Universe

Adventure Fantasy

Written in response to: "Write about a couple who have just moved to a place that one person loves, and the other hates." as part of Location, Location, Location.

Have any of you ever wondered about Other Dimensions or Universes? have you ever wanted to go there? Have you ever been trapped there? Well i have and this is my story..

I sigh as i lay on by bed and talk to my friend, Lillian over the phone. Since i moved here a couple of days ago she was suggesting that Maybe me and her should go and see a movie together.

It would have been fine and i would have agreed but then she told me what movie it was. Ugh. Vampires and Romance don't go together, and don't even bother trying to add werewolves into the thing.

"Come on Harlow, You need to get used to the town. What better way than to go see a movie?" Lillian asked, Of course my friend would love the movie. she's always loved really any type of romance story.

"No! i'd rather be back at my actual home and just sleeping." When i had checked the time it was 11:40 Pm. what?? back home its like 3:30 am...

"Harlow i'm telling you once you see the movie with me i'm sure you'll be.." When she was about to finish that, Both of us then heard a loud crashing sound. what was that??

"Uh...hold on i'll go check out if that was somewhere in my place." I could hear footsteps and then her door closing. I had a very good feeling that the noise didn't come from her place.

Though i didn't try to go look yet, maybe i was wrong and she'd find the noise. I probably didn't even have anything to worry about, it could just be a Raccoon or another small animal.

But that's when i heard it again, louder this time though. Yeah that wasn't with Lillian, is it a lot of Raccoons?? i've never even had problems with wild animals until now i guess.

"Fine...i'll just shoo it out then." i mumbled as i hung up the phone and start leaving my room. It would only be for a couple of minutes and then i'd call her back.

I walked all through my house and everything seemed fine, Until i got into the living room. A large portal was in the living room and it seemed to be growing, It had knocked over a few chairs. That must have been the crashing noise.

I don't know why but i felt like going closer to the thing, That's what i exactly did. When i got closer i could feel my phone buzzing in my pocket, Lillian must have realized that i hung up.

I only stared at the portal though so the phone soon stopped buzzing, i never noticed that yet though. why is there a portal here? am i just dreaming? i have to be!

I was taken out of the trance when i then heard my phone begin to buzz again though this time a bit louder than earlier. "Huh? what is it Lillian?" i asked still staring at the portal.

"Oh thank gosh! Well, i didn't find whatever that noise was earlier, did you find it?" she asked, i could tell she was relieved. Though i heard some faint static while she was talking, is that bad?

"Um well, yes, but..its something that you'd never think would ever be there.." i started to tell her, i could somehow hear static in my own voice. I was walking towards the portal again and getting even closer.

"Oh what, is it a bear cub or something?" she asked jokingly, though her voice was very faint to me. I was instead hearing voices coming from inside the portal. People were in that thing?? Maybe if i just...

I hung up once again on Lillian and put my phone into my back pocket. "Hm...is it safe?" i mumbled to myself as i then put my hand straight into the portal.

My hand felt a bit Fuzzy but i think that might be normal, so it seemed safe then. i'll just do it a bit more, whats the harm in that? this is probably still a dream!

I kept putting more of my body into the portal, each time it felt more fuzzy for some reason. I started to feel dizzy all of a sudden when i then heard a faint door bell ringing.

I had wondered who that was, Did Lillian come because she was worried about me? was it the Pizza that i ordered like an hour ago? i never got to know who, because moment's later i then blacked out.

When i did wake up though i was laying down on cold ground and everything was dark, was i in a cave?? what the heck is going on? where even am i??

Hah! I remembered about that portal but how could that have happened? I could have just been sleep-walking...which i guess is still pretty weird since i've never actually done that until now. Wow.

I felt Exhausted, i must have been out all night because i could faintly see some lights through some faint cracks. Maybe Lillian could help me with this sleep-walking thing once i get back to the house.

I could at least move and wasn't just frozen but i just couldn't stand at the time. I reached into my pocket to grab my phone, maybe i could call Lillian and she could come and pick me up.

I smiled as i finally took it out and got ready to call her when i then realized something, my phone was broken. I must have fallen down a couple of times last night and broken it. Damn it!

