Clueless

Funny Fiction

Written in response to: "Write a humorous story about the descendant of someone remembered for an insignificant act." as part of Legacies.

"Wow! I met him at last," Hint said.

"Who have you met?" Clue asked.

"I know you are the son of Bobel prize winnerβ€”Bracket," Hint said.

"Yeah, I am his son and what is a Bobel prize?" Clue asked. He was a fairly well built man with sparkling blue eyes and curly brown hair.

"Then I'm honoured to meet you. You don't know what a Bobel prize is?" Hint asked. He was a fat, dark eyed man with a round face and blond hair.

"That is what I asked you now," Clue said.

"Hey, guys. The Bobel prize winner, Bracket's son doesn't know what a Bobel prize is?" Hint announced.

"What a humble person!" the crowd gathered in the small street shouted. Then a small car stopped before Hint and Clue.

"All aboard," the driver said.

Clue struggled not to get in but the crowd pushed him inside. Hint also got into the car.

"It's an honour to have you in my car," the driver said. The driver was a plump man with an oval face, dressed in white.

"Please let me down," Clue requested.

"Hint and I will show you around the city and make you understand about this small city," the driver said.

"Why should I know about this city? I am not gonna live here," Clue said.

But, Hint and the driver didn't acknowledge him.

"Our town is known by the name Thing. This is a stunning city and has an amazing sunset and sunrise. The sun rises in the west and sets in the north," Hint said.

"What a stupid name kept to a city," Clue thought.

"The sun rises in the east and sets in the west," Clue corrected Hint.

Clue had arrived in this city to meet his mother after many years. He went to pursue his education abroad and had returned as a doctor. 

"Whatever you say is right, my lord," Hint said.

"Why was this town named Thing?" Clue asked.

"Whoever gets the Bobel prize names the city and this was the name kept by your father," Hint explained.

The driver was watching Clue intently. So, he missed the road. He crashed onto a tree and the car's front part became like a jack in the box.

"Hey, you. What are you driving? You could have killed us," Clue said, rubbing away at his bruises.

"Yes, I was driving the car. When I saw you, I was charmed and wanted to watch you as long I could. We may walk from here to see the amazing monuments," the driver said, still watching Clue intently.

"Don't keep watching me. Like the car crash, you may crash onto a tree. Okay, let's walk," Clue said, mockingly.

"Wow! I have got scoldings from a scholar. This is the luckiest day in my life," the driver exclaimed with happiness.

Clue didn't know where to bang his head against. He became distressed as he was travelling with two fools.

The car driver's phone started vibrating. He attended the call and said, "Hey, Physics. I have met the great Bobel prize winner's son."

And Physics replied something and hung the call.

"Why did you name your son, Physics?" Clue asked.

"Then I would become the father of Physics," the car driver said. This annoyed Clue a lot. 

Then, Hint pointed at a building which looked like a cheese block and said, "the name of that amazing monument is Butter."

"Wow! Whoever kept the name should be the greatest fool in the world,β€œ Clue exclaimed.

"Then that fool is your father," Hint said. At least, Clue was not born in such a foolish city and he felt happy about it.

"Mr. Car driver, you are so fat. What activity do you do everyday?" Clue asked with concern.

"I play tennis, cricket and carrom board daily," the driver said.

"How many hours do you play?" Clue asked.

"Until the battery in my mobile phone runs out," the driver replied.

Clue just rubbed his head in confusion.

"What's a Bobel prize?" Clue asked.

"It's the highest honour given to anyone in this city. It's given for great achievers in this city and your father had done a great achievement," Hint explained.

Then a huge crowd gathered in front of Clue.

"Wow! See the Bobel prize winner's son," everyone shouted in unison.

"Another bunch of fools," Clue thought.

"All of them in this crowd follow your father's path," Hint said.

Clue didn't even know about his father's path. He had not even talked to them for many years.

