The Break Up

“Life is funny during times of struggle and strife, try to find the humor and laugh,” was one of my grandpa’s most common saying when I would visit him. This quote was replaying in my mind as my girlfriend was walking up to me to explain why she had cheated on me. I had caught her out on a date with another guy when I went out with my friends one night. We had locked eyes with each other in the moment, neither one of us wanted to ruin the night we had planned, because both of us were introverts and never liked causing a scene. Therefore, we both pretended at the time like we did not know each other and walked right passed one another. She knew she had been caught and it was a matter of time to finally have this conversation.

She slowly approached me with her head down her right hand rubbing her left arm as if she is about to have a heart attack or stroke. She tried to lean into me hoping I would hold her as she quietly mumbled something I could not hear, because her head was still down. I stepped back keeping my distance from her. She tried again to rub up against me and I stuck out my right-hand stiff arming her head to stay back stating, “No Becca, I don’t want to hug or touch you right now.” I was terrible at sports as much as my father tried to teach me, but stiff arming to protect the pigskin was one lesson that finally paid off.

“Ben, please I know what I did was wrong, I won’t ever do it again. Please let me explain” Becca softly pleaded. I gestured with my hand to proceed while only staring at her forehead and not actually making eye contact with her. She knew I fold every time when I stare at the silly puppy dog eyes where it almost looks like a tear will come out, but the tears never come. I was in no mood to play that game tonight. I was cold inside as my face showed I wasn’t happy about the situation, but my eyes were locked into the two lines that ran across her forehead. She always wanted to get Botox to remove the two lines. She was always embarrassed by them, but I never really cared. I know she thinks I am trying to make fun of her, but I can’t make eye contact yet, I have end this relationship tonight.

“Ben, please look at me, I am sorry, please, please let me explain…” Becca raised her voice slightly out from the whimper that had started the conversation. I gestured again to proceed with explaining. “Ben? Are you going to say anything or just make gestures?” Becca questioned as she started to become visibly annoyed with me signaling to start with the explaining. I shrugged my shoulders in response to her question. “Ben, please take this seriously we have been together for 3 years, we can get through this. Please just talk to me,” Becca becoming firmer in her tone as she leaned on the kitchen bar with left arm and her right hand on her hip. I was puzzled by this response, because she had stated that she is going to explain and now I have to speak. “Ben why are you making faces? Just say something!” Becca demanding as she threw both hands in the air.

“I am waiting for you to explain, because you told me you were going to explain,” I stated finally looking her in the eyes, because I knew the sad puppy dog eyes have gone away. “Can we sit down and I can explain?” Becca slowly moving both arms pointing to the couch. I roll my eyes and shake my head signally no.

As soon as I shook my head no a dull tone sound remained constant in both ears started. I couldn’t hear anything Becca was saying, I couldn’t hear any noise from the upstairs neighbors in the apartment. I just hear a single dull note. I used to hear stories from my brothers that a dull tone note will ring in their ears when they would play football or baseball and they couldn’t hear the crowed or the other players. It was as if they were completely alone on the field. Those were the moments they made the greatest plays in the game. They were always trying to find ways to get that dull tone all the time to be the best players, but they couldn’t ever get it come when they wanted it to. I look back into Becca’s eyes is defiantly yelling at me, but I can’t hear a single word she is saying. I shrug my shoulders again and start walking to the bedroom to finish packing my things.

I think I heard a slight shout of “Where are you going?” from Becca as I walked to the bedroom, but then the tone came back and I didn’t feel the need to respond. I could feel the tension of anxiety and anger from her breathing down my neck. For some reason I slowly did not care about that energy towards me and the purpose of gathering my things to go to my brother’s house was far more important than anything else. He has a furnished basement he tried to rent out for the past 6 months and he had not received any offers until I called him a few hours ago. As I was folding my clothes into boxes and tapping them up. Every now and then I would look up at Becca as her mouth was moving quickly and her arms were waving around like she was trying to cast a spell on me. I smiled at her and went back to work. I felt her stomp her feet as she stormed out of the bedroom.

I chuckled to myself thinking she would have to pay next months rent in a week. I don’t think she knows utilities are separate from the lease and I already took my name off of both. I started to chuckle more towards myself as I heard her pacing in the living room knowing she did not get along with Tom the landlord. Tom and I would hang out once a week because we would play poker on Tuesdays. The tone stopped. “Do you think this is funny?!” Becca yelled as she ran back into the bedroom. I was startled at the questioned as I finally came back from reality. “What did I scare you?” Becca as she threw her arm up again before resting them both on her hips. I nodded my head with a smile as I had just finished tapping the last box.

“You know you could have prevented this if you had been more supportive.” Becca stated hoping it would bother me. “Ya, but I didn’t want to.” I quipped back carrying the boxes to the door. “Once you walk out that door. I am not letting you back in to get the rest of your boxes.” Becca folded her arms in discuss towards me. I shrugged my shoulders again and stated “Tom will let me back in he will be here shortly to help me pack my car.” “Why would you wait until I get here to just pack and leave?!” Becca shouting extremely frustrated at this point. I thought about it for a moment as to why would I do this. “I don’t know, I thought what you had to say would be worth listening to, but I quickly realized I don’t really want to know why. I don’t really care why would you be interested in someone else. You didn’t want to this relationship to last so I don’t care anymore and its time to move on. To answer the other question yes, I find this funny,” I said with a grin as Tom knock on the door.

As Tom and I loaded the last box into my car Tom asked “why are you laughing at this crappy situation?” I simply replied, “Life is funny during times of struggle and strife, try to find the humor and laugh.”