Didn't matter

Based on true events:

It didn't matter. She kept trying to tell herself that as the ugly linoleum tiles of Lilac Middle flooded her vision. Kids knocked into her as they rushed to their first classes of the day. One kid stopped so suddenly in front of his class that he almost knocked her over. That didn't matter either. Nothing mattered.

"I think... we should break up." The voice came so clear in her ear that she cried out. A couple kids looked at her weird as she looked around, wondering where the voice came from. As she looked around for the voice, the late bell rang. Ignoring the bell, she slowly walked to her first class of the day, arriving 8 minutes late.

"So glad you could finally join us, Ms. Lena." Mr. Grib snarled as she shuffled into class, embarrassed. Lena slid into her seat slowly, her cheeks flushed. The day went by too slow and when she was walking home, thinking about it, her entire world toppled as she fell to the ground. As she turned, there he was. The one person she was trying to avoid.

"Mateo?" Her voice came out in a pathetic squeak.

"Lena. Oh, I didn't see you. Sorry." Then he skateboarded off to his house. It's not like she could avoid him, they went to the same school and the same classes, she had seen him out of the corner of her eye when she went to Math and English. When she slammed her room door shut, she saw that her sister had accidentally been rifling through her drawer with Mateo stuff instead of the ones with the arts and crafts(That drawer was trashed too). Her heart pounded as a picture of them together caught her eye. The entire thing came rushing back and she collapsed in a heap.

' "Hey, can we talk during recess?" Lena stuttered to Mateo. Mateo shrugged. In the 3 months they had been dating, she had figured out that was his way of saying yes to things. At recess, as she walked up to him, she rehearsed what she was going to say.

"Hey, Lena. Soo, what did you want to tell me?" He sweetly asked.

"Um, I was talking to one of my friends the other day and she gave me some really good advice."

"What advice?" He ground out the word.

"I think... we should break up." She whispered out. His face remained emotionless, it was his eyes that gave away the surprise, hurt and utter loneliness.

"Ok." He walked away, the last time they would talk.'

Until now. She hadn't talked to Mateo since the breakup and had managed to avoid him until summer break, where blissful peace seeped into her. Then the guilt came. He was an amazing boyfriend and friend in general. How would things ever be the same? When she saw him this afternoon, he looked like he was living his best life without her. His smile was pasted on his face, his hair was combed, his face fresh and he was enjoying his favorite activity peacefully like he had no homework. Her hair was messed up, there were bags under her eyes and she forgot to do her homework yesterday. And the day before. And the day before. How was he handling this so coolly? She knew the answer. He had his friends to surround him. She had.. no one. Her best friend and her broke up a couple weeks after the breakup with Mateo because her friend, Bali, thought chasing Lena's ex-boyfriend was more important than their friendship. Lena had no one. Her parents were awfully worried about their daughter, a pale shell of her former self, who no longer laughed, no longer hung out with friends, and had 30 missing assignments, including 15 important tests that were in her final grade. They didn't say anything, just watched her stare blankly into space at mealtimes and go up to her room to cry out no tears, it wasn't like she had any left. Her door creaked open and she twisted her head from her position on the floor. It was her big sister, Aya.

"Hey, Lena, you ok?" Aya asked worriedly. "Mom and Dad are really worried about you and you haven't been your normal self lately. Maybe hanging out with Bali would help you." Aya pulled out her gem studded phone and started texting Bali.

"No!" Lena lunged forward, grabbed the phone and blocked Bali on Aya's contacts.

"What was that for, Lena?" Aya gaped.

"I'm sorry. I don't wanna hang with Bali right now. I just wanna sleep."

"We'd be lucky if you slept, you haven't slept in weeks. You look like one of those extras from The Walking Dead." Aya snorted. Lena sighed and put her head back down on her fuzzy carpet. Aya closed the door and walked away. A deep feeling settled into Lena's brain and she couldn't shake it. She had felt a glimmer of it when she saw Mateo and when she remembered what had happened but now it was here, full force. Lena was so lonely and she had absolutely no idea how to deal with it.

The next day at school, Lena brushed her hair and did half of her English assignment that was due in September. When she passed by Mateo in the hall though, her feelings brought her back to the first step. She felt like she was drowning in quicksand and she should just get it over with and drown. The day after that, Lena pulled herself out of bed and did her makeup, finished her English assignment and finished her math homework. That Friday, she felt more cheered up than she did when she got a 600 on both her SOLs in 4th grade. When she passed by the locker rooms, she saw a sign up sheet on the wall for Anything Goes by the Lilac theater department. She felt it was a sign and immediately signed up. Auditions were the next Monday and she practiced Goodbye Little Dream, De-Lovely and Blow, Gabriel, Blow. She was shooting for Reno Sweeney and Hope Harcourt. When she came into auditions, a redheaded girl was standing there by herself, singing the part for Erma. When she spotted Lena, she gave a shy wave and smiled.

"Hi, I'm Reagan." The girl said. And Lena knew. She was no longer an empty shell. She had found her people.