If They Insist...

When Jack woke up, I had already been awake for hours. I had done everything there was to do- chewed his shoes, his socks, his underwear. Spilled my water, chewed my bed up. Ripped up the bath mat. Now that the sun was finally rising, I saw a new perspective. Maybe I shouldn’t have done those things.

Huh. I considered the mess. Sure, it was big, but it could have been worse. It was going to be worse.

A whine escaped my throat. I was so bored. Sun was shining through the windows now, but that didn’t change much. The sofa looked so tempting.

I stepped toward it, carefully, then backed up a few feet, whimpering. I licked my lips. Nope. There was nothing else to do. I trotted over to the sofa, pleased with my decision, and wrapped my jaws around the armrest.

I loved the feeling of my teeth sinking into leather. Delicious. Why would I bite a stuffed animal when I could chomp this? It tasted amazing- a mix of dead cow, spilled coffee, and slobber. Wait, that was mine. Did it still count?

I ripped a large chunk out, feeling my nerves settling. The sun climbed higher in the sky, and finally, I heard the door of Jack’s room open. Finally! It had been so long.

“Good morning, Ruby,” Jack called.

I didn’t answer. I was almost done with this pillow, which was spraying interesting feathers out everywhere. After a particularly satisfying, violent rip, the whole pillow burst, spraying the fluffy white feathers into the air.

Yes! This was the part I had been aiming for! I leapt into the air, trying to catch them in my mouth. When I did, they stuck to my teeth and tongue, and I gagged.

My paws hit the floor with a thump, and I heard Jack walking into the room. I paid him no mind. Gasping, I tried to paw the damp feathers out of my mouth. They tasted disgusting!

Sure, this happened every time I exploded a pillow, but I never seemed to remember that when another one tempted me. And we certainly had a lot, most pieced back together by Josephine, who liked to visit Jack for some reason. I didn’t understand why she didn’t like me. Or Jack’s underwear. If she liked him, why wouldn’t she like his underwear? Didn’t she know he always had it with him?

Jack didn’t come into the living room. He headed straight for the showers. Okay. I assumed Josephine wasn’t coming over, then. She chose some really random times to come so I never knew what was happening. It was so stressful.

I gnawed on the leg of the coffee table, adding my marks to those from yesterday and the day before… and the day before… and the day before…

And before I knew it, the water was turning on in the bathroom. I heard a strange noise- singing, Jack always called it. I didn’t like it. I chomped harder. Chomp. Chomp. Chomp. I loved the taste of wood almost as much as leather.

In the shower, Jack sang a note so loud and high it hurt my ears. I shook my head, wincing, and my nose thwacked against the coffee table. That was the last straw.

I yelped, leapt backwards, and smashed my rump into the sofa. It was trying to eat me! Panic!

I raced around, dodging chairs that leapt out from silent corners and carpets that rose up like the waves on a beach. Curtains tried to strangle me, but I was too fast for them! I grabbed one in my jaws and kept running, feeling the undeniable satisfaction… that is, until the curtain rod stopped me short and I was thrown to the ground with a clang as the curtain rod clattered down on top of me.

Then the doorbell rang. I barked again and again, shaking off the curtain and rod and racing around to the door. Who was it? Were they going to get me? Or Jack? Or the curtain rod?

The water in the shower abruptly slammed off. I heard the sound of Jack getting out of the wet place and wrapping himself up in a towel. The doorbell rang again.

This time, I didn’t just bark. I howled. I whined. I grabbed the door handle with my teeth and pulled. Nothing happened.

Jack came barreling into the room, not even looking at his underwear, which was strewn across the floor, or the curtain, which was lying draped over the piano. He didn’t even look at the coffee table, nor the wood shavings that coated the rug. He remained oblivious to the sofa, too, and the spilled water, coating his chomped-up shoes- the ones he always wore on some random occasions, when he dressed up fancily, in stiff, unmovable clothing. I hated those days. I hated those shoes. They were now no more. Maybe he would stay here more if his shoes were unwearable. That would be good.

A moment later, Josephine came into the house. She was the first to notice what I had accomplished. I wagged my tail proudly. Now Jack would never leave me alone again!

