With so many questions why would you want answers?

It was dark.

There was a slight familiar ring in my ears and I didn’t know how to stop it. I then realize I just had to open my eyes, why were they closed?

The light was shining too bright, and it took me sometimes to adjust, and when I did I realized I was laying face first into the ground.

There was dirt in my mouth and under my nails, my palms and knees slightly roughen trying to prevent my (I think) fall.

I pushed myself up and could finally take in my surroundings: only some beautiful trees. I was in a forest full of tall, dark trees and something that resembled a path going trough some of them.

Obviously I was following that path to go to- wait… where was I going to again?

And to do what exactly?

Where even is this forest?

I found myself unable to answer every single question that came to mind.

Trying not to utterly freak out I asked myself the simplest question of them all: who am I?

And to my horror I realized I couldn’t find my name. MY NAME.

Okay. It is NOT okay. How am I supposed to survive deep in these woods if I don’t even know if I’m a Sam or a Dean?

Wait, why did I know those names? Do they mean something to me? Maybe they are from some great tv show like Supernatural.

Interesting, seems like I do remember some stuff. Let’s start with that then.

With nothing on my mind but random tv references I followed the path trying to make as much conversation up with myself as it is possible and find out what else I knew.

Okay, I somehow know it is spring, but I really think I must have gotten more than amnesia from the fall because the trees are leafless, kind of ugly I would say and so empty I can see a deem lighted house far in the distance.

Finally catching something other than mother nature’s creations I run to the thing, finding myself actually quite hungry and (obviously) very dirty.

______

“Hey! The kid is waiting. Move your ass girl or you won’t eat anything!”

I ran happily towards the door, already smelling the sweet carrot soup.

The house is as beautiful as always, and although the ground is dimmer, I couldn’t care less. I just want to eat that soup.

______

Whoa….

Was that a flashback I just got?

I didn't really expect it and somehow I am now again lying face down in the dirt, but it was sure … interesting.

So it seems that I know the house and whoever is inside of it and maybe I was coming back to it right before I fell.

That filled me with newfound determination and without wasting another second I run to the cabin, despite my labored breathing (I can guess I’m not really an athlete..).

I knocked like a madman. I couldn’t wait to ask all the questions I couldn’t answer until now, like why do I think that dogs are kinda dumb and birds very wonderful, what’s my favorite color and… what is my name.

The big kind man from my vision answered the door just… he didn’t look very kind, he actually seemed pretty angry and the black eye with the pretty recently scarred arm didn’t make him anymore rainbows and unicorns than he already seemed.

Maybe I should run. It’s what I tough at last before the man could grab me and lead me inside.

I didn’t try to resist, I mean how could I, but my body still reached for his arm on its own, twisted his finger and after I bit him I was released.

“Shit, sorry!” Where did I learn that dirty fighting from?!

And now he is angry, much more angry than before, he is looking at me with fury and his eyes are filled with... pity?

“Why did you come back girl?”

“eh?”

“You should have just run, as long as you run you’ll be fine”

“ehh?”

“I really liked your presence here but it is best for all three of us if you stay away.”

“ehhhh?”

“I still don’t blame you”

I was really trying to remember. All I came up with was me, him and (I think) his daughter, sitting at the round table now lying destroyed like the rest of the house (I just noticed it), eating that sweet, sweet carrot soup.

And why do I need to run? Why couldn’t I stay here? Why didn’t he blame me and for what?

I probably looked as shocked as I sounded, at least by the way he was now watching me so dumbfounded.

“I- I don’t remember anything, sorry. The last thing I can think of is me falling in that forest and forgetting just about all of my life. If I did something bad, please forgive me, but you are the only person I can remember of right now and I need answers”.

I blurted that all out.

“Girl… I don’t know anything about you either.”

What. What did he mean by that.

“I don’t even know your name”

No, how could that be.

“You just came in fifteen days ago, all beat down and weak. You asked for a place to stay, a warm meal, and a bed to sleep in a for few nights at most”.

Why would i leave such a place so close to what could have been for me a family (didn’t i already have one somewhere?).

“You told me you were being followed, that you couldn’t stay long and that all the world blame fell on you, but… but you are just so young.”

What am i, some criminal, a thief, a murderer?

“And then they actually came. I don’t know who they were but they were looking for you and I told them nothing, I couldn’t, it’s the least I owe you”.

