Wish You Were Here

JIM: Are you there, God? It’s me.

GOD: Me, who?

JIM: Seriously?! "Me, who?" So much for omnipotence.

GOD: You mean omniscience. Omnipotence is all-powerful. Omniscience is all-knowing.

JIM: Oh, right. I always get those two confused.

GOD: I know.

JIM:

GOD:

JIM: Okay, that was pretty good.

GOD: Yeah, it was. So, what’s on your mind, Tim.

JIM: Jim.

GOD: Uh, agree to disagree. Prayer time. Go.

JIM: It’s not a prayer; it’s more of a comment.

GOD: Hit me.

JIM: I miss believing in You, but not for the reason I thought I would.

GOD: What did you think the reason would be? Start there.

JIM: Believing in You brought a sense of order to the chaos. It may seem childish, but I wanted to see the good guys win and the bad guys get what was comin’ to them. You were the One who was gonna make that happen in the end. I mean, in the "End."

GOD: That’s not childish. It’s ultimate justice; it’s righteous.

JIM: I guess there’s something righteous about it, yeah. Is “Ultimate Justice” a movie, by the way? It’s gotta be.

GOD: Full disclosure. I know everything, but I don’t remember everything. Look at IMDB.

JIM: I can’t get a signal here.

GOD: Not now, later. My presence blocks all signals. Continue with what you were saying.

JIM: It’s not the great reckoning that I miss the most, the balancing of scales. Though there are some people I would’ve really liked to see pay for their crimes.

GOD: Those guilty of crimes against humanity. I get it.

JIM: Well…yeah. But, I was thinking more about my fifth-grade math teacher.

GOD: Ms. Angles? I still can’t believe that was her real name.

JIM: Yup, Ms. Angles.

GOD: It wasn’t her fault you could never remember to ‘carry the one.’

JIM: That’s not the reason.

GOD: No?

JIM: You want me to say it. Fine. Ken Gelson threw me head first into a door because I bumped into him. When Ms. Angles came out to find me crying in the hallway, she assumed I had started the fight, which was insane. Ken got detention that year for growing a beard! He was a beast. No one messed with him.

GOD: In fairness, Ken had been held back several times.

JIM: So there I was, a 10 year-old sobbing from a HEAD INJURY, and Ms. Angles says, “Cry a little louder. Maybe the principal will hear you.” I’ll never forget that. I’ll never forget the way she smiled too. She enjoyed it, actually enjoyed it. I wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a lineup today but for that indelible shit-eating grin.

GOD: You never told your parents?

JIM: I was too ashamed.

GOD: I’m sorry. Ms. Angles was an angry, lonely woman.

JIM: So? So what?! If you’re miserable, make sure you get a job teaching elementary school, so you can afflict that pain on all the children around you. Awesome.

GOD: That did seem to be the hiring policy at your school. Must have been because Sister Bella was fond of employees who were as misanthropic as she was. Why do you think they called your principal the "Iron Nun”?

JIM: I heard it was because Sr. Bella drank a ton, but somehow was first on campus every morning.

GOD: That was part of it, but the iron was more about her heart than her liver. But this happened thirty years ago. Why are you letting it ruin your present happiness? You’re doing all right now. Don’t you think?

JIM: No one will ever answer for it, though. Not Ms. Angles, not Ken’s parents–I blame them for him–and not her holiness, Sr. Bella. I want to know that they suffered. And that’s not even the worst thing that ever happened to me, not by a nautical mile. But it’s the thing I think about the most.

GOD: Well, it's the playground, the homeroom--those can be the darkest places in the memory. Some day word might get back to you about one or all of them reaping what they sowed, but, I grant you, that’s a helluva long shot.

JIM: So they just get away with it? And all the other fucked-up shit they probably did.

GOD: Perhaps. Perhaps not. But it’s the not knowing that bothers you the most, isn’t it?

JIM: Goddamn right it is!

GOD: So what is it you miss the most about believing in Me?

JIM: I miss having no one to be angry at anymore. For that. For all of it. I used to find so much comfort in my resentment of You. At least there was someone who could’ve stopped it, but didn’t. Someone to blame. Not sure why I needed that resentment so much, but I did.

GOD: And now, with Me gone, it’s lonely, and there is nowhere for that anger to go.

JIM: Not anywhere that isn’t a pathetic substitute. I am not desperate enough to start a bro podcast just yet.

GOD: Will you begrudge me one last revelation then?

JIM: Go ahead.

GOD: Angry and lonely is what Ms. Angles was and all those who wronged you. But you chose to be compassionate instead of hateful. You took a more noble path. That may not be much comfort, but it’s something.

JIM: You’re right. It’s not much comfort.

GOD: Jim, there is no ultimate justice. It will only ever be the title of a bad movie. You are on your own, my friend. You were strong enough to survive that boot camp of a grade school; you’re strong enough to live without Me. I know this for a dried-in-cement fact.

JIM: How?

GOD: Because you always have.

JIM: It wasn’t all bad, believing in You. We had some good times, even if they weren’t strictly speaking…real.

GOD: The thought of Me helped you do some of your best work. You can say it.

JIM: That’s the crazy part.

GOD: What is?

JIM: I had to believe in You for all that time before I could accept it was me all along. Why?

GOD: If you figure that one out, you let me know.

JIM: Goodbye, God. I'm sorry, but I won’t be there for You anymore.

--THE END--