There's A Body On The Floor

Mystery Sad Crime

Written in response to: "Start your story with someone making a cup of tea — either for themself or for someone else." as part of Tea Time.


“There’s a body on the floor.”

“I know.” Naomi picked her teeth.

“There’s blood on the walls. I can’t let you do this if you don’t clean up after yourself.”

“What’s the point of it?”

“What’s the point of what?”

“Existence.”

“Are you on drugs?”

“I have better things.”

“So you are on drugs.”

“What difference does it make?”

“You tell me.”

“You’re the smarter one.”

“I made a few mistakes. So what? Everyone does”

“Did you meet him again?”

“He found someone else.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“He’s a good guy.”

“No. Anyways, how's Mom?”

"Haven't talked to her in months."

"I thought you used to."

"They have cancer."

"Both?"

"Yeah."

"Since when?"

"It's been a year." 

"You didn't think to tell me?"

"I was sick."

"How serious is it?"

"They're dying this week."

"Did they pay off the debt?"

"No."

"Pass the salt."

"Why?"

"I want to put salt on his wounds."

"The body?"

"Yeah."

"Okay."

"Don't take drugs."

"I was kidding."

"Naomi. I'm serious.'

"Fine."

"Good."

"Call Mom."

"I lost my phone."

"You're irresponsible."

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

‘You’re a good brother.

“You pay rent?”

“I work at a pizzeria nearby.”

“Oh.”

“He’s getting married.”

“You okay?”

“I don’t know.”

“I love you.”

“Thanks.”

“Let’s watch Friends.”

“I don’t have a TV.”

We’ll watch it on the phone.”

“I’ll get chips.”

“I got a promotion. At work. You should come someday.”

“Overachiever.”

“You deserve better.”

‘We all do.”


***




Posted Jan 11, 2022
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23 likes 112 comments

Philia S
July 12, 2024 15:45

hi sia
long time no see. how are you?
(fingers crossed you see this lol)

Reply

August 24, 2022 19:52

yo yo yo

hey, i'm june. i'm new, so i figured i'd like ✨introduce✨ myself or something idk. so I read your story and i think i'd like to provide feedback because i myself always find that super helpful, so here goes.

ꕤ love love love LOVE the format you used, the lack of dialogue tags throughout this whole thing just makes it a lot more fast paced and interesting
ꕤ random, but I love the name naomi, i am a lover of naomi scott, i would totally marry her if i was a man and not a minor
ꕤ i LOVE true crime which is why i clicked on your story cause of the title, very very attention grabbing
ꕤ love the interaction between these two characters, it isn't cliche and it isn't dull, you use a lot of terms that aren't used constantly which makes it way more interesting to read (i myself have big issues with using cliche's so i admire you a lot for this)

anyways, i hope this was helpful and i look forward to reading more like this in the reedsy community.

best wishes ~
june 🐞

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Sia S
November 06, 2022 10:38

thanks June! This was really sweet of you, I've just been down lately. Tysm for the feedback :)
I love crime stories too

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July 20, 2022 20:45

I really loved this story! It was fast paced and kept me intrigued. The only thing that I would say for critique is to maybe add a couple extra notes like you did with "Naomi picked at her teeth" just so that way the reader can keep track of who is who. Other than awesome! <3

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Sia S
July 29, 2022 15:04

Ooh, OK. Tysm!!

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July 30, 2022 00:35

Yeah ofc!

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Maddie's Closet
June 22, 2022 22:26

Oh wow, this is good. I've almost never seen a story like this, with pretty much all dialogue. The only one like this is a book called this is not a drill, a book that's all texting. I think I mentioned it in my bio. So, feedback, I don't have any. Nice job, this is hard and you have inspired me to try it :))

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Sia S
July 17, 2022 06:23

Thank you so much!! So sweet of you :))

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Maddie's Closet
July 17, 2022 21:52

you're welcome! :))

(edit: also I saw on your bio wolves 4 life. I was just wondering if you've seen this movie? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rp6ehxZvvM4)

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Sia S
July 29, 2022 15:02

Haha, that was an inside joke with my friends :)
I haven't, is it good?

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Maddie's Closet
July 29, 2022 21:26

It’s amazing, you really should. One of my favorite movies.

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Sia S
August 14, 2022 16:39

oh nice

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Philia S
June 03, 2022 02:22

Hey! Everything good?

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Sia S
July 17, 2022 06:22

Nah man

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Philia S
July 18, 2022 14:53

Oof. I'm here to listen if you wanna talk about it or anything. <3

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Sia S
July 29, 2022 15:03

ty

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Dhwani Jain
May 26, 2022 18:23

Hey!
Where are you?
Why has Reedsy been so boring lately?

