Unforgivable

Fiction Teens & Young Adult

Written in response to: "Write about someone trying to atone for a mistake they’ll never be able to fix." as part of To Err Is Human.

August 1st, 2039


We've all been friends for about seven or so years, though Achebe and Alexis have never met each other during any of that time. Though that's going to change today, we're all going to eat at a restaurant in a few hours. I'll tell you how it goes. -Roxanne


August 2nd, 2039


I don't think that it went as well as I was wanting it to go yesterday, we all met outside of the restaurant so the two of them could formally meet. Though something seemed a little...off with Alexis.


I was just sort of awkwardly standing next to the two of them as they talked and all that, I'm not sure how Achebe was feeling but...I swear I could see something in Alexis' eyes...- Roxanne


August 3rd, 2039


You know what? I think meeting the two of them were some of the best days of my life. I...don't remember exactly how I met Alexis all those years ago, Though I remember we ended up meeting when we were ten years old.


I can however remember fully how I ended up meeting Achebe. It was probably about a few weeks after I met Alexis and we ended up meeting at a pool. A town pool to be exact.


I have no clue though on how neither of them met each other until now, I thought that they would have at least ran into each other while trying to find me or something. That's a little strange, to be honest... -Roxanne


August 7th, 2039


I know I haven't been writing anything in this for a few days, so sorry if anyone is reading this for some reason. The past few days were just extremely boring and nothing really happened.


I texted the two of them a few minutes ago and luckily they both agreed to have a movie night with me. I kind of hope that if the two of them hang out a bit more, they'll become friends with each other.


We're going to watch a movie that I believe is called, "Otherworldly repairs" It seems like its sci-fi or futuristic, I've never actually watched the movie.


Well anyways, I'm going to go now, and then I'll tell you whatever happens. My gosh, I'm like eighteen and I'm writing in a stupid Diary, what am I doing with my life? I really should get rid of this. -Roxanne


August 8th, 2039


I think the movie night was a tad bit worse than the whole Restaurant thing I told you about. Alexis was the first to arrive, she at least seemed a little happy, though when Achebe arrived that's when she changed.


It felt like she was just going to remain silent for the whole time as Achebe had asked me, "Is something wrong with her? She wasn't like this a few days ago..."


That wasn't the bad part or anything, she was just a little confused. It's what happened with Alexis whenever Achebe decided to go to the bathroom.


"Roxie, why do you keep bringing that girl with us? She shouldn't even be here, it should only be me and you!" I'd list what else she said but...it was bad. Is she jealous or something? -Roxanne


August 11th, 2039


Over the last couple of days, whether the two of them were with me or if it was just me and Alexis, it kept happening. She just always seemed...annoyed or confused, maybe even a bit upset with that look in her eyes.


I'm not sure if she actually hates her, or if she's just a little upset since it's usually just the two of us. Maybe it's both? Though either way, I'm still going to try and make them hang out to become friends and not enemies.


In fact, I already did something for the two of them. I know that Alexis might not like it, though I'm making the two of them go for a long walk together tomorrow, I'm not going with them though. It's just for the two of them. -Roxanne


August 14th, 2039


I have no idea what's going on, I haven't said anything for the past few days since I've been looking for the two of them. I was waiting the whole day for them to come back, but they never did.


I wasn't freaking out when it first happened, of course, it was a bit late when they would have come back so I thought that they just fell asleep somewhere and didn't have the time to reply.


Achebe's parents had already got a missing person report out for both of them once we realized that we couldn't find them anywhere. We searched a lot of places over the last few days...though I have an idea of where to go next. -Roxanne


August 16th, 2039


I found both of them. Earlier this morning when I was about to head off to where they went on that walk, Alexis was outside waiting for me. I could tell something was wrong by her expression as she then said, "I'm so sorry...I didn't mean for it to happen."


I didn't really think much of that besides being a little happy that she was back until I found her. Achebe was where the two of them went on that walk, just like I thought.


She had fallen though, she had fallen off of a cliff. I wish I could just say that she was alive and alright, but that wasn't true at all, she was dead. She was gone.