I lay there a bit longer what seems to be about thirty minutes or so when i then began to hear faint foot-steps nearby. Did Lillian maybe send someone to look for me? i know thats a bit far-fetched but it could still happen!

"Sir!" i then heard someone shout nearby, it sounded like they were almost right behind me. Why were they being so formal with the name? this wasn't even that big of a deal, i couldn't have been gone that long either.

"We found her! she's over in that cave!" a second voice said this time, though it sounded a bit angry. jeez how many people did she bring to find me??

I think it must have been a total of three people who came for me as they then all walked into the cave and started to drag me out of it. I was a bit happy and was going to say something when i then realized something.

I don't think that this was even a rescue mission, these people were also in blue and gray uniforms. I looked on ahead to see that they were taking me into a large police car with bars, one of the men also had hand-cuffs.

this is a preview type thing for my novel or whatever you would call it, This is Chapter 1 and a bit of chapter 2. This is a bit different than my original one but its still mostly the same ^^

Posted Sep 15, 2020
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85 likes 262 comments

September 15, 2020 18:42

Good job!! Uh, I don't know if I should comment here or on our comment thread but great job!
This one was different than your other ones, I can't figure out how. Maybe a new writing style?
Anyway, great job!!! I know like the basic plot so I don't know how people that don't know it will see it but I like it!

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 19:01

Do you think its because i did this story in first person when i usually don't maybe? So what did you think about it and did you maybe like a couple of things or a favorite part? this is still just chapter 1 and chapter 2 im on the third one now

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September 15, 2020 19:13

Hmm, maybe.
I liked it! I liked the thing at the beginning, it was pretty cool and got you hooked.
Ok! Are you going to post it all on here or just the first bit?

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 19:19

Only a little bit, there will be a lot of chapters and i don't want to go and post a few chapters each time on here, whenever i finish the novel is when you'll be able to see everything ^^

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September 15, 2020 19:24

Ok! That sounds good!

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 19:25

If i did ever publish it though, would you ever buy and read it?

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 13:44

also- i'm working on chapter 4 with it now ^^ it'll still take a while but i'm going to keep you updated, how many chapters do ya think there will be?

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September 20, 2020 02:59

Are you talking to me??

Ok! Thanks! Hmm, well it depends how long the chapters are.

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B. W.
September 20, 2020 03:13

Yeah i'm talking to you ^^ and oh gosh, i hit writers block with it now and i have no idea on what to do

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September 20, 2020 18:41

What do you have so far?

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B. W.
September 20, 2020 18:43

well willow just saved Harlow from Alter Harlow which would be their first meeting

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B. W.
September 21, 2020 15:09

also- i see that ya still haven't made a story and that you kind of have writers block, maybe i could help ya?

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September 21, 2020 15:39

Hmm, sure.

I don't really like these prompts cause they are all kinda the same thing and it is hard to make your story unique.

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B. W.
September 21, 2020 15:45

yeah i understand what ya mean with it. maybe you could try the funny one? i think thats the easiest one and more interesting

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September 21, 2020 16:51

Yeah, I don't really have any ideas though.

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B. W.
September 21, 2020 16:53

It could just be two or more characters walking around in an apocalypse type thing but the entire time cliches keep happening and they aren't scared their just sorta making fun of it

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B. W.
September 23, 2020 21:08

hey ya know my demi-god series right? i need help with it.

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September 23, 2020 22:09

Ok. What do you need help with?

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Amany Sayed
September 15, 2020 23:32

Awesome job! This actually sounded like the first chapter of a book I would read. It wasn't perfect, but you're getting so, so much better at capitalization and grammar and it really shows! Just a suggestion-take out the beginning lines, personally I don't like them. Taking them out, you still have a good hook and it's interesting. Great job! Keep going with this, I think it's really good.

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 23:44

Thank's im glad you liked it ^^ its gonna take a long time but you would really wanna read the story if i published it and put it on amazon?? and thanks for all the Advice as well :)

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Amany Sayed
September 15, 2020 23:47

Maybe 🤷🏻‍♀️It comes down to the price lol. Any time!

