No Bones About It

When Jen and Henry met, they were both first-year students at Illinois State University.

The year was 1989.

If you ask them today what they would call themselves, relationship-wise, they’ll both look at you, then at each other, and shrug.

Jen will say, “We’re not in love, but if you ask me if I love him, I do.”

Henry will say, “She’s a strange bird, but she’s grown on me, and I can’t seem to stop checking up on her.”

Jen will laugh at the strange bird description and tell you that he, in fact, is the strange bird.

“We’re both married, and we love our spouses, so it’s nothing like that. Both of the people we are married to are very aware that we speak often and text each other regularly. Mike, my husband, isn’t fond of the late-night phone calls, but what are you gonna do?” Jen says, shrugging her shoulders.

Jen and Henry live in different time zones, Jen in Chicago and Henry in Seattle. Jen never strayed far from her hometown, and Henry got as far away from Springfield as he possibly could through the Coast Guard.

When asked if either of them would move to be closer to the other, both respond, “No.”

Seattle is a nice place to visit, Jen says, but she has children and a life that revolves around the Midwest. “I visited him once on my way to a yoga retreat. The retreat was on Samish Island, about an hour from Seattle.”

Remember,” she says, looking at Henry, “Frankie (Henry's son) was about three years old? We met at Applebee's, I think.”

“I remember,” he smiles, “You cut off all your hair and had that pixie cut. Toni (Henry’s wife) was there too.”

That was the last time Jen and Henry had seen each other in person.

Jen shakes her head, “That was 18 years ago. That’s crazy, almost seems impossible, the way those years went by so fast.”

It may have been the last time they saw each other in person, but when asked how many interactions they’ve had over the past 18 years, both say they couldn’t begin to guess.

“We text often,” said Jen, “but every once in a while, I need to hear his voice.”

“Sometimes, we will go a few months with no contact. And that is usually Jen’s fault,” says Henry.

“I know if she’s not responding or reaching out, something is going on in her life. Eventually, I’ll find out what it is. When she is ready.”

“He’s not wrong about that,” Jen says, and then talks about the death of her nephew and brother.

“Sometimes, the thought of talking to him when I am in a state of emotional turmoil, or deep grief, seems wrong. If I were in Mike’s shoes, I wouldn’t want him relying on another woman for emotional support through something like that.”

“I wish she would, though,” Henry says, “I can’t lie, I’ve relied on her when things got tough.”

When asked for more details, both are slow to respond.

“That is for him to answer, if he wishes.”

“I’ll just say, sometimes I need a friend that is not my wife.”

It’s here that Henry says he needs a break and heads to the bathroom.

I ask Jen if she thinks he is okay.

“He’s fine. He’ll be fine. He’s gotten through some tough things in his life. He can get through remembering them.”

While Henry is in the bathroom, Jen and I discuss when they first met. She talks about how the very first time she saw him, he had on a backwards baseball cap, rolled jeans (that was the style), and a backpack slung over his shoulder.

“He was walking through the door to English 101, and my heart started beating like crazy. It was the first time I reacted to someone’s presence like that. His eyes were so blue,” she smiles.

“I didn’t introduce myself then. Henry sat next to me, and I thought I was going to die. Geez, I thought he was so cute. But we didn’t officially meet until a house party later that night.”

Henry enters the room as she is talking about the party. He sits down next to her, closer than before, and puts his arm around her. “It was love at first sight for her.”

“Oh shut up,” Jen laughs.

Henry tells how they had their first conversation over a keg.

“I showed her how to pump the keg and pour a beer.”

“He did,” Jen agrees, “and then we ended up talking the whole night.”

Jen and Henry continue with stories from ISU and reminisce about life milestones after graduation. Jen talks about attending Henry’s wedding in Springfield before he left for basic training, and Henry talks about getting the birth announcement for Jen’s first child.

“After hearing about her becoming a Mom, we lost touch for a few years,” said Henry.

“We did, but I never stopped thinking about him.”

“Or me about her.”

“To tell the truth, I was in a bad marriage at the time we reconnected on social media, and there was a part of me that wished he might have been single at the time. Of course, I love that he was still happily married — I love his wife, and I am so happy they are together.”

Henry’s wife Toni also attended ISU, and while they were “friendly”, they were not friends.

While Toni and Jen were not friends during their college years, she is the reason Jen and Henry are in this hospital waiting room together today.

Jen is having her bone marrow tested at the University of Washington Medical Center. Henry is there to see if her bone marrow will help his wife.

Henry talks about the aggressive chemotherapy his wife has endured and how the treatments have led to a need for a bone marrow transplant. The Non-Hodgkin's diagnosis came over one year ago.

Now, Toni needs a bone marrow transplant, and all three of these former ISU students are hoping Jen’s marrow is a match.

Jen reflects, “When you think about it, through some of the toughest times, you’ve always been there. Many of my friendships have drifted apart or changed, but you are still the same. And maybe I’ll be a match, and this will be the reason we’ve kept our friendship alive through the years.”

“Maybe,” Henry says, grabbing her hand, “match or not, I’m just glad you’re here.”