The Lost Secrets of Uruth

‘It has been a while.”

The eyes were sulfurous yellow, horns growing in impossible angles. A forked tongue that whipped between razor sharp teeth as it spoke, and oddly a rather mundane and civil tone and accent. Quite pleasant really.

‘I found your name in this book’, piped the young man, his eyes large with amazement that the spell worked, and fear of the summoned being.

‘And here I thought they burned all of those! They really should have, you know. Dangerous things in there.’

Lavert was looking at the seemingly very dangerous thing that came out of the book. He shifted in place, moving his weight from one leg to the other. He honestly imagined a rather more dramatic dialogue, with a booming, sinister voice and a malignant, venomous quality maybe, or vague, ominous, threats. Something more demonesque. Apart from the horrifying appearance, it seemed actually almost amicable. He was relieved, but couldn’t help but feel somewhat disappointed. When you summon a demon it is only fair to expect certain theatrics.

He straightened himself, and with the most authoritative tone he could master said: ‘H..How long has it been, demon, since you’ve been beckoned to this earthly realm last?’

The barely defined face changed to one that can only be adequately described as slight exasperation. ‘You really don’t have to do this for my benefit, you know? It’s always silly when you humans try this act. You realise that this is just how they talked? This was just their way of saying “How are you”. I am a thousands of years old demon, I am capable of having a normal conversation. Also, why is it so dark in here? It's only 14:00. And all this smoke!’

Now this was really getting on Lavert’s nerves. He had prepared for this! Shut the curtains, set the atmosphere, lit the candles... The woman at the occult store said this was the kind that demons really liked! And what’s with the casual attitude? There is decorum to this kind of event, a social summoner-summonee contact if you will, and the demon was frankly not holding up its end of the bargain.

‘I have summoned you here to make request’

‘Did not imagine it was for tea and crumpets, though if you have any…’

‘I have summoned you here’, repeated Lavert, trying to ignore the interruption (he did, in fact, have tea and crumpets, but this hardly seemed appropriate), ‘to request the knowledge of the great dark master Uruth of the Abyss, the greatest mage in history and the emperor of the greatest empire that ever was!’

‘Why?’

‘I don’t think you are supposed to ask that. I made my request, now name your price’.

‘But why, though? Notice that you said was, right? As in no more? Past tense? Hanged, stabbed, beaten, and very, very dead past tense?’

‘I don’t want to become him, I just want his secrets’ Lavert said defensively. ‘He used magic not seen before or since! Performed miracles! And all the sources say that he got them from this book. So I say again: give me his knowledge, his secrets, his mysteries!’

‘...What do you do for a living?’

‘What?’

‘What do you do for a living?’ the demon repeated patiently.

Lavert fumbled. ‘Junior professor at the Cratercity Institute for the Magical Sciences’.

‘Tenure?’ The demon really sounded empathetic, which is a very strange thing for a demon to be. There were small bursts of fire erupting from multiple locations in its skin, and its tongue was dripping small droplet of corrosive acid, leaving marks on the floor (good thing Lavert removed the carpet), but its slitted pupils in the radiant, infernal yellow really seemed to convey a sense of pity.

‘Staffing decisions. I study “dark” occult spells. It’s really hard! All of my experiments have failed: the homunculus using a cotton-stuffed puppet, the new reanimation procedure using turnips, the possessed pigeon…’

‘Turnips?’

‘I really thought it would work! There were very promising signs!’

‘And…’

‘It made a few moves! But… it didn’t work. Nobody wants to publish a paper titled “Why turnips fail to be used in the reanimation of corpses, but make for a nice addition to soup”’.

Lavert coughed, shook himself and resumed in a more dramatic tone ‘Thus, demon, I request the knowledge of the greatest of occultists Uruth of the Abyss! Name your price!’

‘Oh, we’re back to this. Listen, I really don’t think this is such a good idea.’

‘What?’

