Thieves of the Nude lane

Mystery

Written in response to: "Write a story that involves a mystery — it doesn't need to be crime-related, it should just include something that remains unexplained until the end." as part of Two Hundred!.

Near and far the world over there is fear. Fear is a seed embedded in everyone. Sometimes it grows, sometimes it’s stagnant. But then some incidents or things expose the fear hidden in us. Why I talk about fear read along you will know it…

It’s a true story that happened a few years back in a modernized village in India.  In this village from every house there was an NRI (Non Resident Indian) working in the Middle East, America or some other parts of the world. There is a saying that Indians are found all over the world even dwells in other planets if truth be told all over the cosmos. In every house there was splendour and sumptuousness except a few houses still living BPL (below poverty line) even in this age of computers and mobiles. Though surrounded by the most sophisticated gadgets corrupting the minds especially the adolescents at a rapid speed still the beauty and innocence of the village was not lost. Most of the houses were double or triple storey looked like five star hotels to flaunt their wealth and in between these mansions there were also small houses and huts. Truth to be told all houses over here were once upon a time small or huts devoid of palatial luxuries and electronic items. In flowing of foreign currencies like the good fairy in the famous fairy-tale Cinderella transformed many huts into palaces with a plethora of pleasures.

There was a lane in this urbanized village known as ‘Nude Lane’ where people feared to tread after sunset. This lane got this name two years back as whoever especially men who took this lane ended up nude. They were robbed of all their clothes, even undergarments, possessions and left stripped at the other end of the narrow road but women and kids were spared. Many men were even feared were compelled to take this lane as it was an important path in the village that connected to the outside world.

A rich arrogant man of this village boasted that he feared none and often quoted the famous Shakespearean line Cowards die many times before their deaths .The valiant never tasted death but once.’  He boldly took the risk of crossing the Nude lane, all he could remember was the next morning he was lying naked at the end of the lane. He was mortified and cried loudly. He jumped over the compound wall of a house seeing some clothes hanging on a line. The people staying in that house thought him to be a thief; he was beaten up and handed over to the police and later he was freed.  

 For a few days about four policemen stood guard and everyone could tread the lane without fear. Then one day all the policemen left except one… Alas! His destiny was the same; he ended up bare. The police investigated the matter but they couldn’t catch any thief.

Once a man was robbed left nude and the next day he found all his stolen things (watch, ID card, mobile, purse containing money and clothes) and a letter outside his house. He took out the letter from the envelope and read it...

Thanks for protecting our country where we are free to do what we want and go to sleep to wake up the next day. We return back all the things we robbed from you as you are the real hero, the soldier saving us sacrificing your life.

WE SALUTE YOU SIR

Thieves of the Nude lane)))

The soldier smiled and looked out with searching eyes but he couldn’t find anyone nearby.

Three tall teenage girls felt content and looking at each other smiling with play hooky eyes were watching the soldier from far without his notice. Two twin sisters nineteen years of age were orphans and lived with their cousin just seventeen. They were thick friends from childhood reminiscent of Alexandre Dumas’s ‘The Three Musketeers’. Mom of the twin sisters died many years ago. Their mom’s youngest sister looked after them. Their aunt’s husband had deserted her when a baby girl was born. He married another lady and has three kids thereafter never returned or gave any economic aid to his first wife and daughter. Then polygamy is not a new thing still thriving with more celebrities welcoming it without any guilt in a populated country like India where still millions of her children live in poverty. Their aunt was fighting cancer in a hospital and the money they robbed they spend for regaining her health and helping other poor people like them. Universally we find bias in education as clever poor children are deprived of their rights to higher learning due to lack of financial assistance. When girls of their age should be studying they were working in a chemical factory as sweepers soon they fell into the trap of some sex racket mafias but they escaped from their brutal claws very cleverly. They dreaded flesh trade where a number of young gullible girls daily became prey in the meat market. Thus to take revenge on some men and for more money they took to theft. They accumulated weapons and chloroform with the help of some relatives. No one knew their whereabouts; they were like the modern 'Robin Hoods' saving the lives of many destitute girls. The so-called Society has a vital part in making such thieves. A revolution will soon break out to alter the current corrupt ways.   