In that moment the little girl entered the room. There wasn’t a scratch on her and her golden hair shined as bright as it always did, but her face was scarred with fear she never should have had.

I fainted, or at least nearly did. I caught myself on a chair before I could fall over and the gentle giant came to help me.

Looking at the room better I seemed to remember some stuff, like the bright orange walls, now filled with holes, the cuddly sofa in the corner, now deeply cut and the silly tv that could barely tune into 2 channels, now unable to even make a noise.

I sat on the only surviving chair, it still has the mark I left on it’s left side (I guess I wanted to leave at least a trace of my existence here), and after a few moments a plate was put in front of me.

I sniffed the air for that sweet carrot smell, but all I was met with was earthy potato, I really don’t like those. It was the little girl… Dorothy I seem to remember, who gave it to me.

“The field doesn’t give us carrots like before. Only the potatoes are surviving”

Said… Oscar (I think I’m starting to feel better after that initial shock).

“It’s okay”

I picked up the spoon and tried some.

“What do you mean only the potatoes are surviving?”

“It’s the cold winter that’s coming over all of the earth, they say the sun is dying or something”

_____

The rivers are getting colder.

I don’t care, or at least I try not to and put up my best facade, but I actually do.

And I don’t wanna go back, not now that there actually seems to be something.

Why shouldn’t there be more to life than that for me.

_____

Another flashback, mh interesting (I seem to really like this word). And some soup fell on my shirt, nice.

So I seem to not really like my past, the one I’m so desperately trying to find out about. Just amazing.

I must make some weird face while remembering stuff because Oscar is giving me a strange look, but Dorothy is holding a bit of a laugh, and that makes me a lot less tense.

“I'm sorry, I was… remembering... flashbacks. They happen at random and I can’t really control what I do while I’m in them”

“Don’t worry”

“And I’m sorry for what happened to the house, and to you…. and to Dorothy. I figure it’s the work of the men I’m so desperately trying to outrun.”

“Don’t worry”

It was unnerving, why wasn’t he mad at me.

I wanted to stay so that I would help fix everything even if I knew I couldn’t (really what am I, I can’t do anything for god’s sake), but I didn’t want these things to happen again.

I got up and put the dish near the sink. The stew was still boiling, so I grabbed the salt from the left cabinet, some other spices from under it and put them in, it was lacking flavor and I seemed to know how it worked (at least this, thank god).

Oscar came up behind me.

“You seem to remember what I taught you. I didn't add too much because Dorothy doesn’t like it too spicy”

I then stopped myself. Right, Dorothy loved sweets but couldn’t handle even black pepper.

I let out a small laugh, god, I loved to laugh with her.

Her? Another friend? Maybe a parent? Maybe more… am I gay? How can one not know if they are.

But still… I know I miss her, heavily, god I feel like I swallowed an heavy rock.

Well, she could be a nice next stop, hopefully I didn’t wreck havoc on her like I did here...

I turned to Oscar, knowing that I would soon be out of his life again.

“Sorry, but it’s best if I leave with all the stuff about being followed, having to run away and being to blame, although I still don’t know for what. I love this place, and for that I don’t wanna destroy it anymore than I already have”

He gave me that pity look, again. I really don’t like to be pitied.

“Did I tell you anything, literally even the dumbest thing, about myself. Where I was coming from or other.”

He seems to be thinking real deep.

“There was a train, you said. And the only line near here is west and leads to the city, from there you could have gone near everywhere.”

Right, the train and… the city.

______

“Tickets! Hand me your tickets please!”

God, ~they never check these things, don’t worry~ liar!

What now… the bathroom! Yes! I can’t really pull an Houdini, so to the dirty toilet it is.

______

So poor I couldn’t even buy a train ticket, what a bad life I had. At least I could have been like Jason Bourne with the amnesia but no, I’m not even a bit beautiful (why, was I ugly? I should check my face later).

I looked up to the man and gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Thanks”

I got up and went for the door. Just then a small weight attached to my ankle nearly trowing me off, and then a bigger one enveloped me until I couldn’t breath, but It was nice.

“When are you coming back?”

Said Dorothy still hugging me.

“Soon”

I lied.

As soon as they released me I went trough the door, waved, and closed it.

So, where exactly is west? I looked up at the sun aaaaand, I still don’t know where I am (okay, being bad also at geography, checked).

