November 9

Mystery Thriller

Written in response to: "Write a story about someone who’s famous for something they never actually did." as part of Legacies.

November 9, 2000

Lucky. Lucky. Lucky. I am a very lucky person. Neil Armstrong became famous as he was the first person to walk on the Moon, Bob Ross for his extraordinarily good artistic skills, The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) for his wrestling guts but I...I became famous for something I never did.


On November 9, 1999 I encountered with the Press for the very first time. It had been around noon, when they arrived. The scorching sun had them sweating as though they had just taken a bath. After asking my whereabouts and my daily routine, they came straight to the point. "North West, how do you feel, now that you are amongst top ten women to become famous overnight, all over the world?" One. Famous? Two. All over the the world? Three. Nothing made quite some sense at that time. Four. Nevertheless, I spoke up. "I'm elated. To say I'm over the moon, would be an understatement." Five. I was unable to keep the joy in me composed. Six. I wanted to appear as the mature, young adult who wasn't being extra on her recent discovery thus, I kept on talking. "I wouldn't have been able to do this without love and support from my family and I am so very thankful for that." Seven. It took me seven exact seconds to take away what was hers. It took me seven exact seconds to take away her dream. It took me seven exact seconds to shatter my sister's dream into a million pieces. My sister is also my twin. We are disbelievingly identical. From our gray eyes, to the square jaws and cheek bones, everything is exactly the same except for the fact that my sister, East West can't speak. I almost died at her hands. It was her who had discovered the new star, Maia. But being the bad girl that I am, I took all the credit on my shoulders.


She tried to hurt me: she threw Mom's favorite vase, a shoe box, her slipper, one after the other at me. All in the presence of the Press. Now that every single one of the Press members had witnessed me being a victim, it was easy to turn the tables, to put forward East as the mad girl. And that is exactly what I did. I took advantage of her disability, and put her behind the bars up until...until everyone had memorized that it was me who had discovered the new star and not her. I still feel bad for it, though.


The next day, was one of the very few happy days of my life. I was there on the front pages of newspapers, on the cover page of magazines, on television screens. I was in paparazzi's spotlights, all for an act I didn’t do. How cool was the fact that I was East’s twin? I never benefited from her but now that I did…the reward was huge. East bore all of it patiently…because she could do nothing except for that, could she?


I became famous. I earned money. I made my parents proud. All for something I never did. Mom was not happy with me. She and Dad, they both knew that it was East’s achievement and I was robbing her off the golden opportunities. She hated me all the times I existed. But back then, I didn’t care. I didn’t care for what Mom thought. I didn’t care for what East, her friends and my entire family thought. All I cared about was the money, the stupid dollars. The dollars that gained me fame overnight, that helped me reach Top 10 women all over the world. I wasn’t myself anymore.


I wasn't myself anymore. All I cared about was how I looked on TV, how I looked on newspapers, magazines and outside. I became one of the wealthiest lady in our area. People were jealous. Jealous of my achievement. Well, I know it wasn’t mine but East couldn’t do anything about it. Could she? I used to travel city to city, country to country, where everyone fought over to get my autographs. They fought with each other to click just one…just one picture with me. With North West. I lost contact: with Mom, with Dad and with East. I used to charge high amounts of money to travel just a few miles. I forgot that all of this would one day end. I used to brag about how much hard work it took for me to reach the space and discover the new star. I used to brag about how much difficult the task had been when in real I didn’t even know anything about it. Not even a bit.


Tables turned. What do they say? Ah yes, history repeated itself. I thought I would never get caught. But I was wrong. As I write this, my hands shake. It is November 9 today. The very same date on which I got famous, last year. The jailer is coming. He hands over the food to me and makes a face on how filthy my wrinkled hands look. Yes, I am in jail. I have been charged for plagiarism. Stealing my sister’s achievement and putting it forward as my own, made me end up in jail. The fame, those stupid dollars came with a price. A huge one. I have been sentenced to an years imprisonment. I will probably die before that long. I wish I do. I really wish I do.


Everyone hates the once-famous, North West now. They hate me for treating my sister unfairly. They hate me for pretending to be a person, I wasn't. They hate me. They hate me. They hate me. People who fought with others to have an autograph from me now shoot looks of disgust at me. They feel pity for me. And they love East. They love her for doing such a good deed, they love her for not standing up against me. East is probably very happy, now.


East is probably very happy now. Very happy in her new life. But, this isn't over. When you've time, I will tell you what happened to East next. I will tell you what happens to everyone who tries to trick me, to make a fool of me. I'll tell you.

-North West.

Posted Aug 31, 2020
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99 likes 55 comments

Batool Hussain
August 31, 2020 12:51

I don't really know how did this one come out but a few things for y'all;
-Any guesses on why did I choose the date 'November 9?'
-Any kind of feedback is appreciated.
-I prefer you not decreasing my points, please as that is a very immature way to climb up the leaderboard.
-I updated my bio AND I would like everyone to have a look at it.
Byee

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Arez Z.
August 31, 2020 13:04

This came out great and I saw your bio:))

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Noor Ahmed
September 09, 2020 13:50

- I have no idea!
- This is an amazing story. I loved the characters and plot.
- I agree!!
- I had a look, and I like it :)

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Batool Hussain
September 09, 2020 18:16

Thanks Noor:)

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Noor Ahmed
September 09, 2020 19:36

No problem

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Zilla Babbitt
September 01, 2020 01:17

North West? As in... the Kardashian kid? Well, I think this is pretty good. Plagiarism is a serious thing.

