Angel of Darkness

There’s a light at the end of the cave, ever so slightly lighting the stone underneath my ribs. I’ve got used to the dimming due to the long walls. It’s no longer scary anymore. I’m no longer worried about the bugs and chills that come with the nights. No longer worried about the predators and prey that come with the mornings.

It’s time to end my days of living on stone and gravel. Part of my energy has recovered. I make a bed of leaves, added some patches of fur left by a mammal.

Still getting used to my new body, eyes smoothed out like clay, new ones appear and multiply from the middle of my chest, spreading up the front of my neck and out to my shoulders. A few critters follow the scent of my flowers, purple hues have gone grey.

The little creatures distortions are akin to mine, growing a fire in my belly, one of rage. I will avenge them I vow as my frail body grows cold, sun setting.

Is revenge the right move? A tale as old as time, same dance, same finale. Sitting on this idea, I let it fester and rot in my home. Leaving the fire to burn away my patience. Getting rid of the amputations I must endure the sight of, but the insects, the animals, and the people have to endure the pain. The cruelest misfortune, trying to survive this ill-fated world.

My powers come back to me with an unsettling burn at the back of my neck. It causes static down my spine as a rustling begins to shake upon my door.

A mere human has come, seeking something with steady breaths, a steady heart, and laser eyes. This one is like me, in body, not in soul. Eyes run down their arm, protruding from their skin. One of the early signs of this human-made disease.

The culprit of all this suffering, now can have a taste of its effects. My rotten resolve finds strength, standing tall over the hunched being. Shallow breaths release from them when I uncover my murderous intent before revenge’s footing liquefies. Ankle slipping out of dead flesh.

I noticed the spreading burns and discoloration underneath my pale hand, human flinching in response. These are wounds of mistreatment, early signs of malnutrition. Displaying the journey of this disturbing presence.

“I see you have been disregarded, like the rest of us. By your own kind nonetheless.” I retort, ignoring the drips running down my frozen heart.

They are silenced for a moment, brows furrowing, “I know of the evil deeds the human race has committed against everything, living or not.” Shaky words leave their cracked lips, “I never participated in any of it.”

“Did you stand on the sidelines?” Taunting their supposed lack of involvement.

“What if I did?” Their shell slightly cracks under the weighted words. “It was survival of the fittest.”

Amusement paints my mind, trying my best to not let it seep onto my face. I let go of their arm and continue, “You helped the infected in secret? Scurrying around like a rat?”

Sweeping their fingers across the mark I left on their arm. “I may have been a rat, but at least I tried.” Their face contorts for a moment before looking away instinctively, “I tried to help.”

Crossing my arms I explain, “Do you know who I am? I’m of elven descent, yes, but I am also a sorcerer. One that heals and speeds recovery, but I can’t fix all problems.”

Adjusting the bag on their shoulder, it matches the dirt beneath us. Scoffing at my sudden introduction, “What’s the point in telling me this?”

I step forward leaning in. “Well, I’ve been acquaintances with rats. They always are snuffed out, just like you. Someone as useful as me still stomped under their shoe after finding a leverage for power.” Letting my dozens of eyes wonder across their body. “I wonder, are you infected on the inside as well?”

“I would never dirty my hands in search for power and fame.” Searching my face, their voice grows weaker as they notice the sewn slits across my cheeks connected to the corners of my lips. “You may see me as a fool, but, I would never succumb to such shallow thoughts.”

Emotionless, the best way to explain my face hearing these words. “I’ll grant you the honor of health and vitality from me, an elven sorcerer. As long as you work for me. You have nowhere to go. Am I correct?”

Pondering on this request, their eyes glance over the horrors behind me. All the sick creatures currently in my care. “It’s strange that you will help me, while leaving me access to betray.”

My smile can’t be contained, stitches loosening. “That is the point.” I confidently stride into my cave, as they follow. They are quite gullible. I could have killed them in an instant with the state they are in. Why didn’t I do it?

I sit by the fire to recharge. I’m still frail in body. They continue to stand, refusing my invitation to sit down. “I am not in my full potential as you see, I’ve been infected as well. I no longer see colors, making it more tedious to find materials.” They continue to stare, all they have done is stare. Their soulless eyes send my mind in a frenzy.

“I’m your errand person? Payment in healing my malformed body?”

“Partly correctly. I cannot heal all the defects of this disease.” Their body begins to shutter, taking note, I bring it to their attention. “I can slow some, speed recovery in other parts, and hope to find a more permanent solution. I see your cold-like symptoms have started!”

They back away into a wall using it as a crutch. “So, I’m your guinea pig as well, seems like a lot of freedoms lost on my end.”

