It's Raining Again

“It’s raining again,”

“Huh?” Carrie looks out the cafe window. The sky is dark, rumbling, and rain is beginning to fall.

“And the news said a pretty bad storm is coming. Flash flood warnings and the whole nine yards,” Meg mumbles, not taking her eyes off the movie reviews in The Capsule.

“You really gotta stop obsessing over those,” said Carrie.

“These guys said the movie was gimmicky and unoriginal,” huffed Meg.

Carrie rips the magazine from her, reading, “‘something special, I didn’t see the twist coming and was genuinely shocked at the end,’ huh. Seems like this guy liked it,”

“‘Something special,’ Meg mocks, “I’m more interested in the negative reviews. Those tell the flaws, what we looked over, that’s where the truth is,"

“Or it’s some know-it-all critic that will give anyone a bad review no matter what,”

“Give me back my magazine,”

“No,” Carrie folds The Capsule away in her purse, “I wanna talk to you about something,”

Meg groans, already knowing where this is going, “No, Carrie,”

“Come on! Jeff is a really great guy and I think you would have a fun time! Just one date? When was the last time you went on a date?”

“I don’t know,”

“I do! Five years ago. When you were dating...”

Meg interrupts her, “No. I said no,”

“But dating someone new will help you get over him,”

“I’m sticking with ‘time heals all wounds,’” she tried to sound calm but her hands started shaking under the table.

“No, that doesn’t work with dating. The best way to get over someone is to meet someone new,”

“I don’t think that works with everyone. Sleeping with someone else isn’t going to help get over him,” Meg mumbles.

Carrie blinks at her, “Okay, didn’t say you had to sleep with him, but wow! You finally admit it,”

“What?”

“You’re still not over Erik,” said Carrie, rushing the words out.

Meg looks down at her shaking hands and takes a deep breath, “I don’t want to date anyone,”

“Meg…”

“Stop it, Carrie. I’m serious. Just drop it,”

“Fine, fine.” Carrie sighs, stirring her coffee.

Silence fills the space between them, except for the howling wind and the rain outside.

“You are on the right track, though,” Carrie whispers, peering up from her cup.

“What?”

“Admitting you’re still not over Erik is the first step of recovery,” Carrie knew she messed up as soon as she said it.

“Okay, I’m going home,” Meg stands and throws money on the table.

Carrie winces, “No, I’m sorry. Don’t go. I won't bring up Erik anymore,”

“No, really, we should leave anyways, it’s getting bad outside,” they both turn to look out the window. It’s getting darker and some of the trees look ready to snap.

“Okay, yeah. We should leave before it gets worse. You should come over! Michael is cooking and-”

“No,” Meg interrupts, “thank you, but no,”

“Okay,” Carrie whispers, “lets go,”

They leave and Carrie gives Meg a hug. She tries to say something, but Meg breaks away and walks in the opposite direction, leaving Carrie’s worried eyes behind her.

Her apartment isn’t far, but the rain starts coming down harder and she fears the wind will blow her away. She welcomes the warm lobby of her apartment building as she shivers all the way to the elevators. She waits impatiently as thunder rumbles through the building. Once the doors finally open, Meg hurries inside with her head down. She presses button 15 then backs away to the wall. That’s when she looks up and sees him.

They both stare, stunned. After a moment of silence he makes to run out but the doors close. The lights flicker as the elevator starts moving up.

She coldly whispers to him, “what are you doing here, Erik?”

He leans against the wall. His black pants, white dress shirt, and black jacket are dripping wet, “I’m visiting Cole, my brother," he replies. His deep voice causes goosebumps to scatter across Meg’s arms.

“I know who your brother is,” she snaps, “he lives here?”

“Yes. On the 13th floor,”

“Well, guess I have to move then,” She mumbles, breaking eye contact with him. She starts shivering harder.

He smiles, “So…how are you?”

Meg’s head whips back to him, “Are you kidding me? No. Nope. No talking. I'm not doing this,”

“I just asked how you are, clearly still mad at me,” said Erik, still smiling.

Meg opens her mouth but says nothing when the elevator abruptly stops and the lights go out, emergency red lights basking them. Panic rises in Meg as she reaches for the control buttons. Nothing happens when she pushes. Nothing works. She presses the emergency call button. Nothing. She checks her cellphone just to see ‘no service’ in the right hand corner.

“Power went out. Fancy building, old elevator though,” said Erik unbothered.

Meg starts pacing and breathing hard, I can’t be trapped here. I can’t be trapped here, she thinks over and over again while her heart pounds against her chest, the walls closing in on her.

“Hey, it’s going to be all right, just breathe, the power will come back and everything will be fine. Here, take my jacket," he says.

“I don’t want anything from you, Erik. Please leave me alone,”

“Okay, but try to relax,” he moves towards her.

“Don’t get near me and don’t tell me to relax! I’m stuck in an elevator with you. And when this elevator drops ten stories I’m going to die here with you,”

“Okay, now you’re being dramatic,” Erik chuckles.

“I’m not the dramatic one here! You are! Disappearing is the most dramatic thing anyone can do to someone!”

