Gifts

By the time her bag had hit the floor in the hall, Susan was beyond exhausted. She could feel where every bone in her body was, as well as every ligament or string of pain that shot from even the smallest movement. The blood was rushing through her veins, pumped by the ever-working heart. When she sat on the couch, her muscles spasmed, tired from the action of the day. 

It wasn’t the physical tiredness that bothered her - that she could deal with. She was drained, her soul was sad and tired, and her skin was pale and gray-looking. Mark’s head appeared from the kitchen door, taking the scene in. 

“That bad a day, huh?” Susan tore her gaze from the window and looked in Mark’s direction, not really seeing him. 

“I’ve been worse.” Her voice was quiet, calm. 

“But you’ve been better too,” he replied, coming out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish rag. He was still wearing the top part of his scrubs, his nametag attached on the right, claiming him as one of the Portland Medical Center employees. 

Mark came close to Susan, tucking the rag in the back of his pants and kneeled in front of the couch, leaning his forehead against hers.

“True, I have,” she said. “But I’ll be better again.” She whispered the words against his lips, and felt them draw into a soft smile. 

The warmth of his breath on her face took away some of the exhaustion and she opened her eyes. He was looking at her, his eyes inviting her to share the load with him. A warm, rich scent of nutmeg weaved with the sweet of vanilla followed him from the kitchen. He was making Susan’s favourite banana bread recipe again. She smiled back at him, already feeling rested, his bottomless energy shared with her. 

“Thanks for sharing with me.” Susan curled her hands around his neck, and kissed him on the cheek. Mark helped her up from the couch, and she felt like she had a power nap on the couch. “Did you just use your gift?” she asked him with an accusatory glance in his direction. 

Mark just shrugged his shoulders, with a guilty smile on his face. “Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t.”

“What did I tell you about that?”

“The same thing I tell you every day before you leave for work - don’t overspend yourself.” 

Susan sighed, defeated. Those were the words she and Mark often exchanged when saying goodbye at the door. The important thing was not to overspend the energy, otherwise their gifts would be hard to reclaim. After all, their souls weren’t endless reservoirs they could draw upon. 

“Can I help you in the kitchen somehow?” she asked, following him through the door. 

“All’s done - I just have to take the bread out of the oven in a couple of minutes.” Mark replied. He peeked at the oven, checking the rise of the bread.

“I’ll go hit the shower then,” she said, and hugged him from behind, inhaling Mark’s sweet, natural scent and allowing it to calm her a bit more. “See you soon.” Susan placed a kiss between his shoulder blades before she left for the bathroom.

She let the shower run until the water was near the boiling point, and then stepped under, shedding the last vestiges of fatigue. Hot water always helped her replenish and relax, especially after a hard day such as today. She had to be careful though, not to overheat and overfill. She wrapped herself in the plush blue towel and collected the discarded pieces of clothes she had so carelessly thrown on the floor.

Finally settled, she put on her velvet house robe and found Mark setting the table, with hot cocoa already in her favorite red mug. She sat down, and waited for him to place everything on the table. The banana bread was already cut into equal pieces, still steaming, its delicious aroma filling the small yellow kitchen. 

“So, how was your day?” Mark asked, sitting opposite of Susan. He grabbed the first slice of the bread and started spreading a generous amount of almond butter on it.

“We had an oldie again…” she started carefully. Mark’s eyes snapped to her face, but she continued. “I know I shouldn’t have, but I just had to save him. His owner was devastated when they told him the dog would die from kidney failure, and I just couldn’t bear the sadness and desperation oozing from him.”

Mark offered the almond butter piece to Susan and she accepted it with gratitude. “I know it’s difficult, but sometimes it’s easier to let things take its course, rather than patch them up, only to watch them suffer from something else in a couple of weeks.”

Susan bit the piece of bread, chewing it carefully. What Mark was saying was true - if she went and saved every old animal that came to their clinic, she would lose her gift in a matter of days, and she wouldn’t be able to help those who would truly benefit from the help only she could give them.

“You are right, of course,” she agreed. “Sometimes it’s just difficult to watch them suffer, and knowing I can help them weighs out the consequences.”

“Isn’t that the exact same reason you have those words on your arm?” Mark asked, pointing to the wispy words on her forearm. Gnothi seauthon flashed under the sleeve of the house robe. Know thyself was her one and only tattoo, a memento to herself, a vivid reminder of her limits and possibilities. 

