Lesson Time

She was an older student in my Tuesday evening public speaking class. Her chic hairstyle, low heel shoes and stylish briefcase made me think she might be 10 years older than me, old enough to be successful in the real world.

The first week of class, I got there a few minutes late and had to sit in the back. She sat near the front. I didn’t notice her until everyone went around and introduced themselves.

When it was her turn, she looked around with a smile and simply said, “I’m Ashley. I suppose I’m the oldest person in this class.”

Everyone laughed politely.

“Not quite,” said Mr. Larkin, our instructor.

When it was my turn, I said, “My name is Jacob. I’m a senior.”

As I spoke, I was looking at Ashley. I was hoping she might turn around and see me, but she didn’t.

I don’t remember a thing Mr. Larkin said that first class. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Ashley. Her chestnut brown hair, her high cheekbones, her slender build. So refined. What a contrast with the girls in the class — in their oversized T-shirts, sweatpants and sneakers.

As class let out, I made my way toward the front of the room. I wanted to get a better look at her. And I wanted to see if she wore a wedding ring.

But as I tried to get through a bunch of classmates, Ashley slipped out. Damn. Next week, I thought.

I asked a couple of guys in my class if they knew her. They didn’t.

“Why do you ask?” one of them said.

“Just curious,” I said.

“Sounds like it,” he said with a grin.

The following week, I got to class early and sat behind where Ashley had sat the week before. I saw her come in. She was wearing a blue dress. She looked great — and she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring!

This time, though, she sat close to the door, on the other side of the room from where I was sitting. I thought about moving over but didn’t want her to think I was stalking her, even though I guess I was.

I kept looking over at her, but I was also trying to pay attention to Mr. Larkin. He covered the basics of public speaking and gave us our first assignment. The following week, each of us had to give a five-minute speech, sharing something about ourselves that no one else in the class would know.

I got there early again. This time, though, I hung back until Ashley came in and sat down. Then I took the seat right behind her. She was wearing a black dress. She looked even more beautiful up close, and I could smell her perfume, which made her even more alluring.

For our brief speeches, Mr. Larkin decided to call on students in the front and work his way back. So Ashley was one of the first speakers.

She got up, stepped to the front of the room and looked out at everyone. She smiled, but shifted back and forth and didn’t seem to know what to do with her hands. I could tell she was nervous.

She told us she worked for a big tech company in Silicon Valley. She was on an assignment for three months on a special project with a large local company that was a client.

She’d been told my her manager that public speaking skills were an area for improvement and that being a strong speaker would be important for her success long term. Knowing she’d be here for a few months, she decided to take this course.

“I’m really glad to be here,” she said.

Then she sat down.

I really admired her courage to admit why she was taking this course with a bunch of 20-somethings — and knowing she was in town for three months got me kind of excited.

For my speech, I said I was hoping to find a job in a tech company when I graduated the following spring. It was a lie.

“Maybe Ashley could give me some leads,” I said.

She gave me a big smile. I took that as a good sign.

After class, I caught up with her before she left.

“I enjoyed your speech,” I said.

“And I enjoyed yours,” she said, extending her hand. “I’m Ashley.”

“I’m Jacob,” I said, taking it.

Her hand felt so small in mine. My whole body tingled.

“I’d love to hear about your job,” I said. “Would you like to have coffee sometime?”

“Sure.”

We decided to meet at the Starbucks in the student union an hour before class the following week.

I think I began to fall in love with Ashley over that coffee. And she seemed to enjoy being with me. We decided to have coffee again before class the following Tuesday.

That led to dinner that weekend. Which led to dinner again the next weekend. She invited me to her apartment for a drink afterwards.

I spent the night. Now I was deeply in love. It was like a dream. Actually, it was more like a fantasy. I’d never been with anyone so ... experienced.

For the rest of the semester, Ashely and I saw each other several times a week. I slept over a lot. I even had my own key to her apartment. During the week, she had to leave in the morning before I did, so I would let myself out.

I told my housemates at school I was seeing someone, but I never told them who.

Our final exam was, of course, to give a speech. We had to keep it brief and share one thing we learned that semester.

By then, Ashley and I sat next to each other every week. I didn’t know if my classmates knew we were seeing each other. I didn’t care. I actually didn’t think much about them anymore.

Ashley got up first to give her speech. The main thing she learned, she said, is how to be brief and how hard that can be.

I took her to the airport that Saturday, just before Christmas. She was quiet on the way.

“I’ve loved being you, Jacob,” she said when we got there. “But we have our own lives to live. We need to go separate ways. I hope you can understand that.”

Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked away. She didn’t look back.

I stood there, stunned. Maybe I should have seen it coming, but I didn’t.

***

Over Christmas break, I went home and fell into a depression. I kept thinking Ashley might text or call me. But she never did.

I thought she was in love with me. I mean I was in love with her. She never told me she loved me, but —

She never told me she loved me.

Then I tried to think about all this from her perspective. She’s in town for a short time. She had nothing to lose by hooking up with me. She probably thought of it as just a fling all along.

But I didn’t see it that way because I wanted to believe my fantasy was true. I wanted to believe that this 30-something woman was going to bring a college boy from Ohio to Silicon Valley and show me off to all her 30-something friends.

I couldn’t see we were living in different worlds that happened to intersect for a short time. I felt like a fool.

So what should I do now? I’ve got to get on with my life, I thought. More precisely, I need to reimmerse myself in a life and a world I had abandoned.

***

In January, I trudged through the snow to my first class of my last semester in college.

I looked around. I knew everyone. Most of us had spent nearly four years together. In a way, we’d grown up together. I’m going to miss these people, I thought.

We were all wearing hoodies, jeans and hiking boots. At that point, wearing anything else just wouldn’t have been right.