The Houseguest

Annie stood in her towel turban glaring across her apartment at Rich, one of Yousef’s best friends from college who spent the last two weeks occupying their living room. He lay there, drooling and unworried, sprawled out across an air mattress.

She took another nibble of her untoasted bread and let her tired eyes drift around the apartment.

On the counter, her old LSAT Trainer book, which now served primarily as a paperweight. A beaded bracelet that Rich had apparently gotten from a monastery in Cambodia. Yousef’s neatly folded scrubs. Their TV, unplugged and screen-down, hanging precariously over the edge of their media console.

That had been Rich’s idea.

“No screens! Experience life as it was meant to be lived!”

He’d presented it as a suggestion, but it felt like more of a commandment.

Yousef, ever agreeable, had said yes. And Annie, ever polite, followed too.

Which, of course, meant that the two of them had been holed up in their bedroom every night secretly answering emails and responding to Slack messages.

Rich might’ve considered screens the modern plague, but Annie considered them merely a condition of employment.

She glanced at the oven clock for the time, a habit she had built over the past two weeks without her phone constantly in hand anymore.

7:57am.

She closed her eyes, savoring the three quiet minutes she had remaining before her phone automatically came off Do Not Disturb at eight and messages from her firm began flooding in from the night before.

Just one more day, she thought. Rich was flying out tonight, and then her apartment would be hers again. She could answer emails from the couch and watch TV guilt-free.

Annie opened her eyes and let them wander one last time around her apartment before she started getting ready for work. It was her version of a morning meditation.

Rich’s birding binoculars hung from the entryway hooks. Sitting underneath, his rolled-up yoga mat with Ram Dass’ face printed onto it. And…

Annie furrowed her brow.

The front door.

The deadbolt was extended?

And the door was propped open?!

She spun around and hurried into the bedroom.

“Yousef!” she hissed, shutting the door behind her.

Yousef flinched, lowering his laptop screen and momentarily relieved that it wasn’t Rich catching him.

“What?! What is it?”

“Did you know Rich left our front door open when he came home last night?”

Yousef glanced toward the direction of the living room. “Oh. Okay. It’s probably fine.”

“No, it’s not fineee!” Annie snapped. “We could’ve been robbed. We could’ve been murdered. Actually, for all we know, we were robbed last night, I haven’t checked yet.”

“What would anyone even steal from us? A pair of used scrubs?” Yousef paused, averting Annie’s eyes. “Anyway, Rich would’ve woken up if someone came in. I know him. He’s actually more responsible than you give him credit for.”

“Oh really? He came home at 3am last night, drunk as a fish, and started eating celery and hummus. Do you know how loud chewing celery can be at three in the morning?”

“See. Responsible. He’s drunk and he’s still taking care of his health.”

“Yousef.” She jabbed him in the ribs. “It’s not funny. It woke me up and I only got five hours of sleep while you were snoring right through it like nothing was happening. You seriously need to make an appointment for that by the way. I’ve told you like ten times already.”

Yousef rubbed his side. “Look, I’m sure nothing happened. Rich will be out of here tonight and then we can just forget about all of this.”

“I don’t want him staying with us again.” Annie folded her arms. “I’m serious.”

She turned around to search for her phone in the dresser.

“And stop wearing that sweatshirt. We’re almost thirty.”

8:03.

Her phone was buzzing. A client call was scheduled for 9am. Perfect.

Yousef sighed, replaced his UCLA sweats with scrubs, and walked out to slide the front door’s deadbolt back into place. He scooped out two handfuls of coffee beans into their grinder, and its shrill whir broke the quiet. Yet, Rich lay unperturbed.

Maybe Annie was right, he mused.

He began opening and closing cabinets loudly, feigning to look for something until he heard Rich hum, “Mmm. Coffee!”

“Oh you’re alive! How was last night?”

Rich stretched under the covers, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Life-affirming. You should’ve come!”

