Norma Jane (Dandelion)

***Trigger Warning - talk of abortion***

Candles and food littered the Walters Family dining table. As tradition, all family members were expected to sit at the table for Sunday dinner. This included anyone who wasn’t hungry, which was always Devon. He was a picky eater and only had a cup of milk in front of him. But this dinner was different, for it seemed his mother, Harriet, and his older sister, Norma Jane, were barely eating as well. Norma Jane only had a scoop of mashed potatoes on her plate, and his mother only had one piece of bread on hers. Harriet also had a full glass of red wine with the bottle next to her. The same cannot be said about Norma Jane's boyfriend, Steven, however. He never missed an opportunity to eat free food and was always available for the Walters Sunday dinner. He had everything he could grab piled on his plate: a mountain of roast beef, mashed potatoes, steaming green beans mixed with baby carrots, and bread slathered with butter. He ate everything like he was starving, washing it all down with a glass of water.

“Do you want me to pour you some water, Norma?” Steven asked. Norma Jane shook her head, denying the water while staring at her mashed potatoes.

Harriet abruptly stood up. She grabbed the bowl of green beans and baby carrots and scooped a steaming, hot spoonful onto Norma Jean’s plate, “you don’t have nearly enough on your plate," she muttered.

Norma Jane said nothing. Her mother dropped more baby carrots than green beans on her plate. Norma Jane’s face paled at the sight.

“Eat,” Harriet demanded. The tone in her mother’s voice made her look up. Harriet was sitting back down staring at her daughter, not breaking eye contact as she took a long sip of wine. Norma Jane didn’t say anything, didn’t take a bite of food, and she didn’t break eye contact with her mother.

The dinner was tense. Devon could feel it in the air. His mother was mad at Norma Jane. At first, Devon thought she was mad at Steven, he noticed she was not looking at him. But Devon wasn’t sure. He shrugged, taking a sip of his milk.

Steven could feel the tension between the two as well, he also didn’t know what it was about. He just hoped, as he continued to eat, that Harriet didn’t find his and Norma Jane's stash.

Harriet did not find their “stash”. But she did find something in Norma Jane’s bathroom trash bin, something much worse for a teenager's mother to find: a positive pregnancy test. And after Harriet confronted Norma Jane, her shock only sky rocketed. Her daughter wasn’t planning on keeping the baby, she has an appointment with a clinic in Uppers Grove to terminate the pregnancy.

This was something Harriet did not approve of. Norma Jane already knew this, so instead of talking to her mother, she rushed back into the dining room where her little brother was. She knew her mother would not talk about such “blasphemy” in front of him, especially not during Sunday dinner. She just wished Steven didn’t come over.

So here they are, staring and sitting across from each other just moments after the confrontation. Norma Jane broke eye contact first. She turned her attention away from her mother and started forking her mashed potatoes. But to her horror, Harriet spoke.

“Have you told Steven?” She asked, sitting frozen like a statue, still staring at her daughter. Fear squeezed Norma Jane’s chest. Maybe she was wrong… maybe her mother would talk about this at the table. Norma Jane’s mind spiraled and dread filled her stomach. With pleading eyes she shook her head at Harriet, willing her to stop talking.

“Told me what?” Steven asked, tunneling more food into his mouth. He didn’t take his eyes off his plate, unaware of Norma Jane’s panic.

“Norma Jane was given a gift,” Harriet said, sipping her wine.

“It is not a gift,” Norma Jane’s heart was racing.

“Yes it is,” Harriet seethed, slamming her glass down. Her heart was racing just as fast.

This got Steven’s attention. His eyes darted between mother and daughter, swallowing his food, he asked, “what did you get?”

Norma Jane’s eyes swelled with tears.

“What?” Steven asked again.

Harriet stared at her daughter for another moment, anger swirling in her eyes as she watched Norma Jane shake her head, “She doesn’t want the car she has been given,” Harriet finally said, taking another sip, “she doesn’t want it. But I said she should talk to you about it. I feel like you have just as much say in the matter,”

Relief but sudden rage burned Norma Jane's tears away and her hands were shaking. She didn’t want to talk to Steven about this. She was terminating the pregnancy. There was no need for him to know. She didn’t want him involved.

“It is not his decision, it has nothing to do with him,”

“It does have something to do with him!” Harriet snapped.

“You got a car?! That’s awesome! What kind? Wait, why don’t you want it? You were just telling me how jealous you were that Maggie got a car,” Steven’s excitement about Norma Jane having a car (because that would mean transportation for him too) completely blinded him from the tension in the room.

“I don’t know… I guess sometimes you realize you actually don’t want something once you get it… and just because someone else has one doesn’t make it a good reason for yourself to have it, “ Norma Jane mumbled.

“Well, why don’t you want it? Is there something wrong with the car?”

“I don’t know, Steven. But I just don’t want one. Please drop it,” Norma Jane slammed her fork on the table, her eyes shooting daggers at her mother.

“Why would there be something wrong with it?” It’s brand new. If something is wrong with the car, it’s the driver's fault,” She turned her head and locked eyes with Steven, “or the manufacturer.”

Norma Jane gasped before saying, “well then I guess that would make you a terrible driver!”

“Oh please, you don’t know the first thing about driving,” Harriet rolled her eyes.

