Digging for Magic

Millie was digging like a mad dog, front paws doing all the work, nose buried deep into the ground. I wiped the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. It was scalding hot. The leaves on the trees stayed unmoving. After ten minutes out by the pool, my tank top was glued to my back. I couldn’t take my eyes off Millie.

Beside me, Sunny sipped on her Starbucks cold brew and adjusted her bikini. It was a rare moment for us to be standing together, let alone talking. She was 16 and way too cool to hang out with me. “Some special dogs can smell magic. She must have sniffed something out,” said Sunny. I gaped at her with my mouth open. Sunny knew everything. And Millie was the “special-ist” of all dogs.

“You think we should dig there together?” I asked. I was six years younger, and I couldn’t remember the last time we played together. How great would it be to find magic with her and make our secret society real?

“I think you should help Millie dig. Come find me when you are done,” she said, walking away while sipping her cold brew, the heat unbearable even for her. She had her nails done yesterday with Mum and didn’t want to ruin them in the dirt. Well, my stepmom and her mum. I wasn’t allowed to call her Mum outside of my head. I now rarely called her that, even in my head. I called her Rita.

They had a mother-daughter day. I was not invited because Rita said you had to be ten or older to celebrate. With Dad away on business, I was on my own.

I ran to find a trowel from the garden shed. I got on my hands and knees and started digging. At least Millie was happy to play with me, showing her appreciation by kissing me and wagging her tail so hard that she might throw her back out, as Grandma used to. Thinking of Grandma made my belly hurt, so I thought about magic instead. Maybe magic could bring her back.

I kept digging.

After thirty minutes, I could have squeezed my top and watched sweat pour out. I was thirsty. The pool looked so inviting. I stood up to go inside, and the world spun faster than the teacup ride at the fair. Everything went black, like the sun had been snuffed out.

I didn’t remember falling. I opened my eyes to find Millie desperately licking my face and barking. From a distance, I heard Rita shouting at Millie to “shut the hell up.”

I reached out and caressed her head, and she calmed down. I was fine. I didn’t want Millie to create a fuss and get kicked again. Rita’s sharp heels were dangerous.

The back of my head hurt, and I put my hand there and felt something wet. It was red.

Oh no. I was bleeding. Rita would not be happy.

I had tripped the other day and sprained the wrist I had used to break my fall. I didn’t even cry because that would make it a big deal. Daddy said Rita was mad because she cared about me so much and didn’t want to see me hurt. Sunny told me I was an inconvenient pain in the ass because she couldn’t be left home alone and had to come to the hospital with me.

I understood. I would not want to spend two hours in the hospital for a sprained wrist. So I definitely wouldn't tell anyone about my head.

I crawled to the pool, washed my head and let the red swirl into the water, eventually getting lost in its blueness. I crawled to the garden hose and got a drink. I sprayed water all over myself and lay down on the grass, already feeling better.

Eyes closed, I slept. The heat disappeared. The pain in my head disappeared, too. It felt as though I was floating somewhere soft and warm, wrapped in my favourite blanket fresh from the dryer.

And then I saw her.

“Hi Grandma!” I yelped and jumped on her.

Her tight hug warmed me all over.

“I fell and hurt my head,” I said.

“I know, sweetie,” she replied, covering me in kisses. “It will be OK.”

“And then I fell asleep on the grass, and now I get to meet you.”

“You didn’t fall asleep, my love,” Grandma said.

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“You have to go back now. It’s not your time.”

“I don’t understand, Grandma. It’s a dream. Let me dream as much as I want. Don’t wake me. I miss you.”

I started crying. I was allowed to cry with her. She kissed the tears from each cheek, caressed my head like I caress Millie, and pulled me close into her arms.

“This is not a dream, my love. You have to go back, wake up and call for help even if you are scared.”

“No... no... they get angry with me when I am hurt.”

“Let them get angry. Just think about me instead and tune them out,” she said. “Remember how I taught you to tune out the scary fights between Mum and Dad?”

“Yeah... you gave me a song to sing.”

“Well, just sing our song.”

“Why did you have to die?” I asked. I had wanted to ask her this ever since Dad picked me up early from school. I was angry. I was still angry. “You left, too. You said you wouldn’t.”

“I’m sorry,” was all she said. “But I never left you. I am here, aren’t I?”

“But it’s only because I’m sleeping.”

“No, munchkin. I’m always here. You can talk to me, and if you quiet your mind and listen carefully, you’ll hear me answering back.”

“I don’t want to be alone,” I whispered.

“You are never alone,” she whispered back. “Remember last week when you were scared about your test?”

I nodded.

“Who do you think sat beside you while you studied? Who do you think reminded you not to give up?”

“Oh yeah... that was you?”

She smiled.

“Uh-huh. And who do you think sent you Millie?”

I was shocked.

Millie had shown up out of nowhere one day and just stayed. We had searched for her owners for weeks before Dad succumbed to my pleas to keep her.

“She gives me the best kisses,” I confirmed.

Grandma laughed and pulled me into her arms again.

I was at peace. Everything was calm. There was no pain in my belly, I was not scared one bit, and everything felt good.

“Wake up, my love, and know that everything is about to be OK.”

I hugged her goodbye. “Will I see you again?” I asked.

Grandma smiled and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

“Whenever you need me.”

Then she kissed my forehead.

The world around her began to blur and fade, as though someone was shaking an Etch-A-Sketch.

“I love you, Grandma,” I called.

“I love you too, munchkin.”

Her voice was the last thing to disappear. I reluctantly opened my eyes to find Dad staring at me.

“I was digging for magic, Dad,” I said. And I found it, I thought.

He put his face in his hands and cried. “I’m sorry,” he said eventually, between gasps for air.

I realised I was not in the garden. I was in a hospital.

Oh no.

“I am OK, Dad. Please don’t be mad. Rita will be so angry with me.”

“She’s never going to be angry with you again,” he said softly. “She left.”

I stared at him.

“When I found you lying there, I was terrified. Rita told me you were probably being dramatic and that you'd wake up when you wanted attention. The doctors told me later how close we came to losing you.”

His voice cracked.

“I looked at you lying in that hospital bed and realised I had been making excuses for things I should never have allowed. I asked her to leave, and this time she actually did.”

“Because of me?” I asked.

“No, honey. Not because of you. Because I finally saw what had been happening to you.”

I thought about that for a moment. “I saw Grandma,” I said.

“I miss her too,” he said, and I knew he meant it. I thought about her kiss on my forehead. I could almost still feel it there.

Something nudged my arm. Millie. She was lying beside my hospital bed with her head resting on the blanket. Her brown eyes watched me carefully, as if she was checking I was really back.

"How'd you get her in here?" I asked Dad.

"Your old man can still pull a few strings, you know," he replied, winking.

I buried my fingers in her fur, and she responded with one of her famous kisses. I laughed. For the first time in a very long time, everything felt different.

It would all be OK. Sunny had been right. Millie knew how to dig for magic.