"You should only open our shopping mall," the crowd yelled.

"Okay," Clue sighed. He certainly had no choice.

He was lifted up by the huge crowd and dropped in front of a huge building. 

Clue slowly walked near the entrance of the shopping complex.

Instead of a scissors or a knife, he was given a huge stick of wood.

"Break the door, break the door," the crowd chanted.

"But, why?" Clue asked. He saw a man with a small key in his hand and with sheer guessing knew that it was the key of the door.

"It is our tradition to break the door before entering the building," Hint whispered.

"Such destructive thoughts," Clue thought. He snatched the key from the man and opened the door.

"Ooooooh," the crowd went.

When he went into the shopping mall, Clue was shocked.

There was nothing on all those floors. No stalls and no goods. It was completely empty except a large statue of his father. He became completely clueless.

All the people in the crowd looked in awe at the empty building.

"What is this, Hint? There is nothing in this shopping mall, but all the people are watching it in awe," Clue asked Hint.

"This is the most wonderful building ever built in this city. It has completely nothing," Hint exclaimed happily.

Now, Clue had serious doubts about his father.

"What did my father achieve to get a Bobel prize?" Clue asked.

"It was the biggest achievement in the city," Hint said.

"What did he do?" Clue asked, hurriedly. 

The driver slowly pronounced,"he did nothing."

Posted Sep 04, 2020
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152 likes 464 comments

Charles Stucker
September 05, 2020 04:09

Clue said, rubbing away at his blushes.
Is he rubbing at bruises? abrasions?

This reads like Monty Python- which is the measure used for absurdist humor.
You are already funnier than my work in this field, because I can only write dark sarcastic or sardonic humor.

Because you are so naturally talented, I have only one suggestion. It may sound strange, but try it.
Write down only the dialogue, in a separate file. Set it aside for a day. See if you can correctly identify the speakers (Hint, Clue, the driver). The goal is not to memorize who said what, but to see if you have distinct voices for each character. If you can't,then look at changing one or two common words in a pattern. As an example- one person might say car, the other cab, the last taxi, when referring to the taxicab being driven. This word (cab) does not happen often enough to count, but do your best to make them distinct, and it might help it be funnier.

Perhaps have Hint use contractions (I'm, he's etc.) Clue does not, and the driver keeps his sentences very short (three words most of the time) while the others are at least a bit longer.

I don't know if this will help, but experiment with it. In general, this technique aids in any written scene to make the characters more distinct, but it is a fair amount of extra work.

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September 05, 2020 04:27

Yes , it is bruises. That's a small typo.

I am glad you found it funny.

I have time to edit. So, I am going to do what you said. Thank you for your suggestions.

Yes, the cab driver is just a funny person I wanted to intervene. I will make it as he contractions.

It isn't extra work. To make a story well, extra work should be done. (I actually weaved this story in an hour. I am glad you liked it)
Thank you for reading.

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September 05, 2020 04:58

Do you have any title suggestions? Because I kept this name because I didn't have time to submit. Please give some suggestions.

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Charles Stucker
September 05, 2020 06:55

Title, "Award Winning City..." it needs the ellipses for the funny.
Or "Nothing To It"

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September 05, 2020 06:57

Award winning city is nice.
Nothing to it acts as a clue.
I will try award winning city. I will take suggestions from everyone and choose the best. This is one of my favourite.
Thank you for your suggestions and thank you for reading.

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Kiruthika Mohan
September 09, 2020 07:31

Wow it's a really good story . Seems like you have a nice sense of humour. You're good at keeping people engaged to the story. Wishing you to write more stories.

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September 10, 2020 00:42

Thank you!!!

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September 05, 2020 03:31

This is the first time I have tried a funny story.
Hope you all like it.
If there is a mistake, please point it out.
I need a good title. For the time being, I just kept a weird title. I would love getting some suggestions.
Thank you for reading.

