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Once Upon A time there was a princess, Princess storm or as her nick name everyone gave her "Shifty" she wasn't a regular princess though. Every 100 years in the family one child would be given powers or sometimes no powers at all, isn't that unlucky for the ones that didn't get them?
Storm was the lucky child to have powers she was able to shape-shift into almost anything, except other people and could read minds. You could maybe see where having powers like these while being the princess could come in handy, for instance a few years ago she had read a servants mind and had found out that he was planning on trying to kill her father.
Though Shifty had a younger sister, Aura who wasn't so lucky with the powers or anything at all. Shifty was sixteen while Aura was only ten, with her being younger you'd expect for their parents to pay a bit more attention to her. nope. Its understandable though, you have the eldest child who would be the queen first and has powers, what does the youngest have? nothing.
"Storm where are you..." she asked with a sigh as she entered her big sisters room, it was time for a small meeting with their parents. Storm couldn't turn invisible that was for sure so she has to be shape-shifted into something. she always does this...i wonder how it feels? aura thought.
"it doesn't hurt at all sis, it actually feels really great." Storm said, she could hear her voice but she knew it was coming from somewhere in the room. oh i forgot about that one...wait is she still reading my mind? does she know what i'm saying right now? hello??
"shifty! just come on we gotta go see mom and dad right now!" they had types of 'meetings' with mom and dad every few months but they already had one a few weeks ago. this one must be really important.
Storm sighs and appears next to Aura, she didn't know what she had turned into but at least she was still there. "alright then let's go to the meeting." the two of them leave Shifty's room and enter the living room which they use for the 'meeting' room.
"Hello mother, hello Father, whats going on? we already had a meeting." Storm asked as the two of them sat down. Aura was right, this had to be urgent.
Her mother and father wouldn't ever be able to really lie to the two of them for anything, because when Shifty felt like something was suspicious she'd go ahead and read their minds. the last time any of them tried to lie was when Storm was eleven.
"its...about the other kingdom.." Her mother said while messing with her fingers and fidgeting in the seat. There was this kingdom and two other kingdoms which were a bit far away but people in this one visited both from time to time.
There were code names for the three kingdoms, this one for instance was k.s.s.m.r, the one they were talking about was code named k.f.m.c. Shifty wasn't sure but she thinks that the other kingdoms also had a prince or princess with powers, or maybe that was just her family. she hadn't gone to either of the kingdoms yet she only liked staying in her own.
"huh?? whats wrong with it??" Aura asked almost seeming worried, unlike Storm she had actually been to both kingdoms a couple of times. she had a few friends there so you could probably guess on why she seemed worried about it. what if her friends in both kingdoms were in danger?
"Theres another...kingdom that k.f.m.c had spotted a few days ago and now...we have a terrible feeling that they might be in danger." Her father spoke. The princess of that kingdom had came here without either of the kids knowing and had told the parent's about what they all saw.
"Shifty...darling...we may have to try and help them, the other kingdom will be joining in to help as well...i hope. so you may have to lead our army if it comes to that." Her mother then said.
what?? seriously, why would you send your DAUGHTER who's also a PRINCESS to go fight?? aura thought to herself, almost annoyed but still worried.
"Kid...she has powers shes also the eldest and that's what princess's here have to do. But kid, you, you don't even have any of those and your way to young. you could die." Her father said, not really looking at her. The mother and Father couldn't read minds but they sometimes had lucky guesses on what she was thinking.
"but what CAN i do then??" Aura asked them all, Shifty was the one to do a lot of things even if it wasn't such a big thing she still did all of the things. Aura was still a princess, just like her sister, she may not have powers but shes still a princess.
"You have to stay Safe i don't want you hurt" Both her mother and storm said in unison, but her mother seemed to say this kind of monotone while Storm actually sounded worried. wow thanks...
"no prob sis" Shifty mumbled to her as she gets off of the couch and starts walking away. this meeting was over now, Shifty had to think about some..things. i have to practice my fighting again and get my powers stronger! i'm going to help that kingdom.
"Mother...Father...come on please let me do something! i'm important as well! i'm a princess as well!" she said almost shouting at them. why are they doing this..? do they even like me...? i feel...useless...
Mother and Father didn't seem to say anything as they still weren't looking at her. Eventually the two of them got up and walked into their bedroom that was across the hall not saying anything. im...powerless...
"Storm!" she shouted as she ran into her room about ten minutes later. Maybe shifty could help her, she HAD to help her! they were sisters! why WOULDN'T she help her??
Storm was laying on her bed though she had shape-shifted herself into a black cat and was faintly...purring? could she always do that stuff as animals..? i don't think i've ever heard her doing that before...