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 23:50

it'll probably be like five bucks tbh

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Lani Lane
September 16, 2020 18:46

Hi B.W.! I think this was a great start to a longer story--you captured my attention and held it all the way through. The dialogue was great. The big things to fix would be the capitalization and grammar, but those are pretty easy to tune up. The content is great, it's just the little things left! :)

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 18:50

Thank's im glad you enjoyed it and i guess i do ^^ did ya have a favorite part? and would you read it if i ever fully published it and put it on amazon

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Lani Lane
September 16, 2020 19:02

I think I'd need to see a fully fixed up version to determine that! Best of luck, you're on the right track!

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 19:03

I think i'll try to use Grammarly or something else to help me

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Lani Lane
September 16, 2020 19:06

Definitely! Also, read as many books as you can and study the grammar in them. That can really help.

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 19:08

oh boy that won't be much of a problem to do- i have over like 60 or so books in my room

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Lina Oz
September 20, 2020 22:45

This is a great start, and very creative. I think you could spend more time "showing, not telling" regarding your descriptions. For example, when I (as a reader) was introduced to the idea of the "portal," I couldn't envision what it actually was or looked like. What is a portal? What does that mean? What does it look like to the reader? What does it mean when the character attempts to "put their body" into the portal? What does it feel like?

In other words, I think your ideas can be elongated. I could envision an entire chapter just dedicated to the portal idea itself. I think you could consider slowing down your ideas and letting the reader sink into different episodes fluidly. I think if you can consider how your story appears to a reader, it will greatly benefit this story.

I also think definitely think reading more works in science fiction (such as Dune, for example) could be an excellent way to consider your writing from a reader's perspective. Also, keep a look for all the little errors––make sure you capitalize, include correct punctuation, etc. Those are quick fixes.

Great work!

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B. W.
September 20, 2020 23:13

Thank's with the advice and feedback ^^ The showing and not telling is one of the things i have to work on the most but i'll still try to fix and work on the other things that you've said as well. If you maybe wanna check out some other stories, do you maybe like Percy Jackson or Greek Myths at all?

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September 16, 2020 00:39

Oooooh, amazing story!

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 00:51

Thank's im glad you enjoyed it ^^ this is actually chapter 1 and chapter 2 for a novel i'm making, did you maybe have a favorite part?

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September 16, 2020 00:52

Naw. I liked it all!

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 01:01

Whenever the novel comes out fully would you buy and read it?

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September 16, 2020 01:07

I don’t know...maybe!

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Itay Frenkel
September 16, 2020 01:38

Nice cliffhanger, I would definitely read the book! It's easy to see you have enough imagination to fill an entire novel. Good luck writing!

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 01:40

Thanks i'm glad you liked it ^^ aw you would? thanks :) did you maybe have a favorite part in this little thing?

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Itay Frenkel
September 16, 2020 01:42

My favorite part was when she saw the portal for the first time.

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 01:45

is there maybe something i should work on?

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Itay Frenkel
September 16, 2020 02:00

There were some punctuation and grammar errors, and I think some of the sentences can be reworked and made shorter for better flow. Don't let that discourage you though, they're all pretty easy fixes.

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 02:01

Are you sure that you'd ever wanna read it though if i ever published it and put it on amazon or something?

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C.j 🤍
September 18, 2020 19:40

Go to my followers and check out Evelyn’s story’s

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B. W.
September 18, 2020 19:51

She made a new story?? okay ^^

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C.j 🤍
September 17, 2020 22:47

Loved your story!!!!!!

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B. W.
September 17, 2020 22:56

Thank you ^^ this is actually going to be a novel and this is just the first and second chapter :)

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Orenda .
September 17, 2020 18:07

Heyy, I read your bio and you said you were bored, so wassup!

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B. W.
September 17, 2020 18:09

Yay, so could ya maybe help with something?

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Orenda .
September 17, 2020 18:25

Yeah, I'm always there to help ya!