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D. Shikha
September 21, 2020 18:04

-It rocked, bro!! You've got a sense of humour. You should write more funny stories from now.
-I loved it!! I loved that 'battery runs out' joke.
-Mistake?...um....I found some;
1) "Why did you name your son, Physics?" I think this sentence is not formatted correctly, it should be without the comma.
2) In the aboveπŸ‘† sentence, how did Clue know that the Physics is the car driver's son?
3) There is a typo in the last line. It should be like, 'The driver slowly pronounced, "he did nothing."'
(I hope I didn't offend you, I'm really sorry if I did. I'm just trying to help.)
-Your title is nice.
-Waiting for your next, tell me whenever it comes out.
~D

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September 22, 2020 03:17

-thanks
-glad you loved it.
1)I don't know if its a mistake. (I didn't do proffreading even once)
2)yeah, that's a mistake ☝️
3)okay thanks.
(No way. I don't get offended easily. No, this is help)
-I am worse in keeping titles. This title was given by Clara D Perry.
-Sure. Will try to get one out this week.
😁

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D. Shikha
September 22, 2020 03:42

-You're welcome!!!
-Clara is so nice. She gave me awesome feedback on both of my stories.
-Will be waiting....
Bye, going to school!!
Have a great day!!! 😊

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September 22, 2020 03:54

-Glad to here that
-Yeah, she's one of the best author and editor. She gives me wonderful advice.
-i think it will be out today. I am proggressing very fast.
Enjoy school, sis.

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D. Shikha
September 22, 2020 07:08

I just saw that I didn't 'Like' this story. I'm really sorry, bro. I did it now.😊

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September 06, 2020 00:27

OMG!!!!! You did such a great job with this story. I think you added the perfect amount of detail and your plot was on point.

In my eyes you deserve a 10/10! Great job!

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September 06, 2020 03:24

Thank you.

Thank you for the score. I am glad I got 10/10

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Akshat .
September 05, 2020 06:41

Brilliant! The last line was ... weird. But this line: "Then I would become the father of Physics," <-- LOL!

Awesome job at writing a humorous story, and I hope you keep on writing!
PS. Congrats on reaching the top 10!

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September 05, 2020 06:44

Thank you. Yes that's a LOL!!!!πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Thank you, Akshat. I will keep on writing and you also keep writing.
Thanks.
P.S. Do you have any title suggestions? Because I don't think this title fits..

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Akshat .
September 05, 2020 06:49

You're welcome!

Yup!
No, not really. I think the title's okay though!

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September 05, 2020 06:52

Thanks.

If something strikes you, please tell it to me.

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Akshat .
September 05, 2020 06:57

Definitely!

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September 05, 2020 06:58

Thanks.
Rip Black panther😭😭😭😭

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Jubilee Forbess
September 17, 2020 18:46

I love Narnia too! :)

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September 18, 2020 02:30

Yeah, its totally awesome. I am starting the second book today :)

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Hriday Saboo
September 06, 2020 13:52

Brilliant story K. I think I can call you that. And congrats for making it to top 10 in the leaderboard

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September 06, 2020 13:58

You may call me K if you want. Thanks!!!!!!

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Jesna Anna S.
September 05, 2020 18:58

Great story! Kept me thoughtful! Keep writing!

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September 06, 2020 03:21

Thanks!!!!

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Nellie Jett
September 05, 2020 13:51

This was very well written! The ending left me wanting to know the rest of the story... very well done, I don't really have any feedback, except for maybe trying to add more rich description. But it could totally be a personal choice to leave it out. :) All in all, great job! you're an amazing writer and I can't wait for more of your stories!

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September 05, 2020 13:54

I weaved this story in just an hour. So, I couldn't give descriptions. I just wanted to finish it. And I was close to the finishing time. Thank you.

