The Virtues

“I kill pedophiles. I mean, don't worry, I torture them slowly first. I am a graduate of Equity Academy. I majored in Child Rights. Oh, I guess you don’t know what I’m talking about with that confused look in your eyes and your mouth agape. Alright, not sure where you came from then. I’ll entertain it, I have a little time today.

I am one of The Silvers: an elite serial killer with years of skills under my belt. I didn’t have to go to Academy, I chose to. I came into the office from the recruiting commercials. I was skeptical at first, of course, like the rest of us. It wasn’t until The Royals became a thing that I really knew it was safe to come out of hiding.The Royals. Sigh. They are the dream team that’s for sure.

The Royals are well known serial killers. The ones whose murders made it on TV. The ones many authorities have been chasing down for years, some decades, with no luck. I still remember when the first Royal came forward. Cavaike. He didn’t seem to give a shit whether he lived or died anymore. I think he’d gotten bored personally and I don’t blame him. Seemed like getting away with it wasn’t even a challenge for him anymore.

As a supposed sign of good faith, it was televised. But any good killer still knows, that could be a trap. Televise the death of a renown serial killer. Surprising us all, it was not a trap! Ha! Oh, I tell you I was so giddy at the sight of it. I felt like I was being pressure washed in my chest with some hormone high I’ve never felt before. I don’t usually feel happy or elated, I mean what’s the point really. Watching Cavaike be bowed to and offered a crown, I was so overjoyed, nearly pissed myself laughing at the thought of it. It was so good, so damn good you know?! I mean, finally! This is where we belonged.

Now, I didn’t get a crown, only The Royals do. Us Silvers, we have some years of killing but no one knows us. We were not a big name and often not even really pursued at all. I think honestly, for those like me, authorities wanted to look the other way. I only tortured those who hurt children.

If you’re one of The Royals, or a Silver, you do not have to go to Academy to join the Virtues. That’s what all of us serial killers are called now, those of us who work for the company who keeps criminal activity in order, through us. We are Virtues. The Royals do not get tested. Us Silvers need to show our skills.

The testing process for me was as follows: I told them my specialty, they brought me a pasty sniveling man who screamed he would never “do it again”. We all knew that’s a lie. He was trying to appeal to mercy in a room that is fully vacant of the element. A room filled with men and women who did not flinch at his pathetic lies and instead stood stern faced. The woman and man who were holding his arms tied him to a large wooden X in the middle of the room. He squirmed, his eyes were wide with horror. Child predators deserve the worst of every dark fantasy justice scenario humans can think of. I am happy to oblige. I felt the arousal as I went feral. Not sexual, simply arousal. Like that feeling of barely escaping death when a car loses control. I'm never aroused by them, but by their fear and how deserving they are of my wrath. Just like this worm was. My chemical high licked my endorphins through my veins. Adrenaline tickled my heart into a light jog. Delicious.

The testers laid out knives, scalpels, hammers, and saws of different sizes. I wasn’t allowed a chainsaw, sadly, I guessed I had to prove myself before I earned that privilege. I knew they had one because I had heard its beautiful jazz in the hallway followed by howls of pungent agony as they led me down to this test room.

I really can feel my body relaxing right now as I’m saying this to you. I can feel my fingers gently rubbing up against the handle of a hammer, then glazing over a silver knife, before landing on a scalpel like I'm still there right now. I still remember his pathetic cries as he pissed himself watching me walk over to him. He begged the many eyes averted from him to pay attention and release him. But no one looked at him. They stared ahead or watched me. A few of them, their chests rose and fell with anticipation.

When I was done, one of the officials cried with relief. She ran over to me and hugged me so tight she impeded air for a while. But I didn’t mind. I liked the sensation. Another pulled her quickly off of me, clearly scared for her safety. I placed the scalpel down, smiled at the pedos entrails still clinging to my shoes.

They all bowed and welcomed me.

Well, that catches you up a bit. You’re a great listener, you seem captivated. Interesting. Not one sound from you. Hmm. As for me, I do have to run, summer is coming to a close tomorrow night. You see, I’m going for my Masters and for that, I need to kill me one of the Caitiffs. That’s a rogue serial killer who does not want to be one of the Virtues and has denied the rebranding of reform. We can’t have that, that is not order.

So, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go. You’re welcome, for keeping your children safe by the way.”

From the moment the words, ““I kill pedophiles”, began I was enthralled and had said nothing. I don’t have children and I am grateful the Virtues really do exist. I had heard stories. I traveled here to confirm them. I heard there are many Majors in the Equity Academy for Virtues to choose from. My head is swirling as I watch her jog away. Her long hair waves in the wind like a beautiful flag behind her. As she moves through the streets she is recognized. Many stop to applaud her and rain praise through shouts of gratitude. She doesn’t stop to smile or wave, she’s working. She’s hunting.

Yes, I was quiet as she spoke. I don’t even know how I had the luck to bump into her. All I said was, “Hello.” Maybe she felt something.

I squeeze the straps on my book bag. I want to run with her. I want to let my laugh land at her footsteps, and allow the summer breeze to let me smell the hair of justice.

Being a Virtue is a newly established profession.

I came here mainly to answer one very important question- am I one of them?