When God created man there was no law but then man created law due to fear. Law was not successful in curbing the crimes and the saddest thing crimes still exist to thrive. When all are sinners in one way or another who is so perfect that he has got the right to punish? As laws of modern times are blind to many crimes in India they (the three girls) too will escape for a while to continue as the thieves of the Nude lane…

 FEAR has two meanings:

Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise

The Choice is yours!!

Posted Jul 18, 2020
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99 likes 47 comments

Charles Stucker
July 18, 2020 22:39

Your tale is interesting, but it has serious need of a grammar check. I realize English is a tough second language; many native speakers have poor grammar when they write. If you have access to the computer program "Grammarly," it is reputed to perform better than most.

Structurally, this is primarily a "tell" story. You have three separate encounters between thee thieves and "victims"- the rich man, the police officer, and the soldier who has his belongings returned. You could shorten the opening three paragraphs and then expand each encounter to make them a terrifying personal bit. For example, (I just picked a name, you can do better, since you KNOW what name might make you think RICH in India- a trick writers use to convey meaning)

Arjun Mangal slipped his compact, and illegal, Italian pistol under his loose shirt, ready for easy use if needed. His maid glanced at him with fearful eyes, but he ignored her. He would make good on his boast and traverse Nude Lane this evening, possibly even receiving congratulations for defeating the thieves when they came for him.

Your goal is to make scenes come alive and personal by slipping in little details without drawing undue attention to them. The reader sees them, and reacts, without recognizing the technique. You have a talent for plot, and everything else is just practice. Sort of like "How do you get to The Grand Old Oprah house? Practice, practice, practice." You have the talent, so don't give up.

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ADHI DAS
July 19, 2020 04:39

Much thanks😊

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Gideon Gichohi
July 19, 2020 19:58

True Indian spirit.
Sincerely speaking, I don't know if I would like to read a long paragraph again but I like your story-telling.

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ADHI DAS
July 20, 2020 03:58

Thanks alot for reading😊

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Heissell Ramirez
July 19, 2020 16:24

Your story is very deep and touches on real world problems yet you still manged to end it on an uplifting way with the emowering acronym at the end. Well done!

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ADHI DAS
July 19, 2020 16:58

Much Thanks😊

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July 19, 2020 10:56

This is an interesting story that has purpose and meaning. To me the acronym FEAR is important to remember: Forget Everything and Run or Face Everything and Rise. This reminds me of the fable of the tales of Robin Hood in the forest that would take from the rich and give to the poor. There is so much we can learn from one another, different countries and cultures. Keep writing!

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ADHI DAS
July 19, 2020 11:46

Appreciate your comment.. 😊

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Corey Melin
July 19, 2020 05:00

Really liked the story, hearing similar stories like this one that take place in India. You kept the readers attention which is always a good thing. Keep up the writing.

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ADHI DAS
July 19, 2020 11:44

Thanks😊

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July 19, 2020 04:31

The story was good. Narrative could've been better. I could read the plot somewhere in-between. The 'showing' could've come much later.

Sentence construction could've been better. Grammar and tense were a bit off at places, especially the commas.

Paragraphs could've been grouped better.

Using a word processor to write will help.

Good luck and cheers ✌️✌️✌️

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ADHI DAS
July 19, 2020 04:39

Thanks alot😊

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Vicky S
July 18, 2020 08:28

I thought your description was really good

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ADHI DAS
July 18, 2020 08:40

THANKS:)

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ADHI DAS
July 19, 2020 03:53

Thanks😊

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. .
September 01, 2020 06:56

Beautifully written

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ADHI DAS
October 31, 2020 05:47

thanks

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Lily Kingston
August 14, 2020 15:23

Great story. I like the lesson you teach in the end. Very touching. Keep up the good work and keep writing!!

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ADHI DAS
August 15, 2020 16:47

Thanks for reading ☺️

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Writers Block
August 10, 2020 09:06

Good take on fear and the law.

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ADHI DAS
August 15, 2020 16:47

Thanks 😊

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Rebecca Lee
July 31, 2020 19:11

For your second submission, I thought it was great. I might suggest a grammar check like Charles said below.

I would look into the way you formatted it too. Break up your paragraphs, and condense long sentences.

Keep writing!! Hey, would you be willing to check out my story "Big Daddy Comes Back" and give some feedback? (Or any of my stuff!) Thanks.

