Coffee Chaos

Coffee Chaos

By Jean Morris

The coffee shop was busy this morning. Get real, it’s always busy, I bet they would be busy at three AM if they were open! Oh well, it’s just my $5.00 and my time Anni thought as she continued to wait. One step forward. Wait. One step forward. Wait. Tuning out the world around her she relaxed into the Zen of the repetition. One step forward. Wait. One step forward. Wait.

Suddenly she was knocked out of her reverie, literally. With unintelligible noises, shouts, and a flurry of activity, the line surged backwards! Elbows, feet, shuffling and bumping rippling through the crowd. The orderly line was suddenly a chaotic mob of confusion as everyone scurried backwards toward the door.

“What’s going on?”

“Move forward!”

“Ouch! My foot!” all shouted by various and multiple people in the crowd. Voices overlapping, coming from the front, back, everywhere.

“It’s okay, it’s okay! Everyone, calm down! Stop moving, this will all be handled momentarily!” came a loud, authoritative voice from the front of the café, grabbing the interest of everyone that hadn’t already fled. Shifting, bobbing on her tip-toes nothing helped, Anni couldn’t see who was speaking or what was happening, the curse of being short strikes again! Her curiosity peaked, as well as desire for her morning mocha, kept Anni in the crowd. Maybe when the problem is handled the line will be shorter?

The crowd continued to shuffle around, some were backing up, most were muttering, some had phones out and were snickering. Anni could hear gasps as well as lots of “shhhhs” and the occasional squeal floating back from the front as the crowd stilled. She got a brief glimpse of the front counter; it looked like all the employees were converging slowly on a spot near the registers. Anni couldn’t think what was happening to cause this kind of commotion. Possibilities flashed through her mind. A problem with the equipment? A bug? A mouse?! EEEWWWW! Maybe it was time to bail on her morning mocha. She had just started to edge through the crowd toward the door when there was a flurry of frantic movement, shouts, and surprised screams that echoed off the ceiling and walls and caused panic in the now scattering crowd. Several people bolted for the door, bumping into others. Anni was knocked into the man behind her and they both tumbled backwards toward a table. Luckily the man landed with a plop on a well-placed chair and was able to catch her and pull her onto his lap instead of letting her hit the floor. Definitely a softer landing than would otherwise have occurred, however she was now sitting in a stranger’s lap! With a yelp, Anni pulled her feet back and the man tried to pivot them toward the table to avoid the panicked rush of people as they charged away from the front of the store and joined the scrum that was the only exit.

The deafening noise of stomping feet, shouting, and the crashing of tables and chairs being shoved violently out of the way echoed through the space; over it all “Rescue Me” by OneRepublic floated from the speakers as if sending a plea to the universe to intervene in the chaos. Anni started laughing, the absurdity of the moment hitting her. The man joined in as he released her waist and they both stood up.

Suddenly her laughter turned to a scream and she recoiled back into the man again as the cause of the chaos became apparent. A small grey squirrel was charging directly at her, having just escaped its would-be captors in the green aprons. Horrified and trapped, Anni watched as she became part of the show as the squirrel bounded, scaled right up her leg, hopped on their table, and took a flying leap up onto the nearby shelves! The show of amazing parkour skills quickly turned dicey as the little ninja dislodged mugs and bags of coffee that rained back down toward Anni and the man forcing them to dive for cover. The squirrel continued its panicked charge back toward the counter at the front of the cafe. With another mighty leap it launched itself over the heads of the converging employees; its path becoming apparent. The awesome abilities on display had everyone that remained in the store transfixed as the little ninja landed on the top of the espresso machine then launched itself toward the drive-up window. Landing on the sill it knocked over the drinks still sitting there, forgotten in the chaos, as was the car waiting at the window. To everyone’s horror the squirrel launched out of the open window and right into the waiting car. New screams ensued! An employee rushed the window and closed off the store, feeling sorry for the occupants of the car but not willing to offer the destructive little ninja the possibility of re-entry. Everyone else now rushed toward the drive-up window just in time to see the people on the passenger side throw open the doors and bail out screaming, surrendering the car to the squirrel if it chose to keep it. The car’s driver however wasn’t going to go down without a fight! Screams penetrated the closed window accompanied by the sight of the driver’s flailing arms, whether from panic or anger we couldn’t tell. Whatever he was doing it was effective, 10-seconds later we saw our little ninja hurl itself out of the passenger door and into the bushes lining the drive-thru and vanishing as if he had never been there.

And just like that it was over! Everyone stood in shock, gazing around at the destruction that surrounded us. The store was trashed! Spilled drinks, broken mugs, bags of coffee, tables and chairs strewn about, everything was a wreck. In the stunned silence the last chords of “Rescue Me” faded away to be replaced by “Hurricane” by Wafia! Anni and the man, meeting each other’s eyes for the first time since the coffee chaos started, began laughing as the absurdity of the last 3 minutes hit. Ignoring the incredulous stares of the shell-shocked employees, they shook hands and walked out of the trashed café, laughter echoing behind them.