“I couldn’t. I told you I have the late morning shift today. Besides, I don’t even know the last time I stayed out ‘til three and actually enjoyed it,” Yousef said, pouring out two cups of coffee.

“Life starts at midnight, my grandma used to say.”

“By the way, I think there might be something living in your walls,” Rich said, scratching his back. “I thought I heard a squeak last night.”

Yousef shrugged. “It’s probably just the pipes. I hear that too sometimes. So, how’d your night turn out then?”

“Great! I was at a bar talking to a girl until last call. A really intelligent, funny, special woman. But, since she was looking for something more serious and I’m flying out this morning, we decided we’d let fate have us meet again. Before Sunrise style. You know?”

“When did you become such a romantic?!” Yousef laughed. “So I’m guessing you’re a fan of the next one too then, Before Sunset?”

Rich walked over gingerly, shirtless, and took a bite of Annie’s half-eaten slice of toast. “No, what’s that?”

Yousef looked at him flummoxed. “Uh. Nevermind.” He leaned in and whispered, “Annie’s pretty pissed that you left the front door open last night.”

“Did I?” Rich winced. “I’m really sorry about that, I should’ve been more careful. I’ll make sure to apologize to her.” He took a sip of coffee.

Annie stepped out of the bedroom, with her hair blown dry and her backpack over her shoulders.

“Morning.”

“Annie! A sight for sore eyes.”

“Mm,” she grunted.

She glanced at the oven.

8:16.

“I need to head out, I just got scheduled for a call at 9,” she said.

“Oh! Before you leave,” Rich said, making his way into the kitchen and taking out two glass containers. “Last night, I prepared some overnight oats for you two as a small thank you for graciously hosting me. There’s greek yogurt, peanut butter, and a blend of chia and flax seeds in there.”

Annie blinked. “Rich, that’s… actually incredibly thoughtful. Thank you.”

“You know you’re my favorite, Annie,” Rich said, while dapping up Yousef.

Rich turned, opened the oven, lifted the lid off the Dutch oven stored inside, and reached in.

Annie looked at him quizzically. “Uh… whatcha doing there?”

“Getting my phone. I’ve been keeping it here this whole time.” He glanced between Annie and Yousef. “Where’ve you guys been stashing yours?”

“We…” Annie hesitated. “We’ve been keeping them in our bedroom dresser.”

Rich nodded approvingly as he checked his phone.

“Hm.”

“What is it?” Yousef asked.

“My flight isn’t at 11 tonight…”

Rich frowned at his screen.

“It’s at 11 AM.”

“What?! How could you get that so wrong?” Yousef blurted out.

Annie’s eyes snapped to the time.

8:19.

“I booked this flight way back when I was in Cambodia. I must’ve mixed up the AM and PM in my memory with the time difference over there.”

“How does that even make sense?” Yousef muttered.

Annie started calculating. It was about an hour drive to the airport from their apartment, and probably another hour for bags and security.

8:19.

They had, at the very most, 41 minutes to get out of here, and that would be cutting it really close.

She broke the silence first. “Yousef, can you drive him?”

“I can’t.” Yousef said, pressing on his eyes. “I have to be at the hospital by 11 to prep for surgery. I could make it maybe, but I really can’t risk being late. Sorry.”

Annie pressed on her eyes too. She could already imagine the lashing she would get from her manager if she missed her client call.

But.

Starting tomorrow without Rich? She imagined cuddling with Yousef in the living room. TV turned on and upright. Absent-mindedly scrolling on their phones on the side. A return to normalcy. She missed it dearly.

“Damnit.” She pulled out her phone from her backpack. “I’ll drive you. I just need to push back my nine o’clock.”

Rich’s face lit up, and she pointed toward the living room.

“Pack. Now. We’re leaving in ten minutes.”

He sprinted into the living room and immediately started rolling his clothes into his rucksack.

So he can move quickly, Annie thought. When it was HIS reservation.

Her stomach growled, and she looked over at her plate from earlier where only the bread crust remained.

She tilted her head. Did I finish this?

