Rain

"Rain. Oh sorrowful Rain. It lashes my soul with torrents deep! I am lost before its--"

"Will you shut the fuck up! Go do that shit somewhere else."

"But, I--"

"I'm on a zoom call and this is important. Our whole system's down and your wailin' ain't helpin'."

"Oh, what indignities I must endure! But I am used to such effrontery. It is the artist's bane to struggle against the cold-hearted indifference of the untutored who--"

"Look. go hangout with them theater dorks or I dunno, go to some art museum. Just shut up or get the fuck out!"

"Sorry, guys. My roommate is being a real ass. Anyway, are the load managers still workin? And do we have a real time monitor on the traffic volume. We gotta get this under control."

"rain. oh rain. you drain. my pain. a fatal stain. on the skein. of my...of...hmm...of my..."

"Fuckface. I can hear you whisperin'. Just please go somewhere else."

"I checked the traffic load Jayce. It's not going down but it's stable. I think we're ok for the moment. I looped the database folks in. This might be a data problem. They can help out. Hey, sounds like you need to get a new roommate."

"Shit, he's ok. Pays rent on time. Mostly. Had some bastards here for awhile. Rich mofo's but they just took off without payin'. And my name's on the damn lease. Assholes. With this guy, it's just, I dunno. Man, he's such a fuckin' weirdo."

"Jason. I am hereby notifying you personally that herewith I am tendering my resignation. I am no longer wanted in this household and I shall endeavor to secure a position more desirous of my person. Effective immediately. Until I find a new situation. You may send my belongings to an address that I or one of my associates will provide in the coming days."

"Send your, what? Resign? What the fuck does that even mean? Oh, shit I just saw the queue spike. Kate, can you find out when this all started? There's got to be something in the logs. I just don't see anything. Now, you. Artsy fartsy. Cool, 'resign' I guess. Will you at least shut up then?"

"My name is Peratrocious and I would appreciate being addressed by that in future, though I would hazard our communique's will diminish to nothing very soon."

"Oh, fuck me. Your name is John, you doofus."

"Jayce, that spike is coming back down. Still looking at the logs but I can't find anything. No word from the other team yet. Hey, what did your roommate just say?"

"John is indeed my legal designation, I shall grant you that. But does such a moniker reflect the true nature of our true selves? I warrant that it does not and it is only through enduring the mighty struggle of our being that we discover the essence of our soul's longing and thereby--"

"Ok. Whatever. Kate did you find anything? What about the database group? Complaints from our CSR's are still coming in. This just makes no goddamn sense. Yeah, it's stable but what caused this in the first place. I mean it's like a ghost."

"Ghost? Oh, what spirit animates this fleshly coil? What ethereal beings ensconce themselves within our earthly frames, fated only to flee when our gross animal selves are dust. Wherefore the ghost in the human machine?"

"Ok, John. Know what? I don't even care. Spout your gibberish. Kate, queue looks like. Yeah, it seems to be going down but traffic is going up. Kate, what's going on?"

"Jayce, this is Delph. We looked at the DB. Ran our normal battery of queries and the data is solid. No discrepancies. Hey, I didn't know you liked poetry. I recognize that bit about the ghost. Did you record the poetry slam from Friday?"

"Jayce, the load manager is coming back up. Traffic is growing but we got more servers and yeah, the queue is going down. We need to hang on for a bit but we ought to be good. And Delph, that's not a recording. I think that's his roommate."

"Shit Jayce. That dude is your roommate? He's amazeballs man. Calls himself Perastroika or something. But you gotta already know that."

"Um, well I. Wait, what?"

"Do I mayhap hear the healing sounds of, dare I say it, a fan? Oh this is a balm to my suffering and an oh so rare justification of my solitary path."

"Oh, damn! It is him! Hey Mr. Peralockus, yeah, your stuff is great. You don't gotta do it now though. And congrats too for winning first place in the contest. Two grand is a nice chunk a change."

"Wait. Delph, you saw John at some contest? I mean, with all that jibber-jabber? And he won?"

"Jayce, looks like we're ok for now. I'm gonna drop off. On call if you need me."

"Thanks Kate."

"Oh yeah, Jayce, he won. And you deserved it, Mr. Pera. Jayce, you musta seen him before. With all his makeup and that costume? I mean, he's your roommate."

"John, you made money from this shit? You really got 2000 bucks? Really? That's rent for the whole damn house."

"The money is of course a piffle. One must traffic in soulless lucre to sustain one's art. A necessary evil in this fallen world of ours."

"See what I mean? That talk between the poems is just great. Don't you think Jayce? But ya know, it don't work so well without makeup. No offense Mr Peraglobus."

"Ok John. Here's the deal. You can practice or whatever you do, whenever you want and I won't ever complain. But I get half the take, ok?"

"Well, I should highly value access to your state-of-the-art automobile for the purpose of transportation to my public appearances. And should that be offered as part of our putative agreement I should be more than pleased to accept such an arrangement. Public conveyances are, to be blunt, irksome."

"Delph, seriously, you paid for this?"

"Bye Jayce. Like Kate, I'm on call."

"John, it's a Dodge Charger. Can you even drive a car like that? I'm not sure that I can allow--"

"Oh, what a stupendous turn of events Jason! Jayce. Roommate. Partner. I must forthwith work on my latest piece. It is entitled 'Rain' and I think may be my greatest work yet. There is an event this Saturday and I need to prepare. I always demand excellence from myself."

"Um, Saturday night? And no I don't think agreed to this. "

"Oh, indeed yes, Saturday at 9 p.m. sharp. I shall of course need your automobile or better yet, you may be my chauffeur if you prefer. And as you are now my unofficial business partner--the very words do offend the tongue--I am certain I can get you in at half price."