Did...Alexis kill her?! I know she seemed like she hated her or was at least jealous but why would she go that far? It was a terrible idea to leave those two alone, I got her killed... -Roxanne


August 18th, 2039


I haven't told anyone about what happened, not even the Police, I don't want Alexis coming after me as well. She might be able to even break out of prison if I put her in there.


She's been texting me for the last couple of days about it, though I haven't been responding to her, I'm thinking of blocking her completely in every way. Everyone knows that Achebe is dead, though they'll never know how it happened...


She's been texting me things like, "I'm so sorry it was never supposed to happen, please forgive me!" and "It was just a mistake, please you have to trust me on this...maybe I could fix it." Hah, no she couldn't, how would you fix something like this?


I'm going to try my best to figure out what to, maybe I could try to avenge her or something. That's what a friend would try to do, right...? I don't have anyone else to talk to, so this is the best thing to do. -Roxanne

Posted Dec 01, 2020
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81 likes 488 comments

Amany Sayed
December 01, 2020 14:19

Actually one of your best I think! The plot line was well thought out, and you kept a good voice of the narrator throughout. The diary thing worked well for this story. No real critiques. Loved the names! :D

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 17:39

Thanks, im glad that you liked it and all that ^^ did you maybe have a favorite part or anything like that?

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Amany Sayed
December 01, 2020 18:04

No, not really, I liked it all!

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 18:06

would ya wanna see more diary format stories?

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Laiba M
December 01, 2020 14:16

Hey~
I loved it!! It's so nice to plan a story with someone and see the ideas come to life, it makes it ten times more interesting to read~~
I do think that you should consider adding more emotion into the part where Roxanne discovers Achebe's death.
Also, this isn't a bad thing, but why 2039? Just curious :)
I have a twist coming up for you in my part of the story so that you're surprised!

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 17:38

I don't know what to do to add more emotion for whenever she finds that out, though I'm glad you at least liked it a little bit ^^ I don't know, I just picked a random date and wanted it to be set in the future a little bit. A twist? when do ya think your part will be out?

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Laiba M
December 01, 2020 19:01

Ohh, ok :)
Yep! I didn't tell you anything about it since technically you're still a reader and I want you to be surprised a bit~
Hmm, I'm not sure. I'll start my rough draft this afternoon, finish in the evening, review it and edit it all day tomorrow, then read over it a few times. Maybe Thursday? Or if I'm too busy, Friday.

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Laiba M
December 01, 2020 19:00

Add shock, sadness, fear, just a blur of negative emotions. Since it's a diary, obviously it won't be poetic or detailed. Maybe just an "I couldn't move" or "I was shocked and scared and sad and disgusted and angry all at the same time. Who would do this to Achebe? Would they do it to me as well? Why her?"

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 20:31

I could maybe try to add some of that stuff in, though I might end up forgetting :/ You said your part of the story was gonna be in second person, right?

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Laiba M
December 01, 2020 20:43

Yes :)

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 22:02

hey, if this all goes really well, maybe we could do another thing like this together?

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The Cold Ice
January 27, 2021 04:44

Hello

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B. W.
January 27, 2021 06:03

Hi?

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The Cold Ice
January 27, 2021 06:57

How are you

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B. W.
January 27, 2021 07:11

I guess I'm fine, what about you?

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The Cold Ice
January 27, 2021 08:18

Great.

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B. W.
January 27, 2021 08:45

what do ya think of the prompts?

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The Cold Ice
December 24, 2020 06:52

Hi

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B. W.
December 24, 2020 06:54

Hi?

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The Cold Ice
December 24, 2020 06:55

How are you

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B. W.
December 24, 2020 07:03

eh. half and half

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The Cold Ice
December 24, 2020 07:06

What half and half

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B. W.
December 24, 2020 07:09

I feel a bit good, but i also feel a bit bad.

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B. W.
December 09, 2020 21:50

I'm not making part 2, but a friend of mine was doing the story with me, you should check out Laiba M because she made the other part and its called "The Dollmaker" or something like that

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William Liu
December 07, 2020 02:18

Upvoters always beat downvoters :D

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Phebe Emmanuel
December 05, 2020 08:10

I thought it was cool how she didn't know where Achebe was for a while. I think, though, that you should try to slow the story down a bit more. It all happened so fast, and though I know that it's a diary entry, it's a story for us. You dig?

