The Totality Paradox

-Mon Apr 8, 2024, at 2:04 PM-

-New version of iOS upgrade is available-

-Would you like to schedule the upgrade tonight? -

-YES/NO-

... To be honest, I didn’t care either way as long as the phone worked. I had way too many things to juggle in life. Can’t my phone just automatically do so without asking me every few months? I cannot micromanage everything. Without much thought, I agreed to the upgrade and went about my workday...

After being obligated to sit in meetings, put out fires, get my Ducks in a row, and delegating tasks to a burnt-out skeleton crew all morning, I had to stay late to complete the piled-up work. It’s always ‘Busy-Season’ in the M&A world after all, and the company certainly picked an awful time to downsize the workforce. The higher-ups were convinced that ‘AI would streamline everything. Deal-making will become effortless.’ It’s just their excuse to pay their remaining staff the same, while we are dumped with more and more responsibilities. There was no end in sight. The news mentioned something about a Solar eclipse but didn’t even have the time to appreciate the phenomenon.

-Mon Apr 8, 2024, at 10:06 PM-

-Would you like to sche...

YES, I said! Ugh... I’m so exhausted... Did I even eat today?

I contemplated getting a slice of Pizza from the corner joint for dinner again, but it was already so late. I’d rather beat traffic and get home to continue working.

-Mon Apr 8, 2024, at 11:28 PM-

...Zoned out, being in bumper-to-bumper gridlock, I was jolted back to reality from the impatient honk of the pickup truck behind me. As I reciprocated with my one-finger salute, I groaned at the serpentine glowing taillights ahead that led to the Jersey side of the Lincoln Tunnel. At this rate, I wouldn’t get back home before midnight. I turned on the automated driving system on my EQE SUV. Might as well get some use out of the $2,500 ‘Drive-Pilot’ annual subscription from the German automaker. I’ll let my car deal with this traffic so that I can get back to focusing on engagements with looming deadlines.

Minutes to midnight, I finally passed the EZ-PASS scanning booth and faced the tunnel. My phone pinged sharply, reminding me of the update.

-Mon Apr 8, 2024, at 11:59 PM-

-New version of iOS upgrade is still available-

-Would you like to schedule the upgrade now? -

-YES/NO-

Aggravated by being persistently prompted to update, I tapped the phone screen aggressively. With each rapid, threatening finger prod, the screen flashed and rippled like the water surface after an oil spill. I projected all of my life’s inconveniences onto each jab. Perhaps I did so way too hard: The last tap forced the phone to come off the magnetic holder and slam to the floor.

Gah! For the love of...

I lunged over to the passenger side of the car and blindly used my hand to navigate the phone. My luck. It’s underneath the seat now, and being inside the tunnel, I can’t see or feel anything, other than forgotten garbage, neglected and hidden from the leathered opulence that’s above the surface. When I finally got my outstretched hand onto the familiar devise, I yanked it back from the abyss. That’s when I saw on its cracked screen:

-Time dilation mode ON-

-Sat Aug 12, 2045, at 8:45 PM-

Before I could understand the message, my car and everything around me suddenly went pitch black. Crap, did I lose power here? I desperately tried to get the EV to reengage, but the touch-screen console flickered with the malfunction indicator beeping in the darkness.

-SOFTWARE UPDATING-

-ADAS OFFLINE-

-RESTARTING in 3...2...1-

My Cleithrophobia was briefly triggered, but I eased back to my driver's seat after the headlights turned on, and I was able to see ahead. The engine revved back to life. The coast was clear with no cars ahead, but the tunnel looked like an abandoned sewer. I never noticed all this time how depleted the infrastructure was. I mean, I usually have my head down and am plugging away on my assignments. What’s with all the water on the road, too? Port Authority has some explaining to do.

I reengaged the manual driving mode and pushed through the submerged path ahead. Strangely, the Hoboken side exit was closed off with a giant fence and concrete road blocks. As I merged onto the elevated I-495 loop, the moon illuminated a submerged pier and lopsided shells of abandoned apartment buildings. Everything south along the Hudson River was underwater.

What the hell did I miss today?

My eyes glazed over to the Manhattan side, where I had just come from, and it was an unrecognizable floating city. All of the surface levels of buildings were dark, and only the top floors of the skyscrapers above the clouds had their lights on. While I was trying to process what I was seeing, two objects with blue and red lights descended from one of the high-rises across the river and zoomed towards my direction like a pair of angry Hornets.

My center console pinged loudly, which it had never done before, with a warning from state border patrol. It began to robotically spew out commands in monotone.

-UNAUTHORIZED DRIVER. YOU ARE IN A RESTRICTED AREA- POWER DOWN YOUR MACHINE WITH YOUR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD AND AWAIT FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS BY SATURDAY, AUGUST 12, 2045. 8:51 PM... OR WE WILL ERADICATE YOU-

Do I have some sort of water damage, or was I somehow hacked? So much for getting all of this ‘state-of-the-art’ car and phone. Screw this! I will not deal with whatever glitch this all is. I punched the accelerator and drove through, while dodging charred cars and a series of craters on the road. Weehawken looked like a warzone.

