Before Us

Dawn Henson was my best friend. When we first met, it was a cloudy day- the first day of middle school. We were both scared out of our wits, and we both were in all the same classes. I remember sitting in an uncomfortable chair, one of those blue ones that snap your hair if you sit too close, and I was wearing what I thought were cool clothes. I was trying to mimic my older sister, Jocelyn’s, style and hairdo. So, there I was, sitting in a pair of slightly ripped, bleached jeans, a purple Nike shirt that barely covered my stomach, and dark blue Converse. I really thought I was cool back then.

Anyway, we were in the homeroom, and Dawn had come to sit at the seat next to me. I had just moved from Phoenix, Arizona, and I was honestly just trying to distance myself. I could see bunches of girls, all sitting with each other, laughing and reminiscing about the fifth grade year. Dawn hadn’t been sitting next to them, and I felt like she was eyeing me the whole time, anyway.

“Hey, I’m Dawn,” She said, extending her hand. My brain was lagging, but it eventually caught up and started sending off sparks. This was a middle school student, right? I hadn’t heard of any middle school student who shook hands. After mindlessly binge watching TV shows about middle school (forced by my dad), I thought I would have been ready for about everything. But shaking hands? Nah, I’ll pass.

“Uh, hi, I’m Sadie. Nice to meet you,” I said, reluctantly shaking her hand. Her hand felt soft and slightly sweaty, what you’d expect from someone on their first day. I smiled weakly and she smiled back.

“So, are you new here? If so, where’d you move from?” She spoke fast, like she had someplace to be and the conversation happening was just slowing her down.

“Oh, yeah, I’m new. I moved from Phoenix, Arizona. I’m still kinda getting used to the cold here,” I said, cracking what I hoped was a smile. She smiled warmly, an aura of warmth glowing from her, reaching over and swaddling me, shoving away all the clouds of fear and sadness I had looming around my head. Yeah, I really missed Arizona. Besides, we left all my friends, my favorite teacher, Mom, a big house… we left all of it. And now, with the divorce, I didn’t know how we would make it. We lived in a small apartment, Dad and I, and we’d been living on Chinese food and ramen noodles for the past week while we got settled. Like I’ve touched any of it.

“Arizona? That is so cool! My aunt lives there. I visit there every winter, to escape the cold. I’m sorta new too, but I moved here almost three years ago, and not recently like you. I moved from Long Beach, California. So it’s still somewhere warm, technically.” Dawn said, cracking her fingers. I could never do that. I envied everybody who could, and my fingers wouldn’t cooperate with my wishes.

“So, what’s your schedule like?” I asked, opening the paper that I had received on meet the teacher night. It had my schedule for the first and second semester on it. She opened her paper and her eyes darted across it.

“Okay… duh, duh, duh…” she said, clicking a pen that appeared suddenly on her chin. She spotted me looking at her with a puzzled face and laughed a little, “Oh, ha, sorry! It’s a thing I do; I think it helps me focus. I’ve got ADHD, so something has to help, right? Anyway, here’s my schedule: I’ve got Mrs. Hodges for the first period and second period, Mr. Barnes for third period, Ms. Rowe for the fourth period, Miss Laurie for fifth period, and Mr. Gunner for sixth period Chorus, Coach Middleton for seventh period gym, and next semester, I’ll have Mr. Rodriguez for Spanish seventh period.”

I looked at her in awe, looking up at the sky, because whatever was up there- God, Zeus, Mars, the sky in general- or the universe, really, made this happen, and I silently thanked whoever was up there.

“No way, Dawn, but you’re never going to believe this- I have the same exact schedule!” I said, trying to hide my excitement. Maybe I had just made a friend. The schedule gods were on my side during this.

Dawn smiled and said, “Awesome sauce!” and laughed. I laughed with her, and then Mrs. Hodges had to come and tell us to be quieter. I sighed and wiped the tears that had formed in my eyes- maybe the first ones in a while that weren’t from sadness or weight. All right.

From that day forward, whatever I did, I did it with Dawn.

Junior Year— Amber High School

“Sadie, you have to move on from Noah. I know you and him were ‘so perfect for each other’ but seriously, move on, girly pops.” Dawn said as I drove down her driveway and on to the road to school. It was a ritual- I picked up Dawn from her house on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and she picked me up from my house (we moved out of the apartment in eighth grade) on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Unless one of us was sick (which was rare on both of our accounts), we always kept to schedule and had a blast in the fifteen minutes that we were in either Dawn’s SUV or my Volkswagen bug that we both adored.

