Snow

Because I’ve never seen it before. Yes, I know it’s a pain in the . . . Look, I’m dead in a year, so you’re doing it and I’m doing it. I don’t want a video of it, I want to get out of Florida. Yes, I know everyone leaves the snow to come here and no one leaves here to go there, but I’m nobody anyway and I’m dead in a year so who cares what others think.

Yes, I know I’ll need to make preparations. Yes, I know. I know I’ll need to dress in layers and need warm clothes. I can do research online. Ok. Coats, sweatshirts, thermal underwear, warm socks. Fine. No shit they won’t have it in Florida, I’ll order it online. I’ll need a rental car or truck, four wheel drive, a motel or hotel. Ok. Black ice? No, ice is warm. Well, I’ve never driven in ice or snow, but how hard could it be? Walking? Why would walking be a ? Yes, it’s slippery. I wasn’t born yesterday. Frostbite. I’ve read about it. I’ll figure it out. We’re going.

Where are we going? Be specific. Snow covers about a third of this planet. Somewhere where I can make snow angels and snow balls. Maybe have a snowball fight. Not the kind that’ll melt in your hand. There’s no such place as M & M land and if there was, there wouldn’t be snow there. Maybe see ice sculptures or get to play with it, work with it, enjoy it. Make my own ice cream. Yes, I know I can get ice cream here, but I could mix it with the snow and it’d be endless ice cream or maybe get icee flavoring and have all the dessert I want. I don’t want a walk in freezer. I want to go north. See trees with no leaves, hibernating bears, and everything else with snow. And that’s what I want.

Maybe go dog sledding in the snow. Me surrounded by white. That narrows it down. Yes, Alaska sounds good. Do I want a natural tour (to be there like a native) or a tour guide tour? A bit of both? How much do I want to spend? The insurance will cover my living expenses and I don’t have any family, as far as I’m concerned, so less than a million. What’ll the credit card companies do? Rob my grave? Let’em. My life insurance is paid, so I’m set. I’m set. Just let me see some snow and get back here.

Yes, I can get around. I don’t have a wheelchair or cane; I can walk. Slow, but can walk. I won’t fall on my ass and if I do, I’ll get back up. I have leukemia, not osteoporosis. I’ll be fine. Yes, it’ll take time to plan but I have about a year, so let’s start planning and stop talking. I’m flying first class. Drinks, pillows, service, the workday and snow. Wonder if there’s alcohol called snow? If not, I’ll invent one.

I’ll start by seeing snow in the airport. Lots of pictures. Pictures for who, I don’t know. No one’ll remember me, but maybe I’ll meet people there. Didn’t I make any friends at work? No. Don’t think so. Everybody hates me and hates everyone I work with; it’s how the job is. I knew that before I went to college.

I work for the IRS in Texas. Texas’ slogan is “Don’t Mess With Texas,” but people mess with the IRS all the time, which is why we had alarm systems to our offices and metal detectors and I survived. I’m a woman, but don’t think that had anything to do with it. No one ever asked about a tax form 8300, but considering where I worked, that’s no surprise. Remember to put on my bulletproof vest in 100 degree weather. Right.

That’s why I don’t care if it’s cold. Want the opposite of Heaven and don’t mean He’ll. White as Heaven. Anyway, you made the reservations or are going to and we’re going to Alaska. What do I mean we? You, me; we. Yes, after all the shit I’ve done for you, you’re going.

So, we’ll need to find time to go shopping. Yes, everything costs money. Just help me figure this out and if I die before I go then you enjoy it, understand? One thing at a time.

*

He did it. He hated it and he hates me, but who gives a fuck, he did it. I got us a taxi/uber/lyft/whatever. I hit us to the goddamn airport and we got through putting luggage through and the damn metal detectors and we’re at gate D43. I told the angel to keep his negativity to himself. And we’re going first class. A 16 hour flight first class. Heaven. What are IRAs for anyway? The announcements say the usual bullshit. “Don’t accept any items . . .” Then, I hear it; preboarding and we get on. I brought him for take off and landing. We get on and they offer us drinks right away. We go through the safety stuff about air masks and we buckle up and fly. I could see a movie, but don’t. I got a window seat because maybe I’ll see snow out the window, but I don’t. So, I ask the flight attendant. She tells me snow comes from clouds.

*

But as we descend, I see it: snow, falling from the sky or clouds or something and I’m ecstatic. We take out our gum and land; uneventful, and they ask us if we want anything to snack or drink and we get both. For the first time, in years, I’m happy and loved. We get off, get our luggage (baggage claim) and head outside. I look up, there’s snow falling; I look down, there’s snow; it’s everywhere. I pick some up and I’m happy. For the first time in my life, I’m happy. Snow, cold, happy. I smile. Fuck the world and God Bless Alaska.