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Nellie Jett
September 05, 2020 14:13

Wow, all that in just an hour? I could never do that. Great job, and like I said, you don't have to have rich descriptions to make a good story. Sometimes, simplicity is what makes them great. :)

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September 05, 2020 14:15

Yup. I wrote a story for another prompt. But, it faltered. So, I wrote a new story and this is it. Thanks.
Agreed :)

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Nellie Jett
September 05, 2020 14:16

:)

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September 11, 2020 02:27

:)

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Anjali Arutchelvan
September 05, 2020 13:41

Hey keerthu, I enjoyed your story. My best wishes to you. Keep going..

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September 05, 2020 13:42

Thank you for reading.

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September 05, 2020 02:04

This is funny. I like the name hint and clue too lol. You have a great imagination. β€œUntil the battery in my mobile phone gets over” maybe say until the battery in my mobile phone runs out. But really good anyways good job

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September 05, 2020 02:09

Thank you for reading. I am glad you liked the names. Going to change. Thanks. :)

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September 05, 2020 00:54

Haha, nice work! One thing I’m a but confused about:
β€œ I know you are the son of Bobel prize winner, Bracket," Clue said.
"Yeah, I am his son and what is a Bobel prize?" Clue asked. He was a fairly well built man with sparkling blue eyes and curly brown hair.β€œ
Clue asked himself a question, then answered??? I’m pretty sure you meant for Hint to ask the question. Also, the question makes it sound like he’s addressing Bracket. Maybe phrase it as, β€œ I know you are the son of Bobel prize winnerβ€”Bracket," Clue (Although I think it’s Hint) said.β€œ
Okay, goodnight!

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September 05, 2020 01:01

Thanks.
Changed it. Thank you for reading.

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Clara D Berry
September 06, 2020 03:47

I really like this story. It's hilarious. My favorite lines are "Then I would become the father of Physics," "Until the battery in my mobile phone runs out," and "he did nothing."
Sorry I missed the deadline for editing. I guess I'll have to give you extra homework next time. ;) What happened to your other story? I thought you had figured it out.

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September 06, 2020 04:19

I am glad you liked it.
Waiting for the homework. That's ok. My friend is an American too. I asked him to proofread once.
That story totally faltered. I couldn't come up with a twist.
How much homework I would have got this time? Where there so many? Because I just made this whole story in an hour.

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September 06, 2020 04:21

We may start the thread at this story.

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Clara D Berry
September 06, 2020 07:13

The homework this time would have been a few things a bunch of times each. For example, I noticed that you keep using the word "kept" with regard to names. I am assuming that the direct translation of "kept" is something that you use when talking about names in your native language, but in English we don't usually do that. For example, this line:
"What a stupid name kept to a city," Clue thought.
In English I would say "What a stupid name for a city." And this line:
"Whoever gets the Bobel prize names the city and this was the name kept by your father," Hint explained.
I would say "Whoever gets the Bobel prize names the city and this was the name chosen by your father." I just noticed you also used "kept" next to a name in one of your comments:
"Because I kept this name because I didn't have time to submit. Please give some suggestions."
In this case, the word kept does belong, because it means that you left the name the way it was for now, but might change it later. If you were talking about choosing a name in the first place, I wouldn't recommend using the word "kept."

Another thing I noticed is your usage of the word "onto." "Onto" means on top of. The child climbed onto the chair. He jumped onto the trampoline. This word would not be used for crashing unless you flew into the air and landed on top of something. So I would say "crashed into a tree."
I also didn't see the driver say that Physics was his son, so it was confusing that Clue knew the driver was talking to his son.
"I have got scoldings from a scholar." I would say "I got scolded by a scholar."
"He attended the call" I would say "He answered the call" or "He picked up the call."
I think it would have been less homework than usual because the story was short, and also because your English is improving. The trickiest part of switching languages is idioms. Sometimes you can translate correctly and come up with the wrong word anyway. My recommendations for this would be to have a native speaker proofread and to keep reading in English, but I know you are already doing both, so great job.
I also found one more favorite line: "He became completely clueless." I really like what you did with the names in this story.