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B. W.
September 17, 2020 18:27

well since you still commented on this story i assume you read it or do you need to know the plot? because i need some help with it because i'm making it a novel

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Orenda .
September 17, 2020 18:35

Yeah, I was kinda reading vayd and yours convo, not like a creep tho lmao...but tell me what you need again? I might be able to help you

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B. W.
September 17, 2020 18:37

oh that's alright, i don't think that would even really count as being a creep tho. Well i suck at romance and i want to get Harlow and Willow together but i don't know how to get them, which ya probably already know from me and Vayd's convo but i want to see what you can come up with because with Vayd's im not entirely sure but his were still good

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Kate :)
September 15, 2020 22:20

AWESOME! I'm seriously very excited for when the novel comes out. I have a couple of notes though: instead of saying 'I only stared at the portal though so the phone soon stopped buzzing, i never noticed that yet though,' you could change it to something that flows a little easier, like 'I stared at the portal for so long, I didn't even notice that my phone had stopped buzzing.' I think that the story needs more punctuation, because there were several run-on sentences. Other than that, it was great. Let me know when the book comes out!

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 23:42

It's probably not that big of a deal but sorry for the kind of late response, i was out doing a few small things. Though thank you for the advice and you would really wanna read the book whenever it comes out??

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Evelyn ⭐️
September 22, 2020 00:21

Awesome!

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September 18, 2020 02:03

OOOHHHH this got me hooked! Can't wait to read more! Good luck with this! It's definitely my type of book! Btw, I'm thinking of turning Streaks of Blue and Silver into a novel...Since you're already writing a novel, could you give me some tips on the process of writing a novel?

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B. W.
September 18, 2020 02:07

uh- i'm not really good at advice though sorry ^^ i'm glad you liked it though, maybe ask some others? I know i'm making a novel but thats really what i did

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September 18, 2020 02:08

that's okay! keep working on your story, it's amazing!

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B. W.
September 18, 2020 02:14

ya think you could actually help me with a few small things on it if its alright?

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September 18, 2020 02:14

YESSSS FOR SURE!!!!!! How can I help?

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B. W.
September 18, 2020 02:16

i need some help with romance because i'm bad at it and i wanna get Harlow and Willow together but i don't have any ideas either, i also MAYBE wanna try to do a death with a character but i'm also terrible at it and i don't think i could even kill Harlow though because she's the main character and its in first person

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Evelyn ⭐️
September 15, 2020 21:18

I loved this!! I literally can't wait for the novel! I NEED TO READ IT!!!!!!! The beginning was good, and I felt scared for Harlow when she saw the portal. Also it was sorta a cliffhanger chapter which made me want to read more. If this was a novel and that was the end of the chapter, I WOULD DEFINITELY KEEP READING!!!!!! Also I know this is probably just your rough-draft but towards the beginning when she hers the loud crash, maybe at some more detail. That's just a minor thing though. Overall I absolutely loved this story!!

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 21:23

The novel may take much longer but it will be out at some point. Yes i will really try to add more details into things ^^ did you maybe like a part in it? and you would really read it if it was ever out??

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Evelyn ⭐️
September 15, 2020 21:28

Yes! It is amazing!! I liked the part when she stuck her hand in the portal/hearing the loud crash!! If you ever finish it, let me know! I would love to read it!

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 21:33

i'm working on chapter 3 at the moment and i already know how much there'll be but how many chapters in it do you think there'll be? and if you maybe like a bit of romance then there might be some of that in it

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Evelyn ⭐️
September 16, 2020 11:16

OOO Ya!! That would be good. I hope there's more than 20 chapter's because this sounds like a really interesting story!!

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 12:42

yeah i think i might have there be about 30 or more chapters with it

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The Cold Ice
October 13, 2020 05:37

Please read my story
“The dragon warrior part 2?”

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B. W.
October 13, 2020 12:41

I thought you already DID a part two? or did i never read it or the first one?

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The Cold Ice
October 13, 2020 13:14

You didn’t read the second part.

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B. W.
October 13, 2020 13:24

Oh

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The Cold Ice
October 13, 2020 13:25

Please read it.

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B. W.
October 13, 2020 13:29

Did you ever leave some feedback/review thing for this story or did you never read it?

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The Cold Ice
October 13, 2020 13:16

I didn’t do a another one.

