Mail Order Bride

My second great-grandfather, William James Powley, was born in 1849 in Auckland, New Zealand, and at 19, he married Letitia Murphy, who was a lot younger, from Ireland, in 1868.

We know through stories that were handed down to our family. That Letitia was a mail-order bride, and there's nothing wrong with that. We were told that they were a loving, caring family, and Letitia educated her children and family about the hardship and starvation caused by the Irish potato disease called a blight, and how badly the English Army was treating the Irish citizens.

So naturally, Letitia educated family and friends about healthy food and encouraged learning about history so we can learn from the past mistakes and move forward more positively.

Both Letitia and William believed that education was very important and pushed their eight children to do well at school. A lot of work-class parents didn't encourage their children that much at school and thought, well, they are only going to be working class anyway, and they used to say, "That's your lot!"

William had his own horse and cart business, and we know he had plenty of work, so he would have earned a lot more than the average working man, but he wasn't rich. He was comfortable, and he looked after his wife and family.

From the early 1800s, European male settlers in New Zealand would advertise in newspapers seeking brides back in England, Scotland, and Ireland. Women would reply by mail, and quite often agree to marry without meeting the person. Each letter would take about four months to arrive by ship.

There are stories of men having their photo taken at one of the many photo shops in Auckland, and the shop lent them a suit with a pocket watch to make the photo look better.

So, the next question is, how does the groom get the bride out to New Zealand?

There were a lot of government- assisted free passages to New Zealand, or the groom could send a bank transfer or pay the shipping company in New Zealand. The process would take three to four months to get the money over to England, and then the bride would jump on an emigration ship, and it would take three to four months to get here.

We don't know how my second great-grandfather got his mail-order bride, but at the same time in 1868, there was "Hannafords Matrimonial Agency" at 165 Queen's Street, Auckland, and it was very popular. Not only did they match up suitable gentlemen with ladies, but they also arranged their weddings on any day or time they liked. There was a story of a farmer arriving in Auckland on the Friday train, getting married, and leaving on the Monday morning train with his new bride!

The women advertised they were looking for husbands in the 22 to 48 age range, and looking for husbands with a farm, viable business, or regular earnings, and one lady said she didn't want someone who looked like a beer barrel!

What were the men looking for? If you were a farmer, you would be looking for someone who could milk a cow and be comfortable around animals, make butter and cheese. Not being scared of plucking a chicken or skinning an animal and chopping up meat, as well as being a good cook and managing a good grocery budget.

If the man had a small business, the wife was expected to be able to organise a small dinner party of up to ten people. Most of the time, the wife would have either a full-time or part-time housemaid to help with the preparation and serving of the food.

The wife had to organise the invitations, seating arrangements, buying of the food, pre-ordering meat, bread, veggies, and whatever else. Then once the meal was served and everyone had eaten, coffee or tea was served, and the wife was expected to entertain the guests with a few songs on the piano, and they used to sometimes read an odd poem.

If the man was a working-class tradesman, the wife was expected to be a good cook, look after the house and gardens, and keep a good grocery budget. They were also expected to look for part-time work until the babies came along. Then, when the eldest child was 12 - 15 years old and went out to work, they sometimes worked part-time again.

Most couples only had one or two dates, and most got married, and the success rate of happy marriages was extremely high, yet the TV shows in New Zealand, Australia, and England of couples successfully marrying total strangers was very low.

So why was the Hannaford's Matrimonial Agency of 1868 so successful, and the "Married At First Sight" TV program failed so badly? At Hannaford's, the couples were introduced and left alone together, with slightly less pressure than being on TV with all your family and friends watching, and remember, these people on TV can't handle pressure or aren't particularly good at problem-solving.

Mr Hannaford had a minimal amount of school education, was a successful small-time trader, importing and buying cargo from shipping companies, and a part-time real estate agent. He was a simple, down-to-earth, nice person, and not a ruthless business person in any way.

The panel of judges on the TV program was professional marriage counsellors, psychiatrists, human resource managers for large companies, and, naturally, you look very carefully at who they match up, and it got pretty predictable which marriage was going to work.

Getting back to basics, a lot of couples on that show are not relationship-ready. they had a few personal problems that needed to be sorted out first. This would have made them feel more grounded and secure, and helped them think more clearly about what they want to do in the future. Once you've sorted out where you are going in life, and the things you want to do with realistic goals. Then you can look at a partner and ask them, are you on the same road as me?

If you look at the adverts of 1868, people had a clear picture of the future they wanted and the standards of behaviour that were required. They knew to survive, they had to work as a team, be resourceful, respectful, and honest, and each team member had a list of jobs to do.

When a couple gets married, they pledge allegiance to this team effort. A team can achieve more with less effort than people working separately.

In 1868, couples thought their dream of marriage was "beyond reach," because their bride or groom was halfway around the world, and for the working-class groom, he would have to save hard for two to three years to pay for the passage ticket of his bride.

With modern-day couples, who were on TV and were financially secure and living very nice lifestyles. Marriage was "beyond reach" because they were aimlessly going through life with no sense of direction, and yes, there were a few who needed to grow up!