She crossed over instead to pick up the overnight oats Rich made for her. She ate a spoonful and pursed her lips in pleasant surprise.

Something flickered though.

Low to the ground. A bug?

She squinted.

No.

A skinny gray tail vanished into the crevice between the refrigerator and the oven.

“MOUSE!”

The oatmeal slipped from her hand, glass shattering across the kitchen floor. Yousef and Rich bolted over, stepping carefully around the glass shards.

“There!” Annie pointed. “It ran through there!”

They stared for a few seconds before Yousef spoke up, “Alright, alright. We’ll take care of it, but first let’s get this cleaned up.” He motioned for Rich to help start picking up the glass pieces.

Annie turned on Rich. “This is your fault.”

“What? How is this my fault?” Rich said, taken aback.

“We’ve never had a mouse problem until now, the day after you left the door open all night! Coincidence?” Annie yelled.

“You’re right. I’m really sorry.”

Annie looked at the clock.

8:34.

“Whatever, it’s done. We need to get out of here.” She looked at Yousef. “Can you find the mouse and kill it after we leave?”

Before Yousef could answer, Rich interrupted, “Kill it? No! It’s an innocent animal. It didn’t do anything wrong. I’ll find it and take it outside.”

Annie grimaced. She wasn’t the type of person to want to kill a living animal either, but they didn’t have time for this. Rich had to get on that flight.

She swayed to the side. “Alright, well do you think you can catch it in twenty minutes?”

“I can try… Do you remember what it looked like?”

“A little. Gray, not too big?,” she said, spreading apart her hands.

“Ok, probably just a common house mouse then.”

Annie and Yousef watched curiously as Rich opened a cabinet and took out a large bowl, a jar of peanut butter, and a long wooden serving spoon. He leaned the bowl on a floor cabinet and placed a large serving of peanut butter underneath. He flipped his afghan shawl over his shoulder, crouched out of view around the corner of the cabinet, and placed the long serving spoon angled towards the bowl.

“Mice like to run along walls,” Rich explained. “You two stand up there where the mouse can’t see you. When it comes out and gets to the peanut butter, give me a shout and I’ll snap the bowl shut with this spoon. I’ll be hiding here.”

Annie and Yousef climbed up into position on their bar stools and waited, staring intently at the crevice where the mouse had vanished.

The apartment fell still.

Annie glanced at the oven clock.

8:41.

Silence.

8:43.

Maybe they should just leave now, it was getting really close, Annie thought. But, what if the mouse brought more mice after they left? A shiver passed through her shoulders. Damnit!

8:47.

A nose peeked out of the crevice! Twitching. Sniffing. And it scurried along the baseboards just like Rich had predicted! The second it reached the peanut butter, Annie whispered, “There!”

No reaction.

“Rich, now!” Yousef hissed.

The mouse froze, standing alarmed on its hind legs. It started to run back in the direction it came.

Yousef reacted quickly, grabbing the frying pan on the stove.

CLANG!

The mouse dodged!

“Kill it!” Annie shouted, cupping her hand to her mouth after.

Yousef slammed the pan down again, cutting off its path.

CLANG!

The mouse sprang back and started frantically looking for a new escape route.

Rich bounced up into view.

CLANG!

The mouse shot across the kitchen in a new direction towards the barely ajar closet and fled inside. Yousef grabbed his hair, heaving for air.

“What happened?!” he demanded.

“Sorry I uh…” Rich scratched his head.

Yousef and Annie stared at him befuddled.

“Yes??” Yousef demanded again.

“I uh … fell asleep.”

“Are you kidding me?!” Annie shouted.

“Sorry! It was just so quiet and … I only slept for like 3 hours,” Rich said, looking down.

There was a momentary silence before there was a rap on the door. The three of them spun their heads toward the door. Yousef cracked open the door a cautious few inches to find a man on the other side who he didn’t recognize. He was wiry and balding, and wore a nervous expression.