There are a few instances of telling (basically the summary of her downfall) and I think a few lines in the first three paragraphs, given, the prompt, are unnecessary. "RIP her dream off" and "something I never did" are implied by the prompt.

Other than that, great job! Keep it up.

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Batool Hussain
September 01, 2020 04:26

Thank you for your feedback. Could you specify a little on what lines are unnecessary in which paragraphs?Thanks again :)

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Zilla Babbitt
September 01, 2020 14:53

No problem! Sentences 3 and the last part of 8.

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Jubilee Forbess
August 31, 2020 13:31

Loved it! I like the overall theme that good conquers over evil even if it seems like it will win in the beginning. :) The names were gold too, in my *humble opinion*

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Batool Hussain
August 31, 2020 13:34

Thank you. This means so much

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Aqsa Malik
September 05, 2020 11:29

Hey Batool!

Your first paragraph has really good comparisons to worthy famous people, which brings out the effect of the last line in it really well. It sets the enigmatic tone for the rest of the story.

I also liked your repetition of "I wasn't myself anymore". Your use of employing as the last sentence of one paragraph and the first of another was interesting.

There were some mistakes I noticed that I'll point out:
-In the second para, you compare sweat to people just having a bath. I don't see the correlation.
-As soon as you mentioned the narrators name, I thought this was going to be a story about Kim Kardashians kid with the same name. I don't know if that was done on purpose, but it made me detach from the character.
-You wrote 'off' instead of 'of' in 'off the golden opportunities...'
-You wrote singular 'lady' instead of the plural 'ladies' in 'one of the wealthiest lady...'
-'The' in 'reach the space' sounds off. There is only one kind of space!
-You said 'real' instead of 'reality' in 'when in real...'
-The comma in the phrase 'to be a person, I wasn't' shouldn't be there.

Other than that, I thought the ending was a good cliffhanger, and would be interested in a sequel detailing North's revenge!

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Batool Hussain
September 05, 2020 11:39

Thank you. I appreciate your honest feedback: I would edit it, if I could.

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<inactive> .
September 04, 2020 13:24

Congrats on 10,000 points!!

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September 04, 2020 12:22

Hey, Batool!! Congrats on 10k points exactly!! You go girl!

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Batool Hussain
September 04, 2020 14:59

Thanks

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Lulu Lemon
September 02, 2020 21:27

Fantastic story! I really liked it!

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Lulu Lemon
September 04, 2020 03:17

10000 Karma Points! WOW!

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Batool Hussain
September 04, 2020 10:58

Thank you. You're so sweet:)

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Lulu Lemon
September 04, 2020 15:32

Of course!! :)

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Thom With An H
September 01, 2020 18:39

A very interesting concept. I think you did well with the prompt. It's nice to see as you grow as a writer.

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August 31, 2020 16:18

Woah this story was really interesting! I loved the names you used! Well done!

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Batool Hussain
August 31, 2020 16:20

Thank you, Imaan!

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Princemark Okibe
September 05, 2020 14:40

I enjoy your stories, they usually pack the most emotional punch of any story in reedsy.
Also the way you give life to villains is unsettling but enjoyable.

I only have one question. In this paragraph [I have been sentenced to an years imprisonment.] What did you mean by 'an years imprisonment'. That is the only unclear place for me.
Anyways keep up the good work and keep writing.

PS: You can feel free to check out my latest stories in the lights out contest.

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Krishi Norris
September 04, 2020 13:48

Nice story! Do you mind checking out my latest one? Thanks!

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Anshika Goyal
September 03, 2020 18:38

Batool, I liked your dialogue mechanics and how you made your readers feel it. You really get the principle of 'show, don't tell', don't you? I like how you came up with the concept and how in one area you somewhat described millennial culture. The result was well constructed too. I hope we can know what happens to East.
P.s- please check out my recent story "Gleba- a not so successful technology".

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Mara C
September 03, 2020 09:47

Enjoyed reading this so much! Well done ^.^

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Amogh Kasat
September 03, 2020 02:35

I read all of your stories. All are wonderful.

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Batool Hussain
September 04, 2020 17:58

Thank you. That means so much

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Amogh Kasat
September 05, 2020 02:14

My pleasure

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. .
September 02, 2020 02:36

Wow! I love the detail and depth

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Corey Melin
September 02, 2020 02:06

Very well done. Enjoyed it. If you do something wrong it will come back to haunt you. I would say to re-read your story since I saw some errors you would notice if you did so. At least for me since my imagination is in overdrive.

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Rebecca Lee
September 01, 2020 00:07

Woo. What a story. I never like to start off with creative suggestions on the story. So I will tell you, it sounds great.