“Meg…you don’t understand,”

“Don’t understand what? That you abandoned me? Stop. Nope. Stop talking,” Meg turns away from him and sits in the corner, hugging her legs and taking deep breaths. But the panic keeps growing.

Erik starts moving closer to Meg but her venomous eyes attack him and he backs off with his hands up. He sits against the wall across from her stretching his legs out. He puts one foot over the other and crosses his arms, not taking his eyes off Meg. Quiet minutes pass and she starts shivering harder, Erik takes his jacket off and tries to give it to her.

“Erik if you touch me I swear to God,”

“You are shaking, it’s freezing in here, and you’re soaked, I’m just trying to help,”

Meg looks at him again, he’s just as wet as her. His black hair is sticking to his forehead and his soaked shirt perfectly outlines every muscle. Erik catches her eyes and smirks. Meg forces herself to look away, “Put your jacket back on,” she says with anger, sadness, lust, and panic swirling inside her.

Erik smiles wider, “I think I’ll keep it off,” he says then tosses the jacket. Meg grabs it and throws it away from her. Erik shakes his head chuckling, folding his white sleeves up to his elbows. Meg closes her eyes, trying to push the panic down and ignore the man sitting across from her, but he makes it impossible by talking again.

“This is a nice place, love. Better than the one bedroom we shared downtown. Remember how bad that place was? We never had hot water," he says.

Meg shakes her head, trying to stay mad at him, reminding herself he tried running out of the elevator a few minutes ago. Even now he tried running, she thinks.

Erik stands up and grabs his jacket. He comes over to Meg and tries giving it to her once more.

“You tried running again. You tried leaving again,” Meg whispers, but takes his jacket in defeat.

“Meg…I…I panicked when you saw me, I didn’t mean-”

“You tried leaving again,” She puts on his jacket. It’s heavy and soaked and does little to warm her.

“Meg. I panicked,”

“Oh you panicked,” She mocks, crossing her arms, “You panicked so you ran,”

“Yes, I needed to get away,” he said, sitting back down against the wall across from her.

“Why!” tears suddenly form in her eyes. Erik says nothing, his silence making Meg want to shake him, “tell me! Why do you want to get away from me so bad? Why are you always running from me?” she screams.

His cool demeanor disappears as pain flickers across his face, “I was ruining you! Can’t you see? I was ruining your life. You stopped writing, you stopped everything, you wanted a mediocre life when I knew you could achieve so much, can do so much-”

“Oh don’t give me the ‘I was holding you back” bullshit. Stop, for once in your life, stop trying to make yourself the good guy,”

“I never said that. I never said I was the good guy,” Erik's voice cracked, “It was shitty what I did to you. I…I was a coward, Meg. Still am. I couldn’t do it. In my heart I knew leaving was the right thing to do, but I couldn’t face you because I love you. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t. But I wanted you to have the life I knew you would have without me. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And I’m still a coward now. That’s why I tried running out of the elevator. I’m not strong enough to stop myself from begging you to forgive me,”

Tears fall down Meg’s face as she stares at him. He's breathing hard, trying to keep himself under control but his eyes shine just as bright as hers.

“You think I would forgive you?” She whispers.

“I don’t think you would. But it wouldn’t stop me from trying,”

They watch each other in silence until Erik starts again, “remember those fights? You were not writing and wanted to quit everything! If you did that, you would’ve regretted it in 20 years. You would’ve dreamed about the life you could’ve had. What you didn’t do. You would’ve hated me-”

“You’re such an idiot. Is this really the truth? You have got to be kidding me. You wanna know why I pour so much into my work? It’s because it is the only thing that helps numb the pain of you leaving. The only thing that helped the loneliness and the anxiety and the fucking worthlessness I felt. I feel. Unloved. That’s what you did. You made me so bitter. What? You want me to thank you?” Meg yells, her voice rising.

“No, Meg, that’s not what I meant-”

“Well, thank you, Erik. Thank you for turning me into a hateful bitter woman. This life isn’t what I wanted. You thought this would make me happy? Creating fake screenplays and fake love stories? I wanted you. I wanted a real love story, a real wedding, and real children! I wanted to create life with you, but instead I’m alone creating make-believe to cope with the loss of you. You were scared I would hate you in 20 years? Well I hate you now!”

“It’s not what I wanted. It’s not... but I would rather you hate me now and have more in life than hate me in 20 years and have nothing,”

“I have nothing now!” Meg screams at him. They fall back into silence, staring at each other.

“Where did you go,” Meg whispers after minutes of silence. He doesn’t answer.

“Where, Erik? Where did you go!” She yells.

“You know I can’t answer that,”

“And then you never came back. You never came back,” Meg turns away from him.

After a few seconds, Erik says, “I came back,”

“No, you didn’t,” Meg’s voice cracks.

“Yes, I did,”

“No you didn’t!”

“Meg, my brother doesn’t live here,” Erik says.

“Excuse me?”

He throws his head back, sighing, “You really think Cole could afford to live here? I come here everyday, trying to face you, but I can't. I didn’t want to cause you anymore pain, this pain,” He said, throwing his hand up and letting it fall.

