 2020 04:27

Damn, so emotional and moving. You conveyed the bird's perspective so well.

I hope you win !

Molly Leasure

October 17, 2020 04:34

Haha, I clicked on this half expecting it to become words at some point--nope. You got me xD

Unknown User

October 19, 2020 11:17

Alby Carter

October 17, 2020 04:14

This is really deep. You were quite creative with the prompt.

Joe Sauers

October 17, 2020 07:05

That quacked me up. 🤣

Mia S

October 17, 2020 20:47

YES

ASHTON NOBLE

October 17, 2020 06:06

Best plot twist I've ever read. Lol, this just made my depression fly out the door. 👍👏👏

BOI. SKATEBOARDS.

October 17, 2020 04:37

You deserve a bird trophy so I'm gonna ctrl + command + spacebar 200 times for this.

🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆 🦆

(God help my fingers)

Sunny 🌼

October 18, 2020 13:26

r.i.p your fingers

Hope Rivers

October 17, 2020 04:36

Wow. I never read something and felt so inspired. Your ideas we’re conveyed beautifully. I look forward to seeing more of your brilliant work. Again so well written and truly meaning full. I loved seeing the duck such a simple animal go through so many life changing moments. I don’t think I can express enough how incredible this story was. Wow super impressed. Good luck you deserve a win!!❤️❤️

Megan Faith

October 17, 2020 14:16

May I offer some constructive criticism?

Absolutely nothing, it was perfect, bless you.

Igor Markovic

October 17, 2020 09:49

*nods*
*inhales*
Quack...

Kaitlyn Haffner

October 18, 2020 18:02

*nods in agreement*

Crystal Lewis

October 17, 2020 04:12

Excellent, wonderful, fantastic, comedy gold, 10/10 loved it! 😂🏆🏆🏆

Cheryl H

October 18, 2020 02:01

Great story! You got me with this one. Thanks for the laugh! I so needed it!

K Lewis

October 17, 2020 23:56

If this doesn't win, there is truly no justice in the world

Abigail Airuedomwinya

October 18, 2020 04:29

Is there something in this piece that I'm missing?

Sunny 🌼

October 18, 2020 13:27

the balance of the universe would be disrupted

Unknown User

October 17, 2020 06:25

Rayhan Hidayat

October 17, 2020 08:17

Well, the judges clearly know what they're looking for.

Unknown User

October 17, 2020 08:26

Rayhan Hidayat

October 17, 2020 14:51

And plum sauce.

Xiao Shan

October 17, 2020 05:00

Pog, this really resonated with me. Godspeed <3

Aveena Bordeaux

October 17, 2020 04:29

Oh yes! This was so amazing and heartfelt <3

Lani Lane

October 18, 2020 16:48

Caught a few punctuation mistakes, can omit the period after “Quack Quack Quack Quack” and the other one after “Quack Quack Quack.”

Seriously though, you made my day.

Regina Perry

October 18, 2020 15:36

Kaitlyn, this is fantastic! I love how you've dealt with this prompt. The details are magnificent! You've pulled the stream of consciousness model of storytelling off perfectly. This story accurately captures the nostalgia one feels about flying back over old haunts on the way to something new. I especially love the way you had the drake (male duck) remembering details that happened to him in each place he flew over on his trip south. It was a great way to add backstory without getting too caught up in it and letting it take over. The ending was heartrending.

That said, there are a few things I would change. Your sentences are all exactly the same length, which was neat, but to do that you used some run-ons and some fragments. I don't remember all the instances, but I'll tell you a few.

"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack." This is actually two sentences in one. You should break it up by turning it into two sentences with a period, adding a semicolon, or adding a comma and a conjunction. Additionally, you should only capitalise the first letter of each sentence, plus any proper nouns.
Option one: "Quack quack quack. Quack quack quack quack quack."
Option two: "Quack quack quack; quack quack quack quack quack."
Option three: "Quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack quack quack."
Whichever you choose, it'll greatly improve the flow. You've also left out some commas in other places, such as these:
"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack" (add comma after the second "quack")
"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack" (add comma after the third "quack") "Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack" (add comma after the first"quack").

Also, you left out the space between the period and the first word of the next sentence a few times, like here:
"Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack.Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack."
And here: "Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack.Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack."
And here: "Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack.Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack."

Some dialogue might add to the story, though because your story takes place mostly in someone's head, it's not completely necessary.

Great job! I hope to see more insightful stories like this one in the future.