6 AM again

Beep. Beep. Beep. It is 06:00 in the morning and my alarm goes off. I sigh and sit up in my empty bed. The dark clings to the ceiling and spills down the walls of the room, just how I like it. The floor beneath my feet feels cold and it sets a shiver down my spine, goosebumps littering my arms. My mouth opens wide as if trying to devour the room. I hate mornings, but a good morning paves the way for a good day so I stand up and walk out of my bedroom. It is the middle of winter and as I try to look outside I am greeted by my reflection. I look weary. The bags hang heavy under my eyes, the restless nights having taken their toll and the white of my skin makes a stark contrast to the black of the room. The once so light and easy blue seems dark now, almost black. Heavy slow steps lead me to the bathroom and I step into the shower. Cold water beats my back as I lather my hair and body in soap. Freezing water freezes me solid. I stop feeling. I stop caring.

Moments later I find myself in my car. Driving. I can not remember how I got here. I am in traffic on the way to work. The lanes behind me are empty, not many driving this early. It is still dark outside but I can see the sun hiding behind the tree line, slowly painting the horizon. Down the road I go and shortly arrive at work, the gray tall building casting shadows over me as I park. I am the first one here. My footsteps echo through the hall, blending with the humming of the overhead lights. The door to the office space is locked but as I look down in my hand I see a small golden key. I try it and it fits perfectly in the keyhole. The room behind is a black void. No contours of the desks, ticking of a clock or light spilling in from the windows. I try to back away but the door creeps closer. I can not turn, not run, not flee. The door sucks me in, swallowing me whole as if I was no more than a crumb. Weightless. Wind rushes, pulling at my hair and I hear a soft sound as I slam into the ground.

Beep. Beep. Beep. It's 06:00 am. I am in my bed. Just a dream, I laugh. It was just a dream. Well, no point in rehashing. A good morning makes a good day. When I sit up my arms stretch over my head and a yawn escapes me as I swing my feet over the bed's edge. The fuzzy floor tickles my feet and I hurry out of my bedroom. I wish to look outside but the darkness of winter turns the window into a mirror. I am only met with myself. I think so anyway, I am much thinner than I remember. My cheeks are hollow and my bones are threatening to break my skin. It looks as though a gentle caress will draw blood. My hair hangs long shielding my eyes and as I push it away and look closer I notice something. Or perhaps a lack of something. My eyes. Oh my eyes. In their place is nothing but a black void. I quickly close them, not wanting to see.

Cold water runs along my back. Shower. I am showering. The water drips then stops, I suppose I am done. On the way out of the door I catch a glint in the mirror. My eyes are back, as if they were never gone. The ticking clock lets me know it is time for work. I must leave now or I will be late. Can not be late. Driving to work goes smoothly. I am eased by the morning sun. Its yellow presence warms my blood and lights the road in front of me. Making it glitter like it has been sprinkled with diamonds. Or broken glass. The car behind me honks and before I can react I see it driving beside me. In it sits two people both looking towards me. They seem to be men, and they are wearing old suits and patched hats. But they have no faces. Where their eyes and noses should be is only sleek skin. At first I thought that they lacked mouths as well. But as my car accelerated a broad smile split their face into two and they waved goodbye, very polite. Maybe today will be a good day after all.

The tall building cowers from the sun now turning harsh. Blindly raging. Sweat builds on my forehead, dripping and stinging my eyes. It is warm, so warm. My eyes turn blind as the sun terrorizes. I can only feel it. And smell. Smoke. Something smells of smoke. A small crackle from behind me. I turn around and am engulfed in the flames. Pain. Pain, pain, pain. The worst pain I have ever felt flooded my senses. The skin chars and drops off my bones, my eyes melting and dripping down my face. For a moment that feels like eternity, all I can do is sit and feel before an empty void finally takes me.

