Taken Up in a Gust of Wind

"There is the most beautiful, deadliest sight you will ever see. A man and his billboard sign, held tightly in his hand. It will be one that will go down in history as the greatest event of our own lifetime."

"Yes, you heard that right. A man who owns the billboard on Highway 35, over near Putney Dairy Farm, has been swept away holding onto the very sign that has been an eyesore for more than 30 years." "We have live footage of this event as it is taking place out here in the middle of nowhere important."

"I am Clifford Cliff, and I am the only one willing to show on live feed, this heroic stupid event as it happens." "It's going to be a long draw out process, having to follow this man who refuses to let go of their beloved billboard, that is throwing off letters and parts of it are breaking up as the windstorm picks up."

"We are showing you the silliest vain event as the man is not letting go, after many attempts to rescue him while it was safest."

The first responders are well aware that the man, now described as none other than Hometowns only recluse idiot, Johann Johns. He is none other than the most hated man seven counties over. He says after the windstorm dies down, he will try to send the billboard sign off for repairs." "That remains to be seen, as he has a lot of broken clocks, broken clock radios, even a BB rifle that shoots blanks."

"Wait for it." "This just in as Johann has been named the lottery winner in the Public NoName Sweepstakes and he is holding onto a billboard sign that will possibly be the end of his life, we can only wait and see."

"Johann was residing at the Highrise in Cheeknute, while he was awaiting his possibility of winning the 230-million-dollar grand prize." "After sending in a total of 45,000 stamps worth of entries, they finally showed up to give him the winning check." "What an unfortunate turn of events for Johann."

"Wait this just in." "Buy two tacos at Up Dump Taco Hut and get your garbage stored at the local Up Dump Landfield for life." "We have word that Johann wants to speak with us at this moment."

"Go ahead, Johann, we are ready to hear what you have you say to all of Cheeknute."

Johann was trying to say, "GT@###!!!!!HY P&&**TTRY!!!!!"

"Wait for it." "Johann we can air that on live TV." "Not now or ever."

Johann continued, "Well then go, WWRE##$@@@^^%%UH!!!"

"Sorry Johann, we still can't repeat that either." "By the way you can go, "Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep Bleep, You A&&E##$$$@@!!!"

"Sorry folks I got carried away." "Now we will have to approach this differently, since Johann is not cooperative with sharing the real reason why he is deciding to hold onto the billboard sign that was once standing in the same location for 35, I mean 30 years."

"The wind seems to have picked up stronger than earlier, raising up the billboard sign to new heights and throwing Johann free of the sign." "We will return momentarily." "Back to you Art at the last standing News station in the middle of the desert."

Moments went by and nothing else happened. It was very quiet except for the high windstorm blowing really hard then less so. It came to the decision that we would have to figure out what to do when we arrived at the last known place that Johann was seen possibly landing at. The next few minutes are what turned into hours as we finally made it there, only by the rising dust clouds and what looked like a lifeless person.

As the vehicles all filed into the cramped area, that was on one side a huge drop off point and the other side a large wall of rock, it was nothing more than a rock, not a person. We walked or ran over to the loud moaning coming from the other side of the rock. More like a girl screaming. It was a girl and Johann having knocked her down, laying on her, very still. She must have broken his fall from the sky after being thrown from the billboard sign.

The girl, or woman I should correctly say. It was Johann, whom after being given shock therapy was talking again but incoherently. The woman was Annie, who worked at the only last standing diner, outside of the Cliff Edge Motel, that looked like the Bates Motel, but spookier.

I ran up to interview Annie, but Johann, says, "You will not say one word to her until I have had my 15 minutes of fame." I was mad and angry because he had done the dumbest thing in town to date. Johann had held onto his billboard sign, and it had almost cost him his life.

I then turned my anger towards Johann, saying, "You ungrateful prick, how can you feel you have the right to say that you can go first to be interviewed?" "Are you not aware that you almost died, and could have been not so lucky?" Johann just pointed a half chewed off finger towards the edge, which had me running to see what Johann was wanting me to see.

As I was about to ask what it was, my eyes were glancing downward into a ravine with a low running river. Inside the river, were parts of this billboard sign, that was almost still intact. It was missing the lettering and some of the backside of the billboard sign were missing. I had my suspicions. We may never know the truth.

Before I could register all that had happened, and everything that had made this moment what it was, Johann ran to the cameraman, and asked for a microphone, grabbing it away from him.

Johann stated loudly, "I have saved my unworthy billboard sign." "I am very lucky to be alive, and I want you all to know, the bills still need to be paid, or I will throw you out myself, singlehandedly." "Nothing will keep me from collecting from you what you owe me monthly, every month until who knows when."

Before Johann was able to see what was happening just then, the billboard sign that he held onto trying to save it, was picked up, and slammed down on him, only thing you heard was a loud scream and a shaky hand slowly lowering.

"I am Clifford Cliff, only newscaster working in the last standing News station in the middle of the god forsaken desert, on the edge of the ocean." "Wait for it."

"The signal sits idle in the middle of a mirage water hole and we are now no longer able to share with you what will happen next, over and out."