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John Jenkins

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Jul, 2022

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45 Stories

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No Mom

(Note: This story contains mentions of nudity.)“I remember you used to always said you were going to marry Bugs Bunny’s girlfriend when you grew up,” said Sharon, talking to her son. “Mom, that was like thirty years ago,” said Frank. “I’m over that now.”“Frank, that was two years ago.”“So? Mom, this is the reason I can’t keep a girlfriend. You’re always telling these embarrassing stories about my childhood. I feel like a three-year-old.”“Childhood? You’re not even fourteen yet! What do you need a girlfriend for? I know every freckle on your ...

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Mighty King Koramides

Dear King Koramides,The enemy has been seen coalescing around Harperberry’s Pond, Suffort Fuffex Prefecture. This is the opportunity that we have been waiting for since the early days of Gastos the Macromedia.Our soldiers are fit. Everyone is reading and writing books. Their swords are sharp enough to cut paper at scale. I can’t believe I get to see the War of the Century play out. Ever since I was a young boy, I have felt a need for adventure. Riding my big, fat horse on the battlefield will be a story that I tell my grandchildren about. As...

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Black Mamba

“Hello? 9-1-1?” said the frantic caller.“Yes, this is 9-1-1, home of the Blue Jays. How may I help you?”“My black Mamba’s stuck in a tree! Can you get it down?”“You said your mother’s stuck in a tree? How did she…?”“Not black mama. Black Mamba!”“Oh…What’s your address?”“1-2-3 Sangamon Street…”“Yes…”“New York, 10100.”“Okay. And?”“And what? That’s all I need.”“And, do you have any polar bears, mountain lions, electric eels, dragons or sphynxes that we should know about before coming?”“That’s at my other house. Trust me. I’m legit.”“What is you...

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Forty Years

“I told you, John!” said Max Forester, pointing at the floor. “You can’t do that!”“I can’t do what?” said John Banister.Banister had been on welfare every day of his life. Since conception. He had never been able to support himself. He got all the way to college, they say, and then “it” happened. He was suddenly disowned and discarded, never to be heard from again. Max Forester was a licensed, clinical social worker working with Carers Without Borders or CWB. They took in the ones that no one else wanted. It was their way, or prison. “You ca...

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Inflation

“Did anyone else see that?” said Max Denning, standing on a crowded San Francisco street. His vision was blurry and the colors were changing. It was like one of those old CRT monitors gone awry. Everything was shaky. Most people just ignored him and went about there day, but there were a few who gave him mind. “What is it?” said one man. “What’s happening to you?”“What do you mean?” said Denning. “Don’t you…see it?”Sitting in the middle of the street, in a sea of haze and color was a diamond vase. It was shaped like a vase, but it glowed. An...

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Clown School

Weekly Contest #322

“A woman’s worth is no greater than her ambitions,” said Benjamin Farlays. “I hope we can come to an equitable agreement, miss…”“Pape,” said Julia. “Yes, miss Pape. Here at the International Clown School for Women, we have a very particular way of doing things, and I would appreciate it if you could acclimate to the program instead of attempting to adjust us to your…oeuvre.”“Why are all the teachers here male?”“What? You were asking a question? What did you ask?”“I said, why are all the teachers here men, if this is a clown school for ‘women...

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Tangie and Lucy's Extravaganza!

Weekly Contest #318

“Alarm, Alarm,” said Colonel Frisbee as the alarm sounded. All around him, people were running like crazy. Tripping over one another. Some retched in terror as they contemplated the evil that awaited them all. How could they be so dumb? How could they be so naïve? There was nothing they could do but hope beyond hope. All they could do was pray that Operation Dagestani would be successful. They had waited their entire lives for this moment. Many had seen combat. Others had traveled the world as professional athletes. Still others had taken th...

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The Pertinent Age

Weekly Contest #315

(Note: This story contains reference to racial stereotypes.)“Oh, darling, it would be a true shame if we were to miss the party tonight. And all that rot. I suspect that if Dr. Franklin should forget his famous tapestries the whole world would be up in arms, wouldn’t it?”“I heard the princess got married last week.”“Truly? Truly, is it?”“Yes, and he’s black.”“He’s what?”“He’s black.”“Oh, balderdash!”“Why, it’s true, isn’t it?”“As true as a state exam in a McDonald’s drive through.”“What isn’t true about it? Seems mighty true to me.”“The only...