“Jack!” Josephine said breathlessly, her face turned toward him but her eyes on me. “How are you? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on,” Jack replied, a frown plastered to his face. “I was showering and I heard the doorbell. That’s why I’m just in a towel.”

“No,” Josephine said slowly, “No, I meant… the living room. What happened to the couch?”

Jack turned around to look at it. I wagged and stared at him. He would always stay with me now!

Jack’s face went slack with happiness. The scents wafting off of him said otherwise, but I was optimistic. “Oh. That. Ruby just had a… a field day, I guess you could call it.”

“A field day?” Josephine said in disbelief. “It’s only eight in the morning!”

Now they were both looking at me. I shook my fur out. I was certain I had wood in my ear, but I wasn’t going to stop watching them until they stopped watching me. So there.

“Yeah,” Jack replied. “Eight in the morning. Why are you here?”

“We were going to go get breakfast, don’t you remember?”

“Oh.” Jack was panicking. This was good. Maybe he would come and lay down on the sofa and get one of those sharp-smelling drinks. We could watch the thing he called a television… whoops, that had fallen down when the curtain had attacked me. Oh well. We could just sleep, then.

“Well,” Jack said, his voice strained, “I’d better get changed. But didn’t I mention that I can’t leave Ruby alone?”

“No,” Josephine said. “You didn’t.”

“Hey,” Jack said softly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… that is… Ruby’s a special dog. When she finds her family, her forever family, we can go back to normal. But for now, I need to take care of her. This is one of my jobs.”

“Your jobs,” Josephine said bitterly. “Your jobs. Ha. What does that make me, a job? We planned this months ago! Which is more important, me or the dog?”

Jack looked at me. “Ruby, come.”

What was he talking to? I looked behind me at the fallen curtain. Was that a Ruby Come? Maybe the television? I didn’t know. I stayed sitting, looking up at him and Josephine from across the room. What were they doing?

“Josephine…” Jack said. “Of course you’re important.”

“But she’s more important.” Josephine glared at me, and I ducked. What was I supposed to do? Attack the sofa again? I looked up at her, my head lowered. I didn’t know what I had done, but I was sorry I had done it, whatever it was, anyway.

“No, she’s not more important,” Jack said. “But she is my job. You knew when Quasar passed I would help other dogs.”

“But Quasar was different. She was old. She didn’t destroy your- your-” Josephine didn’t seem to know what to say. She looked around helplessly and glared at me. I licked my chops and yawned, nervous. What was she going to do? Was she going to yell at me?

Finally, she burst out, “She didn’t steal your underwear or tear your curtains off the wall!”

Jack’s face turned red. “Yes. Josephine, I don’t know how to tell you this, but I am busy. I need to take care of her. I’m sorry if that doesn’t work for you, but it’s the way it’s got to be.”

Josephine pursed her lips. “Fine. Fine. You know what? If that’s the way it is, then you’ll be fine without me. Goodbye, Jack. Have fun with your puppy.”

With that, she turned on her heel and left, slamming the door behind her.

“Oh, Ruby,” Jack said after a moment. “What have you done?”

I wagged at him, showing him my pleasure that Josephine was gone. She was so angry. I didn’t like that. It made me nervous.

“Well, let’s see,” Jack said. “Shoot. I heard the crash. Thank goodness it’s just the curtain.”

I took it he was alright with the fact that the television was emitting foul odors and had somehow turned into lots of small glass pebbles.

Jack wandered over to the curtain that had attacked me. “Ruby!”

Was he talking to it? I looked up in interest. Why was Jack so mad? What was going on?

“I can’t believe you did this,” Jack said. “The landlord’s not going to be happy. And what is my underwear doing on the piano? Why is the lid down?”

What? Oh, did he mean the underwear? Yes, that had been fun to chew up. Socks, too.

Jack went over to the piano and lifted the bottom of the curtain off of it. “Wow. You really had fun this morning, didn’t you.”

Oh, he had discovered the sock collection! That was good. Those ones didn’t smell as good anymore.

“Oh, boy,” Jack said. “Wow, Ruby. This is going to be a long morning.”