Can You?

Funny Fantasy Kids

Written in response to: "Write a story that either starts or ends with someone asking, “Can you keep a secret?”" as part of In On a Little Secret.

~*~𝒮𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒽𝒶~*~


My green eyes throw a panicked glance as the timer ticking away on Ms. Kara’s desk. It’s practically a bomb: when it runs out, we have to turn in our final exams for biology. 

Three minutes. Three minutes ‘till the test is over.

I hastily jot down my name down at the top of my paper. It’s fast but neatly stenciled down: 𝒮𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒽𝒶 𝒯𝑜𝓇𝓇𝑒𝓈. I wouldn’t dream of inking a messy signature: I’m a star student, after all.

Oops. Sorry if that sounded braggy. (Wouldn’t want to be a Todd Flint.) But it’s true—I've been at Hawkings since kindergarten. Eight years of being the perfect pupil at my private school. 

I check my answers on my test. Yep, yep, yep; all are the answer I meant to write down. They seem right to me, anyways.

I observe the rest of the room. My whole class, about ten kids, is still scribbling away. Besides Rosalee Adams—she’s done, her paper on her desk, her gaze fixed on something out the window. I stifle a snort. She’s probably zoned out staring at the bushes or something. 

Rosalee is weird. Really weird. Our whole school knows it. She’s very antisocial—which I normally wouldn’t judge, seeing I’m an introvert myself. But she literally never interacts with anyone if she doesn’t have to. 

She shows up at school and is gone the instant the bell rings. She disappears in the woods framing our school during recess, something I can’t understand why the principal would let her do. She’s constantly murmuring under her breath and acting like she revealed a secret anytime somebody says something to her while she’s doing it. She’s like the modern, real-world version of Luna Lovegood—just, she isn’t magic.

The weirder thing about the weird girl is that she’d be normal if not for her quirks. Rosalee has messy strawberry blond hair falling to her waist—hair I would die to have replace my plain brown locks. She has wide blue eyes and there’s always a faint smile on her lips, like she’s aware of something everyone doesn't know—another odd trait. Rosalee and I are neck-to-neck in academic skills, too—she’s the only one in the grade as smart as me.

Next in my line of classmates I’m observing is Todd Flint. He’s a tall braggart who has enough academic brains to get into this school, but he’s still pretty dumb. For instance, he thinks people care when he remarks about his muscles.

My eyes meet my friend’s heads, hunched over their desks a row in front of me. Melody and I have been best friends since kindergarten, and this year, Asher, an eleven-year-old, skipped two grades and joined our class. He, Melody and I are now a trio of close friends.

“DOOOOO! DOO-DUL-DEE-DOOOO! DOO DOO!”

I sigh and watch Ms. Kara turn off her alarm clock. It has the most obnoxious ring tone and I’ve hated the stupid timer since I first heard it “doo”.

“That’s it!” Ms. Kara exclaims. “Time’s up, everyone!” She claps her hands. “Pencils down, papers turned over, and seats pushed in. You guys go straight to the cafeteria, okay?”

Everyone chants, “Okay!”

I stand up and meet my friends at the door. 

“Do you think you did well?” Asher shrugs at Melody and me as we start walking to lunch.

“I dunno,” Melody smiles. “I think I got the tibia and the fibula mixed up on that bone question.”

I laugh. “Happens to the best of us.”

Asher smiles. “Seriously, who names these things?” He thinks for a moment as we step into the lunch line. I see Rosalee disappear down the hall. She brings her lunch instead of buying it. “I’d remember bones better if they were named, I don’t know…Jeff. And Fred. And Bob.”

“Girls too,” Melody elbows him. “There could be bones named Sasha and Jillian and Arynn and—”

“Hush!”

Melody sends me a side-eye. “Did you just command me to be quiet?”

“Yup.”

“I will never shut my yapper!” She pumps her fist in the air.

We all laugh and sit down at the nearest empty table after we’ve received and paid for our food.  

“Truth or dare?”

I stare at Asher. “Truth.”

“Lemme rephrase that: dare or dare?”

I snort. “Preeeetty sure it doesn’t work that way. But dare.”

“Very wise choice,” he winks. “Now, listen: you have to do this, okay? No chickening out. But it’ll follow the Rules of Dares, don’t worry.”

I nod. “Sure.” The Rules are awesome. Dares have to be doable, they can’t be dangerous and/or get you in trouble, and lastly, they can’t be embarrassing. No, like, going up to your crush and saying “You’re a donkey, sir.”  

“So…what?” Melody prompts.

Asher grins evilly. “Samantha, you hafta go up to Rosalee and ask her why she always sneaks to the forest at recess. Oh, and why she’s always muttering stuff.” 

“No!” I explode. “No, nope, no way, NO!”

“Why?”

“Because—because…I-I—” I sputter, “NO!”

Asher and Melody stare at me, then burst into a fit of giggles. “Seriously, Sammy, why not?” Melody says, acting like she’s genuinely curious.

“It’s against the Rules!” I protest.

Asher snickers. “Not at all. You have to do it.”

I huff and turn my back on my friends.

A second passes and then… 

“Don’t be a chicken,” Asher and Melody singsong in unison.

I sigh and turn around. “Fine.”

The bell rings, signaling that we’re allowed to go start recess if we want to. My eyes are trained on Rosalee, who’s quietly picking through her lunchbox, alone at the table closest to the door. As the bell rings, I watch her face light up. She gets up and races out the doors.

I sigh again and start following her, wondering what the heck I just got myself into.


~*~ℝ𝕠𝕤𝕒𝕝𝕖𝕖~*~


Finally! FINALLY!

The sound of that bell is music to my sick-of-chatter ears. Spending fifteen minutes inside a room with almost a hundred kids is bad enough. Spending that time right before recess, the best part of the school day? Pure torture.

