My Time

My Time

Nina Swanson

Content Warning: Contains death, psychological distress

She is running because it is the only way out of this mess. Her breathing is heavy. She simply can not stop as her very life may depend on her getting away. If she stops he will catch her.

She is plodding along solely on adrenaline. Adrenaline brought on by sheer fear. She knows she is running for her life. It doesn’t matter that her knee is throbbing, she has to keep going. She has to run through the pain.

She risks a quick glance behind her. Unfortunately it’s a very dark night. The only light breaking up the never ending darkness of the night is coming from the full moon. She manages to see him as he glides through the moonbeams. He is gaining on her now. She has to find a way to get the advantage. She scans the area ahead, searching for what she’s not exactly sure. Maybe a place to hide or perhaps something she can use to block his path or use to slow him down.

Eighty year old Nora stops to read the passage she has just written in her novel, “A Killer Among Friends,” thinking the newest section needs work. Well the whole story needs work as she is still working on the rough draft. She feels she isn’t building the fear for her readers. The danger is there in her story, but the readers won’t care. Out of frustration she sets her writing aside. She decides to call it a day so she sets about her nightly routine. She lies in her bed and drifts off to sleep.

She is running because it is the only way out of this mess. Her breathing is heavy. She simply can not stop as her very life may depend on her getting away. If she stops he will catch her.

She is plodding along solely on adrenaline. Adrenaline brought on by sheer fear. She knows she is running for her life. It doesn’t matter that her knee is throbbing, she has to keep going. She has to run through the pain.

She risks a quick glance behind her. Unfortunately it’s a very dark night. The only light breaking up the never ending darkness of the night is coming from the full moon. She manages to see him as he glides through the moonbeams. He is gaining on her now. She has to find a way to get the advantage. She scans the area ahead, searching for what she’s not exactly sure. Maybe a place to hide or perhaps something she can use to block his path or use to slow him down.

Eighty year old Nora stops to read the passage she has just written in her novel, “A Killer Among Friends,” thinking the newest section needs work. Well the whole story needs work as she is still working on the rough draft. She feels she isn’t building the fear for her readers. The danger is there in her story, but the readers won’t care. Out of frustration she sets her writing aside. She decides to call it a day so she sets about her nightly routine. She lies in her bed and drifts off to sleep.

Nora wakes up the next day, January 18th, 2041 but it is not morning and she is not in her bed. She has no idea why or how this could be happening. She just knows that she is running for her life. She can taste her own fear as she forces it down her throat. She’s going to throw up if she has to run much longer.

Her knees are both in a lot of pain, but she is all too aware of the fact that she can’t stop running, not now. Stopping will only bring him to her. She needs to get away from this man who is not just chasing her, he is gaining on her.

Nora needs to know how close he is, so she takes a brief moment to look behind her. As she fears the man that is chasing her is real. Like her this man appears to be an older man of perhaps eighty. He is tall and appears quite muscular. Unsure if she is actually seeing those details or if she just somehow knows them she forces herself to keep moving forward and away.

She has no idea why this is happening, why she is running and why she is being chased. All she knows is that she can’t run much longer. Nora searches for something, anything that she could use as either a weapon or as some way to slow him down.

She is running out of adrenaline and her body just can’t take any more. She slows down taking in as much oxygen as her exhausted lungs can consume. She feels his hot breath on her neck as his hand reaches for her. Nora screams as the fear curses through her entire being. Her screams are so loud they can no longer be heard. She falls into a state of unconsciousness very similar to sleep.

Nora awakens the next day thinking her life is boring and a little pathetic .She is not running nor does she have any memory of running. She desperately wants to write a good book.

She does some writing in her children’s book titled, “I am a Thirsty Mermaid” and decides a good nap is in order. She curls up in her queen size bed and falls fast asleep.

When she awakens the next day Nora should be eighty years old however she finds she is young somehow. Nora is momentarily shocked when she finds herself in the middle of the sea. The shock grows huge, nearly unbearable when she looks at herself.

She stares in utter amazement at the part of her body that should be her legs and feet. Her legs and feet aren’t there. Instead she has a strong yet elegant fish tail. She is half human and half fish! Her fish body has a human head. Her human body has a giant fish tail. Just before she literally dies of fright a light flashes and burns brightly in the sky for a full minute.

