Summer Break Blues Chapter 1

Romance

Written in response to: "Write a story that either starts or ends with someone asking, “Can you keep a secret?”" as part of In On a Little Secret.

Part 1


Don’t you just love the summer break? You can just sit on the beach with an ice-cream in your hand, soaking in the morning rays with your besties. It’s so refreshing. Unless of course, you’re like me that is a super omega klutz, who sees Travis Mulligan (a.k.a. the man of my dreams) and drops whatever they’re holding at the time. In this case a chocolate ripple ice-cream. Yeah. Sounds soo relaxing, doesn’t it? I think not. Especially when you had to go and buy a new pair of bathers last week because the same thing happened to your old pair, only last time it was raspberry limeade now there’s a big, pink, blotchy stains on your $150 bikini set, that won’t wash out. But yeah, summer break is going so well.

“Sarah” I turn to face my friend. She’s already searching in her bag for some wet wipes.

“Sorry Jodi,” she says after a few minutes of sifting through her endless supply of make-up. “I’m all out of wipes.” She glanced back into her bag, and then at the now melting dessert, sliding down the front of my top.

“Please Sarah. You gotta have something. Even a make-up wipe will do. This is important. Travis is over there, and if he sees me like this, he’ll never want to go out with me.” She had to have a make-up wipe. She was always changing it to suit the occasion.

“That would mean we’ll never get married, have our three kids, a nice big house and a hamster named Mr Piggles.” I could see her resolve slowly breaking.

“Please Sarah. If you’re not going to do it for me, do it for Mr Piggles.” I beg with the aid of puppy dog eyes.

“Fine. You can have ONE packet. But this time don’t go using them all. Last time, I didn’t have any left, and I seriously needed them.”

Taking the packet from her I remember last time I had to use her make-up wipes. There was such a big stain that I unknowingly used them all trying to get it out. She had wanted them for later that night as it was her boyfriend Michael’s 19th birthday and they were going to the movies together to celebrate. She had made it so her make-up made her look sweet and innocent, later they had planned to go back to his place. She was hoping to make Michael’s birthday a night to remember. But apparently, to do that, you have to change your make-up, which involves taking off the make-up you already have on. I had gotten a call later that night from Sarah saying that it was because of me that she almost missed out on the chance of a lifetime.

“Yeah, that was life or death that was,” I reply, returning to my bather top.


“Okay, I think I’m just about done. What do you think?” I ask pushing out my chest so she could see better.

“Yeah, I think you got it. Wow, I thought that was another one that wouldn’t come out.”

“Yeah, me too,” I replied glancing over at Travis. He was shirtless and holding a red and black surfboard. The sun shoe off his tanned chest. I looked at his arms they looked strong yet somehow I felt they could be as gentle as a butterflies wing when he wished. As he turned to run into the surf, I couldn’t help but stare at his long blonde hair. It was the classic surfer hair cut; long but not so long that it was in his face. I force myself to look away. I can see Sarah looking at me with a bemused expression on her face.

“What? What’s that look for?” I ask.

“Nothing. Just contemplating if I’m gonna be a good friend or not. That’s all.” I just sit there and glare at her. After a while, my eyes begin to get sore, I lay back and close them.

I must have fallen asleep because when I next open my eyes most of the people were gone.

I can hear hushed voices coming from where I last remember Sarah was sitting. I Glance over and see her talking to Travis and Michael.

“What are you guys talking about?” I ask a smidgeon of fear leaking into my voice. “You guys better not be talking about me.”

“Nah we’re not. We’re talking about Travis actually.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Travis give Sarah a dark look which I can’t quite grasp the meaning of.

“oh, what was it?” Travis shakes his head and says something to Michael under his breath.

“Nothing Jodi. Go back to sleep” he says with a yawn.

“Yeah. You know it’s not like you’re the one yawning at all is it?” I say with raised eyebrows.

“Good point. I’m gonna go get a burger and some booze. You can come over if you want. See you guys later.” He and Michael got up and grabbed their things. Michael pecked Sarah on the cheek and whispered something in her ear. She giggled and nodded a sly grin on her face.