“Exactly! Which is why I shouldn’t have a car!”

“I’m so confused, Norma. I really thought you wanted a car, we have literally been saving money all summer for one,” Steven said.

“Oh I think she does want one, just not with you,” Harriet said, draining her wine glass.

“Mom!” Norma screamed, “that’s not true!” She said to Steven, desperate not to hurt him. But he was just confused.

“Okay…so…what are you going to do?” asked Steven.

“She’s going to destroy it. She thinks she can destroy something that was given to her. Something she asked for because she wasn’t careful. Now she feels she has the right to destroy something safe in her garage. Not even giving it a chance to know what it feels like to drive. To experience snow and summer…” Harriet poured herself another tall glass of wine, her voice getting quiet.

Steven and Devon stared at Harriet with scrunched eyebrows.

“I think you should keep it… it sounds like your mom really likes this car…” said Steven.

“It’s not her decision! It’s not her garage! It has nothing to do with her and she is making this completely about herself! She doesn’t get to decide! What she needs to do is stop making me feel worse than I already do!”

“You are being so selfish, Norma Jane. Think of all the people who want cars but cannot have them. They spend thousands of dollars trying to get one and STILL they can’t. And here you are!” Harriet said with a flourish of her hand, “just over here getting ready to destroy it,”

“Even if you’re rich you still can’t get the car you want?” Devon exclaimed. Everyone ignored him.

“You’re really destroying a new car?” asked Steven.

“I’m not destroying it! I’m.. I’m getting a tow truck driver to get rid of it, people do it all the time,”

“What? What garage are you talking about? Our garage? I didn’t see a car in there,” said Devon.

“It’s there. Just small and innocent,” Harriet whispered, drinking more wine.

Steven and Devon stared at each other, lost and confused. Then they both looked at Norma Jane, who was staring at her pile of baby carrots. They weren’t steaming anymore, they’ve gone cold.

“I can't afford it. I can’t…and all the… maintenance…I can barely afford the…the… tow truck,” Norma Jane’s voice was so quiet it sounded like she was shrinking.

“Well maybe if you got a better job. Maybe if you actually acted like the adult you oh so claim to be. Despite that you do have help, Norma Jane. No matter what the circumstance, you couldn’t possibly take care of this car without me,” said Harriet.

“Uhh…yeah…and me…it’s just a car… it’ll be okay,” Steven was getting annoyed at her. Was she really this upset about a free car?

“No you don’t understand, I’m too young and I’m just…I’m just not ready…” Norma Jane said to her plate.

“Oh you’re too young? You should've thought of that when you had se…”

“Mom! PLEASE!” Norma Jane screamed.

For a few quiet moments no one seemed to move, then Harriet took a sip of her wine. Norma Jane went back to staring at her plate while Devon grabbed his cup of milk. Steven took more bites of the roast beef, he kept thinking about the car and couldn’t figure out why Norma Jane was being a brat about it. He wanted to know more.

“So…what um…what color is the car?” Steven asked in between bites.

Harriet erupted into a laugh so loud it made Devon jump in his seat. He dropped his cup and spilled milk all over the floor. No one seemed to care, especially as Harriet said, “Well for your sake, Steven, you better hope it’s white,”

Norma Jane shot straight up from her chair, knocking it backwards, and threw her tablecloth down. The sudden act caused the candles on the table to go out. She’s been falling into a self-loathing, dread filled despair all dinner, but her mother’s last comment snapped her back like a bungee cord, rage and disgust overflowing within her.

“You’re horrible! You’re truly horrible, you know that?! Maybe it is black! Or brown! Or yellow! The color doesn’t matter! What matters is that I do not want it, period! I am not keeping it! It is not up to you, or Steven, or anybody else in the world! This is my decision and I’m sorry! I am so sorry but I am not changing my mind!” Norma Jane stormed out of the dining room, Harriet's eyes burning into her back.

Minutes passed before Harriet said, “You better go talk to her, Steven,”

“...I think she wants to be alone,”

“Now.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Steven got up and went looking for Norma Jane.

Harriet stared ahead. Stared at nothing.

“Mom?” Devon asked.

Harriet turned her gaze to her son.

“I want a car,” he said.

Harriet eyed the mess on the floor before saying, “No you don’t.”

*`*`*

Steven found Norma Jane. She was sitting in the front yard holding a big, fluffy dandelion. Were they petals or seeds that flew away when you blew on dandelions? He shrugged. He didn’t know, and he didn’t care. He could tell she was crying, streaks of tears raced down her face. He didn't go towards her, he didn’t want to. He wanted to know more about the car but he hated it when girls cried. And if she really needed him, she would call him. He reasoned she probably just wants to be left alone. He’ll ask about the car later when she calms down. Steven ducked out of the way so she wouldn’t see him. He then crossed the grass on the side of the house to walk home. He was eager to put this awkward, confusing, and uncomfortable evening behind him.

Norma Jane pretended to not notice Steven leaving, holding the dandelion in her hand. It hurt that he didn’t check on her, but she figured it was probably for the best. She didn’t want him near her in case she broke down and told him the truth.

But in that exact moment, watching him walk away when he knew she was upset, she decided she didn’t want him involved in anything with her ever again.

Norma Jane blew the dandelion apart and watched as the little seeds flew away in a million different directions.