Caramel

Being completely alone with my thoughts felt dangerous, especially in a place like this. I think it was safe to say I loved this lake more than anyone in the world… but there was a close second. Staring at the moon's reflection on the still water, all I could think about was him.

I still wondered, did he ever think of me?

When I closed my eyes and listened to the crickets, it all came back.

We’re seventeen again. Young and, frankly, stupid. My brother always said it was a bad idea to explore unknown bodies of water, with the possibilities of toxic bacteria or dangerous wildlife, but we couldn’t resist. The lake, surrounded by trees and flowers and sunlight, was the most beautiful thing either of us could dream of. He used to say it was the only thing to match me. He was always so romantic. He was the first person I really loved. Sure, I had my girl friends and my family, but he was always different.

“Next summer we should build a dock.” He said.

“Oh yeah?” I looked at the flowers he’d set on my lap after sitting down. He picked columbines for me because he knew they were my favorite. The white flowers were mixed with forget me nots and jacobs ladder’s, this time. Two more of my favorites.

“Yeah. Just for us. We could bring things like kayaks and canoes, and this place would be even more special. I mean, no matter who came here, that doc would make it so it was always ours.”

“Do you know how to build a dock?”

“If Noah built Allie that house, couldn’t I build a dock? How hard can it be, really?”

I shrugged, braiding the forget me nots. He moved the rest of the flowers to my other leg, then rested his head on the empty leg. He looked up at me while I braided. Soon, I started picking leaves from behind us to stick into his caramel curls. “You look like a Greek god.” I smiled.

“Oh, do I?” He flexed one arm, making me blush. He really did look like Hercules, or some other mythical strongman. I giggled while he made faces at me, at the same time posing to show off his muscles. He stroked the side of my face, “If I’m a god, you’re my goddess.”

It was so easy to imagine forever with him when he spoke to me like that.

“River, before I met you, I didn’t think anyone would ever love me.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Why would you think that?”

I shrugged, “Well, being seventeen and never having a relationship that lasted kind of discouraged me.”

“You know, not a single relationship of mine lasted, either. If they hadn’t, we never would have met.”

“I don’t know, I feel like we would have met anyway. I mean, I would have gone to work no matter the day.”

“I wouldn’t have been there.”

“What?” I remember it clear as day. He walked into the convenient store by the beach. Everyone and their mother had a family cabin north of town. I think River came to buy fishing lures for him and his cousins. “Didn’t you need bait, or something?”

“Yeah. Cal and I lost all of our bait and lures. But I wouldn’t have been up at the lake if it weren’t for Shayla.”

“Shayla?”

“Cal and I were dating these girls that were best friends. Shayla was his girlfriend, Gabi was mine. They had this agreement or something, so they broke up with us at the same time. We took our brothers on a trip to get away, and it was mostly for Cal and I. I wouldn’t have met you if I hadn’t been broken up with. I’m actually really thankful for their weird agreement.”

“You never told me about Gabi.”

“Because she never mattered to me. Not really.”

“You weren’t sad at all?”

“Not once I met you.” He grabbed my hand to hold, “Cheesy, I know, but it really did feel like love at first sight.

“You’re too sweet,” I said, not bothering to conceal my smile. For some reason, I could never accept a compliment from anyone but him.

“A dock would be nice. By the time we swim out to the middle of the lake I’m always too tired to stay out for long… But you know what would be extra nice?”

“Hm?”

“A cottage in the forest. With a big kitchen, and plenty of rooms for anyone to stay who wanted. And a sunroom. Oh, and the outside would have vines growing on the side… with a huge garden, a cobblestone walkway, and a fairy garden…” I closed my eyes and breathed the warm air. I always dreamed of my own cabin in the woods. I used to think it would be all mine, but I couldn’t imagine something so lovely without a person so lovely. Lately, any dream I had felt wrong without him.

“I’ll build you a cottage.”

I gasped, “Will you?!” I sort of jumped, and he sat up, relieving the pressure on my leg. Thank goodness, it was starting to fall asleep.

“Dolly Jenson, I’d do anything for you,” He said, squeezing my hand.

People had made me this promise before, and it always made me nervous, because how serious could they be? Who would really do anything? I knew I wouldn’t. I didn’t think I could really take a bullet, or walk into a fire to save someone… But River was like a superhero to me.