My grip on the steering wheel hardened, and I could feel my chest tighten a bit. This was really new for Dawn. She didn’t tell me to move on. Especially from someone like Noah. She just didn’t.

“Why do you say that?” I asked, sugar-coating my accusation.

“Because, it’s been almost two months now. Live a little, Sadie, and actually fall in love again. Or at least do my motto- Make rumors, make out, make money. Well, maybe don’t make rumors. I did only find that on Pinterest or something. Oh well. But seriously, there are so many good options right now! All the boys are actually hot in high school, and I know a few that I can get you set up with in seconds.” She said, applying some last minute mascara and lip liner.

“Like who? I mean, Nehemiah’s kinda cute, and like, Cayden is just a flirt, but who do you want me with? If he has any relationship with Noah, I’m automatically out.”

“Ugh, Sadie, I know. Besides, that would be breaking, like, fifty girl-code rules. But no- Nehemiah and Cayden suck. I was thinking maybe Clay or Nolan. Both seem your type,”

“Huh. Maybe, but honestly, if I had to choose, I would pick Nolan to go out with. And actually, now that you mention it, maybe I’m kinda crushing on Nolan? I dunno. Huh.”

“What?! You’re moving on?! Holy mother of cocoa puffs, folks, Sadie’s moving on!”

“Oh, shut up,” I said, laughing at Dawn. In the moment that maybe I was seeing myself sink again, Dawn did what she had done before and saved me with a laugh. Also, I wasn’t kidding about the Nolan thing. He is really cute. And funny, and nice, and smart. We have three classes together, and he’s never been very ‘oh-we’re-nothing-but-friends’ lately, he’s been pretty flirty. But who knows. I might just be falling into the lovely trap one would call Love.

Once we arrived at school, I ran straight into Nolan. He was wearing a grayish shirt with some blue jeans, his usual effortless style.

“Oh, shoot, Sadie, are you okay?” He asked, grabbing onto my arms. I was a bit dizzy, but not dizzy enough for someone to grab onto my arms. Maybe Nolan liked me back.

“Y-yeah, I think so. Sorry, we were in a rush,” I said as he slowly let go of my arms. A part of me wanted him to keep his arms on me, cradle my face, and kiss me like I was the last person on earth. I made a confused face at the thought, and Nolan looked at me, his Amber eyes staring into my soul, fixing the brokenness. I didn’t know looks could do that. Noah’s looks never did that.

“Ah, I see. I was in a rush too, sorta. I had to run papers down to the office for Mr. Cantrell. I may or may not have been running, and I guess I was distracted when I accidentally ran into you.” He said, rubbing the back of his head like guys do. I could feel my heart skip a beat, and that’s when I was truly in love with Nolan Burns. Oh, what a wonderful feeling it was.

“Oh, that’s cool. I mean, not Mr. Cantrell, but what you were doing… I dunno why I said that. Just forget everything I just said. Wait- who do you have for the first period again?” I said, feeling my face becoming hot. I was terrible with words around Nolan. I never was like that with Noah or any boy I had dated, even if it was just for a couple months. Nolan laughed a little and I scooted out of his way so that he could deliver the papers. A little part of me said to wait for him, and so I did.

“Oh girl, you are so love-struck,” Dawn said, scaring me. I had completely forgotten that she was even there.

“Shut up. Ugh, whatever. I’m gonna wait for him; you can head along for the first period.” I said, side-hugging her. “Okay, Miss Sadie-Is-In-Looove!” She said, squealing a little. I rolled my eyes playfully as she walked down the hallway, making discreet kissing faces and big smiles. Dawn was always like this. Good, she was back to normal. I didn’t like the other Dawn in the car.

“Uh, Sadie, did you… uh, did you wait for me?” Nolan asked, appearing out of the front office. I could feel my face getting even hotter, and a blush was definitely starting to form on my cheeks. I smiled awkwardly. “Um, yeah, I guess I did,” I said, picking at a loose hangnail. I almost always had one on my left pointer finger, and so it calmed me down in a way. But generally, I always feel calm around Nolan. It’s these little things that I never noticed before that are now coming into hindsight now that I’m… ugh, Dawn was right. In looove.

Three days later, I found myself being asked out by Nolan Burns.

“Uh, Sadie? Do you have a sec?” Nolan asked, fidgeting with his thumbs. YES! I wanted to scream, I have all the seconds in the world for you, Nolan Burns! But instead I could feel my face getting hot (a regular occurrence around Nolan now) and I started picking at a hangnail.

