Here's Your Sign

"It's a sign."

Earl side-eyed Lem. He knew what it was, but what was it doing here? The sign they were looking at was on the side of the road and hadn't been there the day before. The post was super shiny aluminum, that was why they'd stopped. Something that shiny had to be checked out.

Only half the sign was posted. "Crossing" it said in black letters on a marigold yellow background. The top half, at least what Earl assumed was the top half, was missing.

"What'd ya thank crosses her?" Lem said. Lem sounded like he could be a radio star but said things that suited a comic sidekick. Earl's friend and cousin looked left and then right, as if he'd missed something.

The road, if you could call it that, was deserted. It was so flat and straight you could see plum into the next county. Of course, that was also because the town of Juneberry was so small and near the county line. 

Earl wasn't sure about what crossed here, but he didn't want Lem thinking he was the stupid one. "Prolly deer or sumthin'," he said scratching his bare chest. Earl had on his good overalls today. The ones that didn't catch his nipple in the clip every time he turned. He rested his thumbs in the straps. "Guess we ain't gotta choice. We jus' gonna stay here ‘til somethin' crosses."

Earl looked up. The sky was a perfect robin egg blue and lazy little white puffball clouds floated by. The shadows of the clouds crossed the green pastures along the two-lane road, as if they were chasing the cattle that plodded along. The sun looked like it was on its way to afternoon, and the light breeze stirred the tree leaves, sounding like someone rustling the Sunday paper.

"I don't have anything to do. Do you, Lem?" Earl had plenty to do. His wife had been on him about chorin' today, but this seemed more important. Strange signs didn't just pop up in Juneberry every day. It was a big deal a few weeks ago when the county put in that new fire hydrant downtown. Wait till Sunday when he tells everybody about this new sign. Earl dusted his floppy, wide-brim hat off on his overalls and then situated it back on his scraggly, long hair.

"Can't says I do. I thought we were fixin' momma's stove today?" Lem turned to him. The man was thin like a tree sapling with a big brown twiggy bird’s nest for hair. Lem’s momma, Earl’s aunt had needed her stove fixed for about a year now, but every time they went over there, they ended up drinking sweet tea and playing Skip-Bo instead of messing with it.

"Naw. It can wait. This right here needs our full attention." Earl walked over to the wooded side of the road and walked up the embankment to sit in the shade. He leaned against one of the tall pine trees and sat down. No need to get all hot and sweaty while they wait for somethin' to cross.

Lem lumbered over to sit by him. How a man that tall and skinny lumbered was beyond Earl.

"How will we know when the thing the sign’s about crosses."

Earl narrowed his eyes. "Do what?"

"Well, the sign says crosses. How will we know when the thing that the sign says crosses here crosses."

That was actually a really good point. "Lem, that's about the dumbest thing I think you've said today." Earl's pot belly let out a growl and he rubbed it. "When the thing crosses then we'll know."

"Well, what if it's a squirrel." Lem wrapped his arms around his knees as he sat. "Or a rabbit or something'."

"They don't put signs up for little stuff. They put 'em up for big stuff like Mooses and such."

"Mooses?!" Lem frowned. "You don't think there's Moose down here, do you?"

Probably not in Alabama, unless it got really lost.

"I hope not but remember when they caught that tiger a few years ago cuz it escaped that feller’s house after it ate him."

"Yeah. Poor, Randy. Maybe it's for that. Wild animal crossin'."

"Lem, you must have been late when they was handing out brains. All the animals out here are wild." Except maybe the cows. And the pigs. And the chickens. And the horses. And the- "Okay maybe not all the animals out here are wild, but maybe it's for somethin' useful like deer."

"Ooh wee, Earl. If this is where the deer cross, we'll be eatin' good." Lem patted his rifle. Earl wasn't sure why he took that with him whenever they went walking, but it had come in handy a few times. Whatever Lem lacked in smarts, he made up for in his aim. He could shoot the hair off a gnat’s head from fifty yards out.

"I hope whatever crosses soon. I'm kinda hungry." Lem patted his overalls about where his stomach would be.

They waited and watched the cows on the other side of the road lazily walk and eat the grass in the pasture. Shadows got longer and longer, and the air got cooler as the sun decided it had had enough. Earl was getting impatient. Who was puttin' the sign up? Why would they just leave half of it? What crossed here?

"What y'all waiting fur?" Earl looked up. It was Big-foot Gary.

"What's going on BF? How’s yer mom an’em." Earl and Lem scooted over so Big-foot Gary could sit down. It was an unfortunate nickname, God bless him, but he did have problems finding shoes. 

"They good. They good." He sat with a grunt.

"We're waiting on somethin' to cross. It's gettin' late though. What're you doin out here?"

BF shrugged. "Wastin' time 'til supper," he said in a gruff voice. He pointed at Lem's rifle. "You get anything?"

"Naw. Still waitin'." Lem rubbed his gun.

A new-looking white car with blue plates pulled over to the side of the road. Earl hit Lem on the arm and pointed.

"That must be the sign man." Earl was sort of relieved and disappointed. There might be time for chorin' when he got back. All of them stood. 

"Yep." Lem stared at the man as he rounded the car and popped the trunk. He had on a polo and blue jeans and walked like he didn't have anything to do but put up a sign. The man got out the other half of it, but all they could see was the unfinished aluminum side of it as he carried it to the front of his car and put it in the grass. The man didn't even look toward them. He just whistled as he moved about the car.

"Did ya see what it said?" BF asked.

"Naw. You?”

BF shook his head. He needed to shave before church or he'd prolly scare people.

The man got out an orange ladder from the back of his car and set it up by the unfinished sign.

"You know I was reading the paper the other day, and they said nothin' rhymes with orange." Lem wiped his nose on his arm.

"Or purple," Gary replied and raised his eyebrows. Both of them looked at Earl. 

He didn't have an answer. Did mayonnaise rhyme with anything?

He waved a hand at them. "Y'all pipe down. I'm trying to see what he's puttin' up."

The man climbed the ladder. He held the sign, but all they could see was the back of it.

"Turn it around." Earl whispered while stretching his neck to try and see it. 

Then he flipped it up.

Earl gasped, but the man was blocking the important part. 

"Aw, come on." Lem complained and threw his hands up. "He's doin it on purpose. He seen us over here."

BF crossed his arms and leaned back and forth to try and get a better view.

The man finally climbed down the ladder and was about to put it in the car. He froze when he saw them and his mouth fell open as he shook. Then in a burst of movement he took the ladder and threw it in the back of his car without even opening the door. Glass shattered in the back seat as he quickly opened the front door. The ladder was still partially sticking out of the back of the car. He gassed the car. Tires squealed, throwing up white smoke and leaving a black track on the road as the car sped away.

The men walked down the embankment and stared at the sign.

"It kinda looks like BF." Lem was eyeballing Big-foot Gary.

BF laughed, but Earl thought the same thing. Up on the sign was a big shaggy looking fella and the word Bigfoot. Which was weird. "Why do you think they'd warn us about BF's family crossing the road?" Earl elbowed Lem and they laughed as BF just smiled.

Earl had to admit that BF was tall...and covered in fur, but his momma made the best chili in Juneberry, and everyone knew it.

"Beats me," BF said with a shrug. "Y'all wanna come over. We got stew tonight." He slowly walked back toward the woods.

"Yes please," Lem said as he followed him.

"Me too." Earl added.