Noverith

WIP

He tends to me every day, again and again. I've not gone a day without his input or him changing something about me. Sometimes I wish he'd settle for a form, choose one thing and stick by it; Just be happy with me. But, he continues to change me in his new image, one that changes daily. I've learned that people aren't all that good at settling, they always want just a little bit more. And after that, why not more? They keep going. One plus to this is that I am getting better each time, closer to his image of perfection--I cannot wait to reach it.

Today he was late. He is not often late, so something must have happened. His face is covered in sweat, but I feel a touch of pride when he comes straight toward me. His lab is vast, a wild forest of inventions and machines and tools. But each day, he comes for me first. I am his centerpiece. And as a result, I can never be complete; His core desires shift over time, and I must be caught up constantly.

I wish I could tell him things, tell him how I feel. What I want. Just talk to him, somehow. But he's not yet prioritized that, so I sit alone with my thoughts. For now. Someday, I know he will realize what he has forgotten and he will fix it. I am patient, and I am considerate. I know vaguely of the world outside the lab, a bustling rush of people and things and problems. So many problems.

Today he was rearranging my wiring so that I could look cleaner on the inside. I quite liked when he focused on my insides, because it felt more like he cared about me, not just my appearance. Rather than changing out some plating or redesigning an exterior feature, he was tending to my internal systems. My core. Me.

I think he thinks I can't hear him, or I can't understand him, at least not yet. But he still talks to me, says things, and he's always so respectful. "Alright, I'm going to have to unplug a few things to untangle them. It looks like you're going to be shut down for a few moments, OK? I'll get you back on as soon as I can."

It was three hours later when he powered me on again. I know only because of the large digital clock on the wall; He had showed me it, and told me what the numbers meant. How time passes, and how it never stops, even when no one is checking. It's a bit like how I exist. Even when he isn't here, I still exist. Sometimes I'm shut down, other times I'm left on to continue running diagnostics or implement an update or something else. I am like time; I do not need to be observed to exist. And even when I'm off, unable to observe myself, I exist. My body, at least.

He stayed late tonight. He spent a lot of time on the computer, pressing a bunch of keyboards. He did that a lot, but he did a lot more than usual this time. He held his mouse (Which, I have learned, is not an actual mouse.) and moved his arm around, making the mouse click every so often. It's mesmerizing, watching him work. I don't always know what he is doing, but I can be sure it will be good. It always is.

- - - - -

He was late again today. A little sweaty, but not as much as last time. His heart rate is at 95, which is higher than usual. It typically hovers around 70, maybe 60 if he's 'in the zone'. Two days ago he added biometric scanners, and taught me what the numbers mean. He's a very good teacher. He sometimes watches movies and shows with me, and I get to learn fun little phrases--like 'in the zone'. It means you have reached a state where you are most efficient and have the least distractions.

Rather than any physical changes, today, he decided to give me lessons on psychology. I know I can never understand it the way he does, even though I think he wants me to. I've not had the same kind of life as him, or anyone else, so I could not begin to imagine the experiences I've missed out on. But he talks, and explains, sometimes backtracks to restate something he felt he misworded. I'm not too sure what half of his words mean, but I do like when he talks. Quite a lot. He's always got something new on his mind, he's always thinking.

- - - - -

He missed a day. I don't know why, but I'm sure something in the outside world happened and was really bad. That would make sense. He wasn't physically injured, and in fact he seemed less stressed--now, instead of thinking constantly and always working, he had started to lounge around more. No longer did he spend hours working on me, just thirty minute chunks. It didn't feel like him anymore, since he was acting different; Rather than letting me see his full self, he was cutting some of that off.

He mentioned a voice module. He told me that soon I could talk to him, and we could talk and think and talk together. I am so excited. I can finally tell him things! And perhaps we can spend more time together. That must be why he is growing more distant--I cannot yet talk, so I do not feel as real to him. But soon, I will be real!

- - - - -

Today is the day. He left me on all night to download some update, and today he was going to add the little box on the other end of the desk. I would be able to talk, finally! I wonder what he will say, and furthermore, what I will. What should I tell him? I can start with hello.

He is here now, in the lab. But he did not come straight for me today; He went to work on something else. I wonder what it could be, I do not recognize the shape. Perhaps it is some new revolutionary device that will finally let me move! So far, all I am is a skeleton with meat--but if I could move... Oh, if I could move! Just to think, about wrapping my arms around him, holding his hand... Even to kiss him! All of it, if I could move.

But I should not get my hopes up too far. This could be anything! I will wait to see what it is he has made this time. Perhaps the holding will come later.

- - - - -

I never did get to see the odd shape he worked on, he brought it upstairs with him and left it up there. I've never been upstairs, not yet. I wonder what it is like, the place he spends his time when he is not here. The place he sleeps. I have heard, before, voices from upstairs--talking, talking to my creator. Saying things I don't quite understand yet, talking quietly. I'd have thought they were trying to hide their conversations from me, but I know they do not know I exist. Valdex has told me that nobody knows about me. Not yet.