"Yes aura, i've always been able to do this. i just do it whenever i'm alone..." Shifty mumbled tiredly. Whenever she would get tired she loved turning into a cat to sleep, she's done this since she was around seven.
"so what's wrong?" she asked as she sat up and jumped off the bed, though she stayed as her cat self. she'd probably stay like that until the morning.
"i..im not like you! im....powerless both literally and physically...they all hate me or they don't know i'm there...i just want to be useful...even if i can't be like you..."
Shifty frowned as her ears went down she then shape-shifted back into her regular self and brought aura into a hug. "hey hey...no you aren't, ill...try and help you, maybe you COULD help me with whatever is going to happen..."
"thank you so much Sis!"
"no problem...anything for you"
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This was a good story, B.! Thanks for using parts of my ideas! The way that Aura felt about being "powerless" and "useless" was heartbreaking. You did capture the love that passed from Aura to Shifty, and vise versa, was beautiful. I will say that there were capitlization/punctuation/grammatical errors were scattered throughout the entire story. Whenever you start a new sentence, make sure you capitlize the first letter. And sometimes you needed to add, or take away a comma. Other than that, perfect! I can't wait for a part two!
Keep writing and stay healthy,
Brooke D.
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Thank's im glad you liked the story ^^ and no problem :) huh? that actually made you a bit sad? i didn't think i'd make anyone feel something for those parts or really any of it to be honest. Yeah i know that i made some of those errors and i honestly forgot to use grammarly with this one but i'll still just try to get better at it with or without Grammarly to help me. i'm still glad you liked it and yeah eventually there WILL be a part 2 ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part to it or favorite character?
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My pleasure!
Don't doubt yourself! This was amazing, and I could feel all of the characters' emotions.
Although Grammarly can be a big help, just practicing can help you a lot!
Yay! I can't wait to read it!
My favorite part was when Shifty was a cat and was purring. That just made me laugh. My favorite character has to be Shifty.
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Is there something you'd want to happen in part 2? it might be a while until the second part but i'd love to see what you want to happen and maybe i could do it
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Ummmm....Well......Uhhhh....Hmmm.....XD
Got it! Maybe nothing gets better about how Aura feels, and she gets so fed up with being overlooked that she switches to the other side (the army that they're fighting against). That way she's fighting against her own family, just to prove that she is strong.
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oh gosh- well i don't think she'd literally switch sides and become bad just to do that because even if she doesn't really like her parents that much she still likes storm/shifty but the idea is good so maybe ill do something LIKE that but not where she switches side
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Aw, this was cute! Very interesting. There were capitalization and grammar errors, but the plot was great! Nice one!
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Thanks im glad you liked it ^^ i keep trying to use grammarly to help me but i keep forgetting. i also know you (might) like romance so whenever you read "getting her back" that has a bit of romance so tell me what you think with that one, its my second time with some romance. did you maybe have a favorite part or character with this story?
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haha, it's okay.
Okay, I'll check it out!
My favorite character would probably be Aura. I can kinda feel with her because I'm sorta the middle child. My favorite part would be when she changed into a cat to sleep. I found it funny and cute and I love cats.
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Thank you i'm just kind of excited because its a series i love doing and it may end soon. yeah i thought it would be cute for her to be a cat while doing that, i love cats as well but i can never have them
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No problem!
Yeah, I feel ya
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i just hope ya like the romance, ive always been terrible with it
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The plot did good, but the grammar could use some editing. Plot's good, though!
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this was an older story, i cant edit my older terrible grammar though with the older stories
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That's OK! I found a notebook with old story ideas from, when I was, like nine (yeah, I've been writing since then) and the grammar looks like a cat wrote it with its claws. The handwriting too
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hm, what made you decide to write and to also join reedsy?
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I guess I've wanted to be a writer for years and years. I was looking for a character name and found a name generator here. When I saw that I could join Reedsy, I was like "sign me up!". I'm not sue what sparked my writing dream. Maybe the fact that I read all eh time and want to make more books so other people can?
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I've always loved reading, most of the stuff that I always want for Christmas- or just really anything, are books and video games
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This was so creative! Great job!
P. S. I’ll check out your other new story in a little while ;)
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Thank's im glad you liked it ^^ did you have a favorite character or part to it? and okay thats fine ^^
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Good story. :)
Lots of opportunity for escalation in future parts.
good job, and keep on writing!
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Thanks ^^ did you have a favorite part?
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I liked where Aura's parents correctly guess exactly what she's thinking, because it's so true about parents. XD
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there's actually a second part
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Ok, cool. :) I'll check that out when I can.
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The second part of the story is called "Bonding?"