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B. W.
December 05, 2020 17:21

I don't think I could change the stuff now though, since the new prompts are out now and all that.

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Phebe Emmanuel
December 05, 2020 19:06

That's alright. Hey, why did you change your name?

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B. W.
December 05, 2020 19:52

Some other friends also changed their names to Harry Potter characters, I thought it would be fun to do ^^

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Phebe Emmanuel
December 05, 2020 20:32

Oh, k.

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B. W.
December 05, 2020 20:39

could ya maybe help me with something?

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Phebe Emmanuel
December 05, 2020 06:12

The diary format is great! Luv It!

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B. W.
December 05, 2020 06:21

thanks ^^ did ya have a favorite part or anything?

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Kaitlyn James
December 04, 2020 21:10

Hey B! It's been awhile. Anyway, I just wrote a new story. It's called 'Never Did She Break Her Promises' I was wondering if you could check it out. Thanks!

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B. W.
December 04, 2020 21:56

Sure ^^ though could you maybe leave some feedback on this and stuff?

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Kaitlyn James
December 05, 2020 02:01

Of course!

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B. W.
December 05, 2020 02:05

also- do you perhaps know a story on here called "Keep The Paper Coming (A Reedsy Fanfic)" I know this is a strange comment but I saw something about it at one point and I wanna see it, I kinda like seeing stories that involve people from here.

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Kaitlyn James
December 05, 2020 04:00

No I don’t.

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B. W.
December 05, 2020 04:17

Oh, thats fine, so how have ya been?

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The Cold Ice
December 03, 2020 06:18

Hi

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B. W.
December 03, 2020 06:30

Hiya

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The Cold Ice
December 03, 2020 06:37

Wyd

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B. W.
December 03, 2020 10:37

Not really, all i know is that its probably a group of people downvoting everyone else for some reason

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The Cold Ice
December 03, 2020 14:00

Ok

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The Cold Ice
December 03, 2020 06:38

Do you have any idea about the downvoted I was downvoted 300 points 😭 😢

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The Cold Ice
December 03, 2020 06:38

Con you upvote me I too do the same

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Salom :)
December 03, 2020 00:17

This story is really good!

Also hello :)

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B. W.
December 03, 2020 00:19

Hiya there ^^ and thanks im glad ya liked it, did you have a favorite part or anything like that?

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Salom :)
December 03, 2020 05:29

No specific part, but I love the format! It's very nice how you did it in diary form.
I personally am only good at 3rd person, so there's no way I could pull it off like you did! :)

P.S. I'm sure you've noticed, but I think someone is downvoting all your comments? I could be wrong but a bunch of your comments had 0 points. (not anymore, I did some upvoting)

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B. W.
December 03, 2020 05:46

The downvoting has been going on for several months, not just with me though, with a lot of people :/ I honestly think at some point ill just be downvoted completely and lose all the points, then people would have a bit of a harder time finding me and stuff. Though thank you for going and upvoting me ^^ I don't think there's just one downvoter, I know there's probably like a group of them.

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Salom :)
December 03, 2020 15:06

Oof that. I'll try and go on an upvote spree when I have the time, it'll help a bit

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B. W.
December 03, 2020 19:41

How many points do ya wanna do?

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December 02, 2020 05:54

What’s up peeps! I’ve written my first mystery and submitted it for this week’s contest. “Murder at Kasserine Pass” I’m looking for honest feedback. I’ll admit I’m kinda nervous. I had a few ideas but not enough space to put everything in this short story. Your opinions matter to me and I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read my work.

If you have something you’d like me to read please reply back and I’ll check it out.

Robert

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B. W.
December 02, 2020 06:01

Could you at least leave some feedback on this story Please? I'll check the story you've been talking about out a little bit later.

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Amaya Reddy
December 02, 2020 00:24

Hey B this was amazing! Again, you slayed the diary format, im so impressed. it was super realistic, and the story had me hooked until the end. I agree with Laiba, maybe some more emotion when Roxanne finds out about Alexis. With the last one, you had tons of emotions that really drew me into the story, but not so much this time.

Overall though, great job! I loved it!