I don’t care about the playground. I’m aching to practice my powers, and the forest is the only location private enough to to do it.

As the bell rings, I hop up and push the doors open. Without looking back, I sprint towards the forest.

My feet pound on the squishy fresh soil as I pass the playground. Some monkey bars, benches, and pull-up bars for people like Todd. I don’t care.

I relax as I enter the woods. Trees line the footpath only one pair of feet has ever tread on—for the past something-years I’ve been walking this way to the clearing. 

Eventually, I’m there. Pine trees tint the air with their crisp scent and I get into position in the small clearing. I focus on a pile of pine needles on the ground and thrust my hands towards them, then up. The thin leaves mirror my movement, jumping up into the air. 

I concentrate and lift them higher and higher, until the bale is positioned a good five yards above my head. I drop my hands to my sides and smile as it rains pine needles.

I laugh as I tumble to the ground. People think I’m weird, looney Rosalee Adams, but honestly, I’d rather be an outcast of true weirdos and have powers than be a normal old human who fits in.

“Rosalee?”

I jump and madly glance around. Then I see her.

Samantha Torres is standing where the clearing and my path meet. Her fingers nervously tap against her jeans and her curls of dark brown hair whip around her neck as a gust of wind pushes us both.

“Um, hi,” she says.

I shoot to my feet. What had I done? “Hello. Um, how much did you see?” Straight to the point, yeah, but I needed to know.

“See what?”

“What?”

Huh?” She squints.

I laugh nervously. Thank god she hadn’t seen my powers at work. Even her being here made me a bit jumpy. Especially interacting with her.

I got my powers at birth, and accidentally killed my mother with them. Me and my dad lived near my school, but he didn’t know that I had magic. Nobody did. And I wanted to keep it that way.

I’m careful, but just careful enough. People think I’m weird, and sure, I am. I constantly mutter spells and stuff under my breath, and while I’d rather kids not notice, it’s in my first language—Elvish—so I’m fine. Same with sneaking off towards this clearing: people notice, but they don’t care.

Having Samantha here…yikes. I’m probably going to slip up at some point.

“Nothing,” I smile, trying to pretend like nothing happened. “Why are you here? Are you allowed to be here?” I grin as she opened her mouth to respond then shuts it. She definitely isn’t allowed—the only reason I am is because I mind-controlled Principal Pelegreen. I hate mind-controlling, but I needed permission to go into the woods.

“I’m here because of truth-or-dare,” Samantha admitted.

“Yeah? Why?”

“See, uh…” her voice trails off.

“Samantha—”

“Please,” she cuts me off, “Sammy or Sam.”

“Maybe Sammy,” I smile, “but not Sam. I know a guy named Sam and I hate him. He’s a dumbo who brags too much.”

Sammy laughs. “Sounds like Todd Flint.”

“You know him?” I don’t know why I’m surprised by this, but I am.

“Well, we’re not friends or anything, but yeah. He’s in my class, after all, so I’ve ‘known’ him for years. You should, too. Although I guess you can be in a guy’s class and never talk to him….” she stares at me apologetically. “Oh, geez, sorry if that was rude.”

“No problem. I just don’t like being around people that much.” They’re annoying, they talk way too much, and I just don’t like people. 

“I like people, but I’m still introverted.”

“Me too, definitely,” I smile.

“Yeah,” Samantha nods, “I can see that. Me, I’m up in my room a ton reading books. It’s actually funny because on tons of quizzes, it’s like ‘how many books do you read a year?’ Typically, the highest answer is fifty. And I’m like, nooooo, I read at least a hundred novels a year…”

Wow, Sammy pretty much just described my life when I’m not practicing my powers. “Yes! Exactly! Me too! What books do you like reading?”

“Well,” she ponders, “Keeper of the Lost Cities and The Hunger Games are my favorite series, but only because I can’t list every single Rick Riordan book. Rick is my fav author, ‘cuz of how funny he is, but those other series are still amazing.”

My jaw literally drops. “He’s my favorite author, too!”

We grin at each other profoundly, and I think, Wow, who knew? Having a conversation and not wanting to run off screaming? Dang, Rosalee, this is crazy!

“So, uh, anyways,” Samantha clears her throat, “I’m here for truth-or-dare. Asher asked me to ask you why you always come here, and what you murmur under your breath.”

She stared at me expectantly.

“Ummm…”

“Please tell me! I swear I won’t spill!”

I sigh. I never dreamed of telling anybody about my powers, but Sammy and I are becoming fast friends. Besides, it’ll feel good to get this weight off my chest. “Okay. But promise not to be weirded out or anything.”

“A weird explanation for a weird thing? No problem.”

“So…” I hesitate, “I have powers.”

Her face perks up. “Whuh?”

“I have magic. Powers. Magic powers.”

“What’s your power? Invisibility? Telekinesis? Super-strength? Flying? Mind-read—”

“All of them,” I blurt. “See, uh…I don’t just have a power. I have magic. Magic in general. So I can do a lot of things at different times. Sometimes I can teleport things. Other times I can walk through walls. My most common power is telekinesis, and the rarest is flying and mind control.”

“You’ve flown?” She says, her eyes stretched wider than I could’ve thought. “And mind-controlled people? Who?”

I shook my head. “Sorry, not saying.”

“Okay. Can you explain a little more?” 

“I got my powers at birth. I don’t know where they came from, but I like them. The end.” There’s a moment of silence, then… “Are you freaked out? Or do you think that’s cool?”  

“ARE YOU KIDDING!”

“Huh?”

“That’s awful! Really weird! Uugh, I hate you, you little alien! You’re a threat to society with those powers! I’m calling the police!”