‘Getting all this knowledge. I mean, yes, it is really interesting, but it really did a number on old Uruth. Used to be a perfectly nice bloke, ended up being called “of the Abyss”, you know? And anyway just going around publishing a book “Super Powerful Ancient Dark Secrets” will draw some suspicion. Your kind seems to disdain this kind of interaction.’

‘I don’t want to publish everything at once! I intend to have a long academic career. I am going to ration it. Publish something small, to get my contract renewed, then publish more for reputation until I get tenure, then continue publishing once in a while to secure funds. I can just research whatever I want and always have new material to publish! With this kind of mastery, I will never have to worry about getting funding, being accepted to conventions, or publication ever again!’

The demon made what is probably the hellish equivalent of a deep sigh. Sounded a bit like the dying sound of a bunch of chainsaws. ‘That’s… a plan. I mean, I get you man, always having to chase down those papers and all, never knowing if your next idea will work. But did you catch that bit about being hanged, stabbed and extremely dead?’

‘I don’t want to use it, just publish it’.

‘You say that now, but there is temptation’.

‘I know there’s temptation! But I just want some security, that’s all. I really don’t care about world domination, creating a new order, everlasting peace, or anything like that! Just less stress, please’.

‘I can give you a really good potion’.

‘Please!’ at this point Lavert was really desperate. This was a dark deal, this was a demon that had not been summoned for who knows how long. It should be dying to make it! Think of the price it could ask for. Why was it making everything so difficult?

‘Have you considered the implications?’ The demon’s tone grew heavier.

‘Implications?’

‘Yes. Let’s say you can resist using that knowledge. Fine, you seem like such a stable guy after all. How will others use it? You publish a paper about a new spell that can make chickens into highly effective assassins, someone may take advantage of that. Soon we will have armies of assassin chickens fighting each other. Trying to kill important individuals.’

‘Fox bodyguards?’

‘I’m serious!’

‘I won’t publish any of the really dangerous stuff. Just cool things that will be interesting.’

‘You are talking to a demon from the darkest summoning book ever written, that was so horrible all of its copies, but one as it turns out, have been destroyed. You are asking for knowledge previously obtained by a sorcerer so dangerous that he conquered most of the world and ruled for several hundred years as the undead overlord of the greatest empire in your history. How safe do you think this knowledge can be?’

‘I don’t care. We have a government, they can regulate it. I just want to publish the knowledge and be done with it.’

‘Oh yeah, the government. Who do you think I am worried about using it first?’

‘Doesn’t matter!’. Lavert was shaking at this point, his fists clenched in anger and frustration. The demon in front of him was just making things difficult. It’s none of its business. Why did it care so much, anyway?! It is a demon, if things turn bloody, isn’t that it just doing its job?

‘Just tell me your price!’

The forked tongue went over the knife-like teeth. The bursts of flames and Lavert’s exasperated breaths made the only sound in the room.

‘You’ll have to watch. Only watch.’

‘Huh?’

‘I will give you what you seek, but you will have to watch what happens. You will not be able to ignore it, you will not be able to hide from it, you will not be able to die, you will not be able to help, nor even publish countermeasures. You will just have to watch’.

Lavert stood silent. That’s it? Sure, there was an ominous tone (finally!) to it, but really, it didn’t seem like such a bad deal. And nothing was going to happen anyway, right? He was smart enough to know what to publish and when. And there was the faculty, the institute, the publications, the government. Ultimately, it was all of their decision what could be published, how it could be used, and how it was regulated. He just wanted the security. To have a job, a life without this constant chase. Maybe some success, even. Yeah, that would be nice. It didn’t have to be too much, just enough to have a reputation.

‘That price is acceptable!’, he exclaimed dramatically. ‘Now, what must we do to seal this infernal pact?’

‘It is done’, the demon said quietly. There was a chill in its voice. And then, it was gone.

Lavert was left standing in the darkened room, filled with smoke. ‘Thank you’, he mumbled. He went around putting out the candles, opening the curtains, cleaning the less savory parts of the ritual. Overall, a grand success, really. He could already feel it, his head filled with ideas, with rituals and spells he had thought to be impossible.

‘Incredible!’

He sat down to start writing.