Many years ago, even before she had discovered she could heal animals, she almost spent her entire gift on a horse that was dying. It was her old neighbor’s horse, Jackie, a beautiful chestnut mare Susan had ridden ever since she could walk. Patricia, her neighbor, was devastated when the mare started collapsing, and once the vets said they couldn’t do anything for her, the only person sadder than Patricia was Susan. Even though it broke her heart, Patricia agreed to have Jackie put to sleep, and the date was scheduled.

The night before the vets were supposed to come, Susan snuck into the stable well past midnight, and sought out Jackie, hoping to say goodbye. The mare was calm, like she knew her end was near, and regarded Susan with her round, warm eyes, snorting softly when Susan placed her hand on the muzzle. 

“I love you, Jackie,” Susan said quietly, tears welling up in her eyes. “You know I do. And I will miss you terribly.” She leaned her head against Jackie’s forehead and scratched her jaw and cheek comfortingly. 

Tears were streaming down Susan’s face, wetting the soft skin of Jackie’s head. Susan’s hand was cold and clammy, but she could feel the warmth pooling in Jackie’s neck as she petted her in goodbye. Once the tears dried up, Susan stepped away, light-headed and very tired. She kissed Jackie on the nose one last time and went out, unable to look back, afraid she would collapse in a sobbing heap.

When she came home, she instead collapsed in her bed, followed by a strong fever that knocked her out. Her parents were worried, and wanted to take her to hospital, but on the second day, Susan got up as if nothing had happened. After promising her mom she would take it slow that day, Susan had to force herself to check on Patricia and ask about Jackie’s grave, if she even had one. 

She was stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Jackie grazing silently on the lawn. Susan knew she had already missed the horse very much, and thought she was imagining it, until she saw Patricia on her porch, happily waving and heading towards her. 

Susan broke into a run, but approached Jackie carefully, hugging the horse and kissing her on the nose. Patricia met her half-way and informed her how, once the vets came, they couldn’t believe Jackie was well and healthy and swore they had never had such a case of misdiagnosis. And indeed, Jacke’s hide was shinier and brighter than it was in the past few days, her mane was thicker and her lovely eyes much clearer. Jackie went on to live for a couple of more years, dying peacefully one night, on her own terms.

It wasn’t years later until Susan realized what had happened back then - unaware of her gift, she unconsciously healed Jackie, but the toll was too high on her untrained body and soul, and she almost lost the gift entirely. Once discovered, Susan could not hide her gift anymore, or avoid using it and she turned to veterinary medicine, to help the animals in a way only she could. 

She had tried healing other people too - cuts and scrapes, but soon realized her gift was limited to animals. 

A loud rap on the kitchen window pulled Susan out of her own head. She looked up, and saw Jimmy in the window. Jimmy was a raven who would often come visit her with small gifts - a pebble, a piece of tin foil or a small piece of shiny glass - as a thank you for a healed broken wing.

“You are completely right,” Susan acknowledged Mark’s earlier words about her tattoo and got up. She opened the window and let Jimmy in. He dropped today’s gift, a bright green beer cap, croaked, allowed Susan to scratch his head and flew back out. “I have to take better care of myself, but I’m lucky to have you as well, to take care of me when I forget.”

She offered the beer cap to Mark, and he accepted it, kissing the knuckles of Susan’s hand. “You know I’ll always be here to help you, in any way I can.”

Susan nodded and allowed Mark to pull her in his lap. They sat together in silence, enjoying the peace they found in each other. Such were healers - they often found each other, their souls calling to one another, and Mark and Susan met when, a couple of years ago, Mark brought a stray cat hit by a car to the clinic where Susan worked, and begged for help. They’ve been together ever since, and the cat was happily adopted by Mark’s parents. 

“Let’s go to bed,” Susan got up and pulled Mark’s hand. “You need to rest for tomorrow, and God knows I need it too.”

He followed her wordlessly to their bedroom, where they lay together in the dark, snuggled and intertwined, their breaths as one. Rest, love, peace and company always helped charge the soul, while warm water and good, nurturing food fed the body. After such a welcome at home, Susan was able to wake up in the morning feeling ready to help any animal or owner. 

Mark had already left by the time she woke up, leaving the whole bed just for her to lounge around in. His side of the bed still kept some of his warmth and scent, and Susan rolled over to relish it, to soak in some of his spare energy and love and save it for the day ahead. She knew she had to be careful not to tax herself, but that was a problem she would deal with when, not if, she came to it. For now, she focused only on getting out and about and saving anyone she could that day.