I gasp. My worst fears are coming true.


~*~𝒮𝒶𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒽𝒶~*~


  “Ro-Rosalee? You okay?”

The girl has been standing in the same position for a good twenty seconds, her eyes glazed over and her mouth frozen in time.

I walked over and gently shake her. “Rosalee! Snap out of it!”

“DON’T!” She yells, coming to life. She backs up then glances around. “Wait, what? What just happened?”

“You blanked,” I say. “I told you about the dare and asked for you to tell me about it, then you froze up. Are you okay?”

Rosalee seems a little dazed. “Um, yeah.”

She shook her head, presumably to clear it. “Wow. Okay. Geez. I imagined it. I imagined it. Samantha isn’t going to call the police. She didn’t find out about my—”

“What?” I cock my head. “About your what?”

She seems to have forgotten I was there. She jumps.

“Sorry,” I breathe as I help her up from where she stumbled backwards.

“It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m just a little jumpy.”

I nod then recall what she had said. “When you blanked, why did fake-me call the police? And what do you ‘have’?”

“You called the police because of what I have. You got freaked out.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing. I made it all up. You’ve just been standing there.”

I wonder what Rosalee ‘has’. She’s weird, but I have to revise my impression of her. Weird isn’t bad. She’s just a normal human being who goes into the woods. She isn’t a lunatic. She’s my friend.

A whistle tweets in the distance, a sharp, ear-spilling shriek that echos over to us. “Time to go in,” I say at the shrill noise.

We start walking back towards our school when Rosalee stops.

“Rosalee?” I say. “Let’s keep going.”

“No. Wait. Do you still want to know about what I constantly say, why I’m here in the forest every recess?”

“I…guess?”

“Because I can tell you.”

“Um…” What am I supposed to say in response to that?

“Wouldn't want to lose that dare, would you?” She laughs, but it’s really shaky. She seems nervous as her hands fidget with one another.

I quickly say, “Oh, it's okay. Asher dared to me to ask you—he didn’t say you had to answer.”

“No… I want to tell you. I’ve been keeping this to myself for way too long. I need to tell somebody. Please, Sammy. Can I tell you?”

I’m taken aback. “Yeah, sure.”

We start trotting again. Nobody’s on the playground when we emerge from the woods. We keep walking in silence until we’re right outside the school door.

“Ready to tell me yet?” I say, turning to Rosalee’s face.

“More than ready. One thing first, though.”

“Yeah?”

Her blue eyes glitter and a smile crowns her lips. “Can you keep a secret?”

Posted Aug 19, 2020
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171 likes 414 comments

August 19, 2020 02:52

Hi, guys! 👋👋👋

I started writing this short story as I was in the car coming home from the beach. 🌅🏊🏻‍♀️I finished it at eleven o’clock at night (late for my age). 😑Basically, this might be awful!🥴😅😂

As always, I’d love if you shared your views. 🥳To people who spend 3-5 minutes if their time on a detailed comments: 🤩🤩🤩 THANK YOU!!! 🤗 Likes are also appreciated, as I’m always trying to get higher up the leaderboard 😁.

Lastly, if you find any typos or grammar mistakes, punctuation or capitalization mishaps 😬, pleeeease tell me! 😉Just saying that they exists doesn’t help much if you don’t point out the location of the error, 🤣just so you know. 😅Thank you!😝

That’s it! If you read to the end of this comments (and the end of the story), here’s a chocolate bar!: 🍫 (I’m a bit sick of donuts seeing how many I ate today...🍩😬😅🤣)

~Aerin, User of Too Many Emojis

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Jesna Anna S.
August 19, 2020 12:53

That's a good dialogue to encourage the reader to comment with clarity! Thank you!

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August 19, 2020 12:54

Thanks! Um, no problem? Hehe....

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Akshat .
August 19, 2020 13:00

Ok. WOW! Lots of things for me to say here-
1. Thanks for including me in your bio! 😁

2. 😲😲😲WHAT! You're ONLY 11! I'm 11 too and I'm only 40th on the leaderboard! I thought that you were at LEAST 13 or 14! 😲😲😲

3. Awesome story. I was hooked and the blanking out twist was nice! 😀

4. 11 o'clock is NOT late for 11-year-olds. I, personally, sleep at 12. On WEEKDAYS! I just can't help it! 🤷‍♂️

5. Asher is DanTDM's son! Did you get that name from him or did you just think of it yourself? PS. Do you even know DanTDM? (Spoiler: HE'S AWESOME!)

6. Did you get the name Arynn from your name? 🤔 'Cause they kinda sound the same.

7. I want part 2, ASAP! You get that soldier?! 👩‍✈️👨‍✈️ PS. My way of being humorous. Yeah, it's bad.

8. You like Rick Riordan TOO!? Even I like him! I've read Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus, and The Kane Chronicles!

9. I LOVE the Hunger games! But I've just read book one though. No spoilers, please! 🤞

Ok. That's all. Yeah, that took me WAY too long. Hopefully, you didn't find it that boring. See ya! I'm waiting for your next story! 😃😁😀

Score: 4.7 out of 5

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August 19, 2020 13:18

Haha, okay, I have an idea. Ima go on an upvoted marathon with your profile. Expect more karma points soon 😁
P. S. Thanks for putting me in my bio! ‘A source of fun’ YAAAAAY! 😍

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Akshat .
August 19, 2020 13:24

OMG! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Even I upvote some of your comments when I see them! This is what I think: "It's gonna be upvoted anyway by Amany or Celeste, so why not me?"
PS. I'll do the same for your comments! But in a while though. I've spent a BIT too much time on my laptop.

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August 19, 2020 13:26

Haha, no problem! I think it’s a simple courtesy to upvote Reedsy friends 😁.

