Stars and the Sea (Collab with Starry M)

Fantasy Friendship Teens & Young Adult

Written in response to: "Start your story with someone emerging from the sea, and end it with them looking up at the stars." as part of Tropical Getaway.

"Oh honey, what are you drawing?"

I turned to look at my mother, who was standing in the doorway and holding her phone in one hand. I lifted up the large sheet of paper in my hands and explained, "Well it's a Mermaid! I really hope to meet one someday."

"Uh...Honey, I don't think that'll really be possible. You won't ever be able to-"

My father's voice had managed to cut her off, making me jump out of my skin. "Mermaids aren't real Mabel, and they never will be real. Why don't you just forget about them?"

I stared at the phone and gripped the piece of paper, but not enough to ruin it. I couldn't destroy this or anything else I made, even if I was a bit upset...

"Don't lie to me, I know that Mermaids are real! I'm going to prove it to you."

"No you won't, now grow up."

***

Let me ask you something, what do you think happened? Did I grow up and stop believing in Mermaids and every other Creature? Nope. Well, I did literally grow up over the years, but I never stopped believing in any of them.

Would you believe me if I told you that I was hanging out with a Mermaid? I doubt that any of you actually would, but I don't care that much.

"So what do you humans usually do up here for fun?" The Mermaid (who I eventually learned was named Maddie) asked me. Oh boy, where do I even begin?

While there was a ton of things that I usually did, I attempted to list all of them to her, "Well I sometimes listen to music to help me with things, I like walking my dog...well more like he just drags me along with him. I probably should go take him on another walk soon...and oh don't get me started on my parents, they are really-"

Maddie inched closer and covered my mouth with both of her hands, unluckily before I could finish telling her everything. "Do humans usually talk this much? Or is it just you?"

I carefully moved both of her hands away from me, and then explained with a small laugh, "Heh well there are just humans who either don't like talking that much, and there are other humans who love to talk a lot. You know, you kind of remind me of...oh no, here I go again...I'll shut up."

"Oh...um...would you maybe want to learn more about Mermaids? I could tell you anything, ya know since I am one after all." I heard as a hand was set on my shoulder.

"Yeah, sure I don't see why not, this is like a once-in-a-lifetime chance to even talk to you. I just hope that I won't end up forgetting this and a few other things, man my Memory has just always been so t-" before that could be finished, I quickly covered my mouth.

I turned back to look at Maddie, who was staring back at me with an eyebrow raised. She had this look on her face at the moment, but I couldn't tell what it was about. Did she not like me? Did she hate me now? Did she even like me to begin with? Oh gosh...

"Are you alright? Why do you keep doing that, is that a normal human thing to do?"

"It's nothing...can you just tell me some stuff about Mermaids now?"

***

I stood in front of my father, who was watching some sort of old-timey-movie on the tv in the living room. "Come on dad I'm just saying that you should take me there at some point! It would be so amazing and then maybe in the future whenever I'm older, that could be my job and then I would be able to-"

"Will you shut up, Mabel?" He mumbled though he didn't take his eyes off of the Tv screen. Wow, that must have been a really great movie or something, but it seems a bit stupid if I'm being honest.

Why would I have to do that? This is something really important, and he needs to know. Mom would probably be way too busy to even try and help. "Come on dad, please? If you could just take me there then I would be able to do so many things. I'm not sure what I would exactly do when I'm even there, but maybe I would be able to just help all of the-"

That's when he finally stopped looking at the movie and turned to look at me as he stood up, towering over me. "I told you to just shut up!" I watched as his hand went up into the air, and then I felt a sharp pain somewhere...

***

"Uh hey, are you even listening to me? I've been telling you some stuff for about ten minutes." Maddie asked as she then shook my shoulder a bit.

"Yeah yeah I've been listening and that's all really interesting..."

I took her hand off of my shoulder while she then proceeded to ask, "So what's your family like? I already told you...some of mine during that whole explanation...if you were even still listening."

I tried my best to explain everything while trying not to make it long, "I don't have any siblings, wish I did. My parents are...um...well they are..."

"They are what?"

"Well if I ever told them that I still believed in Mermaids and everything, at least one of them would be like "Oh come on your eighteen! Stop believing in that crap and grow up!"...oh that was long again, I'm sorry..."

The two of us sat there in silence for a few moments before Maddie started to head back into the water. "I should probably go back home now, I don't want my dad to start worrying."

She's probably going to say 'no' but it's worth a try, right? I don't think she even really likes it here. "Wait! Could you please come and visit again?"

We both sat there in silence again for what seemed like ages, until she began to smile. "Sure, I don't see why not. You didn't really hurt me...goodbye for now."