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B. W.
December 02, 2020 00:51

Thanks, im glad you liked it and I could possibly try to do that stuff to make it better and all that ^^ do ya have a favorite part or anything like that?

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Amaya Reddy
December 02, 2020 00:51

i didn't rly have a fav part, all of it was amazing. :)

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B. W.
December 02, 2020 00:52

would ya wanna see more of these?

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Amaya Reddy
December 02, 2020 00:53

YES. not even a question

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B. W.
December 02, 2020 00:59

I can try to make some new ones then whenever I get the ideas and stuff ^^

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Amaya Reddy
December 02, 2020 00:19

B have you used reedsy book editor? should I use it?

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B. W.
December 02, 2020 00:47

It's what i use to write my novels and stuff, I think you should use it ^^

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Amaya Reddy
December 02, 2020 00:50

it is secure? Like my novella won't be deleted or anything right?

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B. W.
December 02, 2020 00:52

Yeah, and i think your the only person who could delete it or anything like that, it doesn't just randomly do it or something.

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Amaya Reddy
December 02, 2020 00:53

okayy tysm!

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B. W.
December 02, 2020 00:59

Uh- i dont really remember how to change it, though I know I did it a few times

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Amaya Reddy
December 02, 2020 00:56

wait B how do you change the name of ur book on reedsy editor?

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December 01, 2020 17:10

Great job!
I love the diary format, that was really good, I like the names and the plot as well, nice story!

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 17:44

thanks ^^ did ya have a favorite part or anything like that?

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December 01, 2020 20:12

Hmm, I liked the ending.

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 20:38

would ya wanna see more of these types of things?

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December 01, 2020 20:40

Yeah! I would really like to.

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 22:00

I can try to do it then :)

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. .
December 01, 2020 12:53

Great story!! Great job with the suspense, but maybe show a reaction to Alexis's actions!! Definitely reads like a diary!!

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 17:26

Thanks, im glad ya liked it ^^ I could maybe at least try to show more reactions and all that, did you maybe have a favorite part or anything like that?

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. .
December 01, 2020 17:33

The part where she found them at the cliff! It was so good!!

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 17:44

anything else ya gotta say for it?

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. .
December 01, 2020 17:46

Maybe develop the main character more, because she seems kind of passive, but otherwise, nope. Great Job!!

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 17:47

would ya wanna see more diary format stories?

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Megan Sutherland
December 02, 2020 21:27

Hey, B!
I'm going to call you that. Hope you don't mind. Hehe.
Okay, onto the story!
I liked your use of the diary format and I loved the story itself, but I was a little confused on what happened after dinner. Achebe and Alexis seemed to get along then, but then everything fell apart. Maybe you could have explained it a little in the texts between Roxanne and Alexis?
I hope this wasn't offensive, I didn't mean it to be in any way.
-Megan S.

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B. W.
December 02, 2020 21:42

While i was working on the thing, I accidentally deleted it and had to start working on it again, during the dinner entry and probably some of the other stuff, I had added some other stuff that I unfortunately cant remember that was going to be Roxanne talking about something that involved stuff with Alexis and how she (Alexis) was acting towards her during and before the dinner. I'd try to add the stuff back in, though I cant even remember what it was like I said :/

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Megan Sutherland
December 02, 2020 22:48

Oh! Well that's fine, I was just saying.
Is it okay if I call you B?

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B. W.
December 03, 2020 00:14

wait, why did ya change your name? and sure, you can call me B ^^

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Megan Sutherland
December 03, 2020 01:53

Oh, haha, because Brooke D. changed hers to Hermione Granger and I kind of wanted to follow the Harry Potter theme for a little while. I'm a Slytherin, obviously XD

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B. W.
December 03, 2020 03:30

wait she did??

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December 01, 2020 16:21

Queen B strikes again! The diary format is so cool, you should try writing more like this! I love the creative character names, good job!

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 17:42

thanks im glad ya liked it ^^ did you have a favorite part or anything like that?

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December 01, 2020 20:52

I liked the first few entries, the 'getting to know the characters' parts!

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 22:04

would ya wanna see some more diary type stories?

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December 01, 2020 22:07

Yes!

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B. W.
December 01, 2020 22:36

I can try to do that then ^^

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