“Yeah, I think I might go too.” She said after

“What for? What time is it.” I ask trying to look at her watch.

“It’s almost 4:30. We’ve been here all day.”

“Okay. But first, spill the beans. Come on. What was that about?”

“Nothing. Travis was just telling me about something.” She said playing with the necklace Michael had given her for their 1-year anniversary.

“Please Sarah. You know I hate being left in the dark.”

“Okay, but one quick thing.”

“Yes, anything, just tell me.”

“You gotta promise not to freak out or make a big fuss.”

“Yes, yes just tell me. I’m dying here.”

“No. You need to promise me. Not just because you want to hear what we were talking about, because you mean it.”

“Okay.”

“Can you keep a secret?”

***

author's note

***

Although this story may not make sense to some at the moment, once I have finished the whole story/ novel, things will start to make a little bit more sense. Just like everyone, I had to meet a deadline, only, for me, that was not very long at all. I have spent most of the week trying to come up with essays and letters for school. It takes a lot out of you. Especially in remote learning. So please try not to be too harsh with your comments.

Posted Aug 21, 2020
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100 likes 105 comments

C.J Dunstall
August 22, 2020 04:35

Okay, this is for the writer of the week votes. please write who you think should win and why you think they deserve it.

And remember;
NO voting for yourself.

-CJ

Reply

נιмму 🤎
August 30, 2020 18:16

I would like to vote for Aerin B. 🌈
She is such a kind person selfless person who always helps her fellow readers. (like by up voting, checking out their stories, following them etc) She's so easy to make friends with and pretty silly! She lights up the... comment section, and her stories are so creative!! She is so talented for someone so young, (and just in general) She deserves to win.

Reply

September 17, 2020 23:17

I know this happened 3 weeks ago but I just saw it now and THANK YOU!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
October 01, 2020 07:19

Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 30, 2020 22:24

Make sure to put it into the forms thing. I will be announcing the winner this afternoon...
-CJ

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 22, 2020 04:52

I would like to vote for 🌻 άm𝒶𝕟ƴ 🌻 for being a downright lovely person and making my day countless times with her wonderful stories

Reply

Amany Sayed
August 22, 2020 15:03

Oh, wow.... Words cannot express the way I felt when I read this...
I could possibly write an entire story based on the way my hand flew to my mouth when the words registered in my mind. THIS is why I write. To make people's days, to bring light to the world. I'm over the moon that you enjoy my stories. Thank you so much for your support.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 23, 2020 00:17

your welcome just writing how I feel

Reply

Amany Sayed
August 23, 2020 00:42

😊🌺

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 23, 2020 06:26

😁

Reply

C.J Dunstall
October 01, 2020 07:20

Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it

Reply

Amany Sayed
August 22, 2020 17:52

Oh, and I vote for Rhondalize Mitza whose stories are very amazing. I recommend her stories. If you thought MINE was good, hers will blow you away!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 21, 2020 02:45

Hey guys,

I've been wanting to write a romance/ college type book for a while now.
This isn't my usual type of story so please, do tell me what you think of it.
Like my other stories, this is apart of a series so watch out for the next part

Hope you enjoy my story. If you do please leave a like and comment.
-CJ

Reply

✰ Jessica ✰
August 21, 2020 23:55

I really enjoyed it! I really love writing romances... somehow I manage to incorporate into almost every one of my stories! I think you did a great job, CJ! I'm a young author like you and I'm loving your writing style.

The only thing that makes me nervous is the secret Sarah's going to tell!😬 Otherwise, I would love to read the part 2 to this!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 22, 2020 00:32

No need to be nervous. I'll give you a hint:
This secret will change everything. For better or for worse.
Thanks
-CJ

Reply

✰ Jessica ✰
August 22, 2020 00:37

oooo! I'm so excited! glad I'm following you now. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 22, 2020 00:39

Yeah, I can't wait either. I do hope you like the next part

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 22, 2020 03:58

Hey, do you know if there is a language limit/ certain words we are not allowed to use on this in the story I kind of need to use "big" words.
Do you also know if there is a umm... well is there certain content we are not allowed to have. I just need to know so I don't get into trouble. The story plan has a few things that might need to be changed if so.
-CJ

Reply

Keerththan 😀
September 01, 2020 11:53

I enjoyed this story. Waiting for more of yours..
Keep writing.
I would recommend Charles Stickers for the upvotes. He gives amazing comments and his stories are so well woven.
Would you mind reading my new story
"The adventurous tragedy?"

