I Wish to Make a Complaint

“Why are you laughing? What part of this is funny?”

“Erm… most of it.”

“How about the part where I’m a bloody furry?”

“That’s the funniest bit,” Eddie says.

“Come on, mate!” New eyes roll in old sockets. “So what’s our plan?”

“About what?”

Martin gestures at himself.

Claws. Fur. A tail that won’t stop moving.

“I’m a half-man, half-dog.”

The tail thumps harder against the sofa.

“But you’re an alpha,” Eddie says.

The tail speeds up.

“Are you wagging that because I called you an alpha?”

“I don’t know what it’s doing!” Martin snaps. “I’ve never had one before. It’s got a mind of its own!”

“Seems happy.”

“Well, I’m not happy!”

“Sit.”

Eddie gestures.

Martin sits.

A beat.

He stands.

“Don’t.”

“Good boy.”

A low vibration hums in Martin’s chest.

The tail slows.

“You used all your wishes, Martin,” Eddie says, more serious now. “He said he was retiring after.”

“I know what he said,” Martin growls. His lip pulls back, too far, too sharp. He forces it down. “We just need to complain. Get it fixed.”

“How?”

“It’s a magic lamp. There’s not going to be…”

He turns it over.

A number.

They both stare at it.

“No way.”

“Give me that.”

Clawed hands reach out.

“Take your stinking paws off me…”

“What?”

A low growl hums in Martin’s chest.

“Sorry,” Eddie says quickly. “Bad joke.”

The growl doesn’t stop.

Eddie points, without thinking.

Martin sits.

Hard.

The sofa creaks.

No one moves.

Martin stands.

Slowly.

A tearing sound. Nails press, lengthen, claws finding space.

“Sorry,” Eddie says. “No more.”

He pulls out his phone. Dials.

Puts it on speaker.

Hands it over.

Martin hesitates, then takes it.

It rings.

And rings.

“Hello, WishFulfilment Customer Support, how may I help you today?”

The voice is calm. Practised.

Relieving.

“Erm,” Martin starts, trying to keep his teeth hidden, “I made a wish. And I’m… not satisfied with the result.”

“Oh,” the voice says. “I’m so sorry to hear that. Let’s get some details from you.”

“Thank you.”

The sofa thumps again.

Martin shifts away from it.

“Can I take your name please?” the voice asks.

“Martin.”

A breath catches.

“Martin Wolf.”

Eddie folds in half laughing.

Martin doesn’t.

Teeth flash. Too many. Too quickly.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie manages. “It’s just such a perfect coincidence.”

“Okay, Mr Wolf,” the voice cuts through, smooth again, “can you tell me the name of the genie who granted your wish?”

“Jeremy Jacobs,” Martin says.

“Oh, Jerry?” the voice perks up. “He’s retired now.”

“I know. I was his last one.”

“No problem at all,” the voice replies. “I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding. Jeremy was one of our best.”

Martin’s lip twitches.

Pulls back.

He forces it down.

“Well, actually…”

“No problem, Mr Wolf,” the voice cuts in. “We can deal with the complaint afterwards. Let’s get you sorted first.”

Tapping sounds. Clicks through the line.

“Can you tell me what the wish was, please?”

The tail changes rhythm.

Heavier now.

“Erm…”

Martin swallows.

“I wished to be an alpha.”

Silence.

“And that was all?” the voice says eventually.

The growl starts low.

“If you don’t mind me saying, sir,” the voice continues, “that’s quite a vague request. What happened next?”

“He turned me into this,” Martin snaps, gesturing down. “Claws. Teeth. A snout.”

“And a healthy coat,” Eddie says.

Shoulders rise.

Stay there.

“Given the lack of information provided at the time of the wish,” the voice says, “I would have done the same.”

Eddie lets out a short breath. Not quite a laugh.

“I’m not interested in your opinion,” Martin growls.

“It isn’t my opinion, sir,” the voice replies. “It’s the position of the Official WishFulfilment Terms and Conditions.”

The room tightens.

“What can I do?” Martin asks.

It comes out wrong.

High. Thin.

Eddie winces.

Cold air brushes Martin’s stomach.

He looks down.

His shirt has ridden up.

Belly exposed.

Submissive.

He yanks it down.

“Erm… what was the goal of the wish, Mr Wolf?” the voice asks.

“I wanted to be an alpha,” Martin says.

It lands flat.

“Uh huh,” the voice replies. “Go on.”

Ears dip.

The tails slows.

“Okay, sir,” the voice continues, “the issue here is the vagueness of your request.”

Typing rattles down the line.

“There are twenty-two meanings listed in the Oxford English Dictionary entry for the word alpha…”

Eddie raises his eyebrows.

“You were fortunate to have someone as experienced as Jeremy, sir. A newer recruit could have interpreted that very differently.”

The fur along Martin’s arms lifts.

“Oh yeah?” His voice drops. Not his voice. “He’s done a brilliant job, hasn’t he?”

Nothing human left in his eyes.

“Managed to come up with a twenty-third definition.”

Eddie leans back slightly. “Go on…”

“A one-of-a-kind, half-dog, half-man monster.”

“If it was so vague,” Eddie says, quieter now, “why did he grant it?”

“Yes,” Martin mutters, tongue flicking across his lips. Toward Eddie. “Why did he do it anyway?”

“Because of how you acted,” Eddie says. “Probably.”

“Let them answer.”

The words snap out.

“You’re right, Mr Wolf,” the voice says. “That’s something I’ll need to review.”

Martin stills.

Hope.

“Fortunately, all wishes are recorded for training and safety purposes.”

Eddie exhales slowly. “Ah.”

A click.

Martin’s own voice fills the line.

“I wish to be an alpha.”

Eddie looks at him.

“I’m afraid you’re goi…” newly retired Jeremy begins.

“This is exactly what I’m talking about!” past-Martin snaps. “I’ve got a goddamn genie and I still can’t get what I want?”

Eddie closes his eyes. “Yeah… that’ll do it.”

The recording cuts.

“Well, Mr Wolf,” the voice says, calm again, “we do not tolerate abuse towards our staff.”

Martin’s ears flatten.

Tail drops.

“I didn’t abuse him,” half protest, half howl.

“Shall I play more, Mr Wolf?”

Eddie’s eyes widen. Not with fear.

Interest.

“No,” Martin barks.

“I’m… sorry,” he says. “I was having a bad day.”

It comes out as a whimper.

“Mr Wolf,” the voice replies, “you had just discovered a magic lamp.”

Eddie lets out a small, involuntary laugh.

“I would consider that quite a good day.”

Eddie almost collapses laughing.

Martin’s lips pull back.

Too far.

Too easy.

Eddie sees it.

“Martin…”

Too late.

A swipe.

Eddie stumbles back.

Blood. Too much.

A gargle. A gasp.

Thud.

Silence.

“Mr Wolf?”

No reply.

“Mr Wolf, are you there?”

Only breathing answers.

Heavy.

Animal.

“Mr Wolf, please respond or the call will be terminated.”

Footsteps.

Faster.

Then gone.

The line clicks dead.

***

“They all look so cute,” a voice says. “How am I going to choose?”

“You’ll know when you see the one.”

Metal rattles.

Bodies shift back.

“Sorry,” someone says with a laugh. “That’s Wolfie. He’s been here a while.”

A smile.

“Bit of an odd one.”

A nod.

“But he’s the alpha in here.”

Pride.

A small shrug.

“He’s happiest when we tell him what to do.”