-Phone update complete and synchronizing with all devices-

-Detecting imminent threat. Switching from manual drive to automatic evasive mode-

The steering wheel took a life of its own, and the car maneuvered in a rapid zig-zag formation. There were loud explosions, as well as orange illuminating projectiles piercing through the trunk and shattering the rear window. Are they really shooting at us? I pay taxes, goddamn it!!

-Devise Controller. Please remain seated with your head tucked to your lap. The system advises to time dialate to a different era before the police drones switch to Missiles. We will inevitably be destroyed in this current time zone-

-Would you like to schedule the dilation immediately? -

-YES/NO-

Wh.. What?... Yes! YES!! I don’t care!! Any safe place! Just get me the hell out of here NOW!!!

-Time dilation mode ACTIVATED-

Suddenly, the buzzsaw echo from the rapid gunfire faded, and everything around went dark again. It was quiet. What is this sense of peace? Am I dead?

Then, the phone and the car rebooted, and everything came back to life.

-Time dilation COMPLETE-

-Tue May 10, 1994, at 11:07 AM-

While I looked at the digital clock in disbelief, we veered onto Route 78 west exit right by Newark Airport. Slowing down by the tollbooth, there wasn’t an E-ZPass lane anywhere. So many cars and trucks were queuing up and handing change to the person in the tiny booths. What prehistoric crap is this? Ummm... Do I even have cash?

Luckily, I still had a folded-up $20 on the money clip, reserved for late-night pizza orders. When it was my turn, a disgruntled woman with a cigarette in her mouth just put out her hand, opening and closing rapidly, like a hungry bird’s beak. Then she blurted out, between a drag of her cigarette.

“Dollar Fifty-Five.”

I timidly handed her my folded $20, to which she grumbled with an eyeroll.

“What am I, a bank? Got something smaller?”

I reluctantly shook my head, and the drivers behind me began to lay on their horns in annoyed unison.

“Agh. You’re holding up the line. Just go already! You'd better take the local next time.”

Wow, I haven’t really had such a visceral interaction like that in such a long time. It was almost refreshing. Now that I had my bearings, I began to interrogate my phone about what was happening. Were we really twenty years ahead, and the future tried to kill us, and... Now? Are we seriously in 1994? How is this even possible?

-Yes, yes, and yes. Time dilation is a phenomenon where time passes at different rates for those in motion-

-The circadian rhythm, or your biological clock, is primarily regulated by changes in light-

Ok, ok, enough. Doesn’t matter. Turn back to 2024, now!

-Time dilation back to the initial jump year is possible, though any alteration to the past or future will affect the present. You will not be able to go back to how things were, ever-

After attempting to take all that in, I had an absolute meltdown.

I’ve been competitive all of my life, growing up on the ‘other side of Route 22’. I crawled out of that gutter, excelled, and went through hell and back to get to where I am. Just look at the highlight reels I have posted on LinkedIn next to my prestigious resume: I finally became a success story! And now you mean to tell me that.. That’s all lost?! This isn’t fair! Why did you time-travel without my discretion, you piece of shit?!

- I could sense your heart rate and blood pressure rising. In all fairness, I cannot activate the time dilation on my own: I’m just a program. Only you, the Devise Controller, has that directive-

But why 1994? I would only be an impoverished 7-year-old, barely raised by an unavailable single mother. I don’t even remember anything from this far back.

-We are here because you have directed me to a timeline that was ‘safe’. 1994 did not have major storms, wars, or social distortions. The records indicate that you were slightly underdeveloped, but a healthy child overall for this era. Also, today aligns with the solar eclipse-

Eclipse! Suddenly, the compartmentalized memories flooded back. I quickly switched the automated drive mode to my controls. I asked for the time the eclipse would occur today.

-Currently it is -Tue May 10, 1994, at 12:15 PM-

-The eclipse would be at its peak at 1:35:31 PM EST-

Not bad, exit 40 is just up ahead. We are heading... Home.

Past the boarded-up businesses and liquor shops with metal bars over their windows is a forgotten, neglected town where I was born. I didn’t know my real father, and lost my big brother to the streets. I was miserable, lost, and misguided. Despite my Mama juggling three jobs, she somehow managed to put a roof over my head. The rest? I had to learn everything on my own: Riding a bike, getting it stolen, fighting the big kid to get it back, and how to fix the bike... School was way too easy and unrealistic, so I would often sneak out.

Beyond what went on in the streets of Plainfield, I did not know much else. When the skies turned dark after lunch today, I would go into complete panic: Nobody taught me about an eclipse. I sprinted towards North Plainfield and witnessed rows of white kids and their parents wearing funky homemade glasses, and staring at the black hole sun with glee. Panic turned to envy, as I didn’t have what they had to stare at the sun without the brightness, becoming unbearable.