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Krognosticor the Prognosticator

“Then, suddenly, the Earth shook and there was nothing but darkness,” wrote Tom Jefferson, just beginning his third novel.Suddenly, there was a great shake. An earthquake. And the sun stopped shining.“What are you doing?” said a voice from across the room.“Wh-What?!” said Jefferson.“I said, what are you doing?”“I’m…what are you doing in my home?”“What do you mean? This is my home. Don’t you remember?”“Remember? You’d better leave.”“I’d better leave. Are you…okay? You seem a litter nervous.”“Are you a…troll?”“A troll?”“Yes. Are you a…?”“I’m a...

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Deminildreth!

Weekly Contest #309

“Deminildredth!” said the headmistress, holding her whipping ruler sternly in the palm of her hand. Deminildreth sat there, unable to speak. Her hands fidgeting with the voodoo doll she had found in her uncle’s attic.“Come here.”“I’m already here. I’m sitting right here. Can’t you see?”“Deminildreth, I am a patient woman. But I do not appreciate insubordination. This is a Christian school, after all.”“Yes, Headmistress Dohnehees. I would never attempt to-““Do not get smart, young lady. For one only needs to have the upper hand a little.”“I’m...

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Class Reunion

“Hey, Timothy!” said Jocko, slurring his speech. “How’s it going?”“My name is Targus, not Timothy,” said Targus, sitting uncomfortably. “Sorry, Tangie,” said Jocko. “My bad.”“No, it’s Targus. Not Tangie.”“Sorry. So, anyway, it’s been such a long time since we graduated. Jenny says you’re a…janitor. Is that right?”“I work for the president.”“As his janitor?”“No.”“Is this the president of the local Salvation Army that you work for?”“No.”“The local preschool?”“The President of the United States.”“Of Europe?”“Of America!”“Oh. As janitor? That’s ...

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The Highetty Society

“Would you like to join my secret society?”“Sure, sounds cool. I would love to join. What is it?”“Do not talk about the secret society.”“What?”“I said, do not talk about the secret society.”“Sure. It’s real though, right?”“I have no idea of what you’re talking about.”“Okay.”“So, you want to join?”“You mean like join up for real? Do I get a t-shirt.”“Do not talk about secret society t-shirts or any other article of clothing. It’s blasphemy.”“Clothing is blasphemy?”“Do not talk about clothing. At least not in the context-”“The secret society. ...

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Gamestop Paradise

Weekly Contest #306

Opening Credits: Introduce the companies that helped make the game. Desk Ware; Death Engine; Cryodense; Writer’s Public; Game Deluxe; AxxRapper.Intro video: A spaceship is landing on a wintery field. There is a space colony nearby but it’s abandoned. The space marines leave the ship, but the ice beneath the ship gives way and the ship falls beneath the ground, almost bringing the space marines with it. The space marines look around for a while and then the leader of the space marines gets on his intercom. They then proceed to the abandoned c...

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Persecuted Vegetables

“You know what?” said Frenzy, holding his bottle of Smart Water. “I quit!”“You can’t quit,” said Frank. “You just got laid off. This is a tech job. Didn’t you read the sign?”“Where am I supposed to work? Who’s going to pay for my perspective books, my toucan feet?”“I’ll tell you who’s not going to pay for them. Uncle Slam. Now beat it, kid. You’re making my kidney stones uncomfortable.”Frenzy was angry. He had worked his way through six years of a four-year of a bachelor’s degree, a two-year vacation on top of a 6-month “sabbatical,” and ano...

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The God's Protector

(Note: There is toilet humor here)These were perilous times to live in. The universe had given up its young, creating an endless cavalcade that toppled mountains without mercy. Without the semblance of a peaceful crossover.Zaghes Kristum was late. He had traveled past an entire galaxy that year and was still not at his destination. His flying rock was held tightly in his hands, allowing him to travel faster than the speed of light.“What is this he says?” said Zaghes to himself. “What does it take to win an interplanetary war? For what do the...

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