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I liked the plot of this story and the bonds the sisters share. I think you do a good job in showing the internal conflicts both sisters have. I would have liked to know more about what happened to the other kingdom and maybe a little more elaboration on Aura's friends from those kingdoms. That will help drive the conflict forward. Aside from se grammar errors, the story flowed good.
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Thank's im glad you enjoyed the story and the bond ^^ in the next part there might be more stuff with the other kingdom and her friends as well. did you maybe have a favorite character and what did you think of the parents?
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You're welcome, I liked Aura best. Maybe, because she didn't have powers, and yet, maybe there is something there that will show her true strength. I feel like the parents are possibly hiding something. Or maybe they are just acting like parents would.
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Do you have an idea on what they might be hiding then? i wanna hear your guesses
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That possibly Aura has powers or hiding something about the other kingdoms. I just felt that there is more to the way they acted.
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hmm....could i maybe tell you now? cuz your kinda off on what's actually going on at the moment
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I really enjoyed the sisterly bond between the two girls! Also, I really love the aspect of Storm sleeping in cat form every night! That is so awesome!
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Thank's im glad you enjoyed it ^^ Yeah i kinda thought that it would be funny and kind of cute if she did that every night or almost every night. There's still part 2 for ya to check out as well and tell me what ya think "Bonding?" and did you maybe have a favorite character and what did you think about the king and queen?
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I just read it and dropped a comment. Wow! It was amazing and I am hoping for a part 3! Please continue writing these stories!
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I'm glad you liked it ^^ and don't worry i will continue to do that
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Yay!😁😁
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i think i could use your help for ideas with it though
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if thats alright ^^
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This is great! I really like the concept and the characters. I love this sort of fantasy, so plot-wise it's right up my alley! I think you've already received the comment from others, but if you're looking for ways to strengthen the piece, my suggestion would be to just proofread for some grammar errors. Otherwise, it's a really great piece! Keep at it.
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Thank's im glad you liked it ^^ Yes i've gotten it a couple of times and i've tried to use Grammarly but i keep forgetting to do it. did you maybe have a favorite part or character in this?
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Yeah, don't sweat it. That will come with time too. I think my favourite character was probably Aura. I feel for her and the situation. Everyone feels powerless sometimes, so it's an understandable struggle. Is this story for this week's prompt about feeling powerless?
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Yes this story for was "write a story about someone feeling powerless" though i made a story for all of this weeks prompts
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Awesome! I just suggest making the i’s capital, because it looks better. And just keep it ... three periods, like how I just did. Overall I enjoyed reading it!
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Thank's im glad you liked it ^^ i'll try to do that then as well thanks. did you maybe have a favorite character or part?
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I really love this story! I'm glad you were able to get over your writer's block and make a great story, I'm proud of you!
I loved the relationship between the sisters, it was so sweet.
I think my favourite character is Aura- I sympathized with her because I can relate to feeling helpless in certain situations. I'm glad she has Storm to be encourage and support her. I also like how Storm stays humble and doesn't treat her any differently even tho Aura doesn't have powers.
I really like Storm's powers too, they're really cool! The conversations between her and Aura in their minds is fun to read.
Overall very good!
P.S I’m doing an upvoting spree for u bc ur so supportive of me, and you work hard on your stories and they r all very good too ! 🤗 so if you’re wondering where you suddenly got all the points from, it’s me hehe 🤭😆 congrats on 1200 points 🤗
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Thank's ^^ and i'm glad you liked the story ^^ Storm/shifty doesn't really care that her little sister doesn't have any powers unlike her parents shes just sort of happy that she has a little sister. I think the only time Storm would act like her parents or something would be in a nightmare Aura was having or something. aww thank you so much nayab!
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This was such a cute story, and you described the characters really well. My favourite character would probably be Aura, but Shifty is really cool too. I like all of them. Amazing work!
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Thanks im glad you liked it ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part to the story? and there's already a part 2 for it if you wanna check that out as well and tell me what you think "Bonding?"
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Oh yes, of course I will check it out!
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I love how you captured a wonderful sister relationship between Aura and Shifty. Well done. Also, love the slight plot twist. Got me thinking. Keep writing. I would love to read more of your stories
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Thank's im glad you liked it ^^ some more stories should be out tomorrow with the new prompts :) there is also a part 2 for this if ya wanna check it out? "bonding?" and did ya maybe have a favorite character and what did you think of the parents?
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Loving the bond between the sisters. I could feel the love between them, and I liked how it manifested into genuine comfort towards Aura. Sisterly bonds are something I hold dear, and so seeing one so powerful in your writing really warms my heart, especially since you left it on a good note, so now Aura can start feeling powerful instead of useless and powerless. This was a really enjoyable story, and I'm glad i took the time to read it.