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 01, 2020 22:50

Sure thing I would love to read your story. Thank you.
-CJ

Reply

September 01, 2020 00:12

Hey girl! Congrats on 200 points!! You’ll be on the leaderboard in no time!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 01, 2020 01:47

Thanks! I was on like 210 but someone downvoted me or something😟
You'll be first place before I get into the top 100 though I bet
appreciate your support tho. No wonder you won writer of the week :)
-CJ

Reply

September 01, 2020 11:11

Ohhh no!
🤗 Aw, thanks!
-A

Reply

Deborah Angevin
August 31, 2020 10:40

I'm enjoying this, CJ! I can't wait for the secret getting revealed...

P.S: would you mind checking my recent story out, "The Purple Sash"? Thank you :D

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 31, 2020 22:34

Sure thing. I would love to check out your story.
-CJ

Reply

September 08, 2020 23:55

Gahhh! I really wanna know the secret..maybe just like whisper it here..you know I won't tell anyone.
I'm just playing😂
But I really liked this the ending was really one of a catching moments for me and I want to know more. I also like that group of friends..they look close. And I can also relate when I'm the only one in the group who doesn't know whats going on..
Loved thiss!!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 09, 2020 22:44

Thank you so much. The secret is told in the next chapter but not in full. You will slowly find out more about the characters as the story progresses. All I need is to find the right prompt.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 12, 2020 04:34

Hey Ugochi Nwauwa,

I was just wondering if it was you who put in 19 submissions for yourself on the writer of the week thing. There have been more votes for you alone than there have been all together for the first 2 weeks. I would just like to remind you that you are only allowed 1 vote and that vote can not be for yourself. You are also not allowed to ask your friends to vote for you. Please Keep this in mind as this is not the first time someone has cheated.

If this wasn't you I apologise for accusing you. I made this vote so that people can get some form of positive support and I greatly dislike people messing around with the results.

Yours sincerely,
-CJ Dunstall

Reply

September 12, 2020 04:53

???
Wait, wait, wait, wait.....What writers of the week thingy are you talking about?? I don't know anything about that, is it that thing you posted on your BIO? Cause I never voted for anyone...not in your comments... not anywhere.(Is there even another place??) Can explain from the beginning please...
19 submissions for me??!! Me???! Seriously I do not know what you are talking about so can you explain..?

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 12, 2020 05:15

Okay, so I had the idea to have a writer of the week thing so then people could vote for their favourite writer/ person on reedsy. Someone really wants you to win and has been cheating so that you do. I know it is the same person because they were all at 5-6 second intervals to each other. This is the second time someone has cheated this week alone. I have already had to restart the votes once because of cheating.

You seriously had no clue about this???
Someone really likes you. Lucky you.

-CJ

p.s. Do you have any clue who might have done this?

Reply

September 12, 2020 05:24

That last sentence was funny(no not the actual last sentence the one before -CJ) ..but not the time or situation..
Honestly don't know who it is..or nothing about it. omg I can try asking around I guess.
Seriously I am sooooo sorry..I wrote that whole paragraph..👇like before I saw this notification..
Okay well the first step would be which of my followers follow you..and I think I should start with the people who comment on my stories the most..

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 13, 2020 22:47

Well I follow over 400 people soo...

