Talk to me

I wasn’t afraid when I asked Rachel to meet me at my place, but I should have been.

It was my first time dealing with a sexual harassment complaint, and I never thought it would be from a man. Silly me. As if women couldn’t be monsters, I thought as I tidied up my apartment. She was able to talk about men as if they were accessories, but I’d never imagined she could be a predator, someone to run away from. One more surprise to add to the list.

When she arrived an hour later than expected, she was way too cranky for my taste and the conversation we were about to have.

“I thought we were about to have dinner. Did you change your opinion? Are we going out?”

“Maybe,” I replied, “but I need to talk to you first, and I didn’t want the food to distract you.”

“Distract me? What am I, a dog? I’m fully able to eat and talk!”

“I know you can, it’s just that this is a serious conversation, and I need you to focus. It’s really important, please.”

“Sure, go ahead. Can I sit at least?” She pointed at the sofa, and although I thought that a chair at the dining table was a better option, I could feel we had started on the wrong foot and didn’t want to make it worse.

“Of course, go ahead.”

She sat on the corner, close to the window, grabbed one of the cushions, and hugged it. Then, she stared at me and waited a bit before saying anything, as she was analyzing me, how I moved, or better said, how I didn’t. I had no idea how to start that conversation.

“Won’t you sit? Or are you going to tell me whatever you have to say from there?”

“No, I will sit, of course.” I giggled nervously. It was ridiculous. Why was I so nervous?

“You’re weird today,” she said as I sat with my back on the other corner of the sofa, in a strange and uncomfortable position, like I was punishing myself for what I was about to say.

“It’s been a long day, Rachel, but I had to talk today about something I heard, so bear with me.”

“Something you heard? Uuuh…. some hot gossip? You know I’m always available for that.”

“Not really. Can you tell me what happened lately with Oliver?”

“What do you mean? Nothing. I mean, we’re friends, but that’s all. If he wanted to enjoy this, he could, but he must be gay or something.”

I felt nauseated. It sounded so bro-ish that I couldn’t wrap my head around it. What woman would say such a thing? “Have you made moves?” I asked, and she frowned.

“I might have expressed my interest in him. Why? Are you interested too?”

“That’s not what we are talking about.” I realized my mistake. I had just opened the door to a whole different conversation.

“Are you jealous?” she chuckled as she advanced towards me, sliding into the sofa.

“I’m not. That’s not what you’re here for. Oliver complained about you!”

“He did what? That’s a little bit bitchy, isn’t it? If he had a problem with me, he should have told me.”

“I think he did. Several times.”

“Really? Never heard of it.”

“Didn’t you? Or did you just ignore him?”

“Oh, you’re so boring. You worry too much

“What is wrong with you?”

“What do you mean? I’m just trying to have some fun, and you should do the same!”

“That’s not fun, that’s just crazy.

“You shouldn’t call me that; you should know that’s not something you can call people these days. You could be canceled.”

“Don’t tell me what I can or can’t say, please…”

“Why not? Because you’re my boss? What will you do? Bite me? Kill me?”

“You are being ridiculous!”

“No, you are. I don’t recognize you anymore. You are acting all weird. You cannot blame me for that.”

“I can do whatever I want.”

“No, you can’t, that’s what I’m trying to tell you. The way you have to look at Oliver, like he was a piece of meat.”

What? I’m not doing anything different from what others do. Or have you forgotten about it, now that you are one of them?

There was the accusation, the association. As if I had become one of those people now that I had a different title. I had changed, yes, but not so much as to justify what she had done, to close my eyes as many had done in that kind of situation.

I’m being serious. And it’s not only the way you look at him. I know about the night during the Team building.

What? How? Did he complain about me? I didn’t do anything he didn’t want to. If he went to you and told you that, that’s because he only has eyes for you. He’s your golden boy, isn’t he? Now that you have him, the rest of us are nothing!

I’ve always been by your side, I haven’t changed… not the way you say I did. You know what happened to me, and you know how I’m trying to keep myself on the good path. Please don’t make everything difficult. I don’t even know where this comes from. You weren’t like this.

Maybe you’re not the only one who changed after a party! Rachel yelled, and I realised there was something I didn’t know, something I’d overlooked while I was busy trying to understand my blood and work problems. I tried to hold her hand, but she shook it, and for a second, I saw a weird light in her eyes.

“Rachel, what happened? What are you trying to tell me?|”

“Do you think you’re the only one who ever wanted to have a better job?”

The way she said it didn’t match how I remembered her. Since the first day I met her, the only things she cared about were new clothes, accessories, and men. I never saw her as someone worried about advancing in her career, only about getting a good raise by the end of the year.

“Do you know how many frogs I had to kiss?” she added.

“No, I don’t know, and I cannot imagine how your love life is related to the way you behave at work.”

“Will you stop being so presumptuous? Just because you’re Amir's right hand doesn’t mean the rest of us cannot be something too!”

“What are you talking about?”

Rachel walked erratically across the room, and the more I tried to make sense of what she was saying, the less I could…

“It was supposed to be me! I was the one who would have been promoted if it weren’t for you, Ms. Perfect. Why did you have to come to my team?”

“I was hired, I didn’t take anything from you or anyone else. If you weren’t hired to be a manager, it wasn’t because of me, but because of your lack of…”

Before I could finish my sentence, I saw it. Her eyes had turned all black, the expressions on her face had been erased, and then, to make it worse, she grunted at me. She grunted like an animal, and I knew something was terribly wrong.

“Rachel? Are you okay?”

She took two steps towards me, and I retreated. She wasn’t reacting to my words, and I was sure that things would not be okay for me if she got too close. I didn’t have anywhere to go since she was on the way to the only door out. Then, out of nowhere, she jumped on top of me, and we hit the floor. In fact, I hit it while she used me as a cushion. My head hurt, I felt dizzy, and the only thing I could hear was her grunting, her fingers in my throat, and her breath over my face. She had become something I didn’t recognize. That wasn’t Rachel, that wasn’t my friend, and for a bit, I wasn’t myself either.

I grabbed her arms and rolled with her until I was on top. Her eyes were still fully black, and she wasn’t talking. I called her name several times, and all she did in return was try to bite me like a ravenous animal, so I did the best I could think of.

I slapped her. Hard.

The moment my hand touched her skin, I felt electricity all over my body, like a super power revealing itself, telling me, You will not tolerate this. You will kill her if necessary. Her body was between my legs, and my hands pinned her arms. Her breathing, though still erratic, got less scary, and for some reason, I felt like getting closer to her, like I had to challenge her or something, to show her I was in charge. My jaw started to hurt, and I knew immediately what was happening. It was the same sensation I had at Rachel’s bathroom, while I watched the blood run along Andreas’ face. But the reason wasn’t the same. That time it wasn’t lust; this one was pure, concentrated rage.

I got closer to her. I opened my mouth and felt my teeth tingling, and when I was about to touch her neck, something startled me, a small move, a little cry, and a tear touching my nose.

I moved back and stared at her, who was now crying and mumbling something I couldn’t understand. Her eyes weren’t black anymore. They had returned to their original caramel tone, and I could see things had changed again. I kept her underneath me for several more minutes, as she turned back into the woman I knew.

I, on the other hand, didn’t.