CHILI MIX-UP

          BIGG ATTITUDE, CHILI MIX-UP

 Betsy wakes up from her nap and feels hungry so she goes upstairs to the kitchen. Her father calls to her from the dining room, asking her to join them for supper. 

 Betsy thought "What a treat! No food prep duty for me!" 

 She sits down and helps herself to chili and crackers. As the threesome eat they make small talk about their plans for the week and whatever gossip each of them has to tell that the others might have not heard about yet. Betsy notices the chili is not her Mother's usual recipe and she wonders why. 

 Betsy asks "Are you trying a new chili recipe? I like your old recipe better than this one. Not to complain about it. I am thrilled to eat duty free but I like your usual recipe better than this one. It's a bit hot isn't it?"

 Barbara looks at Betsy with a quizzical face.

 Barbara said "I found this in the refrigerator. I thought YOU made it for us. Didn't you make it? I just reheated it. I took it for granted you made it for supper since you often make a hot dish or casserole for everyone and leave it in the refrigerator for anyone who finds it." 

 Betsy replies "True! It is my habit to make food using my normal 4 person proportions since all of us come and go at different times and are hungry. Especially Scott! He can hoover up half a hot dish in one sitting. OH! WAIT! Scott was making something for his Sunday Football Party! He said they all bring food to pass and it is his turn to bring a major dish! This must be his!"

 Harry stops eating and stares at his big bowl of chili. He said "OooooOoo! I wonder what's in this stuff?"

 Harry doesn't cook at all and only trusts women in the kitchen. He continues "It does taste a bit hot. I thought you went too heavy on the chili powder. Oh well, it's too late now. It's alright if you put enough crackers in it."

 Betsy replies "I will make a replacement pot of chili for Scott in the morning. I'll have to put extra chili powder in it for him though. I'm sure the kids like spicier food than we do. My kids use hot sauce on everything!" 

 Little did Betsy realize what would befall from the great chili mix-up. 

Later that night...

 Betsy's eyes open as she hears her father yelling "YOU HAVE TO GO DOWNSTAIRS! I CAN'T GET OFF THE TOILET! MY ASS IS ON FIREEEEEE!" 

 Betsy jumps out of bed and scoots to her living room just in time to see her mother scurry down the steps and lose a slipper on her way to the bathroom. Barbara doesn't care that she lost her footwear and continues at her fast pace, rocketing into Betsy's bathroom and slamming the door behind her. Betsy can hear her mother moan. She is puzzled. Then, Betsy hears a chorus of what she can only describe as the thunder and lightening of bowel movement sounds. Betsy begins to listen intently...

 From the upstairs bathroom, Betsy hears what resembles a trumpeting elephant. Then, in a flash from behind her own bathroom door comes an exploding noise as if a cannon has just shot water into a wall. Then the smell hits her. 

 Betsy cringes "Oh Lord...I smell dead things..."

 Sweat begins to gather on Betsy's brow and her own bowels begin to growl. Her two cats start to back away from her. Betsy's eyebrows shoot up as she realizes she has two flights of stairs to climb before she gains access to the only remaining bathroom. 

 Betsy clenches her butt cheeks together and moves as fast as she possibly can without losing the tension in her rectum. She feels pressure in her colon as she makes it up the first flight of stairs and is rounding the corner to the second flight of steps. She is moving toward the second stairway when her butt fires a warning shot. 

 Betsy realizes "UGH! IT BURNS!" She thought "Never mind the smell...I have to reach nirvana!" Betsy is sure her panties are blown to kingdom come and the gas that has escaped is peeling paint off the walls. Her whole body is wet with sweat by the time she reaches the upstairs bathroom. She slams the door shut and sits on the toilet. Betsy is giddy to have made it and be able to let the pain in her side do what it has to do. 

 She relaxes her muscles and hears a few seconds of a gurgling, growling type of noise before the damn burst. Never has she heard of such backfire coming from a human being. She fears the neighbors will call the police and report hearing shotgun blasts coming from the Bigg house. 

 Betsy actually feels dizzy and wonders if she has blown her butt cheeks off. They are numb. Her intestines must be hanging out of her rectum similar to when your tongue hangs out of your mouth after throwing up. The smell is like nothing she has ever experienced...Eau De Rotten...