Reply

September 12, 2020 05:18

OHHHHHH nevermind I'm stupid..I just read your full bio.
Okay so correct me if I'm wrong you have this thing where people vote for other people..and you suspect someone voted for me 19 times(not 19 different people)...and your only allowed to vote once..so your asking me whether I did it..? Right?
Oh well no..I would never vote for myself in the first place..and I won't purposely break your rules. I personally have never been on the website where you vote so I haven't participated.. Although I am honored..that someone felt the need to vote for me 19 times..really makes my heart glow..but I do understand that may be or is extremely frustrating for you. So I'd like to apologize, I'm sorry that happening ..but I'm not exactly sure how I can help you. I'll try posting it on my BIO i guess..?🤔

Once again sorry for the inconvenience..it wasn't me (promise) and yeah.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 13, 2020 22:46

Okay, I was just asking. I didn't think you had done it I just wanted to double-check first tho.

Reply

September 17, 2020 19:26

Hey, CJ I noticed you added me in your Bio..like below. THANK You!
Also do you follow me??? cause I'm trying to get my Followers and Following to be equal...so I'm asking. If you don't can you please follow me..if you don't want to its fine..thanks again!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
October 01, 2020 07:19

Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it

Reply

October 01, 2020 12:17

Oh yay! I will read after school!! Thanks for letting me know.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
October 03, 2020 09:40

Welcome, please tell me what you think about it

Reply

August 30, 2020 15:16

I'm intrigued already!🙃
The beginning says it would be a lovely story!
(This is the beginning, right?)
I love the way it ended especially. The "Can you keep a secret?" part. This was really nice Cj. Well done!!

(P.S. do you mind checking our some of my recents. Feedback would be nice too. Thanks!!!)

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 30, 2020 22:20

Yeah, this is the beginning. Thank you so much I love to hear when I've done something right.
Yes, I would love to check out some of your recent stories.😊
-CJ

Reply

August 31, 2020 10:48

:D

Reply

Evan Rocker
August 29, 2020 23:46

I liked your story and especially loved your author's note at the end. Very relatable and honest! I hope to read more of your work soon!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 30, 2020 22:18

I am part of the way through writing the next part just gotta find the right prompt.
-CJ

Reply

Evan Rocker
August 30, 2020 23:28

You can do it!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 31, 2020 00:29

Thanks for the encouragement 😄
-CJ

Reply

Itay Frenkel
August 29, 2020 18:14

This was really cool! You established the characters well, especially Sarah, I felt like I couldn't fully trust her. I liked the fast-pace, it made the story fun to read. That cliffhanger! Can't wait for part 2.
If you get the chance please check out some of my new stories.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 30, 2020 22:17

Thank you so much. I would love to read some of your stories
-CJ

Reply

June 25, 2021 19:44

I can't wait to see what happens next! Part 2, here I come...

A few critiques:
"I looked at his arms they looked strong yet somehow I felt they could be as gentle as a butterflies wing when he wished." You should add a period after "arms" (capitalize "they", too). Add a comma after "strong". "Butterflies" should be "butterfly's".

Overall--great story! It was engaging, and the make-up wipes discussion made me smile. :)

Reply

Aman Fatima
February 12, 2021 14:00

I really enjoyed this story. It was amazing.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
February 17, 2021 22:51

Thank you ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

Reply

Aman Fatima
February 18, 2021 07:20

Welcome!!!:)

Reply

Kristin Neubauer
August 28, 2020 17:27

I think this is great, C.J.! I am so intrigued. I think you have a fast-paced plot set up, a mysterious cliffhanger....and I love the narrator's voice. I could see this all unfolding. This line made me laugh: I just sit there and glare at her. After a while, my eyes begin to get sore, I lay back and close them. Looking forward to the next part!

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C.J Dunstall
August 29, 2020 05:24

Thank you I just need to find a prompt I can submit it for. I prefer to choose the prompt t match the story instead of the story to match the prompt. I really appreciate the feedback
-CJ

Reply

C.J Dunstall
October 01, 2020 07:21

Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it

Reply

Pragya Rathore
August 24, 2020 12:21

Beautifully written! It doesn't seem like you have writer's block, it was that awesome ;) The title is appropriately interesting!
Please check out my stories too :)

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 24, 2020 22:50

Thanks so much:)
I would love to check out some of your stories
-CJ

Reply

Avery G.
August 24, 2020 01:31

Wow. This was amazing! I loved it! Great job!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 24, 2020 01:51

Thank you so much!

