Joe Finds A Magical Thing In The Grass

Joe Finds A Magical Thing In The Grass

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a young man named Joe who got his thrills from cutting the grass with his daddy's push-mower. He would run with it to get the job done faster so he could move on to the next thing his parents wanted him to do. It always made made both of them really happy to see that.

Yet one evening while he was finishing up his job by walking around the yard and checking for any holidays he might have missed since he was running with the mower so quickly, he saw something glow. That made him kneel down and look it because it was so bright. To his astonishment, it was a little man. He squatted down and looked at the dude who stood about 4 inches tall, but he was jumping up and down in anger. As Joe bent over to see what was making him jump up and down, shouting he heard him faintly say, "So, you think you've got the right to destroy my house because you're a little bit bigger then me, do you? Well, let me say this, dynamite comes in small packages, pal!"

Joe, who was only 5 foot 3, the shortest guy in the whole school, knew what being small was all about. He'd had to shrug off cracks like, "How's the weather down there?" "Caught any knees in the chin lately?" "Are the girls in school's knees really knobby?" "Can you please check to see if I tied my shoes in a double knot?" "It must be tough being a little shrimp, always the last to know when it's raining." Then they'd punch him quite hard and laugh. The pain from the punch wasn't nearly as awful as the teasing he was always receiving from the other boys in school. The same thing happened in his football teem where he played full back, with all the kids in in his neighborhood, in his daddy's Rotary Club's sons at even in Church, which is supposed to be God's House where everybody is welcome. He felt as welcome as a porcupine in a nudist colony. He would always laugh, but once he was all alone he'd break down sobbing uncontrollably. Life was so hard.

His daddy hated seeing him feel so upset so he told him to get his mind off of it and think about something else. When he couldn't do that, he told him to go cut the grass. That would at least help him.

Poor Joe had to stand on a box to reach the gas can. That made him start crying again. Yet through his tears he happened to notice a little, tiny pixie. He was about 3 inches-tall, had bright red-hair, glowing blue eyes, had wings and had a grin like the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland. He floated up to eye-level with Joe. Then he said,

"Hay, Joe. I'm your fairy god-father. I've come to make you an offer that you can't refuse. Your fairy godmother sprained her left wing while playing rugby so she asked me to take her place. This is my first attempt at helping anybody, so give me a break. I'm still in training."

"Oh yeah?" said Joe, "Well, if you're a fairy, where are your wings?"

"I told you I'm still in training." said the little man. "Yet from where I stand, you appear to be the beggar, so you know what that means? You save 9! Wait a minute, a penny saved keeps the doctor away, or a stitch in time is the devil's playground, uh surly to bed and surly to rise keeps the doctor away.' I'm just an apprentice. Now, give me a break!"

"Gosh! I'm afraid to ask you for anything!" said Joe shaking his head, "Uh, I just wish I could trust somebody who'd help me out with my,"

"Yeah, yeah, that counts," said the fairy godfather, "Let's see now."

There was a huge puff of smoke which was blinding, but it cleared away quickly. In it's place there stood another tiny person who looked like she had just gotten off of a boat. "Oh, yeah? What do you want?" fussed the woman, "I'm supposed to be on break. Just tell me your last wish so I can deny it and get to my hockey game. Now, I heard you made 2 wishes already. Well, when I went to school, 3 - 2 is 1. Give me your final wish so I can go get back to my game. Now I'm center."

"Gad!" said Joe, "You're a gyp!" but a receipt was on the ground for his 3 wishes and was signed, "Fairy God-thing # 12," so it was official.

That night Joe was still stewing about that incident with the no-good fairy. As he looked out of his bedroom window, he saw a shooting star. He knew what to do when that happens. He wished for some- body to give him some more wishes. Then we smiled and went to bed.

About 20 seconds after he had closed his eyes, he was startled by a small bright light floating in his room. As he stared at it, the thing went, "Poof!" There was a tiny guy standing right there. He looked like the geenny who's in the cartoon movie Aladdin played by the voice of Robin Williams. The difference was he had a scowl on his face. He was clearly ticked-off about something, but Joe didn't have a clue why.

"Yeah, well, what the heck do you want ?" fussed the geeny, "Now, you see there? You've already made me say a bad-word! State your name, Master! Don't be cute and say, 'Virginia' because that's how you would name your state! The only reason I would call you that would be on a sail boat with me and you were in charge of the, 'mast.' Oh my goodness! That was a yuck-yuck! It's getting mighty deep in here, but I would highly discourage you from wishing for any sort of boat because they are all extremely expensive to own and maintain! As a matter of fact, let me tell you right now that the acronym for boat is, 'bring-on-another-thousand.' Judging by your clothes, I would guess you're somewhat financially-challenged. That sounds a lot better then poor, and that does not mean what you can do with the champagne, or if you're from the hood, 'po'e,' and that does not mean like Edgar Allen, 'Poe' either. Ooh! Now, just call me butter because I'm on a, 'role!' Do you happen to have any brown rabbits around here? If so, you could call me, 'Jeanie With The Light Brown, 'Hare!' What's wrong? Is my sense of humor too, 'punny,' the deep end, like, 'over your head?' "

"Great!" mumbled Joe to himself, "With all the comedians out of work I have to get stuck with this clown! He is so corny I need some butter! It would be, 'sweet' to just call him The, 'Colonel!' He must be from Nebraska, 'The Corn State,' only his type needs to be spelled with a k!"