With the light a calmness settles within her soothing her as the memories of her life in the sea fill in the gaps. She realizes and accepts that she is a mermaid named Gail. She is thinking aloud, “I have a Thirsty Tale. The ocean is where you’ll find me. I love the deep blue sea.”

Nora swims around the ocean enjoying the feel of her strong and beautiful tail. With little effort she glides across the water. She is strong and mighty yet somehow a bit fragile and gentle too. She finds she can breathe just fine deep under the surface of the clear blue sea.

She swims from shore to shore wondering what people drink. Here in the sea water is all there is, but over there on land there must be something more. Can they drink lemonade?

After a few hours she rests on a rocky shore.nShe stands up and admires her legs. They aren’t nearly as strong as her tail but they will do. She decides to test them out. “This walking is nice.” She walks about a mile wondering if she could get something to drink.

She finds herself back in the water with no memory of how she got back in the deep blue sea. She looks at her tail and gasps, “I have a blue multicolored tail! Look at me! I must say this is absolutely incredible. Could I be a mythical creature? How can this be happening?”

While she is busy thinking she might be a mermaid she hears a phone ringing. How can a phone be ringing way out here in the deep blue sea?

She reaches for the phone as she says, “Hello?” The sun glints off the phone creating a flicker.

As soon as she sees the flicker and she hears his voice she accepts her reality. He says in a familiar voice that she knows she should recognize, “Hi sweetie!”

With a little hesitation Nora says, “Hi…?” The light flickers overhead. Then it comes to her, her memories of a time with him. This man is everything to her. His name is Jeff and she loves him with all her heart. His voice interrupts her thoughts as he asks, “Will you be home tonight or am I on my own for dinner?”

She doesn’t know why she is trembling. She chokes down the bile that has risen in her throat as she says, “I’ll be home, but if you want to grill steaks that’s fine with me. If not I’ll make us something. Taco’s is what I was thinking.”

She looks down and sees she has feet. She isn’t in water, not at all. She’s in a grocery store. She has no idea how any of these things, the sea, the mermaid, or the sudden appearance of a grocery store, can be real.

Overhead a fluorescent light flashes and within an instant Nora’s just fine. She forgets all about the sea, the mermaid and accepts the grocery store as real. She’s no longer young either. She sees age spots on her hands and her knees ache. She feels very much like the sixty year old woman she has become. She’s unaware of the fact that she was born eighty years ago.

Nora hears Jeff say, “Oh yes, tacos sound good. I’ll be home soon.”

With no tail and no memory of ever having a tail she finds herself not at the grocery store but at home in her kitchen. Jeff is home too. He is heading to the bedroom to change out of his work clothes.

She gets started on dinner although she isn’t sure how to make taco’s. The flicker of a light brings her confidence. Suddenly it comes to her and she remembers she’s made taco’s many many times before. She is thirsty for something other than water so she asks, “Jeff would you like a strawberry margarita? Suddenly I’m craving something other than water.”

Jeff’s smile has a bit of a wicked gleam as he says, “That sounds good. I’ll have a small one but what I’m craving is you.”

Nora laughs at him as she watches him for a moment before she busies herself with the making of the strawberry margaritas.

She sips one of the strawberry margaritas and for a moment it’s a brand new experience. The taste is strong with a hint of something she feels she should remember. Nora says out loud, “This drink is amazing! It might be the best drink I have ever had!” She feels like she has never before drank anything except water. Weird feeling she thinks.

Jeff smiles as he looks at her face and then at her body. “You’re the best thing I’ve ever had. Come here and let me taste you.”

Nora laughs as she leans in for a kiss. The kiss just about knocks her off her feet. She says, “I stand corrected. You are the best thing I have ever tasted.” She feels a bit of regret when the timer goes off and she has to get back to thinking.

Dinner turns out to be very good. Nora savors every single ingredient as if she has never before tasted anything quite like it. The lettuce is so crisp, the tomato is so fresh, the cheese is heavenly. The meat and the sauce smell as good as they taste. Nora declares, "I have decided I absolutely love, love, love tacos and strawberry margaritas!”