Reply

Avery G.
August 24, 2020 02:07

You're welcome!

Reply

Yolanda Wu
August 23, 2020 02:36

This was such a nice start to what I assume will be a much longer story. I really enjoyed reading about characters and the exchanges they have, it was so fun! Amazing work. :)

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 23, 2020 05:55

thanks

Reply

Charles Stucker
August 22, 2020 07:16

So, this certainly fulfills the requirement to have it end/begin with "can you keep a secret?" but it has some other problems.

The grammar, sentence structure and basic line editing is superb. I did not notice any of the little errors which typically plague rough drafts. You kept it short, which helps keep readers interested until the end. The two scenes are both fine, with excellent descriptions and not bogging down anywhere. But, your opening is slow and the plot sort of goes nowhere because of trying to put the question at the end. It's just short of funny enough for a humor piece, though it does have some of those elements.

First, decide if you want to be humor or just use the humor. If it is to be a humor piece, it must be consistently funny throughout. If it is to be a piece with humor, then it needs a tighter plotline.

So how do you get a better plotline? Your basic premise is Jodi wants Travis but she spills ice cream on her bikini and has to beg her friend for make-up wipes to fix it. Then she falls asleep and when she wakes up Travis and others are talking around her and it ends with Sarah, her BFF, asking, "can you keep a secret?"

Go back and think about a plot which has a little more agency for the protagonist. Right now, all Jodi does is ask for help and fall asleep, neither of which is a strong decision point for her. Once you fix that, your innate sense of scenes should carry through can give you something good.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 22, 2020 08:13

Yeah, sorry. I wrote this story in like 30mins because I was trying to get things out of my head if I had more time I obviously would have fixed it but I didn't.
thanks for the feedback
-CJ

Reply

Charles Stucker
August 22, 2020 08:36

I've had things I wrote quickly before. It's why I don't generally post on Reedsy before Wednesday. And If I don't have something by Wednesday (giving me a day to let it rest and then Friday to edit) I don't submit. To each their own.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 22, 2020 08:41

Yeah, I've just been extremely busy with school work lately. I've had to write at least 3 different stories and/ or essays this week! I wanted to start earlier though. Just finding it harder to keep up with life in restrictions. I'm gonna be stuck at home forever 😖

Reply

Charles Stucker
August 22, 2020 09:26

Some days I feel the very same- stuck in quarantine forever. And I'm not trying to go to school. Just pay bills, which can be a lot harder.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 22, 2020 09:42

Yeah.

Reply

N. Thorne
August 21, 2020 04:56

Good story! Definitely want to know the secret! And Sarah is not someone I trust at all. If you do a follow up I’m looking forward to reading it!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
August 21, 2020 06:17

Thanks!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
October 01, 2020 07:21

Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it

Reply

Amel Parvez
May 24, 2021 09:58

nice
<3

Reply

PAMELA ABWAO
September 08, 2020 23:53

Would you mind writing PART 2; I'm following

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 09, 2020 22:35

I have I am just waiting for the right prompt.

Reply

C.J Dunstall
October 01, 2020 07:20

Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it

Reply

. .
September 07, 2020 23:30

Such a great story! I can't wait for part/ chapter 2

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 07, 2020 23:47

Thank you!

Reply

. .
September 07, 2020 23:49

Np!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 07, 2020 23:51

Hey, I made a forms thing I was wondering if you could cast a vote? Anyone you think is the nicest writer/ person on reedsy.

Reply

. .
September 07, 2020 23:52

Sure, I'll do it right now

Reply

C.J Dunstall
September 07, 2020 23:53

Thank you 😊

Reply

C.J Dunstall
October 01, 2020 07:20

Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it

Reply

C.J Dunstall
October 01, 2020 07:20

Hey just letting you know the next chapter is out. Hope you like it

Reply

Hey C.j thx for the follow.
I really liked this story, and I can't wait to read part 2!

Reply

C.J Dunstall
February 11, 2021 02:22

Thx I hope u like it

Reply

Kate Reynolds
January 27, 2021 13:25

Wow great job!!! I loved how fun it was!!! Imma go read the second part nowwww

Reply

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