“That’s to be expected. You may feel you don’t need to feel apologetic about what, you, the humans have created.” Now, crossing my hands over the other. “I think otherwise. I don’t really care about your health necessarily, but if I can make a remedy with your help. I’ll gladly compromise. I’m sure you want to find one as well? Maybe spread the word and help others to gain power?”

I’ve finally made my case. All that’s left is for them to take the bait. While my revenge may be rotten and weak, I’ll strengthen my resolve once again for greater.

“I’ve said it already, but I’ll say it again. I don’t want power nor fame nor money, but can’t say I’m not intrigued. If you give me food, water, and a place to stay. My agreement to you will stay true ‘til the end.”

Shaking my head, I began to click my tongue, “I’ll teach you how to scavenge for food and water. I’ll let you stay here and help you learn how to fend for yourself. That’s all I’ll offer you.”

Letting out a singular dry laugh, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Reaching their weak hand out, I latch on in response pulling them closer. “You must listen to me. If you do what you want or betray me, the world will spin as your head drops to the floor.” Backing away, I shake their hand lightly, smiling ear to ear. I can feel the shudder vibrating underneath their skin. Letting go, I can hear the hitch in their voice as their body aches.

I motion them to lay down, and I halt the disease with glowing hovering hands. They begin to squirm, oh so slightly, trying to hide their discomfort. The eyes don’t move an inch.

I treat this human as one of my many patients. Then like a cold, they shiver and pant only to get better overnight.

After recovering I notice a stretch of skin along their abdomen. A common symptom that I haven’t found a remedy for other than to ease the pain. I would have little time if I let it grow, but with my experience I have a month, two at best, before it grows too large and swallows them whole.

Few weeks pass, but they are so clueless of survival it feels as though it’s been months. After finally becoming useful I’ve learned her name, like the lavenders she loves, Lavinia. She now calls my name comfortably as well.

Waking to a rumbling, the scattered speech peaks my interest when long hair tickles my forearm as she grabs on to my wrist. Pulling me back into the shadows. Has her hair always been so long?

“Ulaire!” exclaiming before dragging me down to her bow lips, she whispers to me, “It’s some knights from the castle I left. They are looking for people like me.”

Backing away instinctively, I probe, “What trouble could you’ve possibly caused?” Noticing their hand lingers a second longer.

Letting go, she points to the armored horses. “That’s not important now, let’s focus on the task at hand.”

Tapping my palm on the rock behind us, “Well, I’ve already recovered more of my power. I’ll disguise our presence, but that’s all I can do at the moment.” Pointing past my bed, instructing them, “Grab the critters that can’t hide and put them there.

The voices begin to grow while setting up the wall, speaking in my mother tongue, I ask some of my companions to warn the people I’ve sent to hide throughout the small forest. Then create a barrier to mimic the rock, covering the entrance of the cave. Feeling the warmth of Lavinia behind me once again. 

Footsteps begin to crunch near us. We sit still as statues, the broken sticks crack closer to the entrance. Preparing my stance in case the heavy sword they carry swipes across the penetrable wall.

Then a deep voice roars orders. More clear in tone, “I’ve found a lead lads! On wards this way!” Clinking of armor, clacking of horseshoes, and grunts of humans linger in the tense air.

Once it has settled and the critters begin to scurry and hum, I can breathe again. The guise falls as I turn around towards the human. Those eyes stare at me again, almost making me lose my track of thought. “Now, explain what this was. I don’t want you endangering any of the patients.” I could have said that nicer.

Slipping her hand behind her neck, she slides down the solid rock. “When I ran off, I took some of their research on the disease.” Reaching in her small bag, ripping open a sewed pouch on the side.

The warmth in my chest freezes over as this knowledge hits me. “What do you mean? You’ve been hiding it all this time?”

Placing them down beside her. “It was before I could trust you.”

I click my tongue without thought, thinking on my next course of action.

Trying to calm me down, Lavinia walks closer to me, “I wanted to tell you soon, I just had to make sure you would keep your end of the bargain.”

“No, it’s fine and understandable. It’s not like I trusted you either.” The words sting on my tongue, I wonder how they felt to her. My head starts to sway and the world around feels unsettled. I can’t stop myself from thinking the worse. “We have lost so much time, because of you withholding such important information,” I scoff. Her apologizes echo in my mind along with a ringing as my limbs begin to feel heavy. It’s been a while since I felt the solid floor underneath my ribs as I drift asleep.