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September 06, 2020 07:17

Okay, this time it's a little small.
Yeah, kept is like that word I shouldn't use.
Onto is wrong I think. But, I can't change it now.
I need a nice title beacause the title I kept is really weird. I am glad I got less homework this time.
Next time, please try to read the story before deadline. Are you busy every month after September?

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Clara D Berry
September 06, 2020 08:01

Hopefully I will get less busy as the year progresses. I just started a new job and it's been really busy so far, but it should get easier. I am always busy on Fridays. In general if I see it before Friday I should be able to find time for it.
I did not realize you could still change the title. I'll think about it and let you know if I think of anything.

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September 06, 2020 08:30

Great. But, sadly I won't write any other story in this month Because of exams. I would have released that story before Friday but it faltered. Or I would have released it before friday. Congrats on the new job. When will you write your next story?

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Clara D Berry
September 06, 2020 08:10

How about "Clueless" for the title? The town was without Clue, since he left, and it also doesn't make sense. And Clue is clueless later in the story.

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September 19, 2020 07:53

Do you know what is post apocalyptic?

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Clara D Berry
September 21, 2020 02:59

I had to ask one of my sisters about this one. It's not a genre I have written before. Post-apocalyptic means after the world is destroyed. Sometimes there are zombies, sometimes one or two people somehow survived, and sometimes a number of people survive by hiding out somewhere deep underground. Or you could have everyone dead and have the planet colonized by aliens. The point is to have some really destructive event that should have wiped out humanity and then the story happens after that.

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September 21, 2020 03:47

Thank you. I understood. I am going to start writing.

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September 23, 2020 04:21

We can actually search the name. But, not in google. If you type in Mae Obusa in google. It would direct you straight to her profile. The same is for everyone. (🀣🀣Even I am in google.)

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Clara D Berry
September 23, 2020 04:30

Oh, cool. I forgot about that. Yes, that is why I didn't give Reedsy my real name. If you google my real name you will find out way more than I want my Reedsy followers to know about me.
I see what you mean about her picture. Maybe she used the same avatar generator as I did.

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September 23, 2020 04:37

What??? is this not your real name?!!!!( Clara)

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September 23, 2020 04:19

https://blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/mae-obusa/
The link.

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Prakash Amboiram
September 06, 2020 02:25

A good try to make a humorous one that too in one hour. You are showing up in all areas. You can imagine things in no time. The best in your story is "father of physics". Keep going

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September 06, 2020 03:25

Thank you for reading.

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Kristin Neubauer
September 05, 2020 22:19

Hah! This is such an interesting and creative story, Keerththan. First of all, I love the names Clue and Hint and Physics. I also love the mystery of "what is the Bobel Prize?" But your ending is really fantastic - I did not see that coming. This is the kind of story that I need to go back and read again to really put everything into place, but it's so intriguing that I can't wait to read it again. Well done!

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September 06, 2020 03:22

I am glad you love the names. Thank you for reading.

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Rayhan Hidayat
September 05, 2020 01:03

This was such a wacky tale. Solid humor; the part about being the Father of Physics made me grin. Maybe I missed something, but why were their names Clue and Hint? I get that they’re synonyms and this is a humorous story, but I’m genuinely curious what their parents were thinking. Keep it up, anyways! πŸ˜™

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September 05, 2020 01:11

No, Clue and Hint are just names. I wanted to make the names sound like very normal things. Like the place was called a thing. I may write a part 2. Anyways, thanks for reading.(would you mind liking my story?)

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. .
September 18, 2020 06:56

Enjoy the up-votes :)

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September 18, 2020 07:00

Thank you soooooooooooooooooo much. I am going for you...

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. .
September 18, 2020 07:03

You're ninth right now but I might do some more to secure your spot

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September 18, 2020 07:07

Check out my bio!