Well, as an adult, I will show up for him today, the way I wished someone would have...

-Tue May 10, 1994, at 12:31 PM-

I knew where I would be that day. I always tried to get a nice patron to give me an extra roll or some fries at the corner KFC knock off. That was how I got my lunch then. I parked my car by the entrance right off Park Avenue. The two fellas who hang out all day out front, who look tough but actually have always been nice to me, came by to inspect my ride.

“Damn, boy- sweet ride... Your ass got shot up, though! You went through Newark with this?”

I replied to my two uncs with nostalgic calm that the border cops did that. They both shook their heads in disgust, making swine noises. I then went inside the dainty establishment and was immediately welcomed back by the aromas of potent spices and old fry oil. The checkered floor was sticky from spilled condiments and sodas. Here I was, by the fortified counter next to the cashier. I would use my best puppy dog eyes to beg silently rather than verbalizing my hunger.

My younger self seemed flustered that nobody was giving him anything this afternoon. I seemed much smaller than I remembered myself. When it was my turn to order, we locked eyes. I ordered a box of Chicken, rolls, and fries for both of us. I then asked the 7-year-old me if I wanted anything else. His innocent eyes glimmered with excitement.

“Um, can I get the Sweet Potato pie?”

Ha, yeah, that’s right. I always had a sweet tooth but rarely got to try the pie here. I winked and got a whole pie. I slid my only $20 under the bulletproof glass to the cashier. I received our order, I extended my hand, but the little tough guy walked out of the take-out place on his own, then bolted towards my car, as if he saw a real spaceship.

“Wow-! Is this a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger power claw car?”

I fondly chuckled. I sure was so infatuated with that program, though I always felt it wasn’t a fair fight for the Power Rangers to outnumber the monster in every episode. I directed my phone to drive the car to Cedar Brook Park. I then had the little one sit in the passenger seat and begin eating his lunch. I was famished too, but I had a task to complete.

-Tue May 10, 1994, at 12:45 PM-

I removed the contents of my cardboard lunch box into the plastic bag it was wrapped in and used the plastic take-out knife to carve a tiny square hole out of the bottom right corner. Then, using a piece of the aluminum pan from the Pie, and the tape from the receipt, I placed the folded aluminum piece to cover the square hole. I then proceeded to tape the folded receipt inside the box, across from the aluminum square hole. Now for the finale: cutting another square hole on the longer side of the box. Once little me is done with his lunch, I would use his box to cover the top. We are now ready!

-Tue May 10, 1994, at 1:27 PM-

We arrived at the park on time with some change to spare. We ate lunch and dessert. With a full stomach, the 7-year-old completely trusted me and willingly took my hand, as we skipped to the center of the field. Before the eclipse started, I told the boy about what we were about to witness. I then introduced the makeshift solar eclipse viewer and demonstrated how it worked. He wasn’t fully understanding it all until the phenomenon began. All around us, color began to fade to grey. My little hand gripped tightly to my left pinkie.

-Tue May 10, 1994, at 1:35 PM-

Darkness engulfed us, and understandably, the boy whined slightly and trembled in fear. I reassured him that it would pass: Just focus on what was causing the eclipse by staring through the hole in the box. As I helped him point the box upward to the black sun, he shrieked in joy at the sun becoming aligned with the moon. Then, after three and a half minutes, our surroundings began to get brighter.

“That was cool! It was like the light turned off, but we are outside!”

I miss being this innocent. That joy and wonderment. It all suddenly felt crystal clear why I was back in this timescape. I’m sorry I forgot all about you. I forgot how lonely I was, navigating life all alone, with the odds all stacked against me. I encouraged the second grader to stay in school. Don’t be a burden to Mama because she’s doing her best. I rubbed the top of his head and dropped him off by Woodland Ave, near the elementary school. We said our good-byes, as he sulked.

“Will I see you again?”

Oh absolutely.

I’m you, and you are me.

You and I, we are going to make it.

We’ll be alright.

-Devise Operator. The car battery level is at 38% capacity. We could remain in this era for 18 hours with the capability to cover 67.3 miles-

-Or... One last Time dilation. Please advise-

I thought about staying, but I would inevitably over-project my current self onto my younger self, and that wouldn’t be fair to his life journey to take over like that. We will adhere to one another's intended paths. I am going to take my chances and head back to the year I came from. Even if things are different, I now know what’s truly important in life. Healing can feel disorienting when chaos was the norm. Now, I will never abandon myself ever again.

I’m ready...Take me back to April 8th, 2024, then...

-Time dilation COMP...

I suddenly jolted awake at my midtown office desk and fell off my chair. Slightly dazed, I crawled off the carpeted floor and carefully surveyed my surroundings. The corner office had photos of family and friends, then I noticed a glass case display with a weathered, oil-stained take-out box with a crudely plastered aluminum square on the bottom right corner. I instinctively looked at my phone.

-Mon Apr 8, 2024, at 10:47 PM-

-New version of iOS upgrade is available-