Since you have got some time - maybe you should go back and reread it - kind of slowly, and read it outloud. There are some changes that could be made to make it a smoother read, especially in the transitioning.

But keep on, keeping on! Hey, if you have time, would you give me some feedback on The Story of Cecil Greene?

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Batool Hussain
September 01, 2020 13:50

Thanks. And sure!

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Evelyn ⭐️
August 31, 2020 18:38

Is it weird that my birthday just happens to be November 9th? Anyway great story, loved it!

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Batool Hussain
August 31, 2020 18:53

Really? That's my birthday too! Yay I found my birthday-twin on Reedsy. That's exactly why I chose this date. Lol

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Evelyn ⭐️
August 31, 2020 19:00

Oh! That's so cool! It's the best birthday ever! Don't you agree?

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Batool Hussain
September 01, 2020 04:10

I do

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Tariq Saeed
August 31, 2020 18:17

Batool,u r also a good writer.please comments on my story.

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Charles Stucker
August 31, 2020 18:03

Since you have time to edit
This is a lot of tell. Make it show. Breathe life into a set of scenes. Everything is a flashback, as it begins with the time she is in prison. Strange to choose world freedom day as the day the protagonist writes from prison, but it does make a discordant sort of sense. After all, the twin is freed from the specter of her evil sister.

Aside from making this three our four (maybe five if you are ambitious) separate flashback scenes teh premise - fame for finding a new star is a stretch. Make it finding a new star with CLEAR SIGNS of an intelligent civilization and that becomes newsworthy. Plagiarism is (where I live) a civil, not criminal charge. However, she might face fraud charges from some of the groups where she spoke and charged fees. Those could easily bankrupt her, and some related charge might land her in prison. So, perhaps one scene could be of her taking an exorbitant fee which she recalls as part of he large set of charges. I have no clue how much prison time she would face for such fraud, but doubt it would be more than ten years and would guess somewhere around four. You might be able to look it up if you want to get a set number, or you could just have her lamenting "losing the best years of my life." during the close.

With all the good pieces I've seen you do, I know you can change this to be great.

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Miles Gatling
August 31, 2020 14:04

Very nice, I wanted to see how it would end. I don't know why you used that date or the NW and E names. It might be linked to the star's location or something.

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Batool Hussain
September 01, 2020 13:50

Thank you

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Jen Park
September 19, 2020 14:37

Oh no sorry for being so late! Recently I have been busy and lost track of your stories but I'll make sure I catch up. Ugh, I do hate West and she deserved the ending. Which means you did an awesome job (like you always do). I liked the ending too! I could feel her bitterness and obsession...how did you manage to convey that twisted emotions? Gave me chills!
Are you making a sequel to this? I don't know if this story would be better or not with a sequel, 'cause this story makes both good standalone and sequel.
In addition, I liked the names. West and East! It is very unusual but it fits perfectly to the story because it has something to do with astronomy. (I think so...) Love the title too! Really hooked me up.

Some minor suggestions:
1. I think you have to develop the character of West more. Like why did she try to rob the glory from her twin (was it only because she wanted to be famous? Or was it out of jealousy to her twin?) and how does she think about East. (Does she hate her? Or despise her?) With more background and details, the evilness of West will shine more brilliantly through the story.
2. I think it will also be nice if you add some dialogue to the story, especially in the scene where East and West fight. And West is witnessed to be victim. (How exactly did West convince the journalists, what came on the news headline, what was East's reaction and etc.)

Overall an amazing story! You always come up with something creative and interesting and I admire how you manage to "be" your character when you write. You are very talented writer and painter. (I saw you drawings) Keep up! :)

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Batool Hussain
September 19, 2020 19:09

Awwn thanks. I love this comment so Much Jean. I would edit if I could:(

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Jen Park
September 20, 2020 14:44

I'm so sorry for interrupting Batool,but I was just concerned-have you been downvoted recently? Because the comment you posted on my story has been downvoted to zero. :(

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Batool Hussain
September 20, 2020 16:21

Heyo. You didn't disturb me. As a matter of fact, I get down voted every hour, every day. Is that sad? Cos I find it funny. Lol

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Zainab Shahid
September 06, 2020 11:04

Great story! really loved it.
I liked the way you start, it was catchy.
you are such a good writer, please! check my story too.
Thanks!

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K V CHIDAMBARAM
September 07, 2020 19:00

It is ungrammatical to say same. The right word is similar. Nice story in terms of content and also the form in many ways. Best Wishes.

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Michele Duess
September 07, 2020 17:17

Okay so now I understand it's about plagiarism but I didn't get the Kardashian thing if that's what it is about. I ignore them. I thought it had to do with a sister taking credit for another sister's scientific discovery. I don't think you need the repetitive sentences like "They hate me, they hate me." Or "I wasn't myself anymore." Maybe instead use the word count to explain how the character was caught. Did the parents come forward? Also you said you made your parents proud but Mom wasn't happy with you because she knew you were a fraud. But the ending is tantalizing. What is it the character knows?

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