P. S. Yaaaay thank you!!! Yup, I get that...I’m on my iPad a biiiit to much. (I have to set screen time limits for myself, haha)

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Akshat .
August 19, 2020 13:28

Lol

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Keerththan 😀
August 22, 2020 12:10

Wonderful story, Aerin. Are you just 11? Wow wonderful. Keep writing. Waiting for more of yours.....

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August 22, 2020 12:22

Thanks! ;)

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נιмму 🤎
August 20, 2020 02:33

i know this wasnt directed towards me but i like to chime in and butt my head into ppls buisness ... i also really like the hunger games books have you seen the movies too??

And yeah so you would be shocked by the number of young talented writers on here! I myself am 15😎

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 03:31

I've only read the 1st book and seen the 1st movie. But I love it!

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August 20, 2020 11:27

Yesssssss!

P. S. Love your new temporary bio, Akshat ;)

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 11:44

You have the thanks of The Dark Lord AGAIN. Stop flattering me or I may have to keep "Silencio" upon you. And maybe the Body-Binding Curse so that you can stop typing.

PS. Akshat here! I hope you don't get offended by any of these! I just have to be like Voldemort. 😁

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August 20, 2020 20:51

Haha

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Megan Sutherland
August 21, 2020 14:06

All of you people are as young as me?
I am literally so surprised here because I thought most people were adults here, but WOW. A lot of people my age.

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נιмму 🤎
August 25, 2020 20:17

BRO WHAT IS HUNGER GAMES WRITING OMG??i saw it in ur bio

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August 25, 2020 20:18

Well, idk the full details, but Priyamvada and kinda me came up with this thing...basodslly every week, there’s a genre. And you hafta write in THAT genre, to step outside of your comfort zone. And there’s like a winner or something? I dunno. Ask Priyamvaaada!

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נιмму 🤎
August 25, 2020 20:23

oml who??

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Amany Sayed
August 25, 2020 20:49

lol, a sis gotta help her sis out.
here's the link to her prof:https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/priyamvada-deshmukh/

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נιмму 🤎
August 26, 2020 00:40

ahh thankss

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August 26, 2020 20:15

Hey, siiiis!
I just posted a new story!! It’s actually with the same characters as this story ;). Anyways, uh, yeah, ‘A Recipe For Disaster’ is posted if you could/want to check it out!
~A

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נιмму 🤎
August 20, 2020 02:46

for some reason, I really like the end. I mean i know you had to fit the whole "can you keep a secret" thing in there but i feel like you really did it perfectly. your wording about her eyes glittering and her smile... i feel like i say this for literally all of your short stories so you might be getting tired of hearing this but its true: SOOO creative. I never would've thought of this. My attention span is short and your ability to come up with such well thought and written stories in such a short time is alarming and i envy you.

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August 20, 2020 02:55

Ahhhh thank you so much! I’m glad you like the ending; I try to make my endings better than other elements. Thank youuu!

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August 28, 2020 21:54

This is INSANE!!! Keeper of the Lost Cities, Hunger Games, and Rick Riordan books are literally my FAVORITE!!! Harry Potter, too, and the one I like most of all of the series is probably Keeper of the Lost Cities.
If you actually like Keeper of the Lost Cities, do you ship Sophitz or Sokeefe?
You're ELEVEN?! I am, too!! (almost twelve, my birthday is in 2 days!) I am literally shocked, I thought that you were in high school! Congrats on being so young (who am I to tell you this, I am young, too)! You write better than people older than you! You should be proud!!!
Have a GREAT week! I am going to upvote what you've commented!! Upvoting spree!! You deserve it! Keep up the great work the story was amazing! 😁😁😁

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August 28, 2020 23:48

Ahhh yes I ADORE those books!! I enjoyed Harry Potter, too, but those are my favs ;). Yesss KotLC for life!!
OH MY GOD SOKEEFE DUUUUH
Wow, really?! Cooool! Well, happy early birthday!! Haha, thanks!!!!!
Eee thank you so much!!!! I’ll upvote you toooo! (But you don’t have a lot of comments, do sorry, I can’t do hundreds of points...😑😑😑 But hey, it’s still something! 😁)

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August 29, 2020 22:08

Sokeefe? Aerin, that is an INSULT! Team Sophitz for life!!

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August 29, 2020 22:10

WUT
NO
I mean, I’m not even anti-Sophitz (impressive, cuz a lot of people hate Fitzy by book 8). But Sokeefe is amazing! THEY ARE CLEAAAARLY MEANT TO BEEEEE TOGETHER

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August 30, 2020 20:13

Same, just the opposite, I'm cool with SoKeefe, too. If I wrote a fanfic about Sophitz, there would be SoKeefe moments, too. But I am TRULY TEAM SOPHITZ!!! (I just have to convert my cousin to Team Fitzphie!!)

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August 30, 2020 20:15

Hmmmm

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Meera Lakshmi
March 25, 2021 13:04

KOTLC FOR EVAA!!!

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March 25, 2021 14:13

YASSSSS

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Meera Lakshmi
March 25, 2021 14:14

I am on the doc!

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August 28, 2020 22:11

Okay, upvoting spreeeee! Expect to see a couple hundred more karma points!! You deserve them!! I will probably do some more, but I probably gave you a couple hundred points JUST FROM THE COMMENTS ON THIS STORY!! I want to get you higher in da TOP 5!! 😁😁😁

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August 28, 2020 23:48

Thank youuu! As I said below, I’m about to upvote youuu!

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Amany Sayed
August 20, 2020 16:34

Hey, is the answer to the riddle the word wrong? I'll keep thinking.

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August 20, 2020 16:36

Yup, you got it riiiiiiight!