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Rebecca Lee
July 31, 2020 19:11

For your second submission, I thought it was great. I might suggest a grammar check like Charles said below.

I would look into the way you formatted it too. Break up your paragraphs, and condense long sentences.

Keep writing!! Hey, would you be willing to check out my story "Big Daddy Comes Back" and give some feedback? (Or any of my stuff!) Thanks.

Reply

ADHI DAS
August 02, 2020 08:48

Thanks 😊

Reply

Emily B.
July 28, 2020 08:21

Your writing style is REALLY good.

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ADHI DAS
July 28, 2020 09:14

Thanks 😊

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PAMELA ABWAO
July 27, 2020 18:19

It's a funny story. Ha ha ha What happened to the rich man? I look forward to reading more of your stories

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ADHI DAS
July 25, 2020 04:45

thanks for the comments :)

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D. Jaymz
July 24, 2020 17:46

Written with a passion that is felt through your words. An excellent story, that I may even call a fable. Well done. 😊

Some revision is necessary, looking at grammar and punctuation. Also, more white space is needed by breaking paragraphs more often where it is logical.

~~~~~~
Suggestion:
I think the title may be more aptly written as 'Thieves of Nude Lane'. The 'l' would be capitalized in a title and 'the' can be left out.
~~~~~~
Keep writing.

Have a great writerly day!

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ADHI DAS
July 25, 2020 04:46

appreciate your valuable suggestions:)

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Estelle Westley
July 24, 2020 08:52

This was a very interesting read.
If you work on your grammar it will be easier to read.
Loved that you said it was true - we all have true stories to tell with a wise word to add if we just take time to look back.
Thanks - I enjoyed it.

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ADHI DAS
July 24, 2020 12:33

Thanks 😊

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Zyönnah Isiguzo
July 23, 2020 15:54

"FEAR has two meanings:
Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise
The Choice is yours!!"
'This is officially my favourite quote. A lot of things happened during this pandemic, and that is one saying that I would really need to keep pushing 💖
Say, do you mind checking out my new story? It is called "Her Dark Brown Eyes". Thanks!

Reply

ADHI DAS
July 23, 2020 16:50

I appreciate your comment😊

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Deborah Angevin
July 22, 2020 23:14

Loved the story (the last few sentences, especially!)

Also, would you mind checking my recent story out, "Red, Blue, White"? Thank you!

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ADHI DAS
July 23, 2020 03:52

Thanks😊😊

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Abigail Slimzy
July 22, 2020 22:55

Nice 👍keep writing dear.
If you don't mind yo can check out my stories too. Like and comment. Thanks

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ADHI DAS
July 23, 2020 03:53

Much thanks😊

Reply

Nandan Prasad
July 22, 2020 13:34

Good story! The narration is captivating, especially since it describes my country. The grammar, as people have already pointed out, needs a little bit of work, but otherwise, it is a wonderful story. Keep writing!
Also, would you mind checking out my stories if it is not too much trouble? Thanks and good luck!

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ADHI DAS
July 22, 2020 14:12

I appreciate your comment.. Thanks😊

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P. Jean
July 22, 2020 12:38

Many have already made the comments I might have made. Keep writing!

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ADHI DAS
July 22, 2020 14:12

Much thanks😊

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July 20, 2020 21:15

Overall, this really is a very good read. The foreign intrigue (at least, foreign to me) the honorable thieves adds a pleasant element and a real strong ending. Here's the but, the absolute last thing that you want is for your reader to struggle with your sentence structure, it is just writing suicide and most won't bother to do so. Try re-reading your story and as you do, every time that you mentally pause while reading, slap in a comma. Every time that you stop, there goes a period. There are, of course, a zillion rules and shall nots in writing, but this will at least give your readers sign posts to follow and the flow that your story deserves.

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ADHI DAS
July 21, 2020 07:10

thanks :)

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Oh, just wonderful.
Wonderful.
Your story is WONDERFUL!
(Really, it is.)

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July 24, 2020 16:42

👏👏👏😁😁😁👏👏👏

—aERIn!!! (Would you mind checking out my most recent story, ‘A Poem By A Star [No, Literally]‘? Thanks!)

Reply

ADHI DAS
July 26, 2020 07:14

👍

Reply

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