SEBASTIAN’S UNDERWATER ANTICS: THE CLAW THAT APPLAUDED ITSELF

SEBASTIANS UNDERWATER ANTICS THE CLAW THAT APPLAUDED ITSELF

If there was one thing everyone in Coral Cove agreed on, it was this:

Sebastian the crab was the funniest creature in the sea.

If there were two things everyone agreed on, the second was this:

Sebastian never stopped talking.

Not during breakfast.

Not during lunch.

Not while escaping sharks.

Especially not while escaping sharks.

“I find near death experiences are much less stressful if everyone is laughing.” Sebastian liked to say. “If you’re screaming, you’re doing it wrong.”

He was a bright red crab with two shiny claw, eight speedy legs, and the confidence of someone who believed mirrors should applaud when he walked by.

Every morning he strutted sideways through Coral Cove greeting everyone.

“Morning Wanda.”

The octopus waved eight arms.

“Morning Sebastian.”

“You’ve got something on your face.”

“Where?”

“All of them.”

Wanda sighed.

“You’ve used that joke for six years

“And someday it’ll be funny.”

“It isn’t.”

“I’m playing the long game.”

He continued his sideways march.

“Good morning, Gary!”

Gary the grouper blinked.

“What now?”

“Have you considered smiling?”

“I am.”

“Oh.”

Sebastian stared.

“Well…that explains why your family always looks surprised.”

Gary groaned.

“Go bother someone else.”

“I plan to.”

He scuttled away humming dramatically as though he’d just won an argument no one else remembered having.

That afternoon the peaceful reef exploded into panic.

Captain Bubbles, an elderly sea turtle wearing cracked spectacles made from polished shells, rang the emergency conch.

BWOOOOOO!

Every fish, crab, shrimp, eel, seahorse, and squid gathered.

Captain Bubbles cleared his throat.

“We have…a situation.”

Sebastian whispered loudly,

“I love situations. They’re like problems wearing fancy hats.”

Captain Bubbles continued.

“The legendary Bubble Pearl has disappeared.”

Gasps echoed across the reef.

The Bubble Pearl wasn’t valuable because it was shiny.

Everything underwater was shiny.

It was special because once every hundred years it released magical bubbles that cleaned the reef.

Without it, algae would spread everywhere.

Nobody liked algae.

Except algae.

Captain Bubbles adjusted his spectacles.

“We need volunteers.”

Nobody moved.

Finally, Sebastian raised one claw.

“I’ll go.”

“You will?”

“Absolutely.”

“You understand this could be dangerous?”

“I understand staying here means listening to Gary explain his seaweed collection.”

Gary frowned.

“It’s organized by texture.”

“See?”

Captain Bubbles sighed.

“Very well.”

He pointed toward three companions.

“Wanda the octopus.”

She nodded.

“Finn the clownfish.”

Finn squeaked.

“I don’t want to die.”

“And Gloria the seahorse.”

Gloria smiled confidently.

“I brought snacks.”

Sebastian clapped.

“Now that’s planning.”

Their adventure began through the Kelp Forest.

Tall green plants swayed like underwater skyscrapers.

Sebastian looked around dramatically.

“If I disappear, tell everyone I fought a sea monster.”

Finn frowned.

“What if you trip?”

“Then tell them the sea monster was invisible.”

They hadn’t gone twenty feet before Sebastian became tangled in kelp.

“I’ve been attacked!”

Wanda folded two arms.

“You’re hugging a plant.”

“The plant started it.”

She untangled him in three seconds.

“There.”

“I was winning.”

“You were spinning.”

“Details.”

Further into the forest they met Larry.

Larry was a lobster.

Larry also believed he was the greatest detective alive.

He wore a tiny magnifying shell around his neck.

“I’ve been investigating the missing Bubble Pearl.”

Sebastian looked impressed.

“Find anything?”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“I’ve determined…”

Larry paused dramatically.

“…that someone took it.”

Everyone stared.

Sebastian blinked.

“No kidding.”

Larry nodded proudly.

“My powers of deduction are astonishing.”

Sebastian whispered to Finn,

“I bet he solved the mystery of why fish live underwater.”