My bare skin caressed by the breeze. No matter how exposed I feel, I no longer have the strength to warm myself. I’m so tired and my head is throbbing. I can ever so slightly see the long haired figure, eyes pooled, but focused. I can ever so slightly lift my hand and hold her face. A flash of familiar memories are revealed to me. Clouding my vision for a moment, but Lavinia is not them.

I’m reminded of my wounded body as she looks over me. My skin has cracked like glass, holes of darkness litter me. Teeth surrounding each edge. Breaking focus from the horrid sights, to my smoothed out skin where my eyes should be, checking my temperature with the back of her hand. My prominent eyes continually look around in my arms. All I feel is disgust, but in her eyes I see worry and care.

Caring for a monster such as I. My chest warms, not with vengeance, rage, or betrayal. It’s a beautiful feeling that I couldn’t ever express with words. It begins to spark, but before it heats my body and takes over my soul I contain it. Nothing good can come from this, even things enchanted with beauty grow ill.

“I’m sorry for what I said Lavinia. I let my grudges overshadow you.” Sitting up with her support.

They sigh, “It’s okay, we both didn’t trust each other. I tried to remember everything you showed me to keep you from slipping away, but” eyes wandering over the slit across my leg, “I think you are getting worse.” As dark liquid seeps out.

I try to use my powers to stop the flow but my powers have grown too weak. The fear of what this week has to hold. I never feared death nor had I latched on to life, but not knowing if I can be useful before I die rips open my thawed heart. 

“I used too much of my power. I guess I’ve overexerted myself and my symptoms got worse.” I examine the body I have been hiding. “I still have some time.” I can feel the anxiety in the air around her rise. I hold on to her hands. “If the time comes, please don’t hesitate to kill me. If you let it go on too long I will suffer. Just like we’ve done with our patients.” Lingering on this thought, i repeat, “I will suffer.” Slowly nodding she holds on tighter. All I can muster up is a plead, “Please put me out of my misery.”

“I’ve had to do this before I got here,” revealing suddenly, “but I was too late. They went through so much pain. Their screams plague my memory even if I try to block it out of my mind. I’ve tried so much I don’t remember their face.”

As they continue on she looks towards the entrance of the cave, “I have seen you stop things before it gets to that point. I have assisted as well and if my hands shall get dirty again to keep you from struggling.” Looking back to me they declare, “I will do it.”

I leave the warmth of her heated support on my bare skin. Covering my body once again, avoiding her readable eyes.

She taps my shoulder and passes the documents to me. “Ulaire, I’m sorry I didn’t give them before, we could’ve done more for everyone,” they look down at my leg, sighing, “more for you.” 

I worry for Lavinia as she paces past the fire. Worrying for a creature like me. I won’t make her whole.

They mumble, “Maybe, if I gave them to you sooner,” falling to the ground, “maybe you could have saved more people, saved yourself.”

I follow them to the ground, kneeling carefully. “I know I’ve said cruel things to you when we first met. In reality, you are not the reason behind their suffering, nor me, nor are you the creator.” I took their hands into my own, holding them dearly. “Don’t blame yourself no matter what happens next. Whether it’s my time or not.” The shock on her face is etched into my memory, writing over my past. 

“You should rest,” squeezing out these words as these unfamiliar emotions keep me stuck in the what if’s. It’s probably their influence, but i wouldn’t trade the time I spent with her.

I leave deeper into the cave to find some of my old notes that I was able to bring with me. Sorting through the ones that do not require power. Especially, anything about the flower of health and nourishment. I lay out all the papers Laviniacould gather. Some are crumbled, others torn, and some pages are missing. I take out the most important pieces, gathering my notes and what she’s given me. Looking for Lavinia I continuously grow weak. I promised myself I wouldn’t give up, now I have to keep going for her. 

There has to be something from my years of experience that I can make work. Looking for her near the fire I start to feel dizzy. They stand by the entrance as I call out to them, “Lavinia, I think I’m reaching my limit.” I sit on my bed, footsteps running over quickly.

I’ve grown too weak, only able to talk as thick liquid pours out my stretched wound. “I’ve lived a good life I believe.” Attempting to break the silence in this cold cave. The fire only able to warm my skin as my insides begin to chill, growing paler than a ghost. “All I can do is hope that once I pass, you can finish the cure before it catches up.” Catching some breaths, “Thank you for helping me, I’m sorry i couldn’t find a solution. I really hope that everything works. I want you to live a long life, longer than mine.” Embracing the kindness without a barrier. 

“Don’t apologize,” her sobs interrupt.

I ask her of more. “Please, help yourself and live. Help who you can. I’ll protect your journey in the dark.”

Gasps escape her, “Wait! What does that mean?” Their tears water my skin. “No stay with me please! I don’t want to do this alone!”