"Well," said the genie, "that's a, 'deep' subject for such a shallow mind like yours, my good man! Now, do you want to make a wish or not?"

"Yeah! Yeah! Of course! Just wait a corn-picking minute!" replied Joe with a frown, "For my first wish, I'd like to be happy for the rest of my time spent here on this planet Earth! That's what I want right now!"

"A wise wish!" said the genie, "Most people will wish for fame or money! It appears you've already got wisdom! Good for a human!" He clapped his hands and suddenly Joe felt happier then he had ever felt in his life, but he didn't know why. He knew his first wish was wise.

The little man from the grass smiled and said, "You've got 2 more wishes left, master! Now, how about wishing I can get a better place to live in? That bottle has everything I need, but some things will, 'pop.' Get it? Soda-'pop!' See? You are not the only punster here!"

"What would you wish for?" Joe asked the genie with a shrug.

"Me?" said the genie, "Gosh! Nobody's ever asked me that! Uh, what I'd really love is to, aw forget it! There's no way that will ever happen! I want to be free from that bottle! I hate always having to grant people hings when all the time when my life is how it is! To just be able to get out of that bottle would be greater then anything in the whole world!"

"That's terrible." said Joe, "I had no idea your life was that way. I'll do that after my next wish. Now, I give you my humblest word, buddy." as he put out his hand for his new friend to slap him 5 but he didn't get it.

Suddenly somebody grabbed the genie and put a cloth which had some anesthesia in it which instantly knocked him out cold. Then the man did the same to the genie. The man's name was Lou Deville, which was actually another name for Lucifer Devil. He'd broken out of prison by strangling the warden which only increased what he had already done bad, which was stealing 4 separate Mercedes Benz's, not to mention robbing 6 different banks, which meant he was most definitely, "wanted" for grand larceny and embezzlement with legal papers which alone is worthy of life imprisonment, not to mention he had also murdered 6 policemen in order to accomplish all those things listed above. He put Joe in a box with air-holes on it and put the genie in a glass doll house after they'd tied both of them up. Lou was so evil that when the executioners tried to end his life, Satin didn't want him in, "The Hot-Place" because he was too darn mean to be down there with him. (Excuse my potty-mouth. I didn't mean to cuss). There was just no way for anybody to ever punish him enough for all of his deeds.

Joe's genie was the greatest thing that ever happened to him. That meant all his needs were met so he was lacking in nothing. It seamed as if he'd never have any needs the rest of his time spent on this Earth.

Yet just when things couldn't get any better for him, his old so-called, "friend," who goes by the name of Lou entered into his life. He noticed how happy his life had become since the genie had come into his life so that's when he had to do something mean to ruin it. He started off by putting an awful disease on all of his family that was called rooter-pox. It itched like the chicken pox, only if anybody would scratch the pox marks it would pop, spreading the disease all over the victim's body and anybody who came anywhere near it, that included all nurses and doctors who all died since there was no cure for that horrible itching which made poison oak, poison ivy, poison sumac, chiggers and mosquito bites feel great by comparison. Soon an epidemic spread all over Danville, then over all of Old Dominion, the Americas and eventually the entire planet Earth. The worst part about it was nothing could be bought to ease the itching. The victims would scratch until they exposed their vanes and arteries to all that itching, then it would quickly spread throughout the entire body which included itching under the skin. That made each victim scratch until they had no more skin then all skin diseases would flare up. The problem was it itched under neath the skin so there was nothing to put on it and ease the extreme itching. Since the whole planet was being plagued by that disease, nobody could go anywhere it wasn't.

That's when a brilliant dermatologist named Dr. Pigmond, but people called him Dr. Pig for short, came up with some extremely brilliant lotion which when applied onto whatever was itching would just eat whatever was causing the itch to occur. The problem was in order to make it, he had to take the bark of the zigomerb tree. It was a mighty rare that was only grown in remote parts of Asia where all the woozels and heffulumps bread. That's why it's such a rare breed of tree. At any rate, he found if he mixed that stuff with the bark of the zay-zay trees. all those ugly trees which were such an eye-sore finally had a purpose.

Joe's discovery made him an extremely wealthy man. Not only was he rich, but he eventually went to one of the finest colleges in the entire country, The University Of Danville. His popularity grew, as did his wallet because he was a national hero for discovering a cure for that awful itching disease. His fame grew, so did his wallet and bank account. That was a real rags-to-riches story. He eventually became so famous, girls were knocking down his door to go on dates with him. He finally met a jurnolist named Miss Write who later turned out to be just that, "Miss Right." Later they tied a knot that nobody could untie so that's what he wore to his wedding, a, "tie." Anyway, like the best-written children's stories of all-time will officially finish up with,

"THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER !!!!" The end.

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By, Cuz Roye.