Larry ignored him.

“I also found this clue.”

He held up a piece of seaweed.

Sebastian examined it.

“It’s seaweed.”

“Exactly.”

“There is seaweed…”

Sebastian looked around.

“…literally everywhere.”

Larry smiled.

“The thief wanted us to think that.”

Sebastian leaned toward Gloria.

“I think the seaweed wanted us to think that.”

The group continued until they reached a cave.

A sign outside read:

ABSOLUTELY NOT A SECRET LAIR

Sebastian stopped.

“Well.”

“What?” Finn asked.

“I wasn’t suspicious before.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m suspicious enough to charge admission.”

Inside they found piles of shells, shiny rocks, bottles, spoons, anchors, hats, and one rubber boot.

Sebastian picked up the boot.

“Who loses one shoe underwater?”

A muffled voice answered.

“I did.”

Everyone jumped.

A hermit crab crawled out of the boot.

“I’ve been looking for that.”

Sebastian handed it over.

“Fair enough.”

The hermit crab waved.

“Good luck.”

He disappeared again.

Sebastian shrugged.

“I’ve decided not to ask questions anymore.”

At the back of the cave sat an enormous treasure chest.

Finn whispered.

“This has to be it.”

Sebastian puffed out his chest.

“Stand back.”

He grabbed the lid dramatically.

“On three.”

Everyone nodded.

“One…”

Pause.

“Two.”

Longer pause.

“Two and a half.”

“Sebastian.”

“I’m building suspense.”

“Open it.”

“Fine.”

He flung the lid open.

The chest exploded-

-Not with treasure.

With thousands of tiny shrimp.

They poured into the cave like pink confetti.

Sebastian screamed.

The shrimp screamed.

Finn screamed because Sebastian screamed.

Gloria screamed because everyone else screamed.

Even Wanda screamed a little.

The shrimp finally stopped.

One tiny shrimp looked up.

“Sorry.”

“We were having a meeting.”

Sebastian dusted himself off.

“I’ve had quieter birthday parties.”

The shrimp pointed toward a deep trench.

“We saw someone carrying a glowing pearl.”

“Captain?”

“No.”

“Shark?”

“No.”

“Whale?”

“No.”

“EEL?”

“No.”

“Sea cucumber?”

“No.”

Sebastian sighed.

“Just tell us.”

“It was… an octopus.”

Everyone slowly looked at Wanda.

She blinked.

“Don’t look at me.”

Sebastian nodded.

“Reasonable.”

Finn whispered.

“There aren’t many octopuses.”

Wanda crossed four arms.

“There are literally millions.”

Sebastian nodded again.

“Also, reasonable.”

The trench was dark.

Very dark.

Sebastian didn’t like it.

“I have a bad feeling.”

Finn whispered.

“Why?”

“Because I can’t see my own handsome face.”

Gloria rolled her eyes.

“You carry a mirror.”

“I know.”

He pulled it out.

A giant anglerfish suddenly appeared behind him.

Everyone froze.

The anglerfish smiled.

Sebastian slowly lowered the mirror.

“I have revised my opinion.”

“About what?”

“Everything.”

The anglerfish spoke gently.

“Oh.”

“You aren’t food.”

Sebastian sighed with relief.

“Wonderful.”

“I’m vegetarian.”

Sebastian smiled.

“I suddenly support your life choices.

The anglerfish laughed.

“You must be looking for the Bubble Pearl.”

“Yes.”

“It was taken to the whirlpool palace.”

“Who’s there?”

“The sea witch.”

Sebastian gulped.

“Could’ve been worse.”

“How?”

“Could’ve been my aunt Myrtle.”

“You have an aunt?”

“Three.”

“They’re all terrifying.”

The whirlpool sat inside a spinning underwater vortex.

It looked magnificent.

It also looked impossible to enter.

Sebastian scratched his shell.

“Anybody got a plan?”

Wanda raised six hands.

“I have one.”

“Excellent.”

She stretched all eight arms at once, grabbed rocks, coral, seaweed, and everyone else.

Then she sling shotted the entire team through the whirlpool.

