Consequence of Victory

“I will hold a test to decide which of you two will take my place.”

My father’s voice is loud and stern. Our lips are sealed, leaving his voice echoing in the room.

“I want you two to observe the town and tell me how you would rule this place. In short, you will give me reasons so good that it will be foolish for me not to nominate one of you morons. A speech; prepare it well and present it to me.”

“Yes, father.”

We say in unison to break our silence.

I need to win this test. Looking at my brother, he has a serious look that screams determination. His stance is awe-inspiring, especially when I can’t pull my spine as high as his. I feel sweat dripping down my head. It must be the heat, but my brother doesn’t seem to be affected. Does he already have a plan? My father says he doesn’t have a favourite between the two of us, but it’s hard to believe. He’s the favourite. I have to find a way to beat Rai. The townsfolk will ridicule me if I lose the test. What is worse is that I will have to work under him. I mean, he understands me and respects my ideas, but he always has something to critique -

“Karan. Are you there?”

Huh? The air feels a little tense; talking to him right now feels like a crime. My body relaxes a bit once I notice that father has left.

“Yeah.”

“You okay?”

“Oh, I’m fine.”

“Hey, look. I know you’re tense right now. You can’t hide that from me.”

“I’m not hiding anything.”

“I love you. It pains me that… you of all people.”

My throat feels heavy. He looks tenderly at me, yet so confident in his gaze. I probably look like a mess.

“Alright, see ya later. Don’t stress.”

That’s easy for you to say. Those words echo in my head as I watch him leave, waving a shaky goodbye.

The silence envelops the room. However, my mind is anything but silent. Thoughts move around like a busy bazaar: everyone is vying for your attention. A ray of light hits me, interrupting my discordant symphony. The curtain flutters and dances, occasionally showing me all the dust in the room - my father often complains that my room is so dirty. I yank the curtain open. The air comes into the warm room, lifting the heat off my body as I stand leaning against the quiet street.

Huh?

My memory is faded, but I picture a familiar face. His footsteps are quiet now. My body can’t help but stretch beyond the window, trying to see what I can’t hear. Nothing. Sprinting outside, I see him disappear into a busier street. The crowd hides his curly hair well. My eyes stretch over the river of people to see the man going onto a quieter street. Soon, I’m dodging past bullock carts and vegetable vendors on the road. Finally, I see him.

I squeeze behind a wall, peeking my head a little. A door opens. My brother warmly embraces him. Huh. My eyes don’t steer away from the house, and I stare at the thick rose bushes from afar. Too blurry. I stare at the towering trees behind his house. I move, not letting a soul know. My feet start to feel squishy from the mulch, and I realise that I forgot to wear shoes. I hold onto a thick tree, peeking my head a little. Nothing. I swat the bugs off my body and trip onto the floor, covering myself in mud and leaves. Through the gaps of the bush, I see the man. I don’t move an inch.

My brother comes into the picture. They come closer together, making me choke a little, but I try not to make a scene. Yank, the curtain closes! I go back to swatting the bugs, fighting to remove stains off my clothes, and recalibrating my bearings. I saw a scene.

I don’t remember the trip back home, but here I am lying on my bed, unable to close my eyes and drift off as usual. I don’t remember much time passing, but the moonlight shining through the curtains reminds me to close them. I do remember what I witnessed at the scene. A tender moment. A private one that I happened to see and let my eyes sear into my brain’s neurons. My brother is cleanly dressed. But the man’s attire is dirty and unkempt. Yet he lets dirt on his shirt like it's nothing to worry about or stress. I know he has a strong posture, but he seems to have a way stronger posture than I thought. No. I will not let this go. I see a chance.

The room fills with darkness, though a slit of light still hits me. I remember my childhood with my brother. I remember the games we used to play, and the time he took the blame when I spilt water on father’s documents. I remember trying to clench my eyes as I saw father whipping him as if he stole all of his money. Yet. My thoughts drown these memories. I think of a plan, a plan that relives this memory, but father can’t possibly punish adults. Karan is too good and old for that.

I approach a door. Heavy knocks echo through the cold night. A rugged and frigid man emerges from a black portal, and the coldness envelops me. Goosebumps all over. He looks at me without blinking, as though I had already told him everything.

“Father. I have grave news.”

I hold in my words as though I’m holding off a stampeding crowd. My sense of morality holds like a strained gate. He gives me a look that kills all my restraints, begging me to comply.

“I saw a man enter Karan’s house.”

He scoffs.

“I saw them kissing.”

“Is that so...”

Huh? My father seems to be smiling.

“I will take care of it. And congratulations, there's no test anymore, as I can’t have an insolent whelp, sneaky little lying -”

Thud! I gaze deeply into the wooden door and the several small cracks at the hinges.

I feel the weight of several elephants on my shoulders. Shoot, what does he mean by that? Before my brain could process the situation, I’m flung aside as my father stampedes outside with a sharp, silvery sickle in his hand. The metal shines in my eyes, scaring every cell in my body.

The very busy street at night is soulless. Not a whisper to be heard, not from people nor nature. The air is still. I sprint through the thick air with sly slithering footsteps at a falcon’s speed. Soon, I see roses.

Knock, Knock.

…

Knock Knock.

A tired hand opens the door. A voice deeper than the oceans echoes and groans like disturbed whales.

“What do you want?”

I push him inside and lock the door.

“Hey, are you stupid?”

My finger blocks his mouth as I gesture to preserve the silence of the night.

“We should hide immediately,” I whisper like a cold breeze stealthily sneaks into the room.

His eyes move back and forth as he briskly walks, pulling me with him. A trapdoor opens in a wardrobe, revealing a portal of utter darkness.