Beep. Beep. Beep. It is 6 am. Again. How is it 6 am again? Dream, another dream. When will I escape? When will it end? I need to get up, get through this dream as I did the other. The floor wobbles and cracks, then cracks and wobbles. Setting splinters into my feet and leaving holes behind. No matter, I need to go forth. Good morning and good day. To exit my bedroom I have to reach the door but the door tries to flee, running like a coward. But I am faster and I burst through it. I try to look outside but I fail. Something in the way, a barrier between me and outside. It looks like thin paper but I scratch and scratch to no avail. It will not budge, will not let me see. I claw at the barrier. Claw and claw until the nails have been ripped from my fingers and the meat has worn down to the bone. Finally it breaks. Leaving long stripes as I tear to open more. Then I press my face to the window and through the small cracks I see. Flesh. Pink flesh. Complete with veins and tendons. And it pulsates. My stomach flips and I want to scream. I want to run away. But I can't. I stand and watch as the flesh rips through the barrier, spilling onto the floor. Inching closer and closer before it lunges. It covers me, all over my body like a new skin. But this skin is not mine and as I turn on the water of the shower I can feel It biting me, piercing through my skin. I jump into the shower wishing for the cold to freeze me solid, to freeze the flesh.

It is time to go to work and so I get into my car. The breath of winter has turned the windshield into a wall. Unable to see through. But no matter, it is time to go to work and so I drive away. I do not need to see because the road only leads one way. The sun has awoken but instead of red warmth that breaks the hold of cold, it is blue. And traps in ice. In the trees a shape walks out, stumbling on legs too long and thin. It wears a crown, mighty and high. As I pass it in my car I wave and the deer rises and waves back, a smile creeping onto its two faces. How nice of it to greet me this early. The car has parked and I enter the building of work. It is dark inside but when I try to turn on the light it only flickers. Not wanting to be disturbed. I walk down the hall, each of my steps kicking up dust. It fills my mouth and I swallow it into my lungs. The walls around are old and cracked. I got here too late. The building has aged and will not hold. Cracks spread from the walls to the ceiling and pieces of stone come crashing down. I have to run and get out but as I turn to do so I see that the floor has disappeared. In its place is a gaping hole of nothing. The void. It wants me, wants me to fall down again. But I stand still, and will not allow it. My feet take me further back into the hall. The void follows by taking more of the floor and leaving me less space. I try to back more but my back hits the wall. I have nowhere to go. My knees give out and I reach the floor. Sitting and watching as the void becomes all.

Beep. Beep. Beep. The covers fly off me as I jolt awake. I know it is 06:00 am. I just know it. Yet I glance at my alarm. It is 06:00 in the morning again. My heart stops in my chest as my throat closes. It was another dream, I screamed and let the tears escape. I charge to the door and leave my bedroom behind me. Needing to get this dream over with, needing to face the void. Overcome it somehow. I look outside. The darkness of winter barely allows me to see but the streetlights give me something to focus on. Standing under the one nearest me I see a man. Nothing noticeably weird but before I am proven otherwise I turn for the shower. For once the water is warm and the steam makes it hard to breathe. With my hair still wet I leave my driveway and head to work. I can not stop bouncing my leg waiting to see something in the other cars but they pay me no mind. I drum my fingers on the wheel and try to focus on the road ahead.

The rest of the ride to work is eerily uneventful, the void must be waiting when I arrive. I park next to a blue Volvo, careful not to scratch it. These parking spots are way too narrow, something we always complain about at work. I go inside and am greeted by iridescent lighting as well as the young man at the reception. This dream is very real, I murmur. The realest yet, the void must be getting better at tricking me, I conclude. I swiftly walk into the elevator, letting out a deep breath and loosening my tie. The elevator stops at the ninth floor and I walk out and slowly open the door to the shared office space. Unsure of what’s behind. My heart is beating hard, testing the limits of its cage, and I can hear it in my ears. Feel the blood pulsating through my body. Behind the door is..nothing. Well my coworkers are here and all the furniture. Actually nothing seems out of place as I take three unsure steps into the room. I can hear the people softly speaking, the sound of typing on the keyboard and I smell coffee. My body feels numb and locked in place. It is getting hard to breathe, I can not get any air into my lungs no matter how much I try. It is as if a giant python is squeezing me to death. I hear a voice behind me, I can not tell what it is saying, it sounds caring, maybe worried. When I turn around I see it, there in his eyes. The void. I knew it. Here is my chance. The void is here and I will make this end. I will be free. I stumble toward it, my legs will not obey fully. I lunge at him. We fall to the floor, me on top. I stare into the void as my hands enclose its throat. Watch him turn blue. It is done. I am free, I just have to wake now. Wake up. Beep, beep?