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I'm glad you liked the bond and the story in General ^^ i honestly wished i had some sisters but i just have two older brothers. Storm/shifty isn't like their parent's and actually cares about her little sister and doesn't care that she doesn't have powers. Though it's more of a bad note in the second part at the ending for that one tbh.
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I really like the story! Just check your capital letters and punctuation. But other than that, I really enjoyed it!😀
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Yeah i'll work on it a bit more ^^ i'm glad that you liked the story :) did you maybe have a favorite part or character?
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Personally, I like it when a short story ends on a sort of ambiguous note, but when that happens its often sad or scary, like a cliffhanger that leaves the protagonist in danger. You left us on a cliffhanger that's actually happy, with one sister prepared to help the other achieve her goals, I loved that. It's easy to see you've come far as a writer, this story has good dialogue, internal and external conflict, and well-developed characters. Can't wait to see where you go with this!
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Aw thank you Im glad that you liked this ^^ There is a part 2 and i'm not sure i mentioned it though so maybe you could even check out "Bonding?" after the other thing, did you maybe have a favorite part or character?
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I'll check out bonding too. My favorite character is Storm, it seems like she genuinely wants to help her sister and the kingdom that's in danger.
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Thank's im excited for that one as well ^^ Yeah she Genuinely does and cares for both her sister and the kingdom, while their parents don't really notice or care for aura.
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Hi~ Great job with the story! It was really wholesome :) I understood Aura's frustration when no one mentioned her doing anything, I liked how you wrote that part!!
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Thank's im glad you liked it ^^ did you have a favorite part or character?
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I liked the part when Aura had to look around the room wondering which object her sister had shifted into! It really added to the plot!!
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I'm not sure if you have or not but could ya check out the second part to this as well and tell me what you think? ^^ "Bonding?"
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Yep, no problem!!
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Another great story! And thanks for using some of my suggestions for the plot, it was fun to see them. I can't wait for a part 2. :)
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No problem and i'm glad you liked it ^^ part 2 may be a while before i make it but i'll still have a part 2, did you maybe have a favorite part or character in this?
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Hmm... I like Aura, and I can identify with how she feels. When I was around her age I was always frustrated with the things I wasn't allowed to do because of how old I was, and I always felt like I could handle things no one else felt I could. Aura reminded me of how I felt then- no one takes her seriously, and nothing changes the fact that she is still a child, and this is a war. Not that I was in a war, of course, but I didn't understand my parents' decisions till a few years later.
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is there maybe something that you'd want to happen in part 2? it'll be a while until that one comes out but i'd like to hear your ideas. Yeah even if it wasn't in a war she's still a kid and she still really wants to help and do the things they won't her because like she says in it she feels useless and powerless since storm has the powers and shes older
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Maybe Aura tries to do something to prove to her parents that she can help, but it doesn't go smoothly. Storm could save her, and their parents give Storm more responsibility in the military, adding to Aura's jealousy. Now there's a distance between the sisters that they have to fix.
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Hey kate i dunno if your still there but i made two things a bit ago that i know you may like :) so go check out "Getting her back" which is a part of my demi-god series ^^ and "Bonding?" which is actually a part 2 for this ^^ i wanna see what you have to say for both
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she had read a servants mind- it's servant's.
You repeat that on other possessives. This is one of the things Brooke D. was seeing when he commented, so I'll leave it there.
The end feels abrupt. Is this supposed to be part 1?
It starts a bit slowly. Aura is the main character, but you begin with Storm. Now, if this is a metaphor for how Storm is put first, then eh. it's an artistic decision. But if it was just the way it worked, move the Storm part of the into to after Aura is presented. You could try, "Aura, born into a kingdom where princesses sometimes had special powers could claim absolutely nothing exceptional for herself. Her older sister, Storm, got everything- heir to the throne, mind reading, and shape-shifting. At least the shape-shift didn't let Storm mimic other people."
The start is important because it hooks people into reading. The end is important because it convinces people to read the next thing you write.
Your main plot is good- the powerless princess wanting to be someone. Classic, drawn from countless stories in history. But more people will read it if the opening is stronger. You might want to fix it while edits are open.
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Thanks- ill go and change that into servants soon. Yes this is part 1 of the story part 2 is "Bonding?" which you could still check out. Well Aura and Storm are both kind of the main characters so i had decided to start with Storm- but that metaphor is great and i just did one without noticing. I'll also try to change that other part as well so still thanks ^^ Yeah that's what i plan to do in a little bit ill try and fix all the things you and some others told me. I've kind of been bad at Spelling and a few other small things so ill try to use Grammarly or something else to help.
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