“Okay, so who’s after you?”

My tongue is tied. The darkness drowns everything as the door closes. Zip! A match fires up and dances enthusiastically. Soon a candle joins the party. Yet, the darkness inside me doesn’t let me join.

“Don't worry about it. You must promise me that tomorrow let’s go pay back-”

“That’s not it.”

My brother’s eyes change from wide open to squinted. He towers over me; even though I am taller, I can’t seem to stand straight.

“I…”

My words are strained as though my father is standing in front of me.

“Saw you with him,” I squeak weakly.

His eyes make an expression that I’ve never seen before, so unfamiliar but expected.

“And you told father.”

“How did you -”

His eyes and arms swell up over. He holds my hand, gripping with the strength of a wrestler, and raises the other one in brutal anger, reminding me of the fists of our father. Nothing.

“It’s not just about me and you and this silly stupid title. You can have the title if you really want to have it so bad that you put my lover’s life in danger.”

His eyes grow dark circles. He lets me go.

“I can’t hurt you because I love you. I… I…”

I’ve never seen him so raw and exposed.

“If you didn’t approve of us, then you could have told me first. You know his temper. His beliefs.”

“No,” I let out a gasp of air.

“No, that’s not it. I love you too.”

He relaxes his expression a tiny amount, but the air is still thick and mucky. Soon, tears flow down his face like a waterfall at the height of monsoon.

“I didn’t-”

A heavy thud echoes in the air; thundering footsteps follow. A darkness soon envelops us as the candles are silenced, and even the mice in the deepest burrows are stunned. We crouch on the dirt floor, huddled together, using a rough, sandpaper-like rucksack over us. The stampede occasionally comes and goes.

“I’m sorry.”

“I will be running away tomorrow.”

“What?”

“You don’t realise how dire the situation is?”

The stomping intensifies near the trapdoor. The footsteps quiet down and vanish into the night, leaving faint creaking all over.

“There’s nothing left for me in this place. We live in a world where people like me are… are… tch! And I am not strong enough to take on the world myself. So, so, I will have to move to where no one knows who I am. No one.”

The silence is deafening.

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t mean anything. You took my life away from me, so you have to help me escape.”

“I don’t want you to leave… I’m sorry. Can we fix this? Please, I don’t know if I can do without you.”

“No, it’s broken too far. If you really care about me, then you let me go.”

“I don’t know what that would look like without you.”

“I’m sorry. I love you, but I can't -” he tears up a little bit.

Walking up the trapdoor, I see the reflection of the moonlight on glass fragments scattered like stars on the dark floor, with the curtains bursting into the house, showing me the towering trees outside. No. My face wells up in tears. Overflowing, I put my hands on my face to try to stop them as I roughly land on the floor in defeat. Broken things everywhere, not a way to fix them. Rai’s stance looks similar to mine as he looks around his house. He shivers as he tries to gather a few belongings, shaking like a really old man. A small bag holds an overflowing amount of stuff.

“You haven’t told him about Saikat, have you?”

“No,” I respond, breaking between tears.

“Just make sure he is safe. Don’t let him follow me.”

“I will.”

We sneak out. The ground is mulchy, and the shaky trees fill up the ambience.

He hugs me, a deep and meaningful embrace.

"Here, this note will tell you where he lives."

Soon my brother merges with the darkness as his shadow disappears. I dig my knees into the soil and let the darkness envelop me.

The sun is shining, the bees are buzzing, and the crowd are staring at my father speaking loudly. He announces as he raises my hand. I hear a blur. Not seeing my brother in the crowd made me realise that I didn’t have a nightmare. The whole crowd starts to clap. I realise that I hadn’t spoken since yesterday.

Soon the crowd dissipates onto various streets. My father looms over me, next to me. My eyes stare blankly into nothing.

“I’m going to go pray.”

“I understand, Father. I will meet you in the evening,” I say with a soulless voice. He departs, and I feel my blood flow soften just a tiny bit.

I walk into the village, opening a little note. A small hut. I see a man drying clothes on a line.

“Hey.”

The man looks at me, puzzled. His gaze is familiar and tender, even if his expression looks at me with squints.

“Are you Saikat?”

“Yes.”

“I’m Karan. Um… I’m… um… Rai’s brother.”

He pauses for a moment.

“Oh, come in. I’ll make you some tea.”

I sit on the floor on a simple mat. There are no curtains on this hut’s windows - the air blows directly into the house.

He gives me a cup of tea in an earthen cup. The cup barely warms my hand. We sit.

“Did you want to tell me about not seeing Rai?”

“No.”

His eyes light up at my immediate response.

“He left town.”

“What do you mean he left? He left without telling me? How could he do that to me?”

He rises above me, his face becoming red.

“He told me to tell you not to follow him.”

“Not follow him! Are you crazy?”

I look silently.

“You’re hiding something.”

I stand.

“Please just trust me. He wants what is best for you, and that is what the situation calls for.”

“Give me one reason to trust you.”

I’m taken aback. I stand in silence as nothing I can say can make this situation better. He looks at me with a glare. A grunt follows. Footsteps intensify behind me as I remain standing, unsure whether to follow him.

The way home is quiet, and the afternoon nap is supposed to be therapeutic. So, I lay on the floor staring at my bed, unable to get comfortable in any position. I see my father’s title looming on my desk. The curtains flutter for a bit before I slowly close them. I’ve achieved victory but lost so much. Victory this way doesn’t taste sweet like it usually does. I hope one day I can see my brother again and fix things. I’m sorry, Rai and Saikat - I hope you will forgive me. I will try to make this broken place nice for your return.