Once she vanished into the water, I sat down on a rock nearby and looked above me. As I stared up at the stars in the sky, I wondered what would happen next time she visited. If she visited.

Posted Mar 03, 2021
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43 likes 228 comments

B. W.
March 03, 2021 06:38

This was another fun collab story I did with Starry M ^^ All of you should go check her out if you can. blog.reedsy.com/creative-writing-prompts/author/91ab44/

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Mhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
You SURE you wrote this? HOW! Did you turn into god-level-writing form and then write this?? It's so said how Mabel was abused :((

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B. W.
March 12, 2021 16:13

Huh? Is this terrible then or something?

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Nooo, it'd never be terrible. I'm bad at expressing words. I meant that this piece of writing is god-level (It's really good.) Here's clear-er feedback:
I really liked how even though Mabel was told that mermaids wasn't real, she still believed they were. She just kept on believing and boom, she met a mermaid. Keep writing!

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B. W.
March 12, 2021 16:55

I thought at first it said "Did you turn from god-level-writing form and then write this??" like the other ones were really good and then this wasn't.

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Ahh okay-sorryyy.

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B. W.
March 12, 2021 22:54

Its fine, and sorry if I keep asking a lot or something, but when is the story going to come out?

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. .
March 03, 2021 16:50

This is great!!! I don't know if you know or not, but you used a genre called Metafiction here. Normally I'm not a fan, but I think this was pretty well done! Remember to start a new paragraph when there's a new speaker, and also I think that in the beginning you should make her emotional response to her dad stronger. Other than that, *chef's kiss*

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B. W.
March 03, 2021 17:24

I've never actually heard of Metafiction before, though that's a bit interesting. I'm glad you that you liked the story though ^^ Did you maybe have a favorite part or character in this?

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. .
March 03, 2021 17:37

Yeah, it’s a cool genre. My fave had to be Maddie lol

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B. W.
March 03, 2021 18:11

What did you think of the little flashback with Mabel and her Father? I'm talking about the one near the end.

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. .
March 03, 2021 18:13

I thought it was super well-placed, good job on that.

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B. W.
March 03, 2021 18:14

I don't think there'll be more parts to this or anything, but if there ever was, what would you have wanted to see in it?

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Moon Fox
July 22, 2021 23:11

Cool story!

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B. W.
July 22, 2021 23:28

Thanks, I'm glad ya liked it ^^ Did you maybe have a favorite part or anything?

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Moon Fox
July 23, 2021 00:35

I just LOVE fantasy, and still believe. I just like to feel the magic.

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Angelina S.
April 20, 2021 16:52

Hi Hope (ok that just sounded like High Hope lol)!

This was really good and I feel heck too sorry for Mabel, I mean, she was just a small child, I bet anyone would've believed in mermaids when they were 7 or 8 (altho, I didn't hehe).

The emotion was well-flown and the part where the mermaid asks about humans talking way too much really got me laughing XDDD

Also, that collab story I told ya I'm doing with Coco? It's posted! I'd love to have your thoughts on it, thanks!

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B. W.
April 20, 2021 21:48

I'm glad ya liked it ^^ I never really believed in Mermaids or anything like that, but instead, I *have* always been interested in Paranormal things. Whenever I hear the name "Mabel" even in my own story, I always think of the Mabel from "Gravity Falls" and alright, I'll check the collab out soon, I kinda have a feeling that it'll be great ^^

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Angelina S.
April 21, 2021 06:33

Hehe ^^

I can't say I'm interested in those stuff 'cause SF-based cybernetic gadgets are pretty cool! Oh yes, Mabel from GF, I've never watched it tho Ik there's smth called that lol

Haha, thanks in advance XD

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B. W.
April 21, 2021 18:13

No problem ^^ also question, have you ever watched any of the "Transformers" shows or movies? I've always liked those ^^

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Angelina S.
April 22, 2021 06:15

Nope, but my brothers are like addicted to it so I see glimpses of it, doesn't keep me interested for long.

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B. W.
April 22, 2021 19:31

Alright then. So do you wanna hear some jokes or anything like that?

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Maya -
March 12, 2021 20:22

❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️🧡💛💚💙💜YOU ARE AN AWESOME AUTHOR ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Pass this on :)

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B. W.
March 12, 2021 20:40

Thanks? Are you doing this with everyone or something? I'm a bit confused.

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Maya -
March 12, 2021 20:41

Someone told me to pass it on so I'm just doing that. Lol :)

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B. W.
March 12, 2021 20:42

Oh alright then, so how have you been doing?