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DHANANJAY SHARMA
September 25, 2020 10:10

Simply beautiful.
I am speechless.
Kindly go through mine.
https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/contests/60/submissions/35763/
Looking forward to collaborate with you.

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September 20, 2020 00:56

This is amazing! I loved this story! The only thing I noticed were a few capitalisation errors, but apart from that, well done! The plot is really nice! I'm HOOKED!

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B. W.
September 20, 2020 00:58

thank's im glad you enjoyed it ^^

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September 19, 2020 12:17

Great job, B.! I think that this is definitely a good start to your first novel. I will say that there were still some capitalization and grammatical errors, but you are definitely improving! I agree with Amany that this is definitely the first chapter of a book I would read. Also, since this is the start of your novel, I will say that maybe you should add more description. -Brooke D.

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B. W.
September 19, 2020 13:16

But how should i add more description? i've never been really good at being descriptive with things tbh. and thank you, i'm glad you enjoyed it ^^

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September 19, 2020 22:26

Yes, description is something very hard to do.
For example, *exactly* how did it feel when everyone got sucked into the book? Did it feel uncomfortable? Calming in a way? Queasy?
And, how does the atmosphere around all of the characters feel? Full of anticipation, tension, excitement, etc.?
Also, how do the characters themselves feel? Worried? Nervous? Scared? Excited? Joyful?
In addition, what are the different sounds around them? A drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet? Maybe the AC running if it's during the summer? The heat running if it's during the winter?

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B. W.
September 19, 2020 22:29

hmm, alright thanks for that ^^ ill try and do it soon

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September 19, 2020 22:31

No problem!

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Noor Ahmed
September 18, 2020 13:52

I really like this story! I think you did really well on your first chapter, and there are some areas of improvement. (I can't really say much because I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I am not perfect myself!) The one thing I have to say is maybe change some of your interjections and maybe correct some of your grammar. (capital letters!)

For the interjections, like "Hah!"

Maybe you could try changing it to "Aha!" It grabs your reader's attention more than "Hah!" does. Just a suggestion, again. :)

I think you did really well, and I would definitely want to read this story if you decide to publish it!

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B. W.
September 18, 2020 13:55

Thank you i'm glad ya enjoyed it ^^ and thank's for the lil bit of help

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Noor Ahmed
September 19, 2020 04:08

Omg the downvoter is back at it :((( I really loved your story, though! And no problem.

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B. W.
September 19, 2020 04:16

oh gosh, maybe they'll stop soon? who knows, and thank's, i'm glad ya did :)

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Noor Ahmed
September 19, 2020 04:23

:)) You got this! Publish that book

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B. W.
September 19, 2020 04:49

I'm on chapter 5 but there will be a LOT more chapters so it'll take a long time but i still will publish it at some point

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The Cold Ice
September 18, 2020 04:47

Wow!!this was awesome.Super story.Great job keep it up.
Would you mind to read my story
“The dragon warrior part 2?”

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B. W.
September 18, 2020 04:58

Thank's, it's actually chapter 1 and 2 of a novel i'm working on and sure i will soon

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The Cold Ice
September 18, 2020 04:59

Welcome.My great wishes for you to write the novel.

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Charles Stucker
September 15, 2020 19:15

I would call this Chapter 1 - Arrival. With editing for capitalization and a few out of place words, it makes a fine start to a story. I can see Harlow spending 10,000 words just getting to know this strange new world.

I know, 10,000 is a big scary number. But you have posted over 22,000 words on Reedsy. So, you have to get a set of five to ten scenes in mind that follow on each other. The nest one is clearly interacting with the police. The one after that, perhaps some sort of social worker (Harlow is still young, right?). Then a series of little scenes with her getting settled into this new world. Perhaps have her meet "the friend" at about the 6000 word mark- so a few more scenes in, when Harlow is just starting to feel like she might be able to someday get home, though she's not, at that point sure why she's optimistic.

Remember, the book wants a long term crisis, with building tension, so give a few hints OR be ready to go back and put in a few hints. Just write the next 1000 words, then the 1000 after that, and so on. Much of getting the first manuscript finished is simple perseverance.

