Sufficient Unto the Iteration

”What is all the fuss in the Fog Lake today?” Little Plump Jo asked. “One of you go and get a copy of Proclamation Parchments. Maybe pick up Scandal Sheets as well!”

As Artisan in Residence at Malory Tennyson’s Cloudbank Cabin for Arthurian Studies, Little Plump Jo felt she needed to be aware of what the Arthurian characters in the Fog Lake at the foot of Cloudbank Cabin were doing.

Under normal circumstances the Arthurian characters reenacted the episodes of Sir Thomas Malory’s Morte d’Arthur in a continuous loop, like a long running stage play. When one season finished, with King Arthur’s final battle at Camlann, and his long sleep on the Island of Avalon, the next iteration began with the events leading up to Arthur’s birth; and then Arthur returned, to again pull the sword Excalibur from the stone and be proclaimed King.

However, the circumstances had been far from normal in the Fog Lake ever since The Glitch happened during the iteration before last. Soon after The Glitch happened King Arthur went to fight his son, Mordred at Camlann before Sir Galahad, the Grail Hero, had even been conceived and returned before Sir Lancelot had completed his previous Hero’s To Do List.

Now, it was always hard to tell what part of the epic tale was being narrated. Sometimes the official news in Proclamation Parchments could bring some explanation. Sometimes the gossipy Scandal Sheets brought a clue.

Intellectual Dabrowski and Psycho Motor Dabrowski, two of Jo’s canine writing companions, returned with news scrolls in their mouths. Jo was very grateful that she could communicate with animals and fictional characters.

“Proclamations Parchments says that Sir Pinel is being extradited from some exotic foreign place to stand trial for the murder of Sir Patrice,” Intellectual barked, dropping a neatly rolled scroll at Jo’s feet.

“Scandal Sheets has lots of stuff about who says what and whether it caused The Glitch and lots of other stuff too!” yelped Psycho Motor, scattering bits of chewed and slobbered on parchment all around the room.

There were a lot of superstitious beliefs about what had caused The Glitch; but Jo had never heard of Sir Pinel being blamed.

Portly Scribe Aforementioned wandered into the cabin with an armload of scrolls. “Can I use your back room as an office for the next month or so, please?” he asked. “I really need to get away from all the interruptions in order to prepare the paperwork for the trial.”

Portly was still not able to avoid a constant stream of visitors. Apparently, King Arthur had wanted anybody to be able to voice their opinion, and be heard, when it came to evidence in the trial of Sir Pinel. Fortunately, they had been directed to use the rear door of Cloudbank Cabin, so as not to tramp in Fog Lake silt.

After four days Portly Scribe informed King Arthur that designing the whole format of the trial was beyond his expertise and his pay rate. He was given two extra cream buns with his morning tea.

Intellectual Dabrowski, the Border Collie, visited Portly and advised him that he should continue to accept submissions from all; but to divide them into two piles - for and against Sir Pinel. Then he should get one person to take all the submissions against Sir Pinel with any forensic evidence of his guilt and be prepared to summarize and present for all of them. He could ask some people to speak in person if he thought it would help the case.

He should do the same for those who wished to defend Sir Pinel.

“That way the trial only needs to hear from two speakers, not dozens.” Intellectual said.

“Actually, I should make three piles,” Portly said, “because some of these people want to talk about other issues, like whether Sir Pinel caused The Glitch, or what Sir Pinel’s great grandfather did to their great uncle’s second cousin once removed. So many Points of View! So many unreliable witnesses!"

“You need to set limits about the subjects that will be addressed at the trial.” Intellectual barked.

“It was shaping up to be a spin-off min-series!” Intellectual told Little Plump Jo.

“King Arthur is determined to let everybody have a say. But most of the people who have put in a submission to Portly were not even at the dinner.”

“Have Bo-ort and Dyusghi come yet?” asked the little Bedlington Terrier, Imaginational Dabrowski.

“Who? I have never heard of them,” said Jo.

“I imagine that Bo-ort and Dyusghi want to sponsor a mini-series about the trial.”

“You are impossible, Imaginational!”

“Psycho and I went to look for clues in the kitchens,” Sensual Dabrowski yelped.

“We were just going to look at how they prepare the fruit platters,” Psycho Motor Dabrowski barked, “but Sensual started sniffing around, following all the scents. Then the cooks started yelling ‘No dogs in the kitchen!’ and chased us out with brooms.”

“No point in looking for clues in the kitchen now!” barked Intellectual. “The dinner party where Sir Patrice was poisoned happened during the previous iteration.”

“Why wasn’t the trial held in the previous iteration then?”

“Sir Pinel has never had to stand trial before. He always just runs away.”

“Why is he being tried now then?”

“Portly Scribe thinks they are hoping to tie up as many loose ends from previous iterations as possible, so that this iteration will be smoother, in spite of The Glitch,” said Intellectual.

“What happens if Sir Pinel is in prison when we get to that story in this iteration?”

“I don’t know, Psycho. Since The Glitch nobody ever really knows what will happen next!”

Portly Scribe waddled into the front room and dropped onto the couch.

“Thank you for your suggestions, Intellectual. I have now handed over the information to two advocates. I have discarded all the submissions from people who were not present at the dinner, unless they had particular knowledge.”

“I kept statements about food handling from the kitchen staff because that also comes under Food Handling Legislation and Health and Safety Regulations.”

“And I took a statement from Sir Lancelot because he defended the Queen when she was accused of the poisoning.”

“But then King Arthur came and laid out the order of proceedings.”

“Is he going to be the judge?”

“No. He said that the trial would end with the Lady of the Lake declaring that Sir Pinel was guilty!”

“He had decided already? I thought that was the point of the trial – that everybody could give evidence and then there would be a verdict from an independent person.”

“Well, the Lady of the Lady is independent and she was not at the dinner.”

“So why would she have a predetermined opinion?”

“Because that is what happens in all the previous versions. King Arthur says that the Lady of the Lake is a Powerful Enchantress and that is just what Powerful Enchantresses do!”

“Why not declare the whole trial invalid on the grounds of statute of limitations.”

“Sufficient unto the Iteration is the evil thereof!”