FBBB (For Bros by Bros) A Bromance

“Noooo, dude. Nooo!”

Paul says, grabbing the sides of his face in shock, a cigarette ember glowing between his knuckles.

“You didn’t!”

“I swear!”

Reg throws up his hands, shaking his head as he checks the timer on his phone.

“Ok we should probably head inside, it’s—.”

“Come on, dude. Don’t be like that!”

“It’s too embarrassing man.”

“We roasted me, dude. It’s your turn.”

Paul says, pointing his cigarette hand at Reg, jabbing him in the arm.

“Yo, don’t burn me!”

Reg inches away.

“You’re fine, you baby. I wasn’t gonna burn you.

“Mhmmm”

“Enough stalling bro. Let’s hear it.”

Reg pauses, taking a long dramatic drag of his cigarette. He stares into the distance, watching as the smoke dissipates against the sunset.

Paul gives him a look that says, “Hurry the hell up.”

“Alright fine, just try and be nice.”

“Oh yeah, totally.”

Paul says, nodding and patting Reg’s shoulder in agreement.

Two seconds later—

“No one’s that stupid, bro.”

“I know!”

Reg says with a laugh.

Paul turns to Reg and grabs his shoulder.

“You’re telling me your crush, the hottest girl in class, asks you to get her out of class, she takes you down an empty hallway…”

“It was in between classes, so the hallway just happened to be empty.”

“Whatever, man.”

Paul’s tone dripping with disbelief and mock disgust.

“So she pushes you against the wall, does the whole ‘arm over the shoulder’ move, looks deeply into your eyes, and you still didn’t think, ‘Hey, maybe I should make a move?’”

Paul looks intently into Reg’s eyes, waiting for his response.

“Yeah, I mean no…”

“Bro?! Come on!!?”

“I know, I know.”

Paul shakes his head, an incredulous look on his face.

“Dude, I was 16, or whatever. I didn’t know any better.”

“Also, dude, this is the same girl I had to cancel a project with because I couldn’t hold her hand during a scene.”

“No!!”

“They asked why, and I couldn’t tell them. There’s no way I could say I couldn’t touch my classmates hand without getting an erection, so I have to bail on the project.”

Paul doubles over, laughing before Reg can even get through talking.

“I’m glad you think it’s funny!”

“Bro, that’s so funny!”

“Gimme a break bro! I was a kid!”

They both catch their breaths for a moment and take a drag of their cigarettes.

“Dude, for real though, she was so hot. It was a problem! My little teenage boy heart couldn’t take it. Of course I was gonna choke if she ever actually got close to me.”

“That’s so funny dude!” Paul says, giggling. “That’s a good biggest regret. You win!”

“No, no, no, that’s not my biggest regret. I just told you that story to introduce the girl.”

Paul’s eyes widen in delight.

“No way, there’s more!”

Paul’s smile widens.

Reg cringes.

“Oh yeah.”

“So that happened the first year I knew her. The year after, I ended up in a class with her and two other hot girls.”

“Oh, poor you!”

“No, dude, it was bad. We were in the same group all year, and they were super nice. It was terrible.”

😑

Paul says

“They were always trying to talk to me. I can’t handle being near one hot girl, let alone three every single day.”

“So what did you do?”

“I spent the entire year pretending to be asleep at my desk.”

“Noo, bro!”

“Yeah. I was shy, I didn’t want to embarrass myself.”

“And that’s your biggest regret?”

Paul says, disappointed.

“At least you learned from it, dude. You’re a real lady killer now.”

Paul says, rolling his eyes.

“No, dude, that’s not my regret. Well, kinda, now that you mention it, a little, but no, that wasn’t what I was bringing up.

“My regret is not that I didn’t talk to them.

“My regret is that I actually did.”

“What does that mean?”

“Bro, I regret that the first time I talked to them, I faked having a deep voice.”

“That’s not too bad though.”

“No, dude. It was.

It was bad.

It was way too deep for me to maintain, and it was actually something I had to remind myself to keep doing all-year-long.”

Reg says, pausing after each word for emphasis.

“And they never said anything about it?”

“Not really. Thankfully, teenage girls are nicer and a little more mature than teenage boys, so they didn’t say anything. They just let me be a weirdo.”

Reg says, sounding resigned.

“I’m sure they talked about it, especially since I knew the girl from the previous year and didn’t have a deep voice then, but what can you do?”

“That’s embarrassing.”

“It was.”

Reg flicks the ash off his cigarette and takes a long drag, speaking through smoke-filled lungs.

“You know what? Actually, one time they did bring it up. I remember it being playful, though.”

He exhales.

“One of the girls was like, ‘Wow, Reg, your voice is, like, crazy deep,’ but really what she said was, ‘You’re a dork, and we’re onto you.’”

Paul giggles while exiting the golf cart, putting the butt of his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe.

“That’s funny, dude! You really blew it.”

Reg takes one last drag and flicks his cigarette.

“Good times, man!” Reg says through a smile, looking into the distance, admiring the cotton candy-colored clouds.

Reg’s timer goes off. He quickly silences it before continuing.

“Actually, you know what!”

“I regret nothing.”

Reg smiles at Paul.

“Sure, bud.”

Paul starts walking toward the store’s back entrance.

“Nah, bro, hear me out.”

Reg ties his apron strings behind his back before continuing.

“If I never choked with literally every girl I ever met, I would’ve gotten a girlfriend and gone to a different college. Maybe I wouldn’t have dropped out, and then I never would’ve ended up working here.”

“I never would’ve met you.”

Reg says, half ironic, half genuine in his best romcom voice.

Reg waits for a response from behind him, when none comes, assuming Paul didn’t hear, he starts again, this time more theatrically.

Reg throws a hand to his forehead and clutches his chest.

“I never would’ve ended up meeting—”

Reg looks around. Paul is gone.

“Okay, then, never mind.”

Reg says with a smile.

Reg walks to the back door and swings it open.

“Ahhhhhhhh!”

Paul screams.

Reg jumps back, surprised, a shocked smile spreading across his face.

“Got your ass!”

Paul screams and skips away.