I Remember then I Forget

I wake up in the morning and proceed to look in the mirror, seeing the other person, who is a reflection of me. It is kind of spooky at the idea of someone looking back at you, who mimics your every gesture, every move, everything you say or do.

I see the person who looks like me yet the idea of this person who is just like, being just like me, who is in fact me. This person allows me the opportunity to either admit or deny yet will only place the blame on me as I am the one at fault.

I sulk over, dwell on, mull over the idea of the person looking back at me, is holding me responsible and accountable for all that I do all the time. No matter what day of the week it is, they are there checking in on me. They see what I see. Know what I know. They hear what I hear. Touch what I touch. Feel what I feel.

It is whole I idea behind the thinking and being as I am that allows the other person, who is me, being a part of me and being me, that they are able to keep under control how my responses will be concerning this whole matter.

I only remember the things that in my mind are the most important of all to remember, I also forget the things that I forget no matter how hard I try to remember them. It's as if my mind dictates what all I can stored in my brain, being kept in my mind like a filing system.

This present decision making and calculating process is not for me and it bears heavily on my already overweighted, over thinking, over exaggerated mind. I am willing to let go of a few things that never were all that important, but then when I want to decide and compare which is the most important to the least important, I mix them up on both sets of lists.

The pros and cons are no help either. The needs and the wants always to try to rush up to the top of the list but are held back with hesitation and with obstacles not yet thought of much yet placed on paper for viewing.

It leaves much to be desired and much to considered and even much to be remembered and listed when you remember them one minute and almost immediately forget them in the same thought or the same sentence.

To be left sitting or left standing where you are at the moment the thought(s) hit your brain, and then left you guessing what and frustrated that those thoughts are long gone and have long since left the building, with you holding the bag, empty and in a daze. I make you feel helpless and useless. It makes you feel sad and dejected, alone and confused, always wondering when you will only remember who you are, only to forget your name.

To go from independent to co-dependent, because of your forgetfulness, or lack of remembering, you are having memory lapses and gaps in your mind that make you feel less of who you are and more like what others think you should be.

To see something from your past that makes you stop and want to see it once more, or have flashbacks that bring on nostalgic and reminisce, to become emotional and overwhelmed as either the moment brings up a positive moment or a negative moment. To believe it too shall pass over.

The moment lingers longer than you wished it was to be and to be meant for, the pictures and memories fade away like after a rain shower, leaving the moment less enjoyable. You go back in time to a place that only you, only you feel, only you know, in vivid plain detail, reaching out to the ones who shared those moments with you, long ago, oh so long ago. They seem like they just happened and you wanted them to stay around longer than before.

The remembrances are the hardest to let go, being content with those that mark a time in your life that held a special place in your mind and heart. The moments that are easiest to remember are the ones that hang around the longest. You seem to only want some of the memories to remain longer, if only your mind and brain can find a place to add them to your memories. You are lost and find that the past is blurred into the present, which could rewrite the present and the future with a new memory that does not nor ever did exist.

Like a Hollywood movie that has this scenario in it, where the future (presently) is changed when you venture backwards and are placed (in your memory) in a specific time and date. You seem to reach out only to change one minor thing that will alert the past memory from what it was, into what it becomes. You are then not sure which is the original thought, and that is replaced with a new present and an even newer future.

The memories are meant to happen for the past, staying that way with no adjustments or changes, so that the present, the one which are in now, will never be changed into the alternate version of a new yet not so great future. The three parts of your life, the past, the present and the future, will happen the way you choose them to be. They will remain as they were meant to be, as long as you never tamper with them and leave them well enough alone.

Even wishing to change that which happened and was meant to be originally, was never meant to become something that was never meant to be for you.

We need to understand that remembering what you were trying to forget is as bad and can be as bad as forgetting to remember.

It leaves us with the desire to go back and change the unchangeable and leaving well enough alone as it presently is, so that the future will be allowed to take care of itself, perfectly.