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Amany Sayed
August 20, 2020 16:38

REALLY?! YAYYY

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August 20, 2020 16:45

Haha

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Amany Sayed
August 20, 2020 16:46

Also, a person names Bob may or may not have taken your would you rather quiz.....

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August 20, 2020 16:49

Haha, okay, I just saw 😆

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August 20, 2020 16:48

Hehehehehe... I’m gonna go check ;)

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Sunny 🌼
August 19, 2020 14:56

Ooooh~ I love keeper of the lost cities! Me and my friend talk about it all the time. (Im convinced I would be a flasher btw). Nice story! I really likes Rosalee as a character and Sammy as well.

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August 19, 2020 16:17

Thank you!

Haha, cool. I’m pretty sure I would be a Hydrokinetic!

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Nirosha P
August 19, 2020 10:26

This story was creative and original. I liked it :) One small thing...

"I think I got the tibia and the fibula mixed up on that bone question.” This line. There was a chemistry test but bone questions. Bone questions are usually asked in Biology. At least for me it is... 😅

Anyway I just stated this because I had a chemistry test earlier today. 😫I can totally relate to how they felt during the test in this story :)

Good job and keep writing!

PS: Do you mind checking out my story 'Time to think back'? I would love feedback :)

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August 19, 2020 12:33

Thanks!

Haha, I’ll fix that. I was thinking it was a science test (stupid because I write chemistry 2 minutes ago) when I added that question, hehe...

Thank youuu!

P. S. I tried. I really did. But I slipped up and read a different story of yours, haha. I hope you’ll take feedback on that most recent story of yours???

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Nirosha P
August 19, 2020 21:56

Sure! I don't mind :)

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Niveeidha Palani
August 19, 2020 10:18

Agh! I need a part two right now! Just kidding. Seriously, though. 😁

It kept me really hooked 'till the end! ✍ Wonderfully written. Just noticed a pretty small error. It might not seem big, but you know, writers strive for excellence! ✌

PS - Do you know when your book will be released?

“Wouldn't want to lose that dare, would you?” She laughs, but it’s really shaky. Change the "She" to a "she".

Just check that and you're good to go! And of course, never stop writing! 😊

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August 19, 2020 12:31

Haha, I’m definitely thinking about doing part 2!

Thanks! I’ll fix that error in a sec.

Thank you!

P. S. I’m hoping by the end of the month. I just have to finish typing up the edits then I’ll make a book cover, and voila, published! So yeah...Color Quest with hopefully be on Amazon in less than two weeks 😁.

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Niveeidha Palani
August 19, 2020 21:57

Oooh! How many pages are there? (If you don't mind me asking though, I'm just curious, 😅)

No problem, it was a minor error! :)

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August 19, 2020 22:01

Well, it kinda depends. I’ve typed it up in Docs in size 14 pt font, so it’s 300 pages for ME. Color Quest has 70,000+ words, soooo...whatever that means to you! 😅

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Niveeidha Palani
August 19, 2020 22:16

Whoa! Pretty long! Do tell me when it comes out! I would love to buy it! :)

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August 19, 2020 22:17

Wow, really?! Thank you, that means so much!!!! I will ;)

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August 19, 2020 22:18

P. S. I’m gonna upvote you a bunch now. Expect more karma points soon LOL!

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August 19, 2020 22:26

Update (see above): you’re now a hundred karma points up! 16th place, congrats!

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Liling Wei
August 23, 2020 06:59

What a great story! I really love the suspense behind Rosalee. You're only eleven? Wow! Anyway, nice job!

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August 23, 2020 12:36

Thanks! Yup, I’m a tween!

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Avery G.
August 19, 2020 03:08

WOW! This was really good! I didn't find any grammer mistakes, but I might be wrong. I really like the plot and I like the name Rosalee! It's super pretty. It's also cool how you keep on changing the perspectives. This was really creative! Amazing job!

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August 19, 2020 12:00

Thank you!!

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Avery G.
August 19, 2020 18:59

I wanted to answer your poll, so here's my answer:🐈 It was super hard to choose...

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August 19, 2020 19:01

Got it. I’m personally a dog person (I WOULD NEVER BETRAY MY PUP) but I get why people love cats! Thank for answering ;)

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Avery G.
August 19, 2020 19:02

Yeah! I like dogs too! But...when I was a little kid a dog attacked me in a bathroom soo...

But I still like dogs! Lol

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August 19, 2020 19:54

Wow, uh, okay...sorry!

Yesss

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 06:23

I can't even imagine a dog attacking me! 😱😱
Although, when I was walking outside once, a couple of dogs started barking at me. I just ran like my life depended on it (I think it did.)

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Avery G.
August 19, 2020 15:24

You're welcome!

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Sia S
August 20, 2020 04:29

Hey Aerin! Get ready and go get a umbrella 🌂 because.... you are gonna be showered by Karma pts. !!! Upvoted you 34 pts yet, more are coming!

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August 20, 2020 11:33

Ahhhhh thank you!!! I noticed so many of my comments upvoted and now I have 200 karma points MORE than I went to bed with?! Thank you so much, Sia! (And my sis Celeste, because I’m pretty sure she upvoted this other conversation too.) I’ll upvote you in a second?

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Sia S
August 20, 2020 11:36

Welcome😊 Thanks in advance!

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August 20, 2020 11:38

🤗🤗🤗

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Sia S
August 19, 2020 03:17

I agree with Avery, nice take on the prompt, and where in the world did you find the name Rosalee??

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August 19, 2020 12:00

Hmm, well...I dunno. When picking names, sometimes I find uncommon names, sometimes I make up names, and sometimes I get a name and twist up the spelling. Rosalie=Rosalee now!!!