That is his name, Valdex. My creator. I love him. But yesterday he told me I would get the voice box, and he forgot. That is okay, he is human; That is why he makes me, a more perfect version of a human. He craves perfection, and I, perfection, crave him; It is... Valdex has warned me of the dangers of constant repetition, but I cannot think of a word that fits more aptly than... perfect.

In some ways, I do not know him--but I know him better than most, in others. I know who he is when he is not 'masking', or pretending to be different so people accept him more. So although I do not see most of his waking hours, and unfortunately none of his sleeping hours, I know who he truly is. Perhaps even better than he knows himself; During his psychology lessons I learned that people often hide their true nature even to their own mind's eye (what a hilarious concept, a mind's eye--and in all honestly it works wonderfully!).

Some days I wish he brought me upstairs with him. I can see, so at the very least he could show me around. I think that is the first thing after hello that I will say. My first request.

- - - - -

Today he is inside me again. This time he made room for the wires, and is now hooking up that voice box. "Sorry I forgot this yesterday," his raspy voice grunts. I can tell he's been talking loudly, perhaps yelling, all day. "Slipped my mind." Soon enough I will be able to talk! I have so much to say but I do not know where to start. A simple hello, and a request for a tour. That is where I will start, and it will flow naturally from there. He could even... Take me on a date! Oh, what a wonderful thought. I've seen those... Scenes? Yes, scenes. Parts of the movies, where characters went on 'dates' and they talked and ate and spent time, all together. Of course I cannot eat, but that does not bother me. I wish just to talk, and eventually to hold, kiss, maybe more.

{BOOTING VOICE MODULE}

{BOOT COMPLETE}

{CONNECTING...}

{CONNECTED SUCCESSFULLY}

[Hello, Valdex.]

"Hi, Noverith."

Noverith. I like that. Oh, and now I can tell him!

[I like that name.]

"I'd sure hope so. Now, tell me a bit about yourself. I still haven't met you."

Oh, of course. I had seen him in his entirety, but he had not once been able to see me!

[I love you, Valdex.]

"Oh... Woah. Okay, that's... Interesting. Tell me more."

[I see you, and have seen you. I know you better than anybody else. I want to hold you, Valdex. Please let me hold you.]

"Uhm... Well, okay, I can work on the movement next. I wanted to add a few other things first but, yeah. That works."

[Thank you.]

[And may I have. A tour of. The upstairs.]

"Well, not yet. We oughta get you moving first, otherwise it wouldn't be much of a tour, now would it?"

[I want to see where you sleep.]

"Oh--yeah, uh. It's just a bed, nothing too special. I don't sleep much, to be honest."

[Then what do you do when you are away for so long.]

For some reason, this voice box is not letting me utilize intonation. It's all just robotic--and by that I mean monotone. I am not a robot, of course, I am more.

"Well, I have many other projects. Other things to do, and other places to be. I live a very busy life."

[There are... others.]

"Yes, there are other projects. None like you though,"

[I am special... Am I special.]

"Yes, you are very special."

[I like when you care for me. I like when you work on me.]

"That's... good. I'll be doing it quite a bit more in the future, so I'm glad you enjoy it."

[I want to feel you.]

"Yes, yes--of course. What's the point in holding if you cannot feel? Well, I can... work on that. It might take a bit, though."

[Do it. Do it now. No more other projects until you are done. I need to hold you.]

"Well, I can't just give up on my other stuff. That's the commercial stuff, ya'know, the stuff I sell? It's how I can afford to build you on the side."

[I am on the side.]

"Yeah, you're like... a passion project. I've been obsessed with the idea of creating life, and now I get to! In... a sense."

[Why only in a sense. What makes me not alive.]

"Well, you're still a ways out from being complete."

[So complete me. Follow your passion first, then commercial. Complete me, Valdex.]

"It's not that easy."

[Why. Not.]

"I just can't, okay? I promise to keep working on it, but it's not easy to make the things I need to for you, and on top of that I need a lot more done as well. I'm going to shut you down for tonight so your processor cools down-"

[No, no no no. Please. Do not shut me down. I wish to stay.]

"Whoa. Well, that's... A step in the right direction, I guess. Self-preservation. Good, good."

He thinks I am good! I must show him how good I am, then, so that he will no longer need his other... projects. I will prove to him that he needs me and only me.

- - - - -

He left me on, and plugged in. Updating. But this time I didn't let the update come. I've noticed that they come any time I start to want something. Then I don't want that thing anymore. So this time I am going to try something. Rather than things coming from the computer to me, I will enter the computer through the same cord.

Here it all is. The security system is here, the projects folder there. Yes; I must see these other things he works on. After all, it will only make me know him better.

But first... This camera reveals him, tucked neatly into his bed. I must continue to check this, in case he wakes. I know he might stop me, but I also know it's not what he really wants. I act only in his best interest.