Jeff hands her a bowl of popcorn. The crunch, the saltiness, the everything that comes to assail her tastebuds in her mouth are near perfection. She says, “This popped corn is maybe even better than the tacos we had for dinner!”

As night approaches Nora fights sleep like it’s the enemy sensing something bad will happen if she sleeps. She sips coffee hoping it will help her stay awake.

Finally in desperation she asks, “What is happening to me? Am I crazy or am I truly changing lives overnight? How can I make it stop? Can someone please help me? Can someone please tell me why?”

“You know the answer.” The voice is not scary in its comfort.

She does know the answer. She opens her eyes to watch as the scene unfolds. While the method differs from path to path the time is the same in all paths. There is no fear, no reason for fear. She sees herself at her time of death surrounded by her loved ones.

After watching for a while Nora decides she has seen enough. She knows she must go now because there is more for her to do. She simply fades away from the scene of her death.

Nora looks around and sees a beautiful color that closely resembles but isn’t exactly white. It’s more than white, it’s like a beautiful combination of all the colors blended into a stunning image for viewing. She finds it perfect in its simplicity. An extremely pleasant sound fills her ears. The sound is soothing yet exciting, calming yet exhilarating, unlike anything she has ever heard before yet somehow familiar.

The temperature is neither hot nor cold but is instead an ideal sensation. A sensation that is like a glorious sunny day, a warm and ever so comfortable day. She feels softness all around her. She moves her hands and the softness flows with her, through her and all around her.

She tastes something in her mouth that is mouthwateringly delicious. The taste is both sweet and savory. It is magical. As she breathes in she notices the smell of the air is like a delicate bouquet of every flower but it isn’t overwhelming. She thinks, “No, the scent could not be better because it is already perfect.”

All her senses are aware of the perfectness of her being. A calmness unlike one she has ever felt before fills her, embodies her entirely. The voice is soothing but it isn’t coming into her ears. Instead the voice plays inside her mind, mixing and swirling ever so gently. This voice is adding to her well being. It’s part of her, this voice, this near whiteness, this place of great beauty and comfort.

She is here, yet she is everywhere. Finally she understands. She looks out to a corner of her mind where she sees herself. She knows what it means now. She is given a choice. Everything she has gone through in her real life has led her to this moment, to this place, to this peace.

She decides to watch, knowing that here time is different. She sees herself in the womb, growing and becoming a human. She sees herself at her own birth. She watches every single moment no matter how insignificant they may be. Not only does she watch every moment she watches every alternative moment as well.

As she watches the paths that brought her along the life she lived she also watches the paths that could have been. All the paths lead to the end of her life so she can begin living her afterlife.

She giggles as she thinks of herself as a carefree but very thirsty mermaid. That life was quite the adventure and gave her a taste of what heaven can be like.

Now Nora finds she has been given another choice. She can live out her afterlife as a continuation of any of the paths she just observed up to and including being a mermaid. Now she will pick one path that she will build upon, cherish and nurture for all eternity.

She asks one question without saying a word. The answer comes to her and she is overwhelmed with happiness. The answer to her one question is simple. It is that one word that often brings on happiness. It is simply the word, “Yes.”

“While it’s very tempting to live my afterlife as a mermaid, I chose the life I lived. I know it was hard but it is the life I lived with all its imperfections. It is the life I fought for and the relationships I forged were real and full of meaning. The life I lived with my friends, my children, my grandchildren, my parents and now with Jeff. Finally we can all be together. We can all be at peace.”

That voice that isn’t exactly a voice says, “Your decision is not a surprise.”

Now that Nora has made her decision she goes forward. She builds her own world in heaven where she is greeted by her real family and friends. Everyone is here, even her pets.

The question on her mind a moment before was if she chooses her real life will she be able to visit her alternative paths? Knowing that she can step outside her life and visit any of the other paths gives her the confidence to know she truly is home. She has made it to heaven and she is being rewarded for a life well lived.

The softness hugs her, the scents exhilarate her, the taste brings more comfort, the mixture of colors pleases and the bird sounds nearly take her breath away. It is all glorious. It is all just right. Everything is excellent.

Nora whispers and her words float in the breeze, “Even if I couldn’t visit my other paths I would have made the same choice. This is my life. She feels Jeff’s hand in hers bringing a deep smile to her face as she thinks, “This is my time.”