“Um, sure,” I said, feeling my heartbeat speed up.

“Okay, well, ugh, this is super awkward- but I’m going to get it over with because I am Nolan Burns and I am… Oh well. It was there in my soul when it lasted. Anyway, I was… I was wondering if you were free tomorrow night? I mean, I know it’s a Friday night, and you’re probably busy and I know that-”

“Yes, Nolan, oh my God, yes, I’ll go out with you,” I said, and I could see Nolan’s face erupting in flames as he rubbed the back of his head; I could practically see his heart beating out of his chest. I bet he could see mine doing the same.

“Oh, uh, great! Amazing, wonderful, uh, well, I will pick you up whenever I can, and uh, we’ll go somewhere. I’ll figure it out,” He said, and I didn’t know what to do. Usually, I always knew what to do around guys, or I just got thrown into a room accidentally (well, maybe not accidentally on the guy’s side) and was kinda forced to make out or whatever. But usually, I didn’t get butterflies. Nah, never with Noah or Unnamed Guys From Parties but I guess Nolan is special. I liked it. I liked him.

That evening, I called Dawn.

“Oh my lordy peaches, Dawn, guess what?!” I nearly screamed into the phone, scaring myself and probably Dad downstairs and the next-door neighbor.

“What, Sadie? I’m all ears for tea, hon,” Dawn said.

“You’ll never believe it, but Nolan freaking Burns freaking asked me out!”

“What?” she said, but it was weird. It wasn’t like an oh-my-gosh-actually what, it was a wait-no-that’s-not-right what; “I-I’m happy for you, Sadie, but I was joking when I offered up Nolan. I like him, Sadie.”

My jaw dropped, and I could feel my heartbeat quickening.

“W-what? Dawn, I didn’t know. I- you were never around him at all, and I thought you were actually being serious when you asked about him,”

“I’m sorry, Sadie, this is all my fault. I thought I was giving it away that I liked him and that you wouldn’t actually go for him, and that, oh God, that he wouldn’t ask you out. I’m really, really sorry. But I’m really happy for you, and I hope that you guys hug and intensely make out after your date.” She said, and I couldn’t help but feel my face get hot when she said that. But also, I have to admit, I wanted that to happen too. God, the things a person can think and do when they’re in love. Or, I guess, in looove.

“I should be the one apologizing, Dawn. I was freaking blind, because you liked him and I couldn’t see the signs. But thanks for, like, still letting me go out with Nolan. That sounds bad when I say it out loud, but screw that. I love you, Dawn,”

“I love you too, Sadie. But it’s okay, really. And I don’t want this to be the apologizing show, because it's okay. And I always want the best for you, love. And seriously- input me on everything that happens on the date."

"I will, Dawn. OK, Dad is calling me for dinner. Love you, bye,"

"Bye, love you too."

I sighed and clutched my heart, ready to go eat whatever concoction Dad had cooked up.

The next few hours passed by slowly, and I was resisting every urge in the school day to jump into Nolan's arms.

"Hey, Sadie," Somebody said, scaring me. I zipped around quickly to see who it was, and I could feel my face get hot when I saw that it was Nolan. God, I will never get used to the hotness that pillows over my face, making home in my cheeks and nose. "Oh, uh, hi, Nolan. Sorry I jumped- you scared me." I said, smoothing down my skirt. He grinned that little half-grin of his and rubbed the back of his head. I will never get used to that; it's adorable, though.

"Ah, sorry. I just wanted to make sure that we were still on for tonight. I totally understand if you made plans, but I just, uh, wanted to check," He said, a bit of pink coming into focus on his cheeks.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm 100% still going. I'm really looking forward to it, Nolan,"

"Me too,"

I smiled and he grinned. Suddenly, I found myself hugging Nolan Burns. His arms were strong, and I sighed into his shoulder. It felt right, you know? Like me and him were just meant to be. Ugh, that is so freaking cringe. Oh well. I freaking love Nolan.

Nolan came to my house around six, and I had told Dad and Jocelyn about my date. Jocelyn smirked and Dad looked a little flustered. He was always so awkward about me and Jocelyn's personal life, especially our love life. When Jocelyn started dating Bridget, he was especially flustered. We never really talked about deep stuff like that. But it's alright.

Anyway, we went to an Italian restaurant, and it was really nice. Well, nicer than Olive Garden, which is the only Italian restaurant we've been to as a family.

After dinner, we walked around the park, and Nolan was acting really fidgety as I held his hand.

Dawn's gonna freak out when she hears this.

Kissing Nolan Burns felt so, so right.