My Dead Doe

TW: Child death, Murder

I awoke that morning. My head was buzzing from the dark promiscuous night before. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, wet and crusted with gloom. Then let them open to the world around me. The silver tarnished ashtray at my bedside glinted with the morning light streaming from my window. The sun was muted by the lace curtains Eleanor insisted on putting up when we moved in.

I let the cold envelope my lardy body. I strode to the window, aggressively pulling the fabric away, and gazed into the wooded plain behind my estate. In between the large trees that huddled together for warmth from the winter air stood a doe next to a large, browned puddle. The doe was encapsulating, drawing me in with every subtle movement its small body made. I found myself leaping right through the glass and tearing down the horrid curtains. I scurried towards the small creature, watching in awe when it dipped its delicate head down to drink from the clouded water. While it did so, a shining porcelain trinket fell from its muzzle. I knelt next to the animal and dipped my hands into the water, feeling the smooth bead that was oddly pointed at one end. My eyes were on the doe as I grabbed the object.

When I lowered my eyes to my hands, they were back in my marbled sink, scooping water to douse my greasy scalp. I let out a rasping breath, covering my thinning hair in the liquid. All while I was doing this, a clatter rang out from the tile of my floor. I wiped my head around and looked down. At my feet lay a perfectly white tooth, one end still holding the bloody root from where it had been plucked. I ran my tongue over my own teeth. All seemed to be in order, so I slipped the tooth into my suit pocket and walked out of my creaky bathroom door.

I walked on socked feet against cool hardwood to the kitchen. The cries of our new child pounded their way into my ears, and I grimaced. Muttering something I, myself, couldn't make out. I padded towards the kitchen and stood in the hallway for a few moments. Watching Eleanor fiddle with her part of our matching rings on the oak table I'd made. The thing that piqued my interest was the paper lying on the table next to my morning cigarette. Good, all the way it should be. I cleared my throat, signaling I was leaving, since I didn't take too kindly to talking with Eleanor these days. She looked up at me, which was unusual. But when I let my gaze meet hers, I froze.

The darkness of the doe’s chestnut eyes enveloped me. I was captured in the snare of this creature. I spied closely as it stared at me, and walked deeper into the forest. I wasn’t sure how long I followed it, because my pocket watch was nowhere to be found, but I stalked it nonetheless.

Every once in a while, it would turn its bobbing head, which looked too big for its body. Its serene eyes were begging me to follow, and I did. My bare feet on the cold, wet grass whose blades dared not cut me. The ground was smooth with greenery. Not a lump or bulge to be felt. Then the doe slowed, and I slowed in turn. Taking gentle, meticulous steps, my eyes followed the creature. A swell in the earth caught my foot, which surprised me. And when I went to inspect what I had stepped on, I was disgusted. Eleanor was buried up to her chin in the filthy dirt.

Plants sprouting from the soil clumped on top of her. I stood overlooking her. She was pale, her skin stretched over every bone of her skull like a wet sheet. I was infuriated. How could she have let herself get to this point? I’d never let her strut around looking more dead than a corpse. I wrinkled my nose and took in her impurities.

Then, to my shock, her eyes opened; they were milky and glazed over like she was looking at nothing and everything. I stumbled back when she opened her sharp jaw; every tooth was rotting, and her tongue swollen with decomposition. She then screamed and screamed in a robotic voice, until finally I could make out the words.

“NOW BOARDING, TRAIN 66! NOW BOARDING, TRAIN 66!

LAST CALL! LAST CALL FOR TRAIN 66!”

I sighed and pulled my tie up to attention. I listened to the hustle and bustle around me, my expensive-looking shoes clacking against the tiles. My cigarette was still between my lips all while I stepped onto the train. I looked at the seats where the women took their places each morning as I grabbed the overhead handrail. I watched a lanky, snooty-looking woman take her place behind me. I could feel her soft fur coat aggravatingly sliding against my back.

I turned to give the woman a filthy word or two, but instead, I was met with those big brown pools of childlike wonder. My sneer quickly turned to a smile. I reached down and gently stroked the doe. It buried its snout into my back and pushed me across a rocky, broken-down bridge towards a nice, large fishing lake. Though it had clumps of algae, it would certainly produce prize-winning fish.

I floundered over to the edge of the water, looking repulsed by the imperfections of plant life in the lake. I bent down and splashed away the goopy scum to gaze into the cloudy water. I let out a relaxed breath, eyeballing the lake as the muck drifted away. To my annoyance, the water swirled to life beneath me. And in the place of any fish, I saw myself holding my first child. The only one I would ever care for. Sweet and soft, I stood there with him in my arms. His dark chocolate eyes glimmered with excitement to see me. I wanted that once more. So I swallowed the hatred I had for Eleanor and dove into the freezing water for my boy.

It was frigid, the cold water….no wind ripping at my skin, so I pulled my suit jacket closer into my body while walking into the Diner. The familiar building was filled with warmth I could always foresee coming. I walked up to the counter, and the Diner Waitress gave me her usual lovely, dimpled smile. She was blonde, with big azure eyes and a soft face. Nothing like Eleanor.

She spoke through her grin as she slid me my coffee, which she had prepared for me every morning before I even stepped into the diner.

“Your regular mister”

She pushed my paper cup filled with the steaming liquid toward me. I stared down into my frothy morning perk. Then I felt her warm hand slip into my hair from across the counter and shove my face down into the brown mixture.

I gasped as I pulled my face from the filth. I realized my face and body were covered in sludge, and I dragged myself up from the muddy lakeside. I jolted up, looking around wildly for my doe. My gaze locked into the distance through the forest. Eleanor was dragging the creature by its throat towards the sandy shore of a beach. The look in the woman’s eyes was one I'd seen but once, and I knew what she would do to my dearest doe. I pulled myself together and scampered after her. I wouldn’t let her do this again. But before I could make it far, I felt my body ram into the hardwood of a blasted tree.

I cursed as I knocked into a man in the dirty alleyway that I took to work. A shortcut of sorts. Though the man looked angry and brought out a pistol, asking for my money, this was not what frightened me. His eyes. His eyes were just like Eleanor's had been that night. Not an ounce of mercy. I swiftly dropped to my knees to collect my money from the course dirt below me.

The soil was soft this time. I anxiously reviewed the beach before me. I stood up straight. The cold wind blew over me, flicking sand off the beach and swirling it over my feet. I took in everything around me once more. Eleanor was standing over a large hole in the sand. She was wailing, but there was not a tear to be seen on her pale cheeks. I stepped slowly through the sand. My hatred for that woman was bubbling up my throat as I carefully approached the crater dug in the beige powder. I peered deep into the chasm. A small body wrapped in white cloth lay below the earth. His hair was just as pale as mine had once been. I remembered the grin he gave me after he lost his first tooth. The tooth that was now like a boulder in my pocket. No, I dared not look at his face for I already knew this was my boy.

The tide whispered behind me, steady and cruel. The sand soft beneath my worn feet.

A gunshot rang in my ears, and I watched Eleanor give a grin of horrific joy. Then she rushed forward and pushed me into the grave with my dead son.