“You left me just to become my stalker?”

He smiles, “No, I just … it’s the truth. I’ve wanted to fix everything but I just. Can’t. You know I can’t. Everything is a mess now. But I really did think you’d be happier without me… and that everything would be better if I didn’t reappear in your life,”

Meg shook her head, not letting his words sink in. She wanted to stop talking about this, so she changes the subject, “you haven’t published a book in years,”

“Funny isn't it? You found inspiration and I lost it all. I haven’t been able to write anything since,” he chuckles.

“That’s unbelievably cheesy,”

“you like it,” he winks at her.

Meg rolls her eyes, “then what are you doing?”

“I got a job at The Capsule”

“As a journalist? You hate journalism,”

“No, but I love movies. I became a movie critic,”

His words hovered as realization hit her. She didn’t reply to him, just squeezed her eyes shut, willing them to not start crying again.

“Some things are bigger than us," he says, “I knew that with you. You are bigger than us. You are something special. What you created was exactly what I knew you could do. I really was in the way, Meg. It’s amazing what you accomplished. I might’ve left, but I was there rooting for you every step of the way. I was just in the shadows,”

“You really did become my stalker,”

He laughs, “Something like that,”

Meg doesn’t laugh, but she looks to him, “you can’t do that, Erik,”

“Do what?” he asks softly, tilting his head, water dripping from his hair.

“Make decisions like that. My life isn’t better, you ruined it,”

He’s quiet for a moment before whispering, “I’m sorry, Meg,”

Suddenly, the lights come back on. Meg stands and the elevator starts moving up to floor 15. She looks at Erik and he stands, too. He doesn’t take his eyes off her. The elevator doors open and Meg hesitates before walking out. Erik stays in the elevator, but he throws his hand out to stop the doors from closing.

“You know this doesn’t change anything, Erik”

“Maybe,” he says, shrugging and smiling. Meg shakes her head.

Erik looks down, sighs, then brings his eyes back to her, “I know. I knew it wouldn’t, I actually never meant to tell you all of this,” he says, motioning to the inside of the elevator with his other hand.

“Then why did you?”

“To distract you,”

“What?” She asks with furrowed brows.

“You were panicking. The only thing that always drove your panic away was your anger towards me,” he said smiling.

She gapes at him with irritation. But also gratitude. Because she knew she would’ve eventually started screaming, or passed out from panic and claustrophobia.

They gaze at each other for a moment longer before Erik speaks,

“Goodbye, love.”

“Goodbye, Erik,”

He lets go of the door but Meg stops it with her hand, “And thank you for saying goodbye this time,”

Erik laughs, “I think I prefer the dramatic exits,”

Meg finally smiles at him then lets go. The last thing she saw was his sparkling brown eyes before the doors shut. And he was gone.

Meg walks down the hallway engulfed with buzzing silence. She stops at the window overlooking the aftermath of the storm. Trees are down, leaves and garbage are scattered throughout the road. Everything's a complete mess, like someone shook the entire world. But the sun peaks through the clouds.

She looks down at her wet clothes, where did his jacket go? She wonders. I must have given it back to him.

Meg looks out the window again, this time watching the front entrance, waiting to see Erik leave. But he never appears. Maybe he went out a different exit, she wonders.

~*~*~*~*~

“She won’t pick up her phone,” said Carrie, pacing back and forth.

“I’m sure she’s fine,” Michael yawns.

“I’m worried about her. I think she needs serious help,”

“It was just a storm-”

“I’m not talking about the storm! I’m talking about her needing serious help!”

“I am so lost”

“It’s just…ever since Erik-”

“This again? Carrie. It’s hard to lose someone close like that even if it’s been years. It’s not something easy to bounce back from, especially in her case. Didn’t he drown? Weren’t they fighting right before he left?”

“I don’t remember them fighting, probably though, they were always arguing. But babe, sometimes I see her talking to herself. Or arguing with herself. And she’s convinced everything is a sign and creates these stories and scenarios in her head,” said Carrie, shaking The Capsule in her hand.

“Everyone copes in different ways. People talk to themselves all the time. And she’s a writer! I don’t think she can help with the stories,” said Michael.

“Okay but I still think she needs to talk to a professional,”

“I think she’s fine,”

“I don’t think so,” said Carrie, calling Meg again.

“Hello?” Meg answers.

“Meg! Oh, I was so worried,” said Carrie, relieved.

“I’m okay, the storm didn’t last. I did get stuck in the elevator though,”

“That’s horrible! I would’ve been freaking out!”

“It was fine. I wasn’t alone,” said Meg.

“That’s good, what are you up to?”

“I’m writing. I have a new idea for a story,”

“That’s great! What’s it about?”

“Being trapped in the elevator with someone you hate,” said Meg.

Carrie giggles, “I like it, could be horror or a rom-com...are you sure you don’t want some company?”

“No, I’m fine. I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Oh okay…please do call me back…I love you, Meg,”

“Love you, too,”

Meg hangs up the phone and looks back at the blinking cursor on her computer. She lends over and starts typing:

“It’s raining again,”