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Sia S
August 19, 2020 14:02

Cool Hack !!

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Avery G.
August 19, 2020 15:24

Yeah, that's a good idea.

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Avery G.
August 19, 2020 03:43

Yeah. Rosalee is not that common.

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Sia S
August 19, 2020 03:54

Yes.

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נιмму 🤎
August 25, 2020 20:14

OML AERIN U HAVE 5000 points (well more but )nkfasjfkdsjfsadjfslkdfjklsajkdfjklsd thats crazyyy congrats !! you deserve it!!😁

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August 25, 2020 20:17

Yaaaay thank you sis!!!! Always trying to climb up the leaderboard ;) I betcha you’ll be in top ten sooom! (You’re already in top 20!)! Thank you!

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 04:26

Answer to your poll --> 🐶🐕🐕‍🦺🐩 DOGS!! FOREVER!! But I'd rather have a cat than let's say ... a fish. 🐈🐟

Answer to your question --> I think you succeed AND fail. You fail at your mission but succeed in whatever you wanted to fail in.

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August 20, 2020 11:32

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS 🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶=🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

Yup. Cool.
Buuuuut...Here’s the dilemma: everybody says thaaaaaat! I changed it to my bio to ONE answer, like: succeed or: fail.
Hmmm, so, uh, do you wanna answer again? I personally think it’s a fail because you had a mission, and you failed. It doesn’t matter if you’d succeeded along the way, your main goal was failed.

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 11:37

I have temporarily changed my preferences to be more suitable to my present character. I am a snake person.

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August 20, 2020 11:45

Note: I have no idea what I just wrote, but I hope you enjoy it, LOL!

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 11:47

If I do enjoy it, then you may be inducted into the Death Eaters. What are your thoughts on snake-skull tattoos and permanent service?

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August 20, 2020 11:52

Hmm, uh....is ‘no thanks’ an option?

See, I’m not really a snake-tattoo person and I kinda don’t want to be doing evil full-time...

I’LL JOIN IF I GET MONDAYS OFF (AS WELL AS WEEKENDS) AND I GET A DOOOOG TATTOO

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August 20, 2020 11:44

Haha, oki-dokes, you-know-who!

“Who?!”

No, I was referring to—

“Cheese?”

Cheese isn’t a ‘who’! It’s not a person!

“Duh. It’s CHEESE.” *sighs* “Dang, you’re stupid.”

But...I’m you.

“The stupider part of me, yes.”

Uhhhh....

“Cheese is cheese, but cheese is a person, so cheese is a person.”

Whuh...?

“Duh.”

Okay, this has GONE TOO FAR. *whistles*

“Wh—what are you calling...?”

*grins evilly* you’ll see.

*Chickens toddle up*

“Oh. This isn’t so fearsome.”

*more grinning evilly* suuuure. *whistles twice*

*chickens grow to the size of a house, turn rainbow, and turn on...the guy who’s screaming:*

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

See?

“YESSSS NOW TAKE THEM AWAAAAAAAY!”

You have to admit cheese is NOT a person first.

“You swear by your cheese you’ll let me go, then?”

Yup.

“CHEESE ISN’T A PERSON! IT’S AN ANIMAL!”

*head whack* what?

“Boom. Now let me go.”

Nooo! Nope, no, NADA!

“You swore on your cheese...” *starts to take cheese*

*sobs* *yell even louder* “NOOOOOO!” *bursts into tears* “my cheese...”

Moral: 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESE 🧀🧀🧀🧀🧀

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 11:46

?

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August 21, 2020 13:48

Hi Akshat!
Just so you know, I moved the dogs-or-cats poll to a super-short quiz because it was hard to find and count all the responses around 260+ comments.
https://forms.gle/ygrgsHuajDEfsxez6
Would you mind taking that quiz to submit your dogs-or-cats answer again? Thanks!

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נιмму 🤎
August 20, 2020 02:30

http://chng.it/96qzf2wshQ

SIGN FOR JUSTICE FOR LUZ GONZALEZ

another one of those petitions. Spread it like peanut butter and jelly on a sandwhich. (also about to read this lol had skool)

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August 20, 2020 02:32

Okay, I signed it!

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נιмму 🤎
August 21, 2020 00:29

thanks! I signed your link about the immigrants.

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August 21, 2020 00:42

😆 Thanks!

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Amany Sayed
August 19, 2020 19:25

Oh, and I almost forgot, I'm most definitely a cat person, all the way :)
AND if you tried to fail and succeeded, I'd say you failed at your intention, but succeeded at the task, like if you wanted to rip something not straight (don't know where this analogy came from) and it came out straight you succeeded at the straightness, but not at what you wanted to do.

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August 19, 2020 19:34

Cool 😎😎 I’m a dog personnnnnn

Also cool 😎😎. I think you failed, because that was your intention.

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Amany Sayed
August 19, 2020 19:39

Nice :)
Yeah, I get what you mean. Also, I don't really know about the riddle today... I could just.... unbottle the cloud and fly away?

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August 19, 2020 19:45

Hehe, funny guess, but NOPE! Keep thinking. Here’s a hint...I added in those objects as a distraction. You don’t need them to escape...

Tell me if you want another hint! I love giving them out 😉

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Amany Sayed
August 19, 2020 20:28

Hehe, I kind of like my answer...

I saw the answer in someone else's comment just now oops, but I love it.... 🙃😂

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August 19, 2020 20:28

Haha yessssssss

😅

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User_2443 0967
January 19, 2021 13:45

Ps Rosalee is such a pretty name- My friend is legit named Asher!

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January 19, 2021 14:25

P. S. Ty! Oh cool, I love that name :D

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User_2443 0967
January 19, 2021 14:27

Lol yw!