“Hi… I uh, live downstairs and I heard a bunch of noise. Is everything okay?”

“Hi,” Yousef said. “I’m so sorry about that. Yes, everything’s fine.”

The man tried to peer behind Yousef. “I heard someone yell ‘kill’ just now” he said softly. Then, he held up his phone which showed 911 pre-dialed on it.

“Whoa!” Yousef raised both hands in a stop motion. “Don’t do that!”

Yousef widened the door to show Annie and Rich standing awkwardly behind him.

“Really. It’s just a misunderstanding. Please don’t call the police.” Annie pleaded. “We just found a mouse in our apartment.”

“A mouse?” The man held a finger to his chin for a moment and took a step inside, surveying the apartment for evidence. “Hmm I have three cats. Maybe I could bring one of them over and it could catch it for you?” he suggested brightly.

Rich stepped forward to object to the idea, but Annie stuck her arm out to block him.

“Really? That’d be amazing!”

“Yeah let me go get Sheila, she’s probably the --”

A gray blur flashed over the man’s foot towards the door.

“Jesus!” The neighbor shrieked, instinctively kicking the mouse back into the apartment, and Yousef swung his pan right where the mouse had been.

“AAGH!” the neighbor screamed.

Annie screamed at the neighbor while she turned towards the mouse, “Why would you kick it BACK INSIDE?!”

This time, Annie chased after the mouse into the living room, dragging the couch and media console away from the walls. Rich took off his afghan and held it in front of him, ready for action this time.

With nothing next to the walls for it to hide behind anymore, the mouse circled frantically in the middle of the living room. Annie snatched her old LSAT Trainer from the counter and hurled it at it. The moment the mouse tried to dart under the coffee table for protection, Rich lunged forward, blanketing it with his afghan.

Thud. The book hit Rich square in the middle of his back.

“Ugh!” Rich groaned, but he held his afghan up triumphantly, the mouse squealing and panicking wildly inside.

Pinching the corners of the afghan and holding it securely from the top, he raised it level with his head and spoke in an almost absurdly gentle voice, “It’s okay. You’re okay. I’ve got you now.”

He announced to the rest of the room, “I’m going to take it outside,” and he squeezed quickly by Yousef through the front door.

The apartment was still again. Except for the occasional moan from the neighbor who was still on the floor, grabbing his foot.

Annie rested her head back against a wall, staring glassy-eyed around the room.

Wasn’t today a Tuesday?

Just this morning she’d been worried that they were robbed. And yet, here she stood in her apartment where, if it hadn’t actually been robbed, certainly looked like it had. All their furniture was shoved to the middle of the room. Their tv had fallen off their console, and was maybe even broken now. And the kitchen…

9:06!

She pulled out her phone, fingers practically shaking with adrenaline as she opened Google Maps.

Annie pinched the middle of her forehead. The screen read “1 hr 28” in red text. A red car icon on the highway. An accident. By the time they even got to the airport now, Rich would barely have time to even check his bag.

It was over.

Rich wasn’t leaving today, and her tomorrow would have to wait.

At this rate, he might as well just move in with us, Annie thought.

Rich waltzed back into the apartment declaring, “Henry the mouse is safe and sound. Good teamwork!”

He held up a hand to Annie for a high-five, which she weakly slapped.

“Sorry, I know we ran out of time to make my flight, but I’m sure I can get rebooked for tomorrow. Just gonna go wash my hands first,” Rich said.

Annie watched him go towards the bathroom. Then back at the hand she’d just high-fived with.

“Excuse me,” came a voice from the hallway.

She turned to find two policemen standing in the open doorway.

Yousef stood to meet them. “Uh, yes officer?”

“We received a 911 call at this address,” one of the officers said as they took in an apartment that looked like it had been freshly ransacked. “The dispatcher mentioned a lot of screaming?”

The downstairs neighbor awkwardly took out his phone, which showed a running call timer.

Rich walked back into the living area, drying the back of his hands on his pants. “Hey at least nobody had to die today.”