Sebastian tumbled across the palace floor.

“I think…”

He spun once more.

“… my stomach is in another current.”

The sea witch stood atop a coral staircase.

She was enormous,

She wore a crown of shells.

The Bubble Pearl glowed beside her.

“So,” she hissed.

“You’ve come.”

Sebastian bowed.

“We did.”

“I shall never return the pearl”

“That’s disappointing.”

“I crave power.”

“Have you tried coffee?”

She blinked.

“What?”

“I hear it helps.”

The sea witch snarls.

“You dare mock me.”

“I’m emotionally incapable of stopping.”

She fired a blast of bubbles.

Sebastian ducked.

The bubbles hit a giant clam.

The clam sneezed.

The sneezed launch twenty pearls into the air.

The sea witch slipped.

Wanda accidentally grabbed her own tentacles.

Finn bounced off a sponge.

Gloria threw emergency seaweed snacks like ninja stars.

One landed on Sebastian’s head.

“Snack later,” he yelled.

The Bubble pearl rolled across the floor.

Sebastian sprinted sideways.

“So glad I never learned to run forward.”

He dove.

Missed.

Bounced off a jelly fish.

“I’m okay!”

Hit a sponge.

“Still okay!”

Landed inside a bucket.

“Mildly okay!”

The bucket rolled straight toward the Bubble Pearl.

Sebastian reached out.

SNAP!

His claw grabbed it.

The palace suddenly shook.

The magical Bubble Pearl released millions of sparkling bubbles.

They floated everywhere.

The bubbles tickled the sea witch’s nose.

She tried to laugh.

Failed.

Giggles escaped.

Then snarls.

Then uncontrollable laughter.

Soon everyone was laughing.

The witch laughed so hard she couldn’t stand.

The anglerfish laughed.

Finn laughed until he hiccuped bubbles.

Wanda laughed so hard all eight arms pointed in different directions.

Even the palace echoed with cheerful chuckles.

Sebastian grinned.

“I knew it.”

“Knew what?” Gloria asked.

“Laughter really is the strongest shell.”

“You mean weapon.”

“I said what I said.”

Back in Coral Cove, the Bubble Pearl returned to its pedestal.

Magical bubbles drifted across the reef, washing everything sparkling clean.

Captain Bubbles smiled.

“You’ve saved us.”

Sebastian bowed dramatically.

“I accept payment in applause.”

Every creature clapped.

Fish slapped fins.

Octopuses clapped eight arms.

Shrimp applauded enthusiastically.

Even Gary smiled.

“I suppose you did well.”

Sebastian gasped.

“Was…”

He leaned closer.

“… that a compliment?”

Gary nodded.

“I think so.”

Sebastian placed one claw over his heart.

“Someone write this down.”

Wanda laughed.

“I’ll remember it forever.”

Captain Bubbles presented Sebastian with a shiny shell medal.

“For extraordinary bravery.”

“It matches my eyes.”

“You don’t have blue eyes.”

“I know.”

“But confidence is about commitment.”

That evening everyone gather for a celebration.

There was music from the whale choir.

Seaweed pie.

Kelp chips.

Coral cookies.

Gloria handed Sebastian another snack.

“You earned it.”

He happily accepted.

“You know.”

“What?”

“I never actually solved the mystery.”

Finn blinked.

“You found the pearl.”

“Yes.”

“But who stole it?”

Silence.

Everyone looked toward the sea witch, now happily helping clean the reef while still giggling from the enchanted bubbles.

Sebastian nodded.

“Right.”

“Mystery solved.”

He paused.

“Good thing too.”

“Why?”

“I was about to blame Larry.”

Across the reef, Larry the lobster proudly announced to anyone who would listen.

“I knew it all along.”

Sebastian chuckled.

“Of course, he did.”

Then he raised his shiny claw high into the water.

“I’d like to thank my fans.”

No one applauded.

So. Sebastian applauded himself.

“Thank you.”

He bowed to an audience that hadn’t asked for an encore.

Then again, if you were Sebastian the wisecracking crab, every adventure deserved one more joke before the tide rolled out.