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User_2443 0967
January 19, 2021 14:27

Lol yw!

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User_2443 0967
January 19, 2021 14:26

Lol yw!

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User_2443 0967
January 19, 2021 13:43

Wow. Just, just-wow. This is so good, omg, I can't believe it. This is so good, Aerin! lol, right now I'm dealing with insomnia, so- just lol. This is so creative! Geez! I'm older-SO THIS IS FREAKING AMAZING!
Also if there's a sequel PLEEZ lmk.
this is suuuuuper insane and absolutely just- better then I can explain in words.
KEEP WRITING!! Also I was reading previous comments and was curious. I thought everyone here was adults(teehee not me) but anyways...
beeeeeeeeeeeautiful job!! 💛💚💙❤️

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January 19, 2021 14:19

Eeep thank you so muchhh!!!! And oh, haha, there’s actually two sequels XD Well, kinda—‘a Recipe for Disaster’ is a sequel and ‘Cruel Spell and a Cruel Joke’ is a prequel if you want to check them out :DDD <3
Weifewnifwinfiefj thanks so muchhhh is means a lot that you enjoyed it 🥺🤩<3333

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Phebe Emmanuel
August 22, 2020 00:11

Hey, Aerin! Loved the story! You have so much talent, I'm jealous (LOL). Also, my guesses for the brain teasers are:

1. Evan Hansen?????
2. Drama Llama
3. I love pizza
4. Do you like or love basketball?
5. Basketball is amazing. Or at least I think so.

I'm not too good at things like this, so I hope I didn't just fail! 😇

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August 22, 2020 00:15

Thank youuu!
Yeah, you got them ALL right, which is a first! Congrats!
Actually, #3 is I love cheese, but the cheese and pizza emojis look similar and it’s the same idea so you still got it riiight!

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Phebe Emmanuel
August 22, 2020 00:26

Yayyyy!

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Sarah .
August 21, 2020 18:03

OMG THAT ENDING...❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!
That description of her eyes glittering and everything...LOVED IT. The story has a very interesting plot, too! Although there is one thing that I’m sure you’re sick of being told—show, don’t tell. You’re probably inwardly screaming at me right now, and I don’t blame you. But seriously—the only real description you have of anything in this story is the last line. I suggest having frequent little indirect descriptions, like ‘Samantha swept her long brown hair out of her eyes. She was sick of it getting tangled in her crystalline blue glasses.’ Ok, maybe you can hide it a little better than that, but you get the idea. Another thing you could try is writing a play, or even movie or TV show. All you gotta do is the words and actions. No description necessary. A writing summer camp teacher of mine told me that I should try that, actually, for the same reasons. My story was more focused on dialogue and action. As for the plot, I immediately knew it was gonna be fantasy when you spotlighted Rosalee. Interesting name, by the way. I’m honestly surprised I don’t remember any book characters named Rosalee, but I take it you’ve say least considered my advice? That or you just like the name Rosalee, which I get. Or both. Whatever. Great jooooooob! Keep cranking out stories!

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August 21, 2020 18:19

Yay, thank you! I’m glad you love the ending do much (I’m proud of it). Yup, I know the show-don’t-tell thing. The thing is, in my opinion, showing is kind of part of author’s voice, and another third you can add to your story. For example, Hunger Games was very distinguished because of how much showing there is, and Percy Jackson hardly has any showing—which makes it read faster. Different kinds of stories have different amounts of showing, and I think it’s fine when I don’t use a ton of showing on my stories that are especially quick and humorous. This one could probably have used some more showing, but in the future: sometimes, I show because I SHOULD show (like Melting is Deadly has more), and some stories are quicker and more action-y as I don’t use a ton. Anyways, Iiii’m not really following your advice. You said to make up names and stuff, and I just did what I do pretty often—either use a unique name or use a less common name and twist the spelling up. Thank youuu for all the compliments and all this feedback!

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Sarah .
August 21, 2020 18:35

No notes on becoming a playwright, I noticed. I can’t tell if that means you dissed the idea altogether, forgot I mentioned it, or are secretly writing a play. I agree with you about the showing part, sort of. Some good books do have limited showing. But for readers to know characters, appearances are a good tactic. I still have no idea what Rosalee looks like. First I imagined her with pale skin and curly auburn hair, then with chocolate-brown skin and frizzy black hair. I’ve always imagined anyone named Samantha as having pale skin and straight brown hair, so there was no contradiction in that field, but pleeeeease describe your characters. And your setting. Well, you are most certainly welcome.

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August 21, 2020 18:43

Haha, no, I’m not writing a play. And yay, you agree! (Sort of.) EXCUSE ME? You not knowing their approaches means you skimmed. In the first line, I mention Samantha has blue eyes. Later on, I mention Rosalee’s appearance and a but more of Sammy’s:
Rosalee has messy strawberry blond hair falling to her waist—hair I would die to have replace my plain brown locks. She has wide blue eyes and there’s always a faint smile on her lips, like she’s aware of something everyone doesn't know—another odd trait.‘ Rosalee has light, long, messy hair and wide blue eyes. Samantha has has green eyes and dark brown hair, which is also mentioned later on. What they’re wearing doesn’t matter that much unless it DOES matter, but yeah. Bye!

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Sarah .
August 21, 2020 19:19

Ok, maybe at the very beginning you mentioned it. But the point is that the readers REMEMBER their appearances, and clearly I didn’t. Well, whatever. Keep writing 👍

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August 21, 2020 19:36

Mmm...I understand that over the course of a NOVEL, but this thing wasn’t even ten pages from the descriptions to the end...