Thankfully I hear a whistle. To then realize that either that train is arriving or is parting and GOD I NEED TO RUN.

Despite my weak physique I made it in time.

I ran along the red bricks of the stations and jumped in on the train.

Now I REALLY need to lay down and breath, so I sit at the first seat with a window (because it is a must) and look outside.

It didn’t take long for the train to start and during the entire ride I waited for a flashback, or a dream, or to just fall asleep, but I stayed wide eyed awake during all of it. Part of me feared whoever was coming for me (and the ticket man), but the other part just wanted to look at the scenery, as if I had never seen anything like it.

All of a sudden nothing mattered anymore, not if I knew how to sing opera, or how to cut an origami, or my name… all I saw were the green hills where I wanted to run, the pristine lake I could learn to swim in, the still lighted windows of a small village I might live in or the stars she showed me every night.

Here she is again, and again nothing comes to mind.

After a few hours I arrived at the city.

I don’t think I ever liked it: might be the oppressing aura that makes me feel like it’s a cage, the continuous hoard of people never stopping, or the big posters with my face displayed everywhere saying “wanted alive”. Yup, must be those. Still they give a certain spaghetti western feeling and don’t get me started on Sergio Leone’s movies, I wish I could be reborn as Blondie sometimes (I must be a fan).

So the whole city is on the look out for me but apparently the only thing I still remember is a bar at the centre of this exact city. I’m totally screwed.

I tried to hide myself as much as possible, pulling my hoodie up, picking a random pair of diamond shaped sunglasses and trying to look at just about no one.

At least my feet knew the path to follow themselves, so I let muscle memory take me to my destination.

Still, I’m not really 007, and after far too many bumping and close encounters a little ugly boy fixated his eyes on me, and while pointing said.

“Hey! You are the girl from the posters”

Screw you pimple boy.

Two police officers (how lucky) where standing right next to him: looked me in the eyes, looked at the poster right behind me, looked at me again and started walking towards me.

I displayed a big smile, and run for my life.

God how I wish I trained more in the past. If I ever get out of this alive I’m training eight times a week. Lifting, running, I’ll do it all (as long as it isn’t football, too barbaric), just god, please another chance. And somehow I got it, I escaped them, all too easy I’d say, and my feet brought me right where I wanted, the ugly bar.

Why would I choose such a place? It’s at the end of the worst smelling alley, which not even a ray of sunshine hits and with it’s most frequent clients drunk bastards… right, it’s pretty hidden, and I’m pretty wanted, so yeah, it’ll work even too well.

I entered and there was no one. Only a dark stairway I knew far too well.

And the fear it gave me was far too much, but I also felt that all of my answers where right there, just a few more steps and I would know my name.

I went down far too fast, nearly slipped, but the anticipation was so heavy, and so I descended for ten minutes. ten freaking minutes of staircases. And at the end of it is a door, with a knife in front of it.

I picked It up without thinking, and instantly opened it.

It was quite a shock. The room itself was quite small and lonely but all I could see were balloons of every color filling it, with laughs coming from every corner, long banquettes with every food possible, people coming from everywhere to hug me, hold my hand, a path on the back and a black figure in the back in front of a computer that gave off a distinctive ring. Trough it all I held the knife dumbfounded.

“You came back! We always knew you would!”

And then it hit.

Ahhhh right, the world was dying, and I’m the only one who can save it. Yup, pretty cliché if you ask me. So the sun stopped giving earth its energy and heath and so humanity turned to nuclear, but the project had to be done so quickly that it came out shabby and a specifically genetically designed human, trained since birth on how to work around it, was needed for it to function at all times and not explode, like myself, nice.

This was my life. This was my past. And to my horror I now realized I didn't have a name. No, there must be more to it than this, there must-

And then I looked the black figure in the face… the ~she~… right, I wasn’t alone, there were two of us, but I came out better, so you were freed and I was left here to rot.

You would always come when you could, and I was always busy working. You’d tell me about the films you watched, you’d read me stories, and sing me songs… and then, one day, you decided to take my place, although you would fail, and give me the freedom I never had, a life I never lived… you gave me a name.

It was beautiful and you’d smile while saying it but right now you are whispering it to me with such anger… and now you are screaming it full of desperation.

It’s the only thing I hear.

And I clutch the knife.

On the other side of the world a small flower nearly dead blossoms thanks to the withering of another.