The next morning I woke up in the grass by the lake, my head rising and falling on River’s chest. I gasped, had the whole evening gone by so quick? I only meant to take a nap. I shook River from side to side, occasionally pausing to pick up my scattered belongings around us. My blanket was under River, so I needed him to move.

He woke up, confused. When he opened his eyes, he was blinded by the sun. He gasped. “We have to get you home!”

“I told you not to fall asleep!”

“It’s okay, it’s early, we can get you back in time-”

“You were supposed to wake me up!” It was impossible to be mad at him, but I was terrified. My parents had hated River since the moment they met him, and they’d just been waiting for one of us to slip up.

Just when River got to his feet, I pulled the blanket from under him and ran to his old truck. He fell over, but quickly collected himself to run after me.

I grabbed his keys before he woke, so I had the car started by the time he opened his door.

“Dolly, I think it will be fine!”

“I hope you’re right, but I can’t risk it.”

I really shouldn’t have been driving. I failed every driver's test I took, so my parents banned me from getting behind the wheel. River hated when I drove, and though he never told me, he made it pretty obvious when he spent the whole ride clutching his pearls. Every turn was too sharp or wide, every curb millimeters from being hit, and each car in front of me tailgated.

I glanced at the clock in the car, it was only six in the morning. That’s bad. My dad didn’t have a job with a summer break, so he was always up early. My mom was a light sleeper, so he always woke her by accident. They were early risers, which made every red light feel dangerous.

“What’s your curfew?”

“I don’t have one, but my parents don’t want me with a boy all night!”

“So get Helen to walk you to the door, tell them you slept over.”

“They know I was with you.” I said, pulling into my driveway.

“Then I’ll walk you up,” He suggested, unbuckling his seatbelt.

“No way!” I reached over and rebuckled him.

“Couldn’t you sneak into your room?”

“That’s no help- don’t touch that buckle!”

“I’m talking to them myself.” He opened the door and ran out before I could stop him. No no no no! I chased after him, catching up when he rang the doorbell. Great. He’d woken my siblings and dogs now, for sure.

I realized the worst part just before the door opened. My hair was a mess, the arm of my jacket hung off my shoulder, leaves were still stuck in his curls, and the top three or four buttons of his shirt were undone. It was not looking good for the two of us.

My mother opened the door. Bad, bad, bad! I immediately combed my fingers through my hair. I was praying that mom took it easy on us. Coming home early in the morning was one thing, but in our state, whatever punishment in store would be tripled. How could we be so stupid?

My mom looked shocked. I couldn’t blame her. “Get in here,” She grabbed us both by the chest and pulled us inside, then slammed the door shut. “Your father will be furious!” She started telling me how irresponsible I was, how only someone stupid would do something so dumb, how I knew the consequences. When she started talking about how we should know better, I knew her mind went to the worst possibility.

“Mrs. Jenson, nothing happened, I swear on my life.” River said. “I’m the irresponsible one-”

“Oh you sure are!”

“Mom!”

“You will not interrupt me!”

“We didn’t do anything!”

“With hair like that,” She looked up at River’s head, “it feels impossible to believe you! You two are lucky dad isn’t home.”

“River, go home.” I said, “I’ll see you later?”

He smiled. I think that might have been the last time I saw his smile…

“No you won’t! Get out.” My mom demanded. “You can see him out,” She said, glaring at me. It really felt like she hated me.

I said goodbye before he left, and he hugged me tight, “I’m so sorry,” he said, kissing the top of my head. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” I watched him walk back to his truck. I didn’t know why at the time, but I felt scared to see him leave. For the last three months, we had only been with each other, other than the nights. I couldn’t exactly blame my mom for assuming the worst, but did she really trust a suspicion more than her daughter? The person she always wanted to raise to be loving and honest?

I fought with my mom for a long time. Then my dad came home. It got worse. Then my brother came home. It was bad. Trent asked what was happening, and my dad yelled, “Two years in, and she’s already slept with that boyfriend with hers!”

I’d never felt such hatred before. Did all my family really think so low of me? I always knew I was better than that, but I guess they didn’t.

I lost it when Trent started yelling at me, I stole my mom’s purse, hanging by the door. I bolted. I stole the car, too. The whole time my parents had been yelling my ear off, I didn’t have time to check my phone. I glanced down at my phone while I drove… Missed call, missed call, missed call. Only one text: “Meet me at the lake when you can.”