 Betsy sits on the toilet and thought "The worst thing about the screaming diarrhea is that you never feel quite finished." She is pasty faced and drained of all her bodily fluids. She wonders "What the hell was in that chili? It should have a warning label such as THIS IS FIRE. DO NOT EAT." 

 After getting up and sitting back down three times, Betsy feels safe to return to her living space. She admits she applied a feminine napkin to her butt for comfort and protection. An ass bandage so to speak. Her panties are in a trash bag she carries with her and the bag is tied up with a double knot. Betsy plans to bury the bag as soon as the sun comes up.

 Betsy is down one flight of stairs when she met her father on his way back to his bedroom. He is using the wall for support as he staggers along. His footsteps are shaky and his face is totally drained of color. Betsy realizes he is using a bath towel for underwear back-up. He has put the middle of the towel in his crotch and has the ends hanging out the front and back of his briefs. He looks like a chunky version of Tarzan in a lion cloth. 

 Harry mumbles as he passes by Betsy "What the hell was in that chili?" 

 Betsy shakes her head back and forth with a lost look in her eyes. She hears her father fall into bed. She hopes he didn't pass out. She realizes "Oh GOOD! He is okay." She can hear him moaning. 

 Betsy makes it to the basement as her mother is emerging from the bathroom. Betsy asks Barbara if she can make it up the stairs or if she needs some help. Barbara replies "I'm not sure but it smells too bad to stay in the bathroom any longer. I'll have to try. I borrowed a tampon from you. I've plugged my butt with it. It will most likely need to be surgically removed at some point but I had to end my suffering. I have the whole thing shoved up my rectum." 

 Betsy replies "No worries Mom. I am sure Doctor Johnson will give us a family discount since I am his best customer lately. Did I tell you I am cursed" They both sigh. Betsy said "Come on Mom. I'll help you upstairs." Betsy tosses her panty bag on the floor and takes her mother’s arm. Betsy's cats immediately try to bury the bag. They can only gather minor dust bunnies but Betsy appreciates their effort. Barbara's last words to Betsy before she went into her bedroom is that she must have been hallucinating. She thought she heard an elephant while she was peeing out her butt. Betsy reassures her mother that she heard it too and she fears the noise was Harry emptying his bowels. After Betsy helps Barbara into her room she goes to her own room and collapses. Both of Betsy's cats are staring at her stomach, occasionally touching it with their paws as if it is alive. They jump back when it makes a growling sound. The poor kitties are unable to relax under these conditions and make tiny mewing sounds. 

 Betsy thought to herself "I should send this recipe to the military. They can drop it behind enemy lines. It's cheaper than bullets and more deadly. What was in that chili? Her last thought before she passes out was "I hope no one lights a match near the house....we will all be blown to bits." 

 The next morning, Harry, Barbara and Betsy are weakly sitting at the dinner table eating nothing. Only water for all three of them. Scott came downstairs and stands in the hallway next to the dining room looking at his family with a confused expression as he notices their blank faces and weakened state. 

 Harry looks at Scott and asks "WAS THAT YOUR CHILI?"

 Scott replies "YES! Why?"

 Harry asks "What the hell was in it?" 

 Scott said proudly "It's my revenge on my buddies! The last party we had they fed me brownies with chocolate laxative in it so I made chili with unflavored laxative in it! I can't wait until they eat it! I put in the whole box!"

 Barbara exclaims "OH MY GOD! No wonder we were all sick!" Scott asks "You didn't eat it did you? Awwwww, what am I going to feed the guys now?"

 Harry stands up, still sporting his loin cloth attire thinking Scott will realize the effect his chili had and mend the err of his ways. Scott doubles over with laughter and asks "GRANDPA? Are you in a diaper?" 

 Harry angrily replies "VERY FUNNY LAUGHING BOY! Next time let us all know about your secret weapon, That stuff is dangerous! Harry sat back down. Scott asks between giggles "Did all of you eat it? Did it taste alright?" 

 Barbara tells Scott she thought it tasted fine until it blew up inside of her. Her advise is to make sure his chili never gets into the wrong hands EVER! Betsy tells her son she fears he was summoning demons when he made that concoction. That chili was possessed. She warns her son to be wary of his corn flakes since two can play this game. Betsy gives an evil laugh as she leaves the table...she has panties to bury.