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Niveeidha Palani
August 21, 2020 07:18

Hi Aerin, you might think I'm going a little bonkers, because I think if you look back in the comments, I already commented twice, but I'm here to answer your poll

🐶

I prefer dogs, to be honest. Although cats are really agile, dogs are like best friends. (●'◡'●)

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August 21, 2020 12:43

Yessss doggies!!!

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Niveeidha Palani
August 21, 2020 22:25

👩‍🦰

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August 21, 2020 22:28

Oh, right—just so you know, I moved the poll in my bio to an actual quiz, cuz it was hard to tally up among 400 comments. Here’s the link tp the mini-quiz if you wanna submit you’re answer!: https://forms.gle/HEwxhX6TFSVd8dLFA

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Niveeidha Palani
August 21, 2020 22:33

Oh okay! 😊

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 14:31

Answer to your riddle Aerin B. --> Wrong. That is the answer.
PS. As Akshat. Didn't you do this riddle earlier?

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August 20, 2020 14:36

Yessss!
P. S. I don’t think so...although I might’ve. I think every now and then I’ll switch to jokes or questions, because it’s tricky to find different, good riddle every day!
P. S. S. Thanks for takin’ my quiz ;). I love your name, LOL. Oh, and (as you saw) I added the random flash-fiction thingy I wrote to it because I sometimes share my writing with my classmates (I text with 70% of my grade and my class, which is where I typically post quizzes) and Reedsy-ers already see it, hehe.

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 14:46

You have Lord Voldemort's pleasure.

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August 20, 2020 16:11

Okay, geez, I’ve screwed up big time.

Voldemort, Akshat is a boy, right?

Woooow this whole time I thought I was talking to a girl, LOL

Okay that has really confused, almost as much as when I realized Batool was a girl.

SERIOUSLY, I DON’T KNOW THE GENDER OF THESE NAMMMMMMES!

Um, okay, that’s it. Bye-bye, Voldemort!

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Akshat .
August 20, 2020 16:12

PS. Akshat here. WHAT!!! I THOUGHT YOU KNEW I WAS A BOY!? Although to be fair, even I thought that you were a boy. Same with Batool though! I used to imagine Hassan Minhaj whenever I read her comments.

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August 20, 2020 16:14

Nope, I thought you were female. Haha, yeah, a couple people have thought I was a boy. Yep, my mind was kinda blown when I looked up her name and realized it was female. Cuz there are people on Reedsy from all over the world, and I typically only know the genders of English names—so, yup, I thought you were a girl. It doesn’t really matter that you’re a boy instead, but my mind is still a little blown.

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Sia S
August 21, 2020 10:16

Batool is a girl! Wow top 3 are girls!!!
#girls rule! No offence to boys 😆

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August 21, 2020 12:50

Yessss girl power! Seriously I have multiple shirts saying that.
Hehe, no offense. Actually...every freakin’ person ON the leaderboard in female!

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August 20, 2020 14:46

😉😉😉😉

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Niveeidha Palani
August 20, 2020 10:03

Hi Aerin! I think I already commented on this story, but congratulations for moving up a space in the leaderboard!

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August 20, 2020 11:37

Thank you! And thanks to Sia, Akshat, and (probably) Celeste for upvoting me so much to get their! I seriously got over 200 karma points last night, LOL. Thanks again!

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Niveeidha Palani
August 20, 2020 12:00

No problem! :-) Happy, to help :D

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Amany Sayed
August 19, 2020 19:19

A great and creative story as always Aerin! I really enjoyed it. You had pretty good imagery and I enjoyed the simple voices of the two narrators. I did find quite a few grammar errors. Lemme point them out:
"Rosalee isn’t going to call the police" I believe the name here should be Samantha. (check the context)
"Some monkey bars, benches, pull-up bars for people like Todd" I think you need an "and" after the second comma.
"only one pair of feed" I thin that should be feet? Not really sure about this one.
"until they bale" This is incorrect and I don't really know what it's supposed to be. You'll have to go back and find out what you wanted to say.
"I laugh as I tumbled to the ground." tumbled should be tumble cause you're doing present tense.
"be weirder out or anything" be WEIRDED out.
I think that's all, but I might have missed a few. You probably already did, but maybe have someone else like a sibling or something read it over.
I really liked the story, and the prompt fits perfectly! You have to give me pointers for how you come up with these fantasies sometime!
Keep writing, hope this helped! :)

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August 19, 2020 19:33

Thank you for alllll that feedback! I’ll make sure to fix those ;)

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Amany Sayed
August 19, 2020 19:38

No problem!

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August 19, 2020 17:30

Wow! This was a really great story! When you say, "For instance, he thinks people care when he remarks about his muscles," maybe you could have rephrased that as "He talks about his 'muscles' all the time, thinking people actually care." I think other than that you did an amazing job! I'm a big Harry Potter fan, so I loved how you compared Rosalee to Luna Lovegood. It makes the story feel relatable and personal. Rick Riordan is also one of my favorite authors!!! I also liked how you wrote this entire story in the period of about an hour. It's always been difficult for me to focus on one specific time.
P.S. I have no clue how you were able to write that in the car! That takes dedication lol. I think it was great!

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August 19, 2020 17:43

Thank you sooo much! Yeah, Rick Riordan rocks! Thanks!
P. S. Haha, thanks. But my dad was driving and my chatterbox sister was playing video games, so it actually wasn’t so bad ;)

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August 19, 2020 17:49

Haha, I get motion sickness so I could never write or read in a car. That, and my brother finds pleasure in hitting me and stealing my stuff...you can imagine what road trips are like 😂!

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August 19, 2020 18:22

Haha!

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Lily Kingston
August 19, 2020 17:14

Great story. The dialogue flows very well and I like how Rosalee and Samantha bond over books. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

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August 19, 2020 17:23

Thank you!

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