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 19:24

I never really give the chapters names but i guess i could start now ^^ and ya know the reedsy book editor thing? that's what i'm writing the story on. Well Harlow is 17 which i guess is still sorta young but she's almost 18 but i don't know why there would be a social worker there, the people there think she is the alternate Harlow but i think i might have told you that already i'm not entirely sure though. Though if you have any ideas for why there's a social Worker or something else then be free to tell me, i just started on chapter 3 and i haven't done anything yet because i was taking a small break a little bit ago because i just finished chapter 2.

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Charles Stucker
September 15, 2020 22:03

I just mentioned something in general. some societies call you a minor to the age of 21, some treat you as a full adult from 16. You need an idea where the story is going- the outline you work from- so you don't go entirely off track. Ill try checking our the Reedsy book editor and see what you've got.

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Charles Stucker
September 15, 2020 22:31

And I am having trouble finding you over on the book editor pages. Just talked to one of their help desk- they say you can export the manuscript and email me. I'm charmichael@earthlink.net
Just include the header "B.W. Reedsy" and I'll get to it as quick as I can. That's a better option than putting everything here where it loses it's first publication value.

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 23:50

How do i email it to you on the thing? i've never really done that yet on there before. I don't really wanna mess up anything

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Basil Boi
September 15, 2020 18:50

Ooo! Exciting! I've finished, what else do you want me to do?

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 19:03

Well i'm working on chapter 3 of it and i think i need your help on when all the characters should meet, did i maybe tell you the full plot for it?

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Basil Boi
September 16, 2020 04:41

Sorry for the late reply!! I see and I'd love to read the whole plot!

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 12:40

Tell me what you think:
17 year old Harlow gets transported into another dimension and has no idea how to get back so now she must deal with trying to find her way home, remaining hidden so she doesn't get captured and an alternate version of herself thats after her, but with the help of a new friend there, Willow, will she be able to get back?

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Basil Boi
September 16, 2020 14:31

Wow! Sounds so exciting! Can't wait to read it! So, what are your ideas on when the characters should meet? Which characters are gonna meet?

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B. W.
September 16, 2020 14:34

Well Harlow needs to meet Willow first and then a bit later she'd meet Alternate Harlow but the problem is that i have no ideas at all for how it should happen, some bad news as well i think i'm getting down-voted

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September 29, 2020 01:26

Intriguing start to it. I would say that they are mistaking you for the you of that time line. They do say one major decision could lead to infinite possibilities.

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B. W.
September 29, 2020 01:33

Thank's i'm glad ya liked it ^^ and yeah, they're mistaking Harlow (regular) for the alternate Harlow.

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C.j 🤍
September 24, 2020 20:30

How is your story coming

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B. W.
September 24, 2020 20:32

Do you mean my Novel with Harlow and Willow? i guess it's going good but i have writers block

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C.j 🤍
September 24, 2020 20:36

What is writers block

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B. W.
September 24, 2020 20:58

Writers block is kind of when you can't come up with anything for a story/novel like you stop thinking of ideas and can't think of anything else for the stuff. like an example, If you were writing a book or a short story and you were trying to come up with something for the next chapter or really anything for it and you can't thats kinda writers block, i dunno how to explain it that much

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C.j 🤍
September 24, 2020 23:13

Ok

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B. W.
September 24, 2020 23:13

Could ya actually help with something else? do you know my demi-god series?

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Dalyane Deblois
September 17, 2020 13:36

Wow this is great, and definitely intriguing at the end!!

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B. W.
September 17, 2020 13:41

thanks, i'm glad you liked it ^^ the full novel will take a while but it will be out at some point

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Avery G.
September 15, 2020 22:16

Wow, this was amazing! My favorite part was when she first saw the portal. I loved it! Great job!

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 23:41

would you wanna get it and read it if i ever put it on amazon?

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Avery G.
September 15, 2020 23:44

Sure! Only if the price is not too high, though

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B. W.
September 15, 2020 23:45

It probably won't be that high, maybe just five dollars

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Avery G.
September 15, 2020 23:47

Yeah, that's okay

Reply

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