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Maya -
March 12, 2021 20:43

I've been good! Did you see Imagine Dragons posted two new songs today? :)))
How have you been? :)

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B. W.
March 12, 2021 20:45

Yeah, I did, though I haven't listened to the songs yet. I will soon though, I know they'll be great like usual. I guess I'm fine today though I'm a little bored and tired :/

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March 11, 2021 17:09

I loved how you connected the main character's obsession with the fantastical with the un-grounded relationship with her parents in such subtle ways here! I actually think that part about her not liking the old movie her father is watching kind of has a lot of deeply rooted emotions; she can't understand what he finds so amusing about the movie, and the adults seem to be stuck in their own world.
GRAMMAR MISTAKE :(
"Oh come on your eighteen!
You're, sorry! other than that, amazing story!

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B. W.
March 11, 2021 17:40

I'd go to fix the mistake, but the contest for this story has already ended a while ago. Though thanks for pointing it out and I'm glad you liked this one as well ^^ Did you maybe have any other favorite parts?

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March 11, 2021 17:56

The conversation at the beginning was really good too!

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B. W.
March 11, 2021 18:32

Thanks ^^ do you think the new prompts tomorrow are gonna be good?

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March 11, 2021 18:38

Well, I've been doing a series for a while, but I just finished it, so I'm open to a lot more prompts right now. I really hope they don't have heavily themed things; if they make an easter prompt in the next few weeks I'm doomed, lol

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B. W.
March 11, 2021 18:48

I've always hated the prompts that are like "Say/do this at the beginning and say/do this at the end"

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Roger Crane
March 09, 2021 23:02

Okay Hope, I said that I would critique another, but of course this one you wrote along with someone else (don't know how that worked). I was able to follow the whole story this time. It was more like a little vignette, part of the girl's chaotic life brought into focus by this mermaid device. I liked that aspect. You did not follow the prompt about the ocean but very easily could have. You never said how the girl meets the mermaid, and that could have been the beginning, as she came out of the water. Then you could have flashed back to the father, who did not believe it could ever happen. But that's just the prompt part. When you do a flashback, you need some cues other than merely putting that section in italics. The character who is "flashing back" in memory needs to indicate it. For instance here, she could have said, "Oh, but my father didn't think so..." It can be subtle but should not be absent. Don't make your readers guess. Clarity is important. Another thing: you sometimes mix up your tenses (present, past) and your point of view (POV), where it is "I" and then it is "she" and vice versa. Must try to work it out to be consistent. That is why I think new writers should avoid first person for a long time until they get the hang of writing 3rd person (he, she, we--followed by past tense verbs.

As far as this "metafiction genre" thing--it is a contrivance and in my opinion takes away from any story quality you may be working for. The author would never be heard in that way in any other genre, but only the characters. Definitely not mainstream and that is the point, to go against the grain in all things. If that is what you want more than becoming a good (or even great) writer, then go for it but understand what choice you are making. Start off simple in any endeavor and you will do better. I don't care what anyone else tells you, the things I'm saying are time-tested and real. Okay, that's enough. Yes, this is definitely better than the first story (or even the last one you wrote).

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B. W.
March 09, 2021 23:41

Starry's part of the story (which was the first part) showed how the girl ended up meeting the mermaid and everything, my part is kinda continuing what happened after her part of the story. I didn't want to say or show how she met the mermaid, because it had literally just happened not that long ago in the story, I probably would have done a flashback to how they met if they had own each other for like 5 or so years, but they only just met a little bit ago.

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Roger Crane
March 09, 2021 23:55

I see. Well, collaborating on a story (or anything) has those features. But although I gathered only after reading the italicized beginning and getting into other part that this had in fact been a flashback or something of that sort, I did sort it out. It's just that you should not make your readers have to do that. But you did not have creative power over the whole thing. Still, it had some good features and it worked as you set the terms. About serialized stories, I probably won't critique any of those or any more collaborations. I'd like to see what you alone do. But that is not a criticism in any way. You should try out things, experiment, because that is how you learn. At this state and on Reedsy, you have plenty of room to find out what kind of writer you are and would like to be. That is how I see this forum, a place to play, as it were, and try various devices. Good job.

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B. W.
March 10, 2021 00:29

Are you still wanting to check out some of my other stories or something? You can probably tell that I have a lot, and I don't think a lot of them are Collabs.

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Roger Crane
March 10, 2021 03:17

As I said, I will read more. I just read this one, but give me a little time to get to your other stories. I'll go down to find a single story that you wrote. I always stay busy, despite saying that I'm retired and can do what I want mostly. I enjoy very much helping others. I've been writing a lot of short stories for magazines, etc. If you would like to read one of my better short stories (to get an idea of what I mean with my advice), email me: rdcranesrhere@gmail.com. --nothing over 3K words, most I write are 2-3K.