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. .
September 18, 2020 07:09

:O Ty

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September 18, 2020 07:10

Thank you. I really don't know what to say.
And welcome.

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September 18, 2020 07:04

Thank you sooooo much. I have done all of yours.... go check out.

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DK Marie
September 14, 2020 16:56

Such a clever story! Love the word play and how the characters stayed true their names! Well done!

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September 15, 2020 02:04

I am glad you loved the story. Thank you for reading(would you mind liking my story?) Thanks.

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Corey Melin
September 05, 2020 18:46

Quite the amusing story. Had me chuckling to think of a city full of my characters Stewie and Nubert. Very entertaining. Well done on the story

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September 06, 2020 03:20

I am glad you were chuckling. Thank you for reading.

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Meena Mahalingam
September 05, 2020 03:22

This is the craziest story I have ever read. Congratulations keerththan, keep it up, wishes to write more and more.

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September 05, 2020 03:32

Thank you for reading.

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Hriday Saboo
September 20, 2020 13:44

Hey keerththan. When’re we getting a new story. Would you mind chking me new story. And I live in Mumbai but I am the biggest fan of CSK

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September 20, 2020 14:45

Hey Hriday Saboo
This week I will get one out. Yeah, sure. Great! I am also a big fan of Csk

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Hriday Saboo
September 20, 2020 14:49

Hehe good. Good 😌

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Amogh Kasat
September 19, 2020 04:55

This is the new conversation: come online at 7:30

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September 19, 2020 04:58

Sure!

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Amogh Kasat
September 19, 2020 12:57

Hey come online

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Amogh Kasat
September 19, 2020 13:23

Dhoni is playing a cricket match after 437 days

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September 19, 2020 13:43

Yeah, I am very excited.

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September 19, 2020 13:53

Hey Amogh even Trent Boult is in MI squad.

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September 19, 2020 14:01

Hey Amogh,
Come online. We have won the toss and chose to bowl.

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September 19, 2020 13:43

I have come!

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The Cold Ice
September 19, 2020 13:48

I think you are talking about ipl. I am supporting MI.

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September 19, 2020 13:49

Yes. I support for CSK.

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Alkaa Sharma
September 10, 2020 09:09

Beautiful ❀️❀️

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September 10, 2020 09:10

Thanks!!!! (would you mind liking my story?)

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Scout Tahoe
September 10, 2020 04:42

Here as you asked,
Wow. This is really good. The descriptions are amazing. The beginning pulls you in, and is probably my favorite part. Great job!

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September 10, 2020 05:03

Thanks!!!!! I am glad you enjoyed reading my story.

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Rebecca Lee
September 07, 2020 12:13

Hey

As always, your stories are good, and entertaining. What I would suggest, as I see this as a pattern in your writings, is to take a step back, and try to write from the reader's point. I guess what I am saying is look at each story you write as more than just a submission, write is for entertainment, write for purpose. So many of your stories seem to be hurried through sometimes, and you miss so much. You have got MEGA potential.

When i say you miss much- think grammar, mechanics and specifically, dialogue. You might hear the story in your head, and the "voices" of your characters but make them a little more clear so that the readers find it easy to follow along with.

Not sure if what I am saying makes sense. I always say write for yourself, rules be gone, but at the same time, write understandably.

Good job. Hey will you read my latest submission looking for some feedback.

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September 07, 2020 12:32

Thank you for the comment. I am glad you enjoyed it. I will try what you said in my next.

Sure, heading there :)

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Bianka Nova
September 07, 2020 11:00

Great story! I liked all the names in it, especially Clue and Hint. :)
And this part was hilarious:

"How many hours do you play?" Clue asked.

"Until the battery in my mobile phone runs out," the driver replied.

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September 07, 2020 11:17

I am glad you liked the names. I am glad you found it hilarious. When I read it the second tim, even I chuckled.

Thank you for reading.

Reply

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