(copy-pasting this to a lot of people as I'm BoReD)

Reply

Sia S
July 17, 2022 06:22

Ikr

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Dhwani Jain
July 17, 2022 08:41

=D
School started?

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Sia S
July 29, 2022 15:01

Yea

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Philia S
May 24, 2022 13:01

PLEAS DONT DISPAPEAR AGAIN-

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Sia S
July 17, 2022 06:22

Haha, sorry. I just went thru a breakup lol

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Philia S
July 18, 2022 14:54

That sucks. I'm sorry. Like I said, here to listen. <3

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Sia S
July 29, 2022 15:03

ty

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Philia S
July 29, 2022 16:04

<3 how are you? better than before, i hope?

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Sia S
August 14, 2022 16:39

yea :)

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Philia S
May 16, 2022 02:15

I had a dream about you last night, strangely. Hope you're doing well. It's fine if you don't but please respond to this if you see it. Praying for you. <3

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Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:11

I want to cry rn, that's so sweet of you. I've never had a friend care so much, this is so sweet that someone actually bothers at me. no, really this is very sweet, I don't even know how to respond. ily <3

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Philia S
May 16, 2022 11:15

<3 Anything for a friend.

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Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:23

:')

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Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:11

wat was the dream lol

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Philia S
May 16, 2022 11:16

Idk, I forgot it now--as happens with me usually. It was about you coming back and me finding it through a comment thread of you and Skye, I think. (probably cause of the colour similary of your pfps?)
BUT LIKE FORESHADOWING? I HAD IT LAST NIGHT AND VOILA-HERE YOU ARE-

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Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:23

😂🤧🤧
Maybe... ;)

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Philia S
May 16, 2022 11:32

XD

Also,
"I'm sad."
What happened?

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Sia S
May 17, 2022 05:41

😂
Lol feels like we all grew up too fast

Reply

May 08, 2022 20:12

Hey, would you like to do, like, a critique exchange? I have some stories I need advice on, and I'd love to give feedback for yours!

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Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:06

Sure! Like which one i should critique. Love the username :)

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May 16, 2022 12:53

Just the newest one, I guess.

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Sia S
May 17, 2022 05:42

Sure

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Dhwani Jain
April 13, 2022 15:47

You know Sapphire? We have a collab coming up on my blog at 04:06 p.m. IST tomorrow (April 14). Do check it out, here's the link (https://djdhwanijain.wordpress.com/)

Reply

Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:05

Nice! Sure :)

Reply

Dhwani Jain
May 16, 2022 12:09

Thanks.
How are you?

Reply

Sia S
May 17, 2022 05:41

Fine, and you?

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Dhwani Jain
May 17, 2022 12:25

Nice...
Sab kaisa chal raha hai, school-wise and all?

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Laiba M
April 12, 2022 19:16

Hii Sia!~ It's been so longg, I've been off Reedsy for what seems like forever :( This story is really good! I love how it's all in dialogue and you make such an interesting story through brief sentences. I can't think of a thing to critique-it's so short but sweet and ever so smoothly transitions between topics :) Great job!!

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Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:05

Hey! Omg, ikr it's been too long. Thank you so much!! That's so sweet :)

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Laiba M
May 18, 2022 01:29

Yes, it hass~ And of course, I love reading your work :)) How are you?

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Philia S
March 22, 2022 18:12

Hey Sia! How are you? Haven't heard from you in a while. :)

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Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:04

Girl hey. Schools been catching up. How are you?! I keep thinking how cool reedsy was. Finally made the courage to log on.

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Philia S
May 16, 2022 11:14

I HAD A LITERAL HEART ATTACK WHEN I SAW THE NOTIF-IM NOT EVEN LYING
WHY'D YOU DISAPPEAR LIKE THAT- TvT

I'm fine. Vacations have begun. :D Wby?

Reply

Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:23

HAHAHAHAHAH
sorry, life happened 🙄🙄
Me too, mine are bout to get over in June D:

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Philia S
May 16, 2022 11:31

TvT

Oof. TvT Well, enjoy them while you can. XD

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Sia S
May 17, 2022 05:39

😭😭🤧🤧

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Eren Yeagar
February 25, 2022 03:35

Hi! This is an amazing story, well crafted and interesting...

Reply

Sia S
March 19, 2022 16:17

Thank you!!

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Eren Yeagar
April 02, 2022 06:33

😄😄

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Eren Yeagar
February 25, 2022 03:35

Btw try to guess who ia am

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Sia S
March 19, 2022 16:18

Gurgeet? :)

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Eren Yeagar
April 02, 2022 06:33

Yaaaaaaa

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Sia S
May 16, 2022 11:05

:)

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January 30, 2022 13:44

You asked for feedback, here it is!
The only-dialogue element lead to a sort of mysterious tension. It's like, woah, they seem really chill about this dead body. It sort of put this image in my had of a brother and a sister standing in a basement and the sister just sort of saying "bro. Dead body. Why." Over time, the image started evolving, changing to match the story. Even though there are no descriptions, it was still really visual for me.