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B. W.
March 10, 2021 03:46

I'll go and try to check some of the short stories out later, how many stories have you had in magazines?

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Coco Longstaff
March 07, 2021 00:47

This is such a cute story!
I dont really know what else to say to this, but I bet you worked hard!
Really great!

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B. W.
March 07, 2021 01:23

Thanks so much ^^ did ya maybe have a favorite part?

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March 05, 2021 00:59

Making a new thread. Could you tell me what you thought of it?

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B. W.
March 05, 2021 01:04

I'm really good with critique or anything, but I absolutely loved it ^^ I don't have a lot to say, I just really liked every part of it. There were a few spelling mistakes that I saw though, like when it said "ehr bobotic left arm fully revealed" It's supposed to be "Her Robotic left arm fully revealed" and some other things. Though besides a few spelling mistakes and stuff, I still really loved it ^^

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March 05, 2021 13:40

Oh. Thanks!

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B. W.
March 05, 2021 15:49

No problem, so how many other parts do you think will be in the series?

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March 05, 2021 17:52

I dunno, I always think it'll be short, but it gets so long...

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B. W.
March 05, 2021 18:55

So random question, but what got ya into writing?

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Maya -
March 04, 2021 21:56

Hey B, I don't know if I ever told you, but would you like the link to our chatting document? Everyone stays anonymous and it's just for people to talk and plan stories and stuff. :)

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B. W.
March 04, 2021 22:26

Hm, I don't think you've ever told me about it until now. And I'm not sure but I'll think about it, how long has there even been a chatting document for though?

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Maya -
March 04, 2021 22:29

Alright, tell me if you want the link. :)
Maybe a few weeks? Idk

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B. W.
March 04, 2021 23:03

Alright, so do you think the new prompts will be good?

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Maya -
March 04, 2021 23:26

Oh I hope. :) I liked the ones this week. Is there any genre you're hoping for?

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B. W.
March 04, 2021 23:29

I guess Fantasy because I'm just really good at doing that. Maybe romance, but I'm not entirely sure. What about you?

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Laiba M
March 04, 2021 16:59

Hi Hope!!!! I love the story so much!! AMAZING job :) I love metafiction and you wrote it perfectly!~ My favorite part was DEFINITELY the end~~

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B. W.
March 04, 2021 18:22

Thanks so much ^^ what do you think about the little Flashback near the end of it?

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Laiba M
March 04, 2021 18:28

I loved it so much!!! I can definitely see that you really improved over the months that we've been friends and I've been reading your writing!~

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B. W.
March 04, 2021 18:38

I don't think there'll be any more parts to this or anything, but if there were, whats something you would have wanted to see happen in it?

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Laiba M
March 04, 2021 18:53

More development with Maddie's character!~

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B. W.
March 04, 2021 18:54

Anything else?

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March 03, 2021 22:20

Wow.
Also, answers please? I got you confused with Tiffany, so sorry! You answered so similar. Yeah, robot hand.

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B. W.
March 03, 2021 23:13

Huh? It's fine, though are you talking about the one that I did to get into that series your doing?

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March 04, 2021 15:02

Yes. The orginization is awful

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B. W.
March 04, 2021 16:40

Sorry if I'm asking a lot of questions or anything, I'm just a little confused though. Do you want me to tell you the answers on this thread or something else?

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March 04, 2021 18:07

Could you write your old questions here?

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March 04, 2021 18:25

Nevermind! Your character is fine! I got it!
Also, you're eleven and immature in this one, sorry...

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B. W.
March 04, 2021 18:31

Eh? Why is my character immature and eleven? I really hope I'm not being rude during this entire thing, though if I am then I'm sorry. I was kind of expecting that she'd probably be like 17 or something, but eh I always have a range of ages and stuff for my characters. I just kinda have a lot of questions with this, I've never really been in a Reedsycast story like this before.

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March 03, 2021 16:41

Your part was amazing! I told you it would be! :D

I really liked Mabel's small backstory, and the flashes of her and her parents. Overall it was amazing, great job!

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B. W.
March 03, 2021 16:43

Thanks so much ^^ Did you maybe have a favorite part or thing about my part? Unless it's Mabel's little backstory and the things with her parents.

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March 03, 2021 16:45

I liked the intro after the short flashback from the beginning.

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B. W.
March 03, 2021 16:46

What do ya think about the little one with Mabel and her father? The one near the end.

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March 03, 2021 17:12

Tbh I feel really bad for Mabel, cause her parents were never listening her. And that scene was also a sad one as well

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B. W.
March 03, 2021 17:28

So, if Maddie ever learned about what Mabel's father (and sometimes her mother) were doing to her, what do you think she'd do or say?

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