I drove as fast as I could. Thankfully, we lived in a rural enough town that the cops didn’t bother to stop a soul. Tears were streaming down my face. My parents threatened to give me a curfew, to ground me, to take my door off my hinges, and to send me somewhere I’d never see him again. The last one was the worst. I felt like a thirteen year old with her first boyfriend all over again, but I couldn’t imagine living without him.

Why did the drive feel so much longer this time?

I drove mom’s car deep into the trees, where Trent wouldn’t see if he passed by. I knew my parents would send him after me. I was surprised he didn’t park seconds after I did, but I ran to the lake, screaming his name.

“Where are you River!”

He came out of the trees on my right and sprinted to me. He hugged me when I ran into him, and he brushed the hair out of my face. “What took you so long?”

“They’ve been yelling at me this whole time. Come on,” I said, pulling his hand.

“Hold on, where are you going?”

“Away! They’ll find the car soon enough, but they won’t find us. Please!”

“Woah, I can’t leave! It’s not fair to my family. Just… explain to them-”

“They want to send me away! They don’t want me to ever see you again!”

“I understand, but-”

“No you don’t!” I sobbed. I collapsed into his arms, weeping. I couldn’t lose him! I never really felt like I was living before him, how could there be an after? He rubbed my back for a long time, only stopping when we heard the screeching of tires. His eyes widened.

“That’s a fast car.”

“It’s Trent.”

“We can just explain-”

“No!”

Before I knew it, Trent was stomping towards us with some of his friends. Trent never liked River any more than my parents, and his friends never liked me.

“You!” Trent shouted, pointing at River. “What did you do to my sister! You think you can touch her?!”

Ugh, I hated when he tried to be protective. He never cared about me before, why pretend now? Trent just kept yelling and yelling.

River finally squeezed my hand, “Let’s go,” He whispered. We started running around the lake, to the thickest part of the forest. If only I could fly away. The footsteps behind us felt like an earthquake the closer they came, before one of the guys actually grabbed me. He pushed River over, and kicked his head.

“Stop!”

Trent and the rest of the guys caught up, teaming up to attack River. He was shouting and groaning on the dirt, in the most pain I’d ever seen a person in my life.

“Stop it Trent, please!” I kicked my legs, trying to wiggle away.

“Why should I?! For all I know, he could have knocked you up!”

“He didn’t touch me! Please, I’m begging!” I shrieked

They just went on and on, torturing both of us. What was the goal here? I just kept begging and kicking and wailing, but it did nothing.

“Trent, I love him!”

He finally paused, only to slowly turn to me. He got a good look at me, trying to see if I was serious… at the same time, I got a look at River’s bloody face. His lip was torn, his temple bleeding, and every inch of him bruised. Trent started laughing, and I realized their goal was to ruin my life. There was nothing I could do…

I’ve heard people say it’s a family’s job to be protective, but that felt dumb. I’d never lied to my mom, and she knew it. I knew from the moment I woke by the lake next to river that I was in for some terrible punishment… but if this was the bullet I took for River, it was worth it.

“If you stop now, I’ll never see him again.” I shouted. The boys finally stopped. I was let go of, and I fell to my knees. Trent laughed more, “Serious?”

My face was soaked now. “Serious.”

They finally left us. “You have three minutes.”

I could hardly stand to look at him there on the ground. He was coughing… coughing blood.

“River…”

“You shouldn’t have done that… I would have been fine.” He groaned.

I reached out to touch his face as he sat up slowly. Gingerly, I touched his cheek. He winced. “Oh, River…”

I didn’t have to say anything. Neither of us did. He started to cry, and all I could do was kiss him. Maybe I shouldn’t have said what I did. Maybe after some stitches and pain medication, he really would have been fine… but I couldn’t bear to see him like that, beaten and bruised. His hand cradled the back of my neck, and just for a moment, I felt like the most special person in the world…

I wiped a tear from my eye.

I never found out what happened to him. He left a few notes, never telling me where he was or why he left town, but I knew he was okay. There were only four notes, but each one ended the same. He didn’t sign his name out of fear that my parents would find it, but I always knew it was him

I came back to the lake years later, and I haven’t really left since. I had the cottage to myself… but it wasn’t like I’d wanted it to be.

I moved my feet in the cold water, disturbing the reflection of the moon. Just before I stood to walk back to the home I always dreamed would be ours, I heard a voice. “Fancy seeing you here.”

I gasped. I didn’t even fully turn. The moonlight was all I needed to see; I’d recognize that caramel color anywhere.