Just some punctuation:
“I made a few mistakes. So what? Everyone does”
There should be a period at the end, otherwise it's a bit awkward, like he never stopped talking.
Thanks!

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Sia S
February 01, 2022 16:57

Thanks so much!! :) I'm happy you liked it!

Oops, thanks for pointing it out!

Reply

February 01, 2022 21:45

You're welcome! No prob!

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Sia S
February 07, 2022 14:39

:)

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January 22, 2022 15:18

OOOOOOOOH this is cool!!
dialogue only stories are so freaking hard to write oop

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Sia S
January 23, 2022 16:52

Yayy thank youuu
Omg they AREEEE lol

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Sia S
January 23, 2022 16:52

Yayy thank youuu
Omg they AREEEE lol

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Dhwani Jain
January 19, 2022 10:56

Hey Sia!
I forgot to say this in my previous comment, but your last story, 'The Crown' was somewhat similar to this, wasn't it? SoMeWhAt?

Are you into murders and mysteries and that sort of stuff right now?

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Sia S
January 20, 2022 10:43

Hey! Hmm, I guess you could say that, yes.

Yeah. Sort of, I haven't read much in a while though.

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Dhwani Jain
January 20, 2022 11:15

Yeah

You wanna read some cozy mysteries?

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Sia S
January 21, 2022 06:25

Yeah, ig.

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Dhwani Jain
January 21, 2022 11:24

There are many books, available for FREE on Google Play Books.
I have the reviews on few of them on my blog:
www.djdhwanijain.wordpress.com

Beachside Bakery
The Witching Place
Pains ans Penalties

and many more...do read the reviews for more

Reply

Sia S
January 23, 2022 16:49

Oh, that's nice! Tha is for the recommendations! Will check them out :)

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Kate Granger
January 14, 2022 17:03

This is a really cool story… but I am a little confused. I know the point of it is a dialogue story but maybe you could do a longer follow up? I wanna know the whole thing 😁

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Sia S
January 20, 2022 10:42

Hey! Aw, thanks! I have my exa,so as of now, but I'm sure I can come up with a new piece in a while. :)

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Dhwani Jain
January 13, 2022 06:54

Sia,
This story - the idea of it - was nice. But maybe it was just not suitable for a dialogue only story?
I don't know. I didn't really understand the whole situation. Maybe it's just me...

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Sia S
January 13, 2022 09:00

Hey, I'll see based on the feedback. Thanks though.

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Dhwani Jain
January 13, 2022 09:03

=D

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Sia S
January 14, 2022 10:45

:)

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Corbin Sage
January 12, 2022 19:36

Great story! I admire your ability to tell a story just through dialouge.

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Sia S
January 13, 2022 08:59

Thank you, this was my first time :)
Hey! I'd like to read some of your work, though I dont know where to start. Could you suggest some titles?

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Corbin Sage
January 14, 2022 00:55

Of course! It all depends on what you're looking for- my newest story is "The Ring", and "Humanity" and "Humanity's Betrayal" are some of my favorites. I'd love some feedback on "The Ring" since it's new- but of course don't feel obligated to comment anything :)

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Sia S
January 14, 2022 10:46

Thanks, I'll see :)

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Philia S
January 11, 2022 12:33

Very interesting, I must say. Kinda confusing. XD But still, overall, really great! I'd like to know what you were thinking while writing the above, lol, if you'd like to tell-

Also, what's that link at the end?

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Sia S
January 11, 2022 16:11

Haha, thanks!! Of course I would lol I have no idea. I just started typing. I imagine this to be like- a deranged sibling encounter?? Dont even ask lol

Dunno, lemme check. Ohhh it was my browser security link

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Philia S
January 12, 2022 10:00

Aha. That's cool. :D

Btw, when are we meeting? Like for the collab. Tonight?

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Sia S
January 12, 2022 10:33

Sure! I'm fine now, or in two hours.

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Philia S
January 12, 2022 12:23

Okay. I'm on the rp doc rn, if you can be there.

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Sia S
January 12, 2022 12:25

Okay!

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Unknown User
January 22, 2022 08:06

<removed by user>

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Sia S
January 23, 2022 16:51

😂😂😂

Haha, I'm happy i made you laugh lol. Nice pfp!!

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Unknown User
January 23, 2022 19:50

<removed by user>

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Sia S
January 29, 2022 08:05

:o
Woww

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Unknown User
January 30, 2022 